Stuart took this photo. I attempted to express arrested sexuality but now that I look at it ... seems more like a severe inner groin cramp.

Same same?

Red Dress party last night. Its a local fundraiser that's been going on for a few years. I didn't want to budget the $50 cash for the ticket so I volunteered. Turns out that they were over staffed so I just got in for free.

I cannot remember the last time I wore a dress. Sarongs sure. But a dress? Hmmm....been awhile.

Halloween 2001 or 2002 I wore a mini skirt with my zombie costume. Nothing this revealing mind you. I had a full body stocking back then. Nowadays I guess I just don't care. I believe I've arrived at a new level of comfort with my body it seems.

Here it is!

Dancing in that little thing, how do you girls do it? Of course it was no big deal for me if the straps or top came down, I could keep dancing or pull it up. There was this one woman however who wanted to keep up with me on the dance floor (as if!) and her boobs kept falling out of her strapless.

In fact I believe I was a big hit with the ladies though a couple of friends danced with me and one stranger. I don't think I put out a welcoming vibe with dudes. Maybe because I'm usually not attracted to the ones who try to dance with me. I think I come across as more competitive. Its how I feel about dancing. I enjoy it so much.

As an empath I get the added pleasure of feeling everyone's desire to dance. I channel it and allow the energy to move me. It can keep me going for hours nonstop. I also like staking out places where's there's a low energy ebb and bring it up if possible. I believe that most people want to dance only they feel too self-conscious. If I'm out there making a way fool of myself and tearing it up then others can relax and shake their thang.

People took photos. Lots and lots of photos. And video. Considering all the super fabu costumes that people had on I was dressed to the basic minimum but still I was asked to pose for quite a few. I guess it seems outrageous for some people. I brought my camera but wasn't inspired.

Wow. I've said this before and it stays true. New York really jaded me. Nothing like last night impresses me. Its NOT that I cannot enjoy it or do not appreciate it only, I mean, its no big deal.

And it is yet for many. Lots of work going into it. Converting the warehouse space. Getting all the donations etc.

"Did you see the trapeze artist?" someone asked.

"Yeah" I say unimpressed.

I could care less. Glad he was there in his lil' red speedo and all just...whoope dee fucking doo. My ego says that with a little bit of training I could do that. So what?

I have no idea if that's true.

My feet were blackened from the floor. I rarely dance in shoes.

My shins are achy today.

My legs tired.

Before my debut Stuart and I went out for Chinese food and coffee. He listened so exquisitely and helped me to reveal to myself an unconscious self-broadcast.

"I am being punished by life right now".

So my inner wanton red dressed whore gets a night out.

S/he finds no one she likes.

S/he is all alone.

S/he is somehow fine with that.

And not.