top twenty suggestions for improving performance at school/work for those with anxiety (and particularly for bipolars and/or people with depression):


1. get medication from a qualified physician or psychiatrist.

2. exercise to change your brain chemistry to the positive.

3.be kind to yourself and don't blame yourself for your illness.

4. get into a support group. get a social worker, and/or a psychologist, and/or a psychoanalytically minded and trained psychiatrist. the support group will greatly reduce your health care costs and you won't need to see any one of the three (professional help) people attending to your issues quite as often.

5. practice meditation and/or prayer. meditation, 20 minutes a day, gives one purpose and clarity of mind. just close your eyes, shut down thinking and find peace and quiet. you'll feel calmer, be a much more peaceful and thought-ordered person as a result. repeat this process at least once a week - at the same time. some people do it more than once a day, in slightly less or slightly more periods of time. many others feel that prayer helps lift their worries and lighten their minds.

6. eat well - diet high in veggies and protein.

7. take away the mood-altering drugs of caffeine and alcohol (all of it).

8. take care of ALL your problems - if you're a chronic gambler - get into support groups for that. if you suffer chronic pain - seek help for that too. if you're a vet of a war, you probably would benefit from the companionship and guidance of people who know what you're going through. keep going until you've covered all the bases.

9. write about your illness frequently. keep pen and paper next to the bed - write down your nightmares, your wishes, your dreams, your anxieties and what you're doing to change.

10. make good, sensible friendships a priority.

11. get away from toxic people - if your family abuses you, take a break from them. if someone at work is mean, avoid them. seek out those who intend to help, not hurt you.

12. study/work more smart and less frequently and give yourself appropriate awards and punishments for progress.

13. see if your school has a "test bank" of old tests of professors. study how they test and quiz people.

14. your school probably has counseling - get familiar with everyone in the office.

15. visit with your professors/teachers on a regular basis, making appointments to discuss the smallest worries or details - they will gain sensitivity to your issues.

16. get with a study group or start one. make it a weekly or bi-weekly meeting with few distractions. write down what you want to discuss and support others.

17. do volunteer work that takes you out of your own mind and into the lives of others. caring about others is very therapeutic and reduces your worries.

18. prepare, organize and plan as much as possible - keep a calendar and schedule book on computer or elsewhere. know where you are going and what you're going to do the next hour, day, week, month, semester.

19. your mental health comes first: you can't be good to other people if you're giving too much of yourself away.

20. keep this list in your purse, pocketbook or wallet - and refer to it when you feel especially under the stress of school or work

Swimming With the Sharks October 22, 2005

In Tulsa, there are several concerns about animals - perhaps the most significant in recent months has been this headline "Pregnant Shark At Oklahoma Aquarium In Jenks Dies" - the aquarium had not been open long. I complained vociferously that the migratory sharks were kept in inhumane conditions months before the incident and was given a cold-shoulder response.

From the Associated Press, "Aquarium officials say the shark hit its head and died after jumping out of its cage. Aquarium spokeswoman, ... says the shark was thought to be sterile, but an autopsy found it was pregnant. The aquarium opened in May 2003 and features Oklahoma's native fish plus 200 exhibits and a tank featuring both fresh and saltwater fish."

Sharks which normally travel thousands of miles a year in the open sea should not be kept in such limiting circumstances. While the tank may appear huge to human beings, it is miniscule in relationship to the beautiful open waters of the Pacific Ocean. How would you feel if you were kept in a ten foot by ten foot room to walk around in and slid food that wasn't particularly of your choosing -- for the rest of your life?

Let's say you're an athletic person, who needs an occasional run, long walk or hike - is that the condition you would prefer? These animals are hunters, they are the athletes of the ocean. They love to swim, be free and roam the open ocean. While we can't feel the same warm-fuzzies for an animal we might otherwise feel dangerous. That is in a category of beings that has been associated with occasional attacks, we must give them freedom to live as they live naturally.

It is cruel to capture sharks or keep them in circumstances that are inhumane. One cannot domesticate such a wild animal in the same way a house-pet is kept. I hope you will join me in writing letters of advocacy to the Aquarium and Tulsa officials. Give them a phone call or send them an email - let them know that it is not okay to continue to harbor animals of the wild in inhumane conditions.

One of the other appauling matters about this new museum of horrors is the fact they have parties in the museum which cannot serve to make the animals feel any better. The racket from visitors, including sometimes live music could be disturbing to them. I hope all will say no to these attrocities.

The End of Cockfighting and Trying to Stop Fur Retailers

Recently NOAH, an animal rights org, was able to get the rule off the books that still permitted the second to last state in the union (Oklahoma) to have cock-fighting. This is a cruel ritual of some rural and urban communities, who gamble, exploit the animals and allow them to injure one another - often fatally. We can count this as a major victory for our animal cousins - we are all alike as living beings - animals do experience pain and distress when treated inhumanely and we must all keep that in mind.

There are still fur retail businesses in Tulsa that need to listen to the cries of many defenseless animals -- fox left in traps to bleed to death in the bone-chilling cold, other animals who are cruelly bludgened to death with a club or caught in nets and cannot escape. Please also consider taking action to stop this behavior - contact a fur retailer with a phone call to the manager and tell them you will not shop there if they continue to profit from the demise of defenseless creatures.

The new news is that the TOHR (Tulsa Oklahomans for Human Rights) has a new center. It will be the second largest of the kind in the midwest - second only to Chicago! Currently the Center has some of the best computers for public use in Tulsa. I highly recommend it.

They also have a remarkable library on site, (The Nancy McDonald Library) of over 3,000 volumes as well as a dvd/video collection of all sorts of movies you can check out! It is one of the least known of semi-public orgs in Tulsa. They are in the Highland Shopping Center on 41st street, between Sheridan and Yale - but will move into their new digs in April, near Downtown Tulsa - and near 3rd and Kenosha, close to the Living Arts Center and a gallery or two. Online, TOHR may be found at Http://tohr.org (i think!).

The center also currently includes games, a billiards table, meeting rooms and more. This is a great place to get to know and make friends in the gay community and concerned about human rights. You'll also simply find straight people, like me, there who have many friends in the GLBT community and want to make a difference!

There are numerous activities at the center, from gay youth, to transgendered support groups, and advocacy meetings to organize events and efforts. The pride parade is a major project of the center, a fun event for the family, and takes place in early June.

Tell them Franc sent you!

..............

I found an entertainment, travel, chat site called gay.com - it's pretty good reading I guess - maybe a lot like The Advocate magazine, if you're familiar with that. my favorite reading in the gay genre is the "Gay and Lesbian Review" - it's literary, intellectual and informative.

Alfred Corn, who lived in the Tulsa area for some time and taught literature and nearby colleges, is an adept poet who wrote a fascinating study about the gay scene and social structure of Tulsa. If you can find it online, I highly recommend it. It will give you a great deal of insight about Tulsa.

.....................
Most of you know me as one of the only straight activists for gay people in Tulsa. I must spend more time thinking about it (activism) than most gay people. pflag.org/

Why isn't there a gay college? Wouldn't this be an excellent idea - not considering all the money to be made by providing an excellent education that fosters a gay community? A place where people coming out - gay and lesbian, bisexual and transgendered can feel at home, get the support and love they need and have a community that not only studies gay culture and history, but rejoices in it.

Tulsa has a thriving gay community - many think that the religious community condemns and, would ultimately, destroy the gay lifestyle. But, in fact, I've met many gay people who are far more serious and dedicated to their faith than anywhere else. It's a learning experience to be certain.
..................

For those of you interested in athletics, and the world series in particular, I can recommend Billy Bean's autobiography - "Going the Other Way" which you may be able to find in your local library. You can find a little more info about the book and Billy Bean who played pro ball with the Los Angeles Dodgers. I found the bio very honest, very real and a shocking tale about the life of a gay man involved in American professional athletics.

www.billybean.com/index.asp

espn.go.com/otl/world/timeline.html

These are some of my poems, new and old. I hope you enjoy them.
............................

Conquistador

Rock of water, bone and cockle,
though sallow-cheeked and dappled,
your bow still stands in sand and sea.

Here lies your final anchor
your keel left creaking in the wind
Chrome and slip-stripped,
your turquoise sulking hull echo
the love-and-hate cries of your captain.

Dank and splintered,
teak planks form a fallow deck -
your mast a withering tree.

Fish wrought nets and brine bleached lines
tell of your faena with the sea.

You reflect the water,
her frayed nap upon your breath,
each wave painting
your brackish body.

In mustard sky you look stranded
and sunken,

even still, you sink deeper, deeper.
........................


Out on the Reach

Out on the reach that binds
the earth to sky to sea,
there is a green beacon
searching out the drunken ship.

