im all checked in for my flight. i got my boarding pass already and im mostly packed and this time tomorrow i will be in the air over some part of rural cali about ready to land in oakland. i wish everyone i knew was gonna be there*yasmin,noora,obsidia* there are just some people you make a point of going to see and for me most of those people come to tribal fest every year. this place is like disneyland for the tribal dancer or more like a who's who of tribal dance... lots of big names come to this festival and more importantly everyone is given the opportunity to perform for others and people get a chance to see dancers they normally wouldnt even know about! the networking that's made there is 2nd to none!!! it almost has that family reunion feel to it. lots of people come and it's always a good time! god im sooooooooooooooooooooooo excited....tomorrow morn we pick up raven and whisk away to the airport bright and early... i gotta be up at 4 to make sure i double and triple check my luggage for things i need. i did most of the packing i needed last night. *jumps up and down* i need a vacation and this will be right up my alley!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay yay yay!!!!!!! TABU PERFORMS AT 12:07 ON SATURDAY... come see what the hype is about!

you are probably tired of hearing about it already but damnit!!! i wish it was tuesday.. this means id be on my last couple of hours before i left las vegas for california and the awesomeness of tribal fest. i just cant wait... i need some time away.. i need a recharge... i need a reminder of exactly why im on this earth.... to dance. Dance has been the light in my darkest hours. no matter whats going on in my life if im on the floor performing or just messing around in my room im at my happiest. the feeling i get when the music startsis indiscribable. i transform. I AM DANCE. Im not just dancing to the music.. i dance from the music i let it move me. thats why i think i improv so much... i feel when i choreo i dont really feel the music... as much... dance is my drug, my love,my passion,my obsession,my comfort, my light. you know when you just KNOW you were ment for something... that is me and dance... i just wished my parents could have helped me achive my dream a bit younger. i honestly feel i could have been an awesome hip hop dancer. it's what i wanted to do for a long time. so in the future i want to take at least one dance class a year..on a regular weekly basis. something i have never done before... but im gonna start with yoga 1st and foremost....but back to TF. i cant wait to be back in the sleepy town of Sebastopol. this little town that for one week out of the year has bellydancers everywhere you turn... it's amazing to see. last year i didnt have such a good time there because of some mix up with the promoters and a case of mistaken identity. one of the promoters appologized to me in february because they had realized who i was and remembered what had happend. so i decided to give it another chance. thankfully every year i have gone to TF i have performed. last year we got an amazing spot in the line up and we were sort of hoping for a similar spot this year but it didnt happen... it's ok.. TABU IS PERFORMING AT 12:07PM ON SATURDAY!!!!!!!! please come see our performance you wont be sorry.. AGAIN TABU IS PERFORMING AT 12:07PM ON SATURDAY...... i cant wait to be in the california sun... i need a vacation and this year i ACTUALLY have some spending cash!!!!! WOOT! and my birthday is three days after i get back from TF yay!!! happy early birthday to me!!!!!!!!!!!

omg!!! it's sooooooooooooooooo close im sooooooooooo excited!!! so much to do and so little time... so this week consists of busy work.... packing and last min costuming as well as rehersals and hair braiding. luckily i got a friend to help me braid it on thursday during the day. then after that im meeting yasmin to accomopany her on her photoshoot. Then whatever braiding doesnt get done on my own head needs to be finished on friday before rehersal. :) this is gonna be fun!!!! :)

dude seriously this week crept up on me now im stressin. so.... we leave for TF next week and i just realized i should have braided my hair for TF last week instead i forgot and now i have to see how much time i'll have to get it done.*parting my hair is such a bitch and takes the longest to do* im gonna see if i cant come up with a hair piece for the performance and just corn row my hair in the front till then or maybe i can get it done thursday with some help. im sure i can or at least get it mostly done by then and i can do the rest...but then im accompanying my friend yasmin on a photoshoot thursday evening*i think* then friday we have rehersal and then saturday im braiding ravens hair then we have our last rehersal before we get to TF.... gosh im excited and stressed out all in one breath! wow.... we have been prepairing for this for a while now.... it's time!!!! :) that and now im realizing my birthday is closer than i thought.... woah batman..... holy 28th

WE GOT PAID!!!!!! thats right we got paid.... FINALLY!!!! after 9 months! im over joyed!!! still hate the event and will never attend again but now i can say they actually fulfilled their contractual obligations! hell yeah!

All around me *by flyleaf*

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you owe me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

i understand some people just know in their whole being what they want but dont i get a say too? I confessed to my ex-husband that im in love with someone else. that this man treats me well, and is in love with me very deeply. This came after a heated and long drawn out converstation that he feels he's been a fool and was blind. we have both done things to hurt each other in the past and yes it is the past but i just dont feel like i will ever live that down. in the past things were good between my ex and me but i cant dwell on that now. i had to mentally set my self up to be prepaired to move on.. in said perparations i found that i dont feel as strongly for him as i used to.. i also know that i wasnt looking for love but it fell into my lap. they always say it happens when you arent looking for it. so now i dont just have my feelings to consider. What do i do? he wont take no for an answer. he wants me to move back in and be with him cause he says he knows he can make me happy. well why all of the sudden? why couldnt you tell me you wanted to work it out months ago? why wait untill im emotionally invested in someone else for you to do this to me? why? why why why?

i dont know why... i just become this resentful injured shell of a person. it drives me crazy.. i dont want ANYONE to have this much power over me and it pisses me off that he does. doesnt matter how much i am hurt and dislike him for it im still saying how high when he says jump! it's sooooooo agrivating because i tell myself im not going to do it anymore but i fall back into old habits and all the strides i have made seem to fall by the wayside.... oh well... i must be stronger and more aware.. so next time i stand my ground

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but it’s a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying F@!K YOU!

9. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, ’What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to 3.

So last night was beautiful. Shalini,Yasmin,and I sat together and watched *for three long hours* Raven be accepted into the church and baptised. We sang the hymns*or tried to* and basically i looked like a fish out of water. Eventhough i had been baptised into the catholic faith when i was a baby, i hadnt been to a catholic church in over 22 years before last night. i have a love hate relationship with this faith. i love the ritual thats involved in it but i dont like the messege. eternal damnation and unworthiness of the love of a savior. anywhoo enough about that i dont want to offend anyone by my opinion. The Baptism was beautiful and the priest has a good sense of humor. Raven looked beautiful in her white robe that she was sportin after the initial pouring of the water over her head. After sitting and standing and kneeling and sitting and standing we were all ready for some fun. After the rites were done we headed over to the GV ranch station to party! we ate at Fatburger*yummmm* then headed over to Quinns Irish Pub. it was fun for the 30 mins i was there. We ordered our drinks and as we are ordering the waitress cards us.. now mind you im drinking coke. i know right im hardcore. so i tell her i lost my wallet and i dont have my id but i have my work badge she says ok so i run out to my car and get it i come back and i present it to her. she tells me she cant accept it... WTF?! i just told you i have my WORK badge, then all of the sudden she tells me i cant stay there... um hello i was here not 2 weeks ago and didnt get carded and drank... so i get pissed off and storm out. i felt like ass because it's Raven's night to celebrate and now i have ruined it because i cant go ANYWHERE that requires an ID. fuck balls. i felt REALLY horrible about it.. i almost started crying but managed to hold back the tears. i was more upset that i couldnt stay to celebrate with my friends. i really wanted to be there to support her... i wasnt going to be able to stay long anyways because of having to work this morning BUT still i would have liked to stay out till 1. oh well... it was fun while it lasted. Raven Im proud of you.