It was only five days ago that i got blasted/put down again. They dont believe my pure intention. They dont see my slave heart. They have no idea the joy i find in service. All they see is a girl waving her arms saying "look at me!" And nothing could be further from the truth

It hurt so bad at first. It angered me too. But it's five days later and i can see behind me clearly. i seem to piss people off with what i do online. With my event posts. i have an unwanted talent for ruffling feathers. But all im doing is dissemination of information. What's so awful about that? i'm a PR Pro. i've been for 20 years. Why should i not do in the community what i do for a living?

Sure, i make mistakes. online. i sometimes forget to 'ask permission' to post. Protocol comes naturally to me in person,
in real life. Online? i make a mistake every now and then. But these faux pas are treated as federal crimes.

All i'm doing is posting events for the organizations i volunteer for. The groups i am serving. How is that waving my arms? All this drama caused by posting events.

And lets talk about in person. Some people in the past have also thought my public play was about gaining attention. i'm a fucking pain piggie and i wont apologize for it. i love public play and i wont apologize for that either. i love D/s. i love BDSM. i flyand soar from heavy play and i wont apologize for it. i'm a fucking pervert and well, you get the drill. i'm comfortable naked and half naked. i'm in a dungeon for god's sake! How am i 'onstage' and others arent? i am a happy joyful person. i am a social butterfly. i love people. i love introducing people! i'm a people person. i am happy!!!!!

It was only two years ago that i was bed~ridden. A vitual invalid. After finding out i had Lupus and not MS (thank God!) i made my way back to health. It was NOT an easy road. The most difficult thing i ever had to overcome? Losing my job, the love of my life, my personality, my strength, my joy. It was all gone in one fell swoop.

i'm back now and feeling better than ever. i won't move back into the shadows. i wont apologize for loving life. for living!!

Go away? Not volunteer? Not serve ~ in private or in public? Why should i?

Shaking my head at my nay-sayers. Inredulous. Confused. What part do i have in this? i admit i have made some mistakes and that i CAN be more careful. But how much am i to second guess myself? Every word before i speak it? Take hours or days to decide if i should post an event? NO. i wont become obssessive compulsive. Been there, done that.

Should i stop serving because a handful of people dont approve? Should i be always asking myself if how i am serving is too public? Too obvious? No. i wont be self-conscious. Should i really be letting all these people and their comments get to me? No. But sometimes its hard. Check this out:

They say i have no right to a name or reputation. That i havent earned the right to one. That i havent earned the right to serve !! They say i am only out there to become popular. What a joke. Who are these people? They stay in their own little clubs. i dont see them out anywhere. i dont see then volunteering anywhere. Of course they dont know who i am.

If you dont like my service, then take my place. The community needs all the volunteers it can get! Step up to the plate? Nope. They love to criticize me, but why arent THEY helping? Serving?

Shaking my head.

And then came 2nite. i was able to be of service five times ... in one night ! i feel so blessed that i was able to help. Two people sought me out to ask my advice about life/path issues. Deep issues. i was so very honored they trusted me, came to me. And thank You God for allowing me to find the words to help, to comfort.

i also gave two tours. And later i was mistaken for a Domme - again :> i sat down with a new switch and a new submissive and gently explained that many slaves have a "dominant" air. a confidence. But we are not "Dominants." i shared that i had to learn never to assume. i shared that i appreciated their good manners and willingness to sit with me and talk and not shove me away because i was not a Domme. And i thanked them for taking the time to allow me to help, to allowing me the opportunity to serve.

i am feeling so very blessed right now. A part of me wants to tell my nay-sayers to kiss my ass. But i wont. Their opinions dont really matter anyway. i know what is in my heart. i know why i serve. my heart and intentions are pure. Sure i make mistakes. Everyone does. Seems easy for me to make no big deal of it ... but the nay sayers i seem to attract just wont give me a break. But so what? How do their opinions of me make any real difference? i find great joy and fulfillment in service. i thank God i am able to help. To make a difference.

Thank You God and Thank You Universe !!
girl debbie