Empty vessel brightens,
lessens, torches and speaks,
giving light to language
as the moon spills tunnels
of water, wave over wave
spray taking spray.

White foam, blue foam passages
cleanse, wash and whistle
the pulled-back beach
which chatters like bone-salt.

Age reaps the calloused rock
while a chitonous shell drinks the sea
from the breath of the sea.

.....................

Where Dandelions meet Dragonflies

I know a place where dandelions
meet dragonflies
and cool grasses curl the air.

A creek runs through it all,
where skate bugs glide and dip
I take my troubles there
and suddenly, you appear --
between the canopy of leaves
and trickling waterspill

And then my troubles disappear.

I know a place where dandelions
meet dragonflies
and cool grasses curl the air.
................................

Cambridge Snow

While we go crunching snow under our feet,
we form tiny passages
We hold hands in my coat pocket,
it is cold and we are not supposed to love again.

We will fall into another discussion
of my poor analysis and snowfall and freedom,
this is not so different from where we came,
other than the snow.

I carve a rose in the snow and you dance with me,
your tear is what you've wished for
and not what you've wanted.

We see so that everything seems to have a ribbon.
I am loving you, anew, differently and piously
We talk about bridges, rings and the Maine coast
so that the ribbon seems to run through them all -
even about itself - around snowflakes, along the coast,
through park benches,
stretching rings and beyond bridges.

Forgiveness is too big a word and too small
for what we need - but sometimes,
green leaves fall on snow.

And even the icy-laced boughs and iron park gates
cannot contain our love.
We climbed such gates, we found the moon
and we danced upon the snow.

I have not known winter this way,
and though I've not known you any other winter,
I have known you.
Years I spent wanting such sweet kisses in the snow,
under sparkling street lamps,
in eyes as warm as the last flowers of summer.

We are stealing moments of beauty,
between falling flakes -
fragments of time which go unmeasured.

We are not supposed to love again,
while we go, crunching snow under our feet,
forming tiny passages.

................................

Blueberries Along the River Valley

One summer morning among crystal mist
like stained glass window shadows
I found myself and a close friend
picking blueberries.

A quintet of purple finches played hop-scotch
as children skipped between dewy rows.

Our foreman that morning was a woman
in her early forties. She wore a fruit patterned
skirt and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail.

She touched me on the shoulder and admonished me
gently, showing me a better way to pick such tender
berries.

I took a dark plump blueberry as a lone eagle glided
down the river valley, looking for a place to nest.

An old and haggard sea-green pickup rolled up the narrow path with only one eye open.

We finished out picking and swung tin pails full of berries
to the cardinal red shed.

The foreman commanded us, "stick out your tongues"
and we revealed our blackened tongues. Next time,
she admonished us with a wink, "bring cream".

...........................

Boys in the Pasture

(Poem based on a painting by Winslow Homer, of the same name, exhibited in the Boston Museum of Fine Arts)

-- dedicated to my brother.

We were once the boys in the pasture,
in our hats before the fireflies would rise.

Silent with no baseball glove between us --
in the cool grass screen,
in summer's gloaming days,
with only dreams of fishing
and before girls mattered.

We were once the boys in the pasture
before the dew lit the blade.

........................

............................

Oklahoma Mourning

(A tribute to the families and survivors of the
Oklahoma City Murrah Federal Building Bombing)

Hear these alabaster plains
of wheat roar and larkspur mourn.
Drape caskets in deep hues
and sound the battle cry.
Cry to remember those who knew
the breast of freedom and died with her
and wrench the rings from their fingers.

The crow has left this building
as shattered as her corpses.

..........................

Pamplona

Saint Fermin sleeps above the toro,
echoes his cries - and was chosen
to share the street and fair Pamplona,

Caped and sashed in crimson,
orange-apple wine pours over,
the sun dies over, the stadia circle

Smiles over, the bull. The matador
dances a tango, slowly,
proudly before the crowd --

He takes a public kiss and bows,
bends the silver slip of blade,
both deep and narrow,

Clean between the horn, the cape
and marrow, the beast writhes,
swallows his breath from a spill of blood

and under this, a roar of death and lies.


...............

April 5, 2007 Here it is, with so much time passed since my last posting in this section - over 3,000 dead soldiers. and hundreds of thousands of iraqis dead as a result. i read the names at congresswoman doris matsui's office recently - and was shocked at the number of people under age 18 who were killed. civilians. people who have nothing at all to do with the conflict.

the other disturbing fact of the war is the amount of civil liberties being taken away - from the patriot act - and the "sneak and peek" rule - where gov officials can secretly look at your files, your life, your home, medical records, library records whatever - and much without ever informing you they've done it! thousands have been detained, arrested, held in prison or under house arrest just because they are remotely suspected of being involved in terrorism somehow - but they aren't at all! out of the thousands detained and arrested - a few have been found to have anything at all to do with 9/11 or any terrorism. this is an unsound war - an aggession against humanity. do all you can to help us get out of the war today.

October 26, 2005

Today we got the news that the 2,000th American soldier was killed in Iraq. It is a sad day indeed. Let's keep all those fighting in our hearts and minds.

October 23, 2005

The latest I've read, Bush is in trouble. His popularity poll is at the worst ever - most Americans now trust Democrats more than Republicans to be in charge of the country's matters. I also read recently that Bush thinks that God sent him to war and that he has a mission to create Palestine and defend Israel among other things (this all came from God by the way).

I think Bush is losing more than his popularity. This war keeps on going - the people keep on dying. It's time for us to put our foot down once and for all and let our Congresspeople know it's not ok anymore.

October 14, 2005

do you think there's national leadership with the peace movement? some think not as much as vietnam.

i think there's some national leadership. it may not be as cohesive as that in the vietnam war, but i recall that during and after the nam war that it was a complaint of activists of that war as well - that there was little leadership - and when there was, they were sometimes on the run, or in hiding, for fear of the feds busting them for various, sometimes trumped up, reasons. this doesn't mean we should give up today of course. medea benjamin, who visited the omni center recently had much to sayand she has a good org going with codepink codepink4peace.org

there's also veterans for peace, as well as others many of you are familiar with on a one-to-one basis. one of the key problems i see to national organizing is the lack of funding/publicity and the media ignoring the issue of peace activists and our pleas.

we are the sort who like to go our own way, there are many wayfarers and independent minds among us - some have come from a history of activism, others want to sit in occasionally and be able to feel free to leave. it's simply very hard to get a bunch of hippies, malcontents and free spirits together. that's not reason to give up.

we long for people like abbie hoffman who knew how to get cameras going and focused on him, were brave enough to withstand personal and violent attacks and never gave up. i heard him speak at the univ of oklahoma in 1984 - he gave a rousing speech against reagan's activities in central america, among other things. it was his first trip back to oklahoma since the 60's - when he was kicked out of the
state and told not to come back. banned from oklahoma - that's pretty bad!


September 25, 2005

US military killed to date: 1915
UK military killed to date: 96
other coalition killed: 101
total US coalition forces killed: 2112

1,915 American troops have been killed in Iraq - close to 30,000 estimated Iraqi civilians have also perished - with numerous other injuries to children. Approximately 15,000 American soldiers have been injured.

All the while, the financial cost soars, at nearly 200 billion dollars today. When does it stop? It won't stop unless you speak up!

UN inspectors weren't given the time to assess whether Iraq had the weaponry we were concerned about. Why did this war even begin? When will it end?

Please visit tulsapeace.org to help stop the war.

References:

For financial costs, visit: costofwar.com/
For casuality estimates, refer to: icasualties.org/oif

I can also highly recommend the movie "Cost of War" a documentary about war time policies, life and death.

Visit: www.veteransforpeace.org/

SUPERBOWL!

chicago and indianapolis. well, having family in indi maybe makes me root for them. but then, chicago hasn't been good in a long time. and lovie smith was a coach at the University of Tulsa - so who to be for? I don't know exactly, but it will be a good game and I hope to watch all of it!


OU appears to be in the fiesta bowl with boise state - if you're not as confused as i am, something is definitely wrong! i mean, i thought the bcs championship game was being played at the fiesta bowl! hmm. well, i'll have to figure this out later - but, both of my college favorites ended with good records - Arkansas nearly winning the SEC and Oklahoma took the best of the Big 12 title.

11/22/06

NINERS:

now there's a world of difference! we are vying for the playoffs and this is amazing after a dismal year last year. the thing is, the majority of the remaining Niner games are on the road - and there are some very tough games ahead. even still, adam smith, with dilfer waiting on the sidelines, is coming into his own and the lines are fighting better battles. NINERS!!!


