If it were possible for me to understand all that i stand for, than that would be a contradiction of my life. i have made it a habit to try to understand my soul and how my body is only a simple machine made up of complicated biological systems and even more infinitely complicated nervous systems, that to figure out my soul would be the death of me. so my goal is to learn all that i possibly can before i die. because when i die, the endless things i depend upon will no longer matter, obviously. so i don't want to HAVE to let go when the time comes. the time is now for all i know, and i want to be able to let go. conscious contradictions of the self can only serve to drive a man insane, but i am not a man. i am a soul who is blind to the truth of what really is, because i let my five senses dictate how my body reacts to the world around me. so i can't be insane if i don't know what being sane really is. i dream of finding out what is real and how i can control my reality, once i gain control of my body.