Black and White Dreams


I want a black and white faerietale. The pure and uninhibited freedom of kissing in the rain. Singing and dancing, holding hands. I want to know what it feels like to be part of a story. I curl up in my snowflake pjs and watch a movie whose title i do not know....and they talk about twin hearts and forever love..finding that one person that so echos who you are.

Black and white scenes flash from a non finished manuscript and I wonder what it would be like to live in an era I was not born to. Where kissing was hot and heavy and sex didnt weigh in till the end..when love was found. Its hard being this age in this time and knowing that back when...your ideals would have been realized.

I search for love in places that are forgotten, chilvary in a time of war, a gentleman in a city full of sex crazed men.

What if i already found my twin heart, in someone whom im not destined to have. What if I found him and let him go....will he come back to me?....will I ever feel that way...when will I stop being scared of what I have and stop pushing away what is good for me.

I want a kiss a real kiss. I want my hair tucked behind my ear and a finger or two lifting my chin as lips meet mine and I am kissed. For real...for beliefe in Faerietales come true, of real romance, and of black and white movies.

A shyness, A hidden passion, flowers, holding hands, kisses, the want to really know someone.....I was born in the wrong era....

not that john waters is hell...in fact i love this movie..cry baby....johnny depp..classic...mmm greasers....anyway i digress...so i dont understand why the hell this keep shappening...i meet this guy and hes spectacular and tells me im spectacular and his kisses take my breath away. but he never wants a commitment because he just got out of a relationship. but he talks like he wants to be my friend through all this..and i fall for it..and then they eventually move on...are they so desprete to love that they have to take it out on me...or is it me...just wanting the kisses to mean something when they arent anything mor ethan kisses.....or mayhaps its on both our parts...i just want to feel i want to hold hands and cuddle and watch the game and play pool and go for a walk....theres so much more..maybe i am to picky....maybe i will end up as Bridget Jones.....Le Sigh