RAZORBACKS:

incredible season for the Arkansas Razorbacks, fighting for that chance to play #1 Ohio State - and who deserves it more? NOBODY! go hogs!!! as of today they are ranked at least #5 and they could go all the way to the big #1 with a bowl game.

They probably have to play Florida and win the SEC - now, keep in mind, the Big 10 and the PAC don't have conference championships, so Arkansas has a real big challenge ahead of them. Arkansas won the WEST SEC championship outright and will be strong for the big game. My favorite player for the hogs? MONK!

my favorite other monk in arkansas would be john michael talbot (who lives in a cloister of some kind in the ozarks) - the singer and real-life monk. www.johnmichaeltalbot.com/ although i'm no longer a religious person i can still appreciate the beautiful melodies of his guitar and music. check him and the razorbacks out soon.

SOONERS:

ok, well, they are not the top ten team they've been in recent years. but they are still in the top 20 and they will be getting a decent bowl game. also, one must keep in mind they are in an incredibly good and even conference. so maybe texas and oklahoma are much better than everyone realizes on the national scale. with 2 losses apiece, they are stuck behind the large number of 1 loss teams - and some of those teams may not be playing quite the same competition.

do you think there should be a post season playoff for college football? let's say, the top 8-16 teams get to play in a four weekend tournament.

well, i've had some more unusual ideas - like adding a 4pt field goal to the game (beyond 45 yards) to even things up, or make the game more exciting -- i've decided maybe that's not the best idea. but i still think some alteration of the scoring method might make the game more real, more interesting.
......................................

Early November/late October:

wow. what a season it's turning out to be for everybody. i never expected the hogs to beat #2 Auburn. the piggies got into the top 25 for the first time in a long time, sitting right under the sooners. my two fav teams as you know. but really, don't you think arkansas deserves a top 10 spot at least? i mean, they beat alabama in a tough game, and then, take down the tigers? almost without a doubt, the hogs will be in a bowl game and possibly one of the top bowls, rose, orange, sugar or fiesta. be sure to remind me to leave that week open in early january!

on the flip side, my poor sooners lost against texas. i remember getting so depressed in years the horns took the sooners that the rest of the fall was miserable. but, in this case, thank goodness my hogs team is making me feel, well, a little justice. maybe it'll be the hogs v. the horns in the sugar bowl. or it could be the hogs up against michigan. i'd like to see them beat either team. just don't send us USC again, ok??

anyway, football is much more enjoyable when you're not suffering the losses of two teams on the same day. i also got a little justice when the niners took it to the raiders. ok, neither team is looking too strong yet this year, but the pride of the bay belongs to the niners. and that's ok with me too. alex smith is so good sometimes and then other times the offensive line opens up so that he looks like so dismal - i'm not sure it's his fault. but i think they should play the old pro dilfer at QB more often, let alex work for the starting position a little harder.

indiana looks almost unstoppable this year - and then there's the ravens too. they're going to have to fight it out. the eagles also look super-smart, but i didn't like their "v" over dallas. it hardly seems fair sometimes, but that's what games are about - it's all challenges and getting back up, risk and glory.

have a great football week!

.............................


OCT 7, 2006 got to see the first half basically. amazed at peterson's performance. heisman possibilities! i hope the rest of the game is good. but i'm prob unable to see it, on my bike, heading home, from the restaurant where i got to catch part of the game. my back hurts from lugging a bag around with me on my bike. i'm sick of bicycling. i want a car that works!

OCT 6, 2006

INCREDIBLY EXCITED about the OU/texas game this weekend. comes on ABC at about 12:30 pm tomorrow, sat oct 7 as best i can figure. i hope the sooners win, but i just don't know. this could be really tough. i wish i was in dallas right now to see the big game tomorrow and enjoy the celebration. this is one of the best rivalries! GO SOOOOONERS!!!!


WRITTEN EARLIER THIS WEEK (OCT 1-6), SOONER/TEXAS WEEK --

www.tulsacountydemocrats.org/guestbook

go big red. ou plays texas this weekend, in dallas, as they do every year. no, dallas is not the home to the UT. dallas is supposed to be a neutral place where OU misses out on a bunch of income for hotel/restaurant revenue (so does the state), but i guess we make up for it somewhat in TV revenue. hmm, what a debate? actually, there's not much of a campaign to get a home and home series between them, the state fair happens around the cotton bowl during the game and everyone loves it.

SOOOOOONERS!!!!
....................
sept 9, 2006

tonight texas plays ohio state. i'm just wanting to see it to see a good game between the number 1 ranked team and the number 2 ranked team. i actually hope they both lose - i'm a sooners and a razorbacks fan!

the hogs play utah state at 6pm central time, hogwired.com

the sooners play washington - and are in the third quarter right now - the big red is winning, 20-13. but it appears to be closer game than that online.

unfortunately i'm not able to see either game - nor am i able to see the monarchs final game of the wnba championship series today. this is driving me slightly bonkers.

sept 4, 2006

SOONERS

hard to find a place to watch the sooners here in sacramento. found them at soonersports.com and at sports.yahoo.com/ncaaf/teams/ooc

but, i'm sort of disappointed they're tough to find on tv.

i think they have a shot at the whole ball of wax this year with paul thompson QB'ing.
..............................................................................

Univ of Arkansas


my other favorite team of course is the arkansas uark.edu razorbacks also at hogwired.com - they play USC tonight on ESPN and i think i'll be able to catch them somewhere. excited about that, but i think the trojans might walk all over my hogs. slop.
......................................................

NINERS

my fav pro team is the niners. 49ers.com - they look good, better with dilfer - after they 've been having trouble with alex smith at QB.

and locally, i'm also watching the sports of Sacramento State, Stanford University and Cal Berkeley.

this is my list of best pop songs of all-time. many of them haven't made it on the list yet, so be patient.

be tender (with my love) bee gees
don't cha, pussy cat dolls
the love song (can't remember title), n.beddingfield
running on empty, jackson browne
tues afternoon, moody blues
truckin', grateful dead
dig, dandy warhols
someone saved my life, elton john
lonestar, norah jones
freeway/love, aretha
criminal, fiona apple
werewolves of london - trick or treat!
california dreaming
party train, gap band
atomic, blondie
sexual healing, marvin gaye
the sea, morcheeba
telephone, cake
the boxer, simon/garfunkle
chancullo, ruben gonzalez
oyo como va, santana?
bombelero, gypsy kings
crumbs off the table, glass house
love my way, psych furs
bicycle/rhapsody, queen
streets ahead, chris botti
norweigen wood, beattles
25/624, chicago
grand illusion, styx
claire, morphine
gold dust days, 10,000 maniacs
the river, natalie merchant
sea turtle, harry connick, jr.
backseat, the pets
i touch roses,
supernova, oasis

this is just a short list: but other groups included would definitely be: madonna, bee gees, bto, roxy music, brian ferry, cranberries and many many more.

i've been a rock and roll fan for as long as i can remember. but i've also had or have interests in many other forms of music. my father is and always has been an opera aficianado - so i grew up hearing some good music. some opera i can't stand - but that's actually sort of rare now.

i prefer classical, outdoors, under a tent or canopy with a cool wind and a nice gentle rain. the blues are terrific for friday/saturday nights when the feeling is right. and cool jazz or improvisational jazz is terrific for sunday afternoons. i can even get into a little country and western, especially when a cute oklahoma woman wants to go two-stepping. but mostly, i'm a club music, boom boom, get-on-the-dance-floor guy -- or rocking out to arena rock at a concert, or getting in a trance with trip-hop, trance/house, funk or r&b.

this is a short list of the better concerts i've seen in person, and approximate dates:
................................................................................
Swan Lake, Ballet, Tulsa, OK

The Mikado, Tulsa, OK

Seales and Crofts, 1978, Tulsa, OK

STYX, 1979 Tulsa, OK www.styxworld.com/

Billy Joel, 1980, Tulsa, OK

Cheap Trick, 1980, Tulsa, OK

Bob Seger, 1979, Tulsa, OK

someone who appeared with Neil Diamond (didn't see Mr. Diamond though - left early).

John Cougar (Mellancamp), 1981, Tulsa, OK

Luciano Pavorotti, Tulsa, OK 1982

Philip Glass, composer, The Juniper Tree, Tulsa, OK 1983

Thompson Twins and Berlin, Oklahoma City - the Zoo Ampitheater, 1983

Faust, with Sam Ramey, Tulsa, OK 1984

James Taylor and Randy Newman, Oklahoma City - the Zoo Ampitheater, 1984

85-92??

Amy Grant, 1992, Mabee Center, Tulsa

Linda Ronstandt with The Neville Brothers 1993, Tulsa, The Mabee Center

Fiona Apple and the Counting Crows, 1996, Tulsa,OK

Chris Botti, June 1997, Boston - free concert in the park.

