Male

32

*i am a dull and simple lad, cannot tell water from champagne.
*came back only yesterday, feeling further away
*i have suffered from the cruel, disciplinary education of
panic disorder since 7
february 2002. during an early scene in fellini's eight and
a half, while marcello mostriani petitioned a catholic
cardinal for some cinematic thing or another, i fell through
a hole in myself that i had never before noticed.
*childhood memories haunt me
*i am standing on a plateau, alone. just in front of me
is a nineteenth century farmhouse, much like my
grandparents' in western iowa. wheat fields, snow-capped
mountains in the distance, a deep, languid angle of the
sun characteristic of late autumnal afternoons. suddenly,
a sinister...darkness begins to descend upon the house
from above, gathering in the sky, menacingly. and yet i
am unafraid, merely inquisitive. the darkness encases the
house, endowing it with an unexpected vibrance. it slowly
becomes a hive of activity. only when i turn around to
see the cameras flashing and reporters from national news
magazines buzzing about do i begin to lose control.
*i was born on the day that mark bolan died.
*states of transition and variations on a theme fascinate
me.
*i study the relationship among islam, secularism, class,
and non-governmental organizations (vakiflar) in contemporary turkey.
*nicin kimse beni koruyamiyor? lutfen, beni koru...nasil cevabi agracagimi hic bilmiyorum.
*i would go out tonight, but i haven't got a stitch to wear.
*i've just moved to ortakoy, istanbul, where i wake late and take my waking slow, before shuffling down to the sahil for tea and a bosphorus sunset....which, all things considered, is a kind life.