The other night i had a friend approach and ask if they'd done something to piss me off coz i'd been rather distant in recent months. i said to them what i'm saying here.. i've been pulling back from everything, lately. i'm somewhat notorious for taking on way too much; in recent months i've come to believe i'm one of those who thrives on stress and pulling it all out of a hat at the last possible second. Not quite sure how i got that way, maybe so many years of *having* to? coz i don't think that's my default setting.

i've also mentioned a couple places that i am expecting everything to peak right around Starwood/just before Lammas/end of the month (for those that the first two mean nothing to ;) The roller-coaster car is nearly to the top of the hill and i'm in a state of holding on, white-knuckling the safety bar and gritting my teeth; can this be over soon? Part of the top of the slide is re-establishing connexions with people from my past; i've got at least three i've found or contacted this summer that i really WANT to follow-up with, but until i get past this swoosh, i don't know if i can focus enuf to do it. Ha ha, my Scrye-sister was telling me to just stop and let go, not look ahead so much.. yet here i am thinking, if i'd just looked ahead a little more, maybe i'd've Thought, maybe realized that with this play *alone* i was going to suddenly have Too Much to Do this morning in July, maybe i shouldn't also take on re-connecting, shouldn't take on all the other little things going on in my life, plot them out so they don't all hit the same historic day.

Even if i'd Thought, tho, i probably couldn't've done it - from Mike coming home to lemondaisy coming home to my brother coming home to various people coming to or thru town to all the personal things i'm processing - its just steam engine time. Thank the Gods i'm not doing Starwood, tho i'm not so far out of the loop not to feel ripples of that energie current; getting asked by various people if i'm going to be there, being half-grateful and half-guilty to say no, enuf to still toy with going up at least for the Sunday after. But i honestly dont know that i can or should do that.

So if you don't hear much from me, assume i'm somewhere beneath a mountain of props, closed projects, backlogged email and broken glass. i'll be surfacing soon as ever i can. And remember - Thee Gates Are Opening..