The weather is nice today. Finally some blue sky, and perhaps it will be warm enough for me to wear shorts to work.



I'm coping with a case of strep, as was BJ, but he ended up in the ER with a fever of 103.5 Ya, not fun.



Checked in Wednesday morning, spent 5 hours in ER, then they moved him to a room. I took the day off from work, and went to urgent care myself, and was told it looked like I had strep. Great. Meds for me, and they're the kind that wipe me out. I went over the next morning to see him and went home and back to bed.



Back to work today. Closing shift, I don't know what I work tomorrow. I'll find out when I get there today.

So. I'm home alone. BJ is sick and in the hospital for observation. I have the same thing he does, but my body is working on it better than his.



Work is stating to grate on me. I need to find a new gig. Something that I can use my tech skills, and enjoy doing it. I guess I miss being around computers.. Hell I installed ubuntu linux on my mac Mini, and dual booted it with OS X. Made me happy to get it up and running. Now I am going to work on starting various services and getting a database server up and running.



Anyone need a Mac tech with PC tech experience, and a corporate trainer mindset?



-John

So, in 10 days my name changes. Frist name stays the same, last name changes.



It's kinda scary. Almost like my whole life is changing at once.



What's next?

It's been a while since I have written anything in here. A lot has been going on, but I had the strangest thought the other day.



When Paul and I worked together, he once did this "black girl booty dance" for Kate in the back room to the song "Milkshake" by Kellis. I heard that play in the car the other day and had to pull over I was laughing so hard. When I finally was able to stop laughing, and while wiping the tears from my eyes, I thought of Paul.



I kinda miss him. He was a very stable, kind, and generous person to be around.



I wonder if he ever thinks of me?

I made it to the gym today. I can feel that I'm going to be in pain tomorrow, and for that matter the next couple of days. I'm not sure that anyone else really understands the difficulty I have with this facet of my life.



When I enter the gym, the person that I was at the door doesn't exist anymore. For some unknown reason I enter a state of being that isn't normal to me, and I don't rather like it. i become mousy, and really don't want to be there any longer than I have to. I don't feel comfortable, and I keep hoping that people will not look at me, talk to me, or notice I exist. The bigger issue might be just simple self esteem, i don't know.



I realize that I'll never have the body I want. It's just a simple fact of genetics, lack of money, and time to put the required hours in at the gym. These guys who are there that are in great shape walk around like they own the place, thus furthering my own desire do shrivel up and shrink away. Perhaps I should just accept it, and stay out of such places. I was barely there 30 minutes today, and I couldn't even keep myself there a minute longer to shower, feeling like I should just stand in the rain and get wet.



I hate this.