In my mind clouded state (damn cold drugs) I finally remembered what I really wanted to blog about.

The burn

I will make it back home this next summer and as in the past I will be going 5 to 6 days before it starts too help with set up.

What I'm finding difficult is deciding where or who to camp with.
This past year Ive found myself getting closer to my local burner friends that are part of 5-6 current or new forming camps. I also have a friend that deserves the opportunity to go to a burn and I would like to find a way to make that happen for her if possible, but that will require some creativity,renting an RV and likely doing our own camp.

Then of course there's my PDB family that I rarely get to see. For me this group is truly a family. I love every one of them and any and all goofy quirks. Even if I don't camp with them I know I will need to camp close or the Burn will be missing something for me.

At this point what I see likely happening, due to Alternative Energy not wanting people to set up early and my possibly needing to set up a generater which will also come in handy if I decide to go ahead and bring a small karaoke set up ( I'm thinking the Karaoke would be a day or early evening thing for amusment. I dont realy want to hang at camp at night when there are so many intresting things going on every where else at night), I will probably set up camp near alternative energy/ near the PDBers along with those that are intrested in joining me.

Its still way early to know what will play out in the end.
Will keep an open mind as to Ideas, but Damn I can't wait to get back home.

I hate being sick.
I get very little done, I shouldn't go anywhere (not that I feel up to it), my Eye's are sore, head throbs my sinuses are stuffed, throut is sore and I'm in the prossess of coughing up my right lung (managed to cough up the left lung yesterday), and to top it all off I sound funny when I talk Which keeps me from working on my music durring this wasted time.

There is friend I had wanted to talk too/help about some issues she had going this week (you know who you are, sorry girl I droped the ball).

Was going to go dancing tonight with some friends, not going to happen now.

To top it all of I can't seem to hold a train of thought. Damn cold med's.

Anyway enough bitching for now.
Its strange being board but not holding a train of thought. Time to try to go back to sleep.

My soul needs some healing time I'm afraid.
This will be a little too big a year at the temple for me.
A close friend that I've worked with for the past 12 years came home to find his wife had ended her life. No note, no Indication why.
I hadn't seen her for a couple years but she always seemed to have a warm loving heart and a good spirit. Away from work they where always a very private and close couple. I'm very worried about him and how long he may or may not choose to live on without her. I also hope she can find peace.
Work has been extra draining this year. I'm not sure if more people have passed on sooner than I thought they should, or that I've been unable to block out the wish that I could have changed things somhow. One very young patient hit me extra hard, we did everthing right ( the dr. RN and I went over everthing a number of times) but we didn't recieve the pt soon enough to change the outcome. Somtimes things are going to happen a certain way no matter what you try to do to change it but that dosn't make it any easier to accept.
On a good note one of the dr.'s informed me last night that I was everyones faverite RT, so I must be doing somthing right.
To top it off I recently heard that a couple that I got to know , and had gotten married at burningman on my first year there, had been hit by a drunk driver. I understand neither of them are doing very well and he's lost a leg. That first year at BM we had camped right next to each other and they had been a big part of making me feel like I was home.
Burningman can't come to soon for me this year. I need to be home, I need the energy, the spirit building energy, the chance to put some ghosts to rest, and most of all to be near my BM family so everything will feel right in the world.

P.S.
next time you happen to be talking to your god or goddess of prefrence, please add a prayer for those Ive mentioned. Each and everyone can use any warm energy sent thier way.

OK so why is it most adults forget what its like to be a teen.
WE love to complain about teens and the dumb things they do but as soon as we have teenagers ourselfs we have a stroke that erases that part of our brain that kept track of what we went through and did ourselfs.
A friend from my teen age years used to sneak around with his girlfriend and fuck like rabbits every chance they got, be it in her bedroom or the driv-in bathrooms. Nothing was going to stop them.
Seven years latter he and his girlfriend are married. We both have new baby daughters born within a couple of months from each so natraly the conversation shifts to daughters, thier boyfriends and birthcontrole. " hell no!" he says, "my daughter isn't going to have sex before marriage".
I was in shock. how the hell does he think he's going to stop her if she wants too. nobody stopped he and his wife. When did he have his stroke and memory loss. I didn't see any other obviouse deficts. Oops forgot he joined a church.
For me its my son and his school work. I was never a great student myself but damn, I'm not sure how to get him to do whats necsasary to get his grades to stay above a D. When did I have my stroke. Is one side of my face drooping.
Life would be so much easier on us and our teenagers if we could only remember our teenage years.