Boston Pops, July 4, 1997 Boston, MA
outdoors -Charles River.

Boston Symphony, Tanglewood outdoors theater
playing Mahler's 5th in the rain, under the canopy

Big Head Todd, NYC Mercury Theater 1998

Marie Chouinard Ballet Company, 1998 Montreal, Canada

Blues Traveller, Joan Osborne and the Cowboy Junkies, 2001, on the Charles

Natalie Merchant, 2003 Brady Theater, Tulsa

Joan Baez 2004, Brady Theater, Tulsa

Little Milton, 2005, Tulsa Juneteenth Festival

Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey, 2006, Harlows/Sacramento
and also, Tulsa, OK and Fayetteville, AR

Red Hot Chili Peppers, 2006, Sacramento

Elton John, 2006, Sacramento, ARCO

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and
Jackson Browne, The RiverCats Stadium, West Sacramento, 2006
(volunteered for amnesty int'l at this event)

Indigo Girls and B-tch, Crest Theater, Sacramento, CA 2007(really didn't see this, but heard it - was an Amnesty Int'l volunteer at the event)

The Moody Blues, Sacramento, Memorial Colloseum 2007

Carmen (the Opera) 2007

Sacramento Ballet Modern Masters 2008

There's a $100 reward for finding my stolen bike and having it returned to me - or information leading to the arrest and prosecution of the individual(s) who stole it.

The bike was stolen in downtown Sacramento - it is mentioned in my blog history within the last six weeks. It was a silver and blue Fisher Tiburon bike (see picture of it on this site) - the stock tires had been replaced with thinner tires.

The bike has identifying characteristics.

i offer a reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the individual(s) responsible for stealing my belongings:

ear q-tips. a bunch of them. also stolen recently - a ecological night light - turns on automatically, it's an LED light. a gingham style blue/white men's dress shirt - long sleeves.

stolen on 10/27/06 in Sacramento, CA

my BICYCLE from a downtown location, $100.00 reward for the return of this item or the arrest and prosecution of the individual(s) responsible: GARY FISHER "TIMBURON" BLUE/GREY purchased in late march of 2006 -- with bumperstickers: "Hillary" and "War Is Not the Answer" also an anti-fur bumpersticker, tires are narrower and newer than the stock tires on a regular model of timburon. i can identify distinctive markings on the bike. has a radio fitted rack on it (or did) and a red bubble-style honk device. also has a water bottle cage. also had a baseball card (tino martinez with the st. louis cards) in the spokes. had special air valve covers (black/white rolling dice design).

recent missing or stolen:

on a TUES NITE --

a red gel ink pen (maroon colored ink)- purchased at the university art store. cost approx $2.10 - missing the same day i bought it - what a nuissance!

stolen on move from boston to tulsa in 2001 -
Citrine earrings - brand new, never used - and possibly a matching pendant (can't remember) set in gold and silver - value $175.00 or so.

7/15/06

morcheeba: the brixton concert DVD (FOUND IT)
cinderella man DVD (boxing movie) (FOUND IT)
...........................................
this is a very small list of only some of the things that have been stolen from me. i aim to catch the thief. with your help, that might be possible! thank you!

i offer a financial reward for information leading to the recovery and/or arrest of individual(s) involved in the theft or possession of my belongings!

LOST/Stolen recently --
approx 6/7/06 in sacramento.

Regulation size football by Wilson - football says "Vote" and "Democrats" on two of the panels in big bold black magic marker print. note that the theif may have marked over or erased the vote and/or democrat print. value: approx $20.

Stolen in Massachusetts:

Grundig shortwave radio - in good condition, with a tan leather snap on case -- given to me for a birthday by my father. it was valued at over $100. (in the move/storage)

Three containers of paint - liter to 2 liter sizes of (i think) it was red, yellow and blue acrylic paint)

Alden Shoes - wrote the company and found out that these shoes cost over $400. I don't recall paying nearly that much for them, but i did pay a lot of money for them:

Cordovan, slip-on dress shoes. www.aldenshoe.com/cat_ane4_684.htm
(stolen from apartment- either my ex-girlfriend's or mine)

Golf shoes - black with rubber soles. designer Kenneth Cole. $100 approx.

6 pair of New Balance running shoes. all in decent condition. i think these were stolen - they were missing from storage in tulsa, oklahoma. or i could not locate them.

triple crown of track t-shirts (2) stolen on separate occasions. univ of arkansas. one of them was stolen in arkansas (the other was stolen in massachusetts in about 2001) - they are both tripple crown shirts, one lists the years arkansas won the tripple crown of track - the other simply says in simple print with three crowns across the front "tripple crown" or triple crown legacy or something of that nature. $45 total approx.

also, recently stolen in california, my white t-shirt that says "Olympic Trials" and Sacramento and the year of the olympic trials in Sacramento - with "volunteer" on the back - no, i didn't volunteer, wasn't even in california then - i bought this shirt at a thrift shop. NOTE: this ITEM HAS BEEN RECOVERED! this item may have been stolen and returned.
...................................................

stolen from my apt in Arkansas:

these three jewelry items were stolen at the same time approximately last summer --

Egyptian Cartouche - at least 14 kt gold (perhaps more) - with 7 characters. bird, lion, wavy lines, may be recognizable characters. etc. not necessarily in that order. $200

Native American or African style pendant, oval shape, made from "picasso" marble - set in silver. about one and a half inches by one inch to the best of my recollection. $100 (i still have the matching grey marble bead necklace).

14 Kt. Gold circular pendant I received at my birth - has my real first name and middle name on it. sentimental. cost/value unknown.

also stolen in Arkansas -

Silver "Nambe" style plate - Native American houseware - rectangular/square shape with rounded edges. Very heavy silver metal. $150-400

the following link shows the style of plate/bowl it is (but it isn't exact):

www.robertschina.com/rchina/product.asp
.....................................................
Lost in a move or stolen when I moved from Massachusetts to Oklahoma in 2001 approximately --

Sanyo brand trench coat - grey - bought at discount from a store in Newton, MA for about $500, but may have had a value of closer to $1,000. In good condition, but slightly (occasionally) worn.

Brooks Brothers pinstripe blue suit. $600 purchase. Slightly used, in good condition.

Fisher Bicycle. (this is a different bicyle than the one recently stolen in california) Silver/Black $300.00 or more - with add-ons. this bike was also locked with a "kryptonite" brand lock and chain - the lock/chain was at least 5 ft long and cost me about $100.00


An "Athalon" processor Computer $600 - without the cost of programs possibly. "microsoft money" program. Cherokee language syllabary on it.

A laptop computer - Compaq brand. with countless short storys and poetry i'd written on it. some of which were marketable.

natalie merchant CD's

jazz CD's --

...................................


...................................

stolen in california recently ---

Ben Shahn book of new york street people photographs - encased in a plastic book cover. good condition. stolen in CALIFORNIA RECENTLY.
...........................................


books stolen -

Robert Pinsky "The Figured Wheel" book of poems, autographed to me personally (my real name - not my pseudonym for the internet) at the first reading of the favorite poem project in Boston on April 8, 1998. the date was not likely in the book. Stolen from an apartment in Massachusetts.

Howard Zinn book, "Social History of America" i think that's the title - it's a famous book, autographed to me personally at a reading by howard zinn in Cambridge, MA. approx 1998. STOLEN IN CAMBRIDGE/BOSTON, MA.

Naomi Shihab Nye books of poetry - autographed to me personally.

Sigmund Freud Diary/Journal book - in plastic book cover. STOLEN IN CALIFORNIA RECENTLY.

Andy Warhol's Diaries - a book of his diaries. STOLEN IN CALIFORNIA RECENTLY - or on my trip to CA.

....................................................................

other items missing or stolen:

My ORIGINAL birth certificate, my Harvard I.D., a former girlfriend's Harvard I.D.

.......................................

STOLEN or lost from my soccer bag on the soccer field in Tulsa/Jenks where i was playing in a game (CRABS) in approx 2002/2003 --

Sterling silver link style bracelet.

.......................................................

stolen/lost - Minolta SRT MC2 SLR camera - that was a gift to me as a teen. high sentimental value and an excellent camera! with macro combination/zoom lens.

other photo equipment stolen/lost - polarizing filter $25-$75 value.

photographic home-developer enlarger projection lens. stolen from my parent's home in oklahoma.

Buzz Lightyear toy - stolen from my apartment in Tulsa in approx 2002/2003. good condition. paid approx $20 for the toy.

Sterling silver belt buckle and loop, with genuine leather black belt - stolen from my apt 2002/2003.

