My Blog


   Tue, September 7, 2010 - 3:30 PM
is only causing problems in my life so i am giving it a break for a good while. your support is welcomed


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Tue, September 7, 2010 - 3:42 PM
Congratulations! I know you can do it. :)
Tue, September 7, 2010 - 4:16 PM
I wish I had your optimism. I am still sitting here crying. I am a huge fucking mess.
Tue, September 7, 2010 - 5:16 PM
I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Often times when people say, "I'm going to take a break from alcohol for a while," it's a casual thing. For people like us, that's not the case.

Check out the links I sent you and GO TO YOUR DOCTOR.

Love and strength.
Tue, September 7, 2010 - 6:22 PM
water and exercise!

I gave it up and have benefited greatly from that decision. I drank some scotch during my first two weeks post-recent-trauma and I think it was a huge mistake; it reset my emotional calm back to "not". Clearing up is painful, for sure.

Water and exercise! srsly.
Tue, September 7, 2010 - 8:17 PM
sending you good juju.
be strong.
come from your big place.

offline 135
Tue, September 7, 2010 - 9:01 PM
deep breath
sometimes from within a desire to break free bubbles up and we steel ourselves for the insanity coming up into fruition O i could run away or dive beneath it but where's the art in that, huh, seems like the only way out is straight through

immediate backpacking trip two weeks long if you can swing it perfect time of year up in John Muir Wilderness talk your best girl and lots of cannabis
Wed, September 8, 2010 - 5:42 PM
how's your spirits today?
hang in there
Wed, September 8, 2010 - 6:21 PM
i am hanging in there. in a lot of physical pain since i drunkenly asked my friends to punch me a bunch of times and now i am bruised all over my shoulders and upper chest. hurts to breathe, hoping no ribs are cracked, just bruised. the stupidity of that morning was the last straw. i am still hungover 36 hours later

loki, i have recently reestablished a love of exercise, and as soon as i can get winded without hurting immensely i will get back into jump roping, one can burn 1000 calories an hour like that. i am already a water junkie, it was necessary to become one to just survive when drinking as much as i did. i'm also going to get into hiking, there are some great trails in the foothills and mountains of santa barbara.

i don't need to lose more weight, at my highest after moving back home a few years back i was 198 and now i've been at 165 for a month or so. getting in shape is now the goal.

also, doing more music, perhaps finding a job doing so, or even just a grind would be welcome at this point, and in spring i am going to attempt to finish up school, have 4 or 5 classes until i get an Associate of Arts, then i can go onto the bigger and better diplomas. as useless as they often seem, i could go for some accomplishment.

there was only a small amount of crying today, but damn.... sons of anarchy is pushing buttons.
Fri, September 10, 2010 - 2:56 AM
One Day at a Time
So they say! And it's true.
Try to find a compatible meeting. You'll find lots of support and non judgmental people who are sharing a common experience. Maybe not for everyone, but certainly an interesting experience. If it works for you find a sponsor. I quit for over a year. When I started again I was a little excessive. Now I practice moderation and only imbibe on weekends. When I was on the wagon and felt a need to go out to places where drinking was part of the equation I took to ordering the following concoction: Cranberry juice with a splash of tonic water and a finish with ginger ale or 7-up. I'm really more of a beer guy but can't fucking stand the Odoul's or other fake non alcoholic 'beers'. Sometimes it takes an over the top bender to get the auto-bitch-slap-WTF epiphany and back off for awhile ;-)
Wishing you the best in this endeavor. Feel free to PM me if I can ever be of assistance!
Fri, September 10, 2010 - 3:44 PM
Somethings are more important.
I'm sure I've told this tale before, but it is a good one. I had these friends, she was a Lebanese beauty and he was an Italian aristocrat and they lived in Sydney Australia.
When they fought, it was something to behold, she'd be screaming in Lebanese and he'd be whining in Italian. We would sit back, drink our coffee and enjoy the show.
The years past and their love continued to grow. If I could show a TV comparison it would be Adam and Eve from Northern Exposure. We had our suspicions about Roberto and spoke with both he and his wife about our concerns. He denied it for a long time, but heroine addiction has signs that you can't ignore, even if there has been no theft involved so far.
The thing about being an aristocrat is that somewhere there is money and his was in the form of villas in beautiful spots around Italy.
He would write to Mama and get her to sell another villa and send him the money which he would shoot up. One day the money stopped coming from Italy and the fan took on a familiar pong.
You see his wife had a family heirloom. A gold crucifix that had belonged in her family for generations and one day it disappeared from her dressing table. She called him in and told him that it had better be back by the time she returned from work that day or that he'd best be gone. He tried to deny any involvement, but for the first time, she spoke English and in a calm voice told him that she knew about his addiction and that he had a choice to make.
When she returned, the cross had been returned and he told her that he'd been in contact with the Buttery. He was going to get clean. You see he had two addictions, heroine and his wife. His choice was which did he want more.
To my understanding, he has never fallen from the wagon and today, he makes furniture by hand on the central coast of New South Wales. He takes no form of stimulant, including caffeine in any of it's forms. Fifteen years ago, he lost a finger in a saw and refused any form of pain relief ANY FORM! while they repaired the damage.
His marriage was too important to him.
He still calls himself an addict and still makes furniture.
And lastly, he is still happily married and living in one of the most beautiful spots in the world.