now i know where my stubbornness comes from

she only has a few hours, her small breaths are getting shallower and shallower

she weighs nothing

she's evaporating

all the palliative care nurses are amazed she's hung on so long.

once again, thank goodness for the miracle of morphine. her body is here, tenacious, but she's been gone for 4 days or so. i've said my goodbyes

several times....

the long ending has given my father time to come to terms with this thing. and a funn... read more

she's already gone, though.

she sleeps mostly, comes back for water, is not really here. morphine is constantly pumped into her by a wonderful little machine..

she's at home, all of us here - melbourne in the middle of winter. so many people coming by, calling from all over the world.

last nite margaret from yorkshire, (telling about the flooding, how they're on high ground, but their whole village was evacuated....) she's known mum since they were 17.

she also said that you neve... read more

soooo, i recently gave myself permission to take a week 'off' and do exactly what i wanted, when i wanted to, and to stop doing whatever it was as soon as i didn't feel like doing it..

i'm a graphic designer and photo stylist, so i'm noodling around at home most days, and usually i'm doing stuff that i'm 'supposed' to be doing, bills projects, gardening, invoicing, work calls etc......

so, the time off looked just like regular noodling, but the surprising thing that showed up was that... read more

life is good!

• my cat - who shows me how to be completely unconcerned with outside opinion.
she'll fall down, pick herself up, execute a tremendously complicated aerial manouver (say THAT quickly 3 times) and then lick her ass without once wondering what anyone else thinks.
and yes, she's not a herd animal, and has a brain the size of a walnut, and so has none of the normal human concerns re acceptance and self awareness, but still - she's happy, and nothing much bothers her for very long...

• fuckin... read more