Boston related pro sports hat collection - Bruins, Boston Breakers Women's soccer team, etc. Red Sox, etc. from apt in 2001/02 in tulsa, Oklahoma.

Two black designer shirts - one Gap T-shirt tight fitting material - the other with collar, modern style short sleeve. in tulsa, about the same time as the belt was stolen.

Native American ring - men's silver band with turtles on it. 7 turtles, 3 are red coral (one of them has a disfigured leg), the other 4 turtles are turquoise.

Cell phone. stolen on a day i went to the airport to board a plane for Houston - but had a panic attack and didn't make the trip, came home in a taxi with it. i think it was stolen from my apartment though - new years eve 2002 approx - this caused me to not have phone service at all for over a year (estimated). and i had to pay a lot of money to buy a new phone which i soon later couldn't use at all anyway.

............................................

CD's stolen

Aerosmith CD, stolen about the same time as belt/shirts above - it was a two disk "best of" left/right disk. stolen from my apt.

Ben Folds CD - stolen in 2005. song titles included Zak and Sara(h), Annie Waits, etc.

Miles Davis CD blue color album

Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey CD

too many more CD's stolen to mention.

Baseball cards - too many to mention - from the 1970's mostly and stolen a long time ago.
..........

Lacrosse stick --- and two ergometers for rowing practice.

also, "Neon" Deon Sanders baseball card with the Yankees. this was stolen recently in California

also, Brad Penny, minor leagues or rookie baseball card.

.........................................

things missing/stolen when i moved from Oklahoma to Massachusetts:

Marantz vintage stereo receiver. lots of sentimental value.

French poster with woman in commercial for beer - dry mounted poster. value perhaps $35

Framed photograph - the frame cost me approx $200 and was in nearly new condition. the image in the picture is one i took at the "Garden of the Gods" in colorado. value perhaps $300.
.............................................

LOST/Stolen within the last week -- or recently --
approx 6/7/06

Regulation size football by Wilson - football says "Vote" and "Democrats" on two of the panels in bold big black magic marker print. approx $20.

.........................

Stolen on my way to California last October or within the last six months from my apt --

Angelina Jolie Stand-up poster of her movie character, Lara Croft from TombRaiders - this cardboard stand image is about 5-6 feet tall. approx $20. this image is close to what the poster/board looks like:

www.comictrek.net/main/imag...ina_sm.jpg

5-6 pairs of New Balance running shoes. two of the pair were identical - orange and black. all would be about size 10 to size 10.5 the others were an assortment. they all had relatively little wear and these items appear to have been stolen from my storage. i paid full price for these - approx $70 a pair for a total of $350.

"Andy Warhol Diaries" book about warhol and lists his diary journal entries. $20? but sort of hard to find.


.................................
Fisher "Space" Pen $25 retail

"Cross" Blue and Silver color Pen $64 retail value

Mont Blanc gold mechanical pencil
..........................

Sunglasses stolen -

one pair of prescription lenses sunglasses lost/stolen in Florida. (many years ago)

stolen in Tulsa - possibly from my car or apt -- 2002-2004

Killer Loop sunglasses blue lenses silver colored (plastic or nylon type) frames $70

Smith Sunglasses (Clutch and/or Anvil styles) one style was grey or black if i recall - and the other was sea green color. $70 each.

other glasses/sunglasses stolen - in a bronze case paid $10 for the bronze case, prescription lenses for an ex-girlfriend (given to me) with sunglass attachments - designer frames - $225 approx. tortoise shell style.

................................................
....................................................

Umbrellas lost/stolen:

brown ordinary umbrella - stolen in Tulsa approx 2001-2003

red umbrella stolen Tulsa 2001-2003

Bags stolen -

small, bible-sized with pockets, for light hiking, green bag, relatively new - lost/stolen from my trip from boston to oklahoma.

"Eagle" book bag. a black bag given to me by an ex-girlfriend. stolen in Arkansas or Oklahoma.

"Pedro's" bicycling bag - paid approx $60 dollars for the bag.

.......................................

Furniture - in Tulsa, left with friends when i moved to Boston - don't know what happened to it!

here's my all-time best movies list. this is totally subjective of course, but if you, like me, have an interest in the same things, you might like some of these as well. i like introspective, witty and panoramic films as well as documentaries and suspense. certain directors almost always have my attention - as do many actors. i think spike lee, woody allen, spielberg have done very well for a long, long time. there are many new faces i admire too.

i'm attempting to divide these up into categories, they aren't complete yet.

Mystery/Suspense
and for HALLOWEEEEN!

Fargo
The Game (Michael Douglas)
The Panic Room (jodie foster)
Dead Calm (sam neill, n. kidman)
V is for Vendetta (portman)
The Shining (nicholson)
Planet of the Apes
Batman movies (clooney, keaton, v?)
Alien - 1979 scary Sci-Fi sigorney weaver!

Comedy/Horror--

Young Frankenstein
(early seventies movie and comedy)
Beatlejuice (keaton)
GhostBusters (bill murray)
Rocky Horror Picture Show
(cult film classic, tim curry - very weird, very fun)

Science Fiction:

The Andromeda Strain
2001: A Space Odyssey (stanley kubrick)
Star Wars (the trilogy)
Blade Runner
Logan's Run
Jurrassic Park
Pi
Clockwork Orange
War of the Worlds (with Tom Cruise)

Documentary:

Bowling for Columbine
The Agronomist

Childrens:

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the first one)
teens/youth: Tex, The Outsiders, Rumblefish
(SE Hinton)
ET

Drama:

To Sir, With Love
Kolya
The Color Purple
Big Chill
Kramer v. Kramer (dustin hoffman)
The Pianist
Crash (matt dillion)
The Crying Game
Philadelphia (tom hanks, denzel)
The House of Sand and Fog (jennifer connelly, more)
A Beautiful Mind (jennie connelly, russell crowe)
Good Will Hunting (matt damon, minnie driver)
Midnight Express
Match Point (woody allen, scarlet johanson)
Lost in Translation (bill murray, scarlet johanson)
Caddyshack (bill murray)
Legends of the Fall
Top Gun
My Dinner with Andre (all dialogue)
Midnight Cowboy
Saturday NIght Fever
Moulin Rouge (the new one)
Ordinary People
Paper Chase
Mulholland Drive
English Patient

more drama -

The Godfather
Shawshank Redemption (drama, morgan freeman)
Schindler's List - drama
North by Northwest - classic
American Beauty - drama


Comedy:

Annie Hall (woody allen)
Breaking Away (quaid) see also for sports: bicycling.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (Newman, Redford)
The Breakfast Club (molly ringwald, john hughes)
High Fidelty (john cusack, jack black)
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Moonstruck


Action/adventure:

Virtually any James Bond flick will do.
and Raiders of the Lost Ark

Sports:

Jerry McGuire (Cuba/football)
Chariots of Fire (track)
Revenge of the Titans (denzel) football
Any Given Sunday (pachino) football
Victory (soccer movie with stalone and pele)
The Natural (robert redford) baseball
Rudy (football)
Field of Dreams - baseball
Bend It Like Beckham (soccer, see also youth)
A League of their Own (baseball women)

Romantic:

Il Postino (foreign/poetry)
Ghost
The Housekeeper
Memoirs of a Geisha
Love Story
Green Card (Gerard Depardieu, Andie McDowell)
Dr. Zhivago
Brokeback Mountain
When Harry Met Sally - billy crystal and goldie hawn?
Beauty and the Beast
The Last of the Mohicans (Michael Mann)
Casablanca - bogart
Bridges of Madison County - romance, eastwood
Harold and Maude (interesting, sort of weird romance)
Out of Africa - romance, drama


Foreign:

Kolya (czech)
The Housekeeper (french)
Tae Guk Gi (korean)

Social Justice:

Salvador (james woods)
Dead Man Walking (susan surrandon)
Year of Living Dangerously
To Kill a Mockingbird

and finally, nearly anything natalie portman has done.

and if you would like a more comprehensive list of all time best movies, go to: www.nytimes.com/ref/movies/1000best.html

also, a great reference for movies is imdb, go here -- www.imdb.com/

these lists are also references for my favorites.


new (additional) listing entered on 10.10.2006 here are yet some more of my favorites - not catagorized yet:

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind comedy
Monty Python and the Holy Grail brittish comedy
Hunt for Red October (sean connery and/or harrison)
Hotel Rwanda - social justice

(another movie with river phoenix about the military and an ugly contest - can't remember the name, but excellent - drama with some humor.)

The Manchurian Candidate (the new one with denzel)
Raging Bull
Million Dollar Baby - drama, hillary swank. clint eastwood
Amadeus
The Wizard of Oz
Braveheart
The Spanish Apartment (french movie)

the lobster under the sea movie for children? what's it called?

