well...like my other post..you know this past week was quite hectic...well...this feeling finally broke yesterday...it started to break through on sunday night when i bumped into my new friend at the sports chalet...just seeing her brought me out of my funk...she gave me a big hug and invited me over to watch a movie with her and her fiance (we are all capricorns...ahahahha and her birthday is the day after mine!!) so that night i went over to their house...and watched a movie called sliding door.....it was the perfect movie to watch...and it's funny cuz i never heard of it before....gweneth pawltro is in it...and it's freekin awesome...the feeling i got from the movie was that it's all about fate and destiny..and destiny no matter which path you choose will always find a way of correcting it's self...the movie followed around a women and her destiny depended on if she made this train or not....well it followed her around with the scenario of her making the train...and there was a parallel story of her not making the train...and how just one simple action such as makeing or missing the train, can change your life....well...anyway..i don't know if i'm explaining it good...but you just have to watch the movie...i was questioning earlier on in the day why i was in vegas...and did i make the wrong decision...i know i have to trust my decisions, and after watching that movie i was set!!! i knew i made the right decision...and to just trust in the process....you can't make the wrong decision...because everything happens for a reason....this made me very happy...then the next day..i had the longest conversation with my roommate about love....he just met someone and is ooozing love vibes...and it feels so good to bask in the glow of that love....hahah it got me super giddy!!! then i was thinking...wow...my new intension is to feel that love all the time...even if i'm not in love with anyone...but my self....to feel that giddy love for me....wheather or not there is some one to share that with...we were also talking about past relationships...and mentally abusive relationships...and relationships that were not suiting both parites...and hearing his story gave me alot of streanth in letting go of my past relationship....not that is was menatlly abusive...or anyhthing like that...but holding on to something that is not....is not healthy...and i have been holding on for dear life...and for what??? no reason!!! there is no reason for that..i think i was torturing myself..putting myself through the ringer...and setting myself up to be hurt......it's sick...and made me realize that i don't have to do that...i am an amazing person...and if the other person doesn't feel that....or see that...then why should i put myself through that pain..over and over and over again....this was my tendency to sabatoge my self....probably due to lack of love for myself....but i'm done with that...i'm over it...and this past week helped me to release the final bit of pain that i was holding onto...yes...that ugly monster reared its head up one last nasty time...but thats the end.....and seeing my roommate and his love so happy together makes me want nothing but that....nothing but love...no fear....no sadness...just pure love....innocent...fresh...!!! wow....when my next relationship happens...only when i am ready..and fully feeling that love for myself...i will expect nothing less!!! nothing less then a healthy, amazing, loving companionship..where love is recipricated...and available!!!....i am so grateful for all of you in my life to show me...to be the perfect mirror for me!!! thankyou all...each one of you has affected me in such a positive way..to help me see myself...see my faults...see my fears...so my glory and grace..and beauty and streangth!!! thankyou...thankyou thankyou..i am so honored to know you!!!