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dys-N-tori!

offline 36 friends
joined on 12/19/05
last updated 03/02/07
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indifference (blog entry) you stopped caring, and that's how i feel.

you stopped caring, you pushed me away, again and again,
and you felt guilty for it.

you felt so guilty that you wanted to love me, but you
did not any longer.

i wonder if you ever did. if you... read more
blog entry posted Sat, May 22, 2010 - 8:30 PM permalink - 0 comments
thinking of nathan (blog entry) (written on july 5, 2009 on amanda and erik's porch in portland, or)
(only brave enough to post it now, that its over, in order to consolidate
my writings- to keep them in one place.)

(i was once very scared to post this, send it, tell anyone... read more
blog entry posted Sat, May 22, 2010 - 8:26 PM permalink - 0 comments
sweetest of the late. (blog entry) "a couple times a week i wish/think/hallucinate that i see you in jamaica plain as i am biking by.
i dunno if there's just a bunch of short haired "uniquely" dressed girls around here or what;
but it happens.
i only know it's not you cuz the... read more
blog entry posted Thu, June 12, 2008 - 12:08 AM permalink - 0 comments
i want to stop... (blog entry) feeling this way.

to paraphrase:
'when i feel like i can't go on,
I wait another day,
and then I'm okay"

why did all of his words
effect me so, DAMN iT

what is individuality
when your attached?
..and after.

i wish i could take ba... read more
blog entry posted Mon, April 21, 2008 - 3:04 PM permalink - 2 comments
not wanting to finish (blog entry) i don't want to stay in portland
i feel drained
of all my
creative energy, love, future
here.

and everywhere else.

maybe i'm depressed.

who know's, what next?
boston, austin, vermont...

nowhere sounds good.
blog entry posted Thu, February 14, 2008 - 6:42 PM permalink - 0 comments
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you stopped caring, and that's how i feel.

you stopped caring, you pushed me away, again and again,
and you felt guilty for it.

you felt so guilty that you wanted to love me, but you
did not any longer.

i wonder if you ever did. if you ever loved me,
and not the crazy idea you had of me.

i wonder if you could have grown to love me,
if you only sat it out.

your indifference made me cold and scared to be me.
your release had the same effect.

i felt as if i could do noth... read more
Sat, May 22, 2010 - 8:30 PM permalink - 0 comments
 
(written on july 5, 2009 on amanda and erik's porch in portland, or)
(only brave enough to post it now, that its over, in order to consolidate
my writings- to keep them in one place.)

(i was once very scared to post this, send it, tell anyone how i was feeling
because i was so unsure where my new love for this beautiful human
being would fit into my crazy chaotic life choices. and now, i know that my love
for nathan, and our love for eachother will last, if only through my past though... read more
Sat, May 22, 2010 - 8:26 PM permalink - 0 comments
 
"a couple times a week i wish/think/hallucinate that i see you in jamaica plain as i am biking by.
i dunno if there's just a bunch of short haired "uniquely" dressed girls around here or what;
but it happens.
i only know it's not you cuz they don't try and stop me to say hello.
you would try and stop me right?"

ghosts of me in boston?! maybe, i'll face 'em soon.
Thu, June 12, 2008 - 12:08 AM permalink - 0 comments
 
feeling this way.

to paraphrase:
'when i feel like i can't go on,
I wait another day,
and then I'm okay"

why did all of his words
effect me so, DAMN iT

what is individuality
when your attached?
..and after.

i wish i could take back
words
that i have used with bias
on who was best.
what i would have if i could
who i am
who i want to be

because usually,
when being held to past dialogues
everyone is a hypocrite,
feelings fluctuate,
and everything could change
if ... read more
Mon, April 21, 2008 - 3:04 PM permalink - 2 comments
 
i don't want to stay in portland
i feel drained
of all my
creative energy, love, future
here.

and everywhere else.

maybe i'm depressed.

who know's, what next?
boston, austin, vermont...

nowhere sounds good.
Thu, February 14, 2008 - 6:42 PM permalink - 0 comments
 
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