Ben-Hur 1959 classic
Indiana Jones movies
Back to the Future (comedy, michael j. fox, 1985 - a classic!)
Life of Brian (comedy 1979)
Platoon (incredible war drama, 1986)
Gladiator (crowe) action!
Gandhi (1982 - social justice)
Mystic River (drama, kevin bacon's best 2003)
Magnolia (a little dark for some, but excellent 1999) Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias (the quintessential chick flick)
Big Fish (quirky surreal - comedy 2003
King Kong (i like the jessica lange version circa 1977
La Haine, (the hate, excellent french, edgy, action/drama 1995)
Brazil (1985)

10.31.05

happy halloween! it could hardly get scarrier! last night i heard that scalia is about to be upped by someone as conservative (or more so) on the supreme court if bush lite gets his way. the nomination comes in the wake of rosa parks' passing, the marking of the 2,000 death of US soldiers in Iraq and the hurricane tragedies unattended to by the bush admin - not to mention a long legacy of economic and diplomatic failures.

let's hope that election year isn't as scary as this one!

................
It cost me $50 today (10.23.05) to put in a tank of gas - and this is in Oklahoma, where gas is the cheapest in the nation. I can't imagine how other people are doing elsewhere - especially people with families or pressing matters at hand. That's economics on the micro-scale, but look at what Bush has done with the economy on the big side of things:

a week or two ago i wrote this piece --

An expensive war under the Bush administration continues to rack up an extraordinary national debt: Bush's wars have cost more than $200,000,000,000 to date. nationalpriorities.org "The estimated population of the United States is 297,414,034 so each citizen's share of this debt is $26,875.84. The National Debt has continued to increase an average of $1.63 billion per day since September 30, 2004." www.brillig.com/debt_clock/

Today the national debt will soon pass $8,000,000,000,000.00
www.publicdebt.treas.gov/opd/o...ny.htm

historical chart of the national debt:
09/30/2003 $6,783,231,062,743.62
09/30/2002 6,228,235,965,597.16
09/28/2001 5,807,463,412,200.06
Bush takes office
09/30/2000 5,674,178,209,886.86
09/30/1999 5,656,270,901,615.43
09/30/1998 5,526,193,008,897.62
09/30/1997 5,413,146,011,397.34
09/30/1996 5,224,810,939,135.73

As you can see, the debt began to level off under Clinton.
www.toptips.com/debt_history.htm
........

Unemployment was around 7.5 to 7.0% from 92-93, in Bush, Sr.'s administration. Clinton helped bring this down to 6.0 in 1994, 5.5 in 95, 4.5 in 98, and bottoming out around 4.0 from 99-01. The Clinton Administration showed promise, both after Bush1's demise and before Bush2's administration took office.

Since Bush Jr's election, the jobless rate steadily increased from 4.0% (and particularly from 02-04) to 6.5% and has only now leveled off now to around 5.0 for 2005.

The NYSE is one of the leading indicators of our economy. It is easy to see what both Bush administrations - Sr. and Jr. have done to our economic progress:

NYSE Dow Index

Today, 10,220.00
Dec-04 10,783.01
Dec-03 10,453.92
Mar-03 7,992.13
Dec-02 8,341.63
Jun-02 9,243.26
Mar-02 10,403.94
Dec-01 10,021.57
Sep-01 8,847.56
Jun-01 0,502.40
Mar-01 9,878.78

BUSH TAKES OFFICE
day clinton leaves office

JAN, 19 2001 11,722
Aug-00 11,215.10
Dec-98 9,181.43
Jun-98 8,952.02
Jul-97 8,222.61
Jun-97 7,672.79
Mar-97 6,583.48
Dec-96 6,448.
Dec-95 5,117.12
Sep-95 4,789.08
Sep-94 3,843.19
Mar-94 3,635.96
Dec-93 3,754.09
Jan-93

Bush Sr. Leaves Office
CLINTON ELECTED

............................

PRICE of Crude Oil - the price of oil and gasoline greatly affects many areas of our economy - including consumers' pocketbooks.

Inflation Adjusted Price in Last Column

1993 16.75 22.67
1994 15.66 20.64
1995 16.75 21.48
1996 20.46 25.48
1997 18.64 22.70
1998 11.91 14.28
1999 16.56 19.38
2000 27.39 31.07
2001 23.00 25.39
2002 22.81 24.76
2003 27.69 29.42
2004 37.66 38.93
2005 46.47 46.47
today, Oct. 2005, oil is over $60 a barrell.

Source US DOE/ www.economagic.com and
www.ioga.com

Bay Area Things to Do for FUN!

.................................................

Chinese New Year! (Winter)
and Chinatown Moon Festival (September):

www.moonfestival.org/

Celebrate the myth of the goddess Chang O, who lives in the moon. The famous Dragon will close the festivities.

Oakland A's (i'm mostly a Giant's fan though):

oakland.athletics.mlb.com/NASAp...ex.jsp

49'ers Football:

sf49ers.com

Hotel Recommendations:

www.hotelboheme.com/beat/index.html

www.tripadvisor.com/HACSearch

OPEN Mike Poetry:

www.mothershen.com/Pages/Op...tory.html

Vegetarian Restaurants in the Bay Area:

daveola.com/Vegetarian/Restaurants/

www.friendsofanimals.org/progr...e.html

PEACE event(s):

www.declarationofpeace.org/

unitedforpeace.org

Being a multicultural agnostic isn't easy. We have to come up with our own code of life-rules. If you've ideas for my bible, please let me know. I wish to grow and learn.

Most of these values I got from my mom, but Martin Luther King, the Buddha, Jesus, Gandhi, Abe Lincoln, Einstein and my closest friends have all contributed as well. If i had to write my own code of ethics, it would go something like this:

1. You shouldn't kill anything - anything at all. This includes animals for food or clothing. Clothing from animal sources clearly isn't needed anymore. Once society has grown out of something, it's best to move on.

Eating meat isn't all that healthy anyway: heart disease, diabetes and cancers all increase in probability as a result of eating meat. If there were a supreme being or beings (I don't make that judgement here), I'm sure she would say, "hey look at the bad cholesterol you are consuming by eating meat - it's way bad for your arteries". haven't you figured that out yet? www.happycow.net/

To my best understanding, all BAD cholesterol is derived from animal sources. If there's a supreme being (god) did they mean for us to consume something that is that unhealthy for us?

And you know, something between 1 out of 7 to 1 in 20 prisoners on death row are NOT guilty of the crimes they've been accused of. There is scientific proof that this is correct with DNA testing. We shouldn't kill prisoners - period. The process of adjudicating and prosecuting death row inmates is quite racist in application and design. A person is many more times likely to be executed if they are black or a minority.

Stop the killing.

2. Get a massage.

--these are really just suggestions, not "command"ments.

3. Remove your shoes before entering your house, apartment, dwelling, yurt. This act keeps one from spreading bacteria and dirt all over the house. Your shoes are dirty my friend. take them off. Besides, it feels so nice to be naked-footed. Get house shoes if you must; but, relax and enjoy the cool toed environment of a clean rug or carpet. You get to put your shoes back on when you leave the house! Asian and Middle Eastern cultures and religions have this down pat.

A note of precaution: you may wish to leave your shoes on in a treehouse (a tribe of which i am a proud member - the treehouse tribe). You could get a nail in the foot, splinter or some other cut that could cause an infection.

4. Keep a day sacred. Well, if you're agnostic, take a day off and if you're lucky enough to have one, spend it with your family - throwing a football with your kids or sitting by the pool.

5. Count your blessings.

6. Don't be mean to the people in your life and be nice to strangers.

7. Don't lie, cheat or steal - even the little lies can cause obsession, addictions, etc on both the part of the lied to and the liar. These acts all create bad karma. While we really shouldn't want so much anyway, cheating or stealing does you absolutely no good. How do you pay someone back after you've hurt them by taking their belongings?

8. If you see that your brother or sister, friend or neighbor wants something that belongs to you, consider giving it to them. This act keeps them from screwing up -- from jealousy, envy, etc.

Giving them something you own, which they desire, creates really good vibes for both of you.

Buddha said that suffering begins with desire.

9. Put it back where it belongs. This includes recycling, reusing, reducing. You don't need so much stuff!

10. Live simply and plant a tree for someone you love who died. My favorite is a magnolia - but dogwoods, redwoods, cherry blossoms and japanese elms are also very good. Do you know your favorite people's favorite trees?

arborday.org

11. Give the kid on the sled a shove. not a shovel! Do the little things in life that make it better for others.

12. Appreciate the little things: the smell of Autumn, the sound of raindrops or follow a butterfly going by and enjoy it. Dance. Create and simply be.

