I had hoped that getting a laptop with my software for school would give me enough time to complete my homework. However, I still struggle at that. Last week, I had Baha'i activities on Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. Tomorrow, I go to Baha'i election. I feel obligated to participate, but I wish I could get more time to complete my homework and study. At least I have Unreal Editor and Maya at home. I would not have been able to complete last week's homework without them.

Last night, I took a quiz on Facebook. I got choleric as a result. The last time I took a similar quiz, I got phlegmatic as a result. I think that I am a combination of both.



Feeling curious, I googled phlegmatic choleric. The descriptions of that particular temperament describe me accurately. Most of the time, I behave like a phlegmatic, but I am a choleric at heart. Many people see me as extremely nice. I also tend to become tired easily. That is the phlegmatic aspect of me. I also tend to be focused on completing tasks, and I don't care about how I appear to other people. That is the choleric aspect of me.



Phlegmatic Cholerics are very much aware of their limits, they are good at pacing themselves. However, whenever they're pressured to exceed their limits, they become angry and resistant. That's probably why I had problems with cognitive or behavioral therapy. Pressuring me to do things isn't productive.



I know that all I really need are friends. I need people to talk to who would sympathize with me and provide encouragement. This is especially challenging for phlegmatic cholerics because that temperament is the most socially clumsy and independent of them all.

Lately, I finally recalled something I did to the brocalli lover who wanted to be my boyfriend, 13 years ago: I stood him up.



After I fell down the stairs, bumped my head, and sprained my ankle, I saw him again at the UoR Commons. He said he was my boyfriend, but I didn't recognize him at all. We had a nice conversation, but I kept wondering about the identity this guy who was talking to me... of all people.



I was on crutches, then, so getting around was a hassle for me. Seeing that inflamed the guy's love for me, and he was overly eager to wait on me hand and foot. When I finished lunch, he carried me and my possessions over the fence, and he said he would return my food tray to be cleaned. He also said that he would return, next week, eager to be my "willing slave." All this attention embarassed me, and I hated having my independence compromised, so I started avoiding the Commons during lunch.



I later realized the financial benefit of avoiding the Commons during lunch, so I kept doing it.



And the brocalli lover guy kept returning there, waiting for me, for the next several months. He later got into trouble with my univeristy. I didn't want to take any blame for it, but his ordeal was my fault.



I'm sorry. Being passive aggressive by avoiding him was the wrong move. I was cowardly. I should have kept my usual routine, but also tell him that I didn't want so much attention. Things would have been better for us if I would have done that.



I now know what he meant in his match.com profile when he said he likes independent women, but he wants someone who is willing to let him help her out. I have, since that distant time in the past, learned to accept help from men, even when I don't really want it, though I still like being independent.



I wish I could send him messages to talk about this stuff I think about. Since that is not a viable option, I blog about it and hope he might see this.

Something odd is going on with Facebook. Whenever I log-in and go to my homepage, I get a blank screen. Wierd.

Update on latest happenings:



School started. I am taking 3D Animation and Game Prototyping. In 3D Animation, I learn Maya. In 3D Prototyping, I learn Unreal Engine 3. I checked the specifications for the software, and my PC doesn’t meet the requirements. Since I still wish to keep my PC, I decided to buy a laptop, instead. Having a laptop might come in handy for job interview, anyways.



I ordered Maya (student version), and I now wait for it to arrive in the mail. I hear that it should arrive at the end of September. Until then, I have to go to the college to study it and complete assignments. For my other class, I bought Unreal Tournament 3 at a GameStop. The PC game comes with the Unreal Engine Editor. Today, I loaded it to my laptop, and it works okay. Hopefully, Maya will work on it, as well. For now, I install anti-virus software onto my laptop and deal with product registration.



What with all these purchases, I worry about money. Fortunately, some organization notified my student loan holders of my part-time student status, and both now set my loans into student deferment. I no longer have to pay that $350 each month. :-) Now, I should save up to recover the money I lost from my most recent purchases.



In other news, I met with HPC a couple of weeks ago to find out how working would affect my SSI. The people there told me that if I were to loose SSI income for earning too much, I would still qualify for SSI if I were to become unemployed, again—I would not have to reapply, again. That’s a relief. This means it would okay for me to work a full-time job. Though right now, I think that part-time would suit me best.



I notified Dept of Rehab the news, and I said that my desired hours would be part-time to full-time. My main concern is making sure the hours don’t take place on Tuesday, when I’m at school.



For now, I don’t have time to work, what with all the time it would take for me to study and complete assignments. I lose 4 hours each day I commute to school to use the computers, there. Life will be so much easier, once I have both Maya and Unreal installed on my laptop. Though, adjusting to the controls will be a bit tricky, with my laptop… I haven’t got a mouse. I wonder if there’s a substitute for the middle mouse button on it?