13. Don't lust. If you find yourself thinking about someone too much, remind yourself of what you LIKE about them. LIKE them. Tell them of your appreciation. Who knows, maybe you're going somewhere. Drooling on their shoes only gets their feet wet.

14. Meditate. Listen to your heart. Quieten your mind. Breathe. Relax and recall your fondest memories and places to be - be there and be in the moment. Share those moments with those you love.

15. Be friendly. Greet others with a smile.

16. Forgive easily. Don't harbor a grudge -- be wise with a fool.

17. Don't pass judgement on those you don't really know. Those you think you know well, think again. Be slow to judge and even slower to condemn.

18. See through the eyes of those you consider your heros.

19. Listen with the ears of your enemies.

20. Don't have intimacy with complete strangers. Get to know a person. Save the closest relations for someone you really know and care about.

There are lots of STD's and other awful things (many emotional) that come as a consequence of fooling around without smart objectives.

21. Never use drugs - this includes alcohol. To be intoxicated means literally "to be poisoned" -- even when you feel the least bit tipsy - you're chemically poisoned. That's really bad for your internal organs. Alcohol and drugs kill brain cells.

Even the smartest can't afford to mess with drugs: some of them do really stupid things as a result and wind up in bad circumstances. All those trips to the coffee bar (for caffeine) aren't especially good for you either!

Studies which show that alcohol consumption and caffeine are good for you are as patently false as the tobacco industries' hype before we knew the real hazards related to smoking.

I wish I could say, in the absense of quitting, simply reduce to moderation -- but I know too many people who "moderate" their consumption and have "spikes" of getting drunk occasionally - that, my friend, is alcoholism. Whether or not you have the disease (alcoholism), drinking alcohol is simply not a good idea. For one thing, if you're drinking and your friend next to you is an undiagnosed alcoholic, you're not doing any favors by drinking in your friend's presence.

22. Eat as healthy as you can afford, but only eat as much as you need. Feed the poor as best you can with your excess.

thehungersite.org and

oxfam.org

23. Never exploit people. This includes participating in or purchasing pornography, sweatshop goods, child labor produced goods (including coffee beans and/or cocoa for chocolates) and other products of exploitation. Be a smart shopper and look for fair trade products.

By purchasing, visiting the porn sites or engaging in the use of it otherwise - the porn industry exploits people worse than anyone or anything else. The business frequently turns people on to hard drugs and those who are exploited in film and pictures have thier lives and families turned upside down with violence and other forms of vice.

Exploitation includes buying clothing from sweatshop originated fashion stores. Did you know that many of the brand names you may be wearing are manufactured by places that exploit workers, underpaying them, not providing safe environments to work in, including no plumbing, lack of adequate lighting and rarely providing health care?

Many people would shudder to know that Levis, Nike, the Gap or Polo have been engaged in such practices! While no one likes putting a shamelss plug in their bible; but i have to recommend clean clothes -- cleanclothes.org will help you find out who the sweatshop operators are.

Others exploit people abroad AND at home - check out walmartwatch.org

24. Respect yourself.

25. Be on time and don't be lazy, talk foolishly or be inconsiderate with your time.

26. Enjoy a little exercise.

27. Have a few jokes to tell.

28. Make the world a better place for children: coach, teach, listen, be kind and make them laugh.

29. Finally, sometimes we all screw up. None of these rules can probably be lived by, even living them to the best of our abilities, all the time, every day, without exception. Give yourself a break and a pat on the back for what you do do. Did I say doodoo? Well, you know what I mean. Be good to yourself, appreciate your own kindness and love yourself.

Well, it's early Sept and will i make my goal? i don't know - but here's the deal, i'm 202 lbs today, sept 9. and i have 3 lbs to lose by sept 20. i actually came close already - one day i weighed in at 200 lbs. but i've figured out that dairy products, especially ice cream adds the fat worse than anything. i don't want to be "thin" i want to be heathy, muscular and happy. so, if i don't weigh in at 199.9 on my goal-date i will just be ok with that, i AM more muscular, i am healther and i am happier.

.....................................

written earlier this summer ___

As many of you now know, I have a goal to lose some weight. I want to be under 200 lbs by summer's end. That's only 15-17 pounds total loss, but I have arthritus/fibomyaligia and it's not easy!

If you have a heart condition or other medical condition, you will want to discuss your weight loss plan with your physician and/or a well qualified weight loss counselor, which I am not.

So, in my short history of weight loss, I can share these tidbits of information on how to do it :

1. snack a little less often
2. eat less food
3. eat less fattening food
4. eat fewer sugary foods
5. eat breakfast
6. don't eat when you're not hungry
7. don't overeat
8. exercise a little bit every day.

more on my plan:

1. snack a little less often - more meals a day, in smaller portions may be ok, but constant snacking of the wrong foods is clearly not a good idea. find the good snacks and stick to the healthy stuff as often as possible. allowing yourself a treat now and then is not necessarily a bad thing, it's just a question of when, how often and how much.

2. less food: we eat more when we are unhappy, lonely or/and depressed. work on those issues and come to understand how they affect your habits. working to resolve loneliness may do much to combat your tendancy to eat more food than you really need. this is true for overeating as well, and perhaps they are one and the same.

3. less fattening foods: it's easier than it sounds, check out the labels, find the milk that isn't as fattening, switch to soy products, take a little more time in the grocery store or supermarket to find the brands that really try to help you on your quest.

4. eat fewer sugary foods: for instance, find the ice cream that doesn't have sugar or fat in it - i think you'll be surprised, they're both good.

5. eating breakfast reportedly makes you less hungry throughout the day and that has been so in my experiment.

6. don't eat when you're not hungry. count how many times you simply start eating when you're not even hungry! it's amazing, you'll see that you do it too often - when lonely, when bored, when having company. avoid this behavior and become aware of it.

7. don't overeat - eat slowly, wait, if you're hungry, go ahead eat some more, but - take your time and don't eat for the heck of it.

8. exercising will make you crave better foods while burning off the calories you've consumed - more nutritious foods, and the weight losing effort will become easier as a result.

lastly, don't expect too much of yourself, set reasonable goals or you'll never have accomplishment. if you're on medication that causes you to be hungry, give yourself some credit - it's a biological response that you'll want to discuss with your doctor.

Things I'm grateful for on Father's Day and Mother's Day.
.........................................................................................

Trips to 1979-1983 Roughneck Major League soccer games. A lot of them - Season tickets.

Taking us to soccer games nearly every weekend, fall and spring from 1976-1981.

Frequent visits to a pool/tennis courts and lunches at a country club in Oklahoma.

Vacations: Europe, Colorado, Texas, Mexico, St. Louis, Oregon, Florida, New Mexico, New Orleans and more.

Trips to Dodgers' baseball games (and Phillies) played against St. Louis Cardinals in the stadium that just closed (Busch Stadium).

Bailing me out of situations on more than one occasion.

Saying "you can blame it on us" when it came to needing to leave a party, wanting to leave a bad situation or not wanting to do something my parent's would consider bad anyway.

Summer camp for three years in Missouri. One month in Minnesota and Canadian Lakes.

Constructing a darkroom for my photography interests.

Weekend outings on a sailboat.

Museum School art classes on-and-off summers from about age 8-14

Swimming lessons, Cub Scouts and Little League baseball games.

Preschool? I think I went to preschool! Do not underestimate the value of early childhood education -it's where the brain really takes off.

Nice clothing, good home-cooked meals and a safe/clean place to live.

Amusement park birthday parties with friends on the "Zingo" Rollercoaster - cake and ice cream.
.....................................

about Zingo Rollercoaster--- at Bell's Amusement Park in Tulsa, Oklahoma

Track: Wood, Type: Out and Back
Year Constructed: 1968

Designer: John Allen, Philadelphia Toboggan Co.

Ride Stats: Height: 86 feet Drop: 86 feet
Top speed: 46 mph Length: 2,560 feet
Trains: 2 Train Mfg: Philadelphia Toboggan Co.
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Grave's Disease Foundation:
www.ngdf.org/

Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation: www.multiplemyeloma.org/

Heart Association:
www.americanheart.org

Things to look forward to this summer - and next!

1. Juneteenth Celebrations -- all over the world. This is the annual celebration of African American Emancipation after the American Civil War. In Tulsa, it is often traditionally celebrated with an enormous Jazz concert performance(s). In Sacramento - I'll just have to figure it out I guess! Most Juneteenth celebrations will begin around the June 17 weekend - but check for them in your area!
www.africanaheritage.com/Junet...on.asp

2. Pride Festivals and Parades-- all over the US of A. Usually held in June. Celebrate Gay/Lesbian history and progress. Here are just a few of them:
www.sfpride.org/
www.sacpride.net/
www.tohr.org/tulsapride2006.html

3. The World Cup Soccer Tournament -- It's the best of the best (32 teams compete in Germany this year for the global title). I'm keeping an eye on the USA, Germany, France, Argentina, Brazil and Mexico. Begins in Early June.
fifaworldcup.yahoo.com/06/en/

by the way, there's a very good article on the World Cup in National Geographic this month!

4. Picnics, BBQ, Poolside and Beach fun. www.beachcalifornia.com/

5. National NCAA Track and Field Championships hosted and held in Sacramento, CA. Begins June 7, 2006. www.hornetsports.com/ncaa/20...dule.asp

6. The Tour de France (aka Tour de Lance) - it's coming up July 1, 2006 and will take 20 "etapes" (stages or race days) and ends July 23, 2006 www.letour.fr/

7. Drive-in Movies - they are still around, and if it's cool enough were you are, see them!
www.driveinmovie.com/mainmenu.htm

8. You name it. I'm sure you know some fun that no one else knows!

9. 4th of July Fireworks and Baseball games. As healthy as American apple pie. www.mlb.com

10. Shavuot - the Jewish holiday you just may have missed -- occuring this year in the first weekend in June. www.jewfaq.org/holidayc.htm

I thought you might be interested in testing yourself for alcoholism - this is my own test and i'm not a psychologist, a scientist or otherwise qualified to test people - but, based on my own experiences as an alcoholic, some years of study in psychology and involvement in sobriety education, i think it may provide a look - just a look - at who you may be.

it's important to add that although, as you've read before in my blog, that i attend AA meetings with frequency, there's no relationship between my test and AA. this is my own line of thinking. AA has it's own way, which i encourage you to consider, but this test is not a representation of AA in any way, form or manner. these are my own thoughts and the test is entirely my own.

please test yourself first, but then consider sharing it with objectivity and without expectations to your friends.

the scoring method for this test will be provided at the bottom.

1. Have you ever blacked-out or passed-out as a result of alcohol consumption?

2. Have you ever been arrested for an alcohol related offense?

3. Have you ever vomited or become sick, hungover or otherwise felt the ill effects of alcohol?

4. Have you ever been drunk, inebriated or tipsy?

5. Have you been drunk on consequetive days or nights?

6. Have you ever driven under the influence of alcohol and not been detected by the police?

7. Have you been in a coma as a result of alcohol?

8. Ever hallicinated because of alcohol?

9. Do you make your own booze - have/have had a homebrew, moonshine, wine or other alcohol making effort?

10. Have you been drunk or tipsy more than once in your lifetime?

11. Did you have a drink underage (under the laws of the jurisdiction of the state(s) you were consuming in)?

12. Have you been drunk underage (of the legal drinking age)?

13. Have you ever been drunk when you didn't want to be?

14. Is any one person in your immediate genetic-family alcoholic? if so, multiply times the answer times the number of people you estimate to be alcoholic.

15. Are any people in your extended genetic-related family alcoholic (living or dead)?

16. Do you ever have a desire to get drunk or tipsy?

17. Have you ever been to prison for an alcohol related offense?

18. Have you ever been in a treatment facility for alcohol related problems?

19. Have you attended an alcohol party?

20. Have you thrown an alcohol party?

21. Have you worked for a bar or restaurant that serves alcohol?

22. Do you have a drink after work, during dinner or otherwise on a fairly regular schedule?

23. Have you ever been drunk or tipsy at school or work?

24. Have you ever had more than one drink (one beer, one glass of wine or one ounce of spirits in a mixed drink) at a business lunch, function, or during the work day?

25. Do most (over half) of your friends drink?

26. Have you ever awakened and not known where you are? More than once, double the points.

27. Have you ever been injured or have injured someone else as the result of alcohol?

28. Ever been in a fight when under the influence of alcohol? Physical or verbal.

29. Do you have a favorite drink or drinks of alcohol?

30. Currently have a collection of alcohol in your home (a bar, a group of wines, beers or otherwise)?

31. Been drunk, tipsy more than once in a calendar year?

32. Been drunk or tipsy more than once in a month?

33. Been drunk or tipsy more than once in a week?

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Scoring for this test:

score one point for each yes or positive answer.

double the value of yes answers to questions: 1, 5, 6, 9, 13, 23, 26, 27, 30, 32.

triple the value of yes answers to questions: 2, 8, 11, 17, 18, 33.

if you answered yes to any of the questions, i submit to you that you may indeed have an alcohol problem and that it bears further investigation. t

he test is more a test of severity of problem - the higher the number the more likely you are to experience death, health or legal problems related to alcohol. if you scored over 20 points (some questions are double/tripple value) you are, in my estimation "severly" alcoholic. but even scoring one, may be enough to create some difficulities in life for you. as stated previously however, no matter the degree of your alcohol awareness, or lack thereof, if you have a problem with alcohol you need help. look to alcoholics anonymous, ask friends or a trusted person or therapist for help. but get help as soon as possible and stay with a program of alcohol recovery.

your score may need to be adjusted for age too - if you are underage for drinking alcohol - you may wish to add 5 points for any answer yes. illegal consumption indicates a desire to A. violate the law and B. not have a care about your health or wellbeing. these are signs of alcoholism in my book as well.

additionally, if you're under age 25, you may wish to add three points per question as your maturity may be in questionwith regard to the handling of alcohol.

alcoholism is a disease. it is in fact possible to never have had a drink and have the propensity for drinking like an alcoholic. therefore, the way you manage alcohol is Always a consideration.

8/24/06

so, to give you a little update on my stress, anxiety and panic attacks, i've been controlling these things, in large part with medication on occasion and meditation. meditation has an extraordinary affect on the nervous system - if i experience meditation on a frequent basis, i'm so much better for it.

currently, i would say my stress is related in part to frequent thefts of my property. though i handle it far better than i did when my stuff was first being stolen in bigger numbers - it is still a nuissance and something i deal with.

my last panic attack was on a city bus in tulsa. thank goodness the bus driver let me off the bus. i was terrified of having a full blown anxiety attack, but he was understanding when i made myself clear in as calm a way as i could manage.

today though, i'm really much better. i don't know how to explain it. i don't let things get to me nearly as much. i'm more at peace.




written in approx June 2006...

since the item below was written (i'm guessing i wrote it in oct/2005) some progress has been made personally - if you suffer from the big three - stress, anxiety or panic attacks, i encourage you to check out the list at the bottom of this module/article.

the progress i'm speaking of is that i'm in california - that i was able, with the help of some medication prescribed to me by a doctor (anti-anxiety meds) to travel to california and finally move here after a long while. this does not mean i'm cured of my problems. anxieties, phobias and stress still exist for me, though minimized substantially by the move and new location.

so what do i fear today? that's the hard part, because sometimes it's hard opening up. why is that? because of embarrasments, unreasonably cautious or paranoid thinking. but, in general, i'm much better as i stated.

though i'm in sacramento and love it, i still think about living in san francisco, which is just an hour and ten minutes to the west of here.

one of the things that is keeping me is my arthritis - it is tough and i mean, really tough, to move when you have a disease that affects your muscular system or joints. the second thing is probably money - if i'd gone there in the first place i'd probably be ok. but now, it is more difficult given the situation with my teeth needing to be fixed at perhaps the cost of thousands of dollars. i'm told one cap (i need at least three) is $800 or so - and a root canal perhaps more than that. so, it's pretty easy to see that without health insurance i'm screwed financially.
.........................

OCTOBER(?)

the issue i'm currently working on is my phobias. below, you'll find a section on performance anxiety at school or work.

but what i'm currently struggling with, what keeps me from gainful employment in the SF Bay area is a persistant and nasty phobia. this is related to my extraordinary fear of A. being out of control and B. having a panic attack.

on the highway it is a fear of being pulled over, of experiencing panic and of the car breaking down somewhere where i can get no help for the car, nor my panic. i fear that if the car breaks down i could have a panic attack just worrying about it. and i fear that if a cop pulls me over i could panic and be out of control - though, none of those things is really likely.

if you don't know what a panic attack is, i recommend checking it out on the internet. much can be learned about them and phobias on the net. but there's a lot of misinformation too - as with everything else on the net.

now, my panic attacks began when i was a teen. it was experienced as a terrible panic and fear, a terrifying experience, really. relapses happened months later - then years later. most often with me it happens pretty much out of the blue - i could not predict when or if it would happen. the last time it happened was a few years ago, on a city bus. i felt as though my destiny was in the hands of someone else and that made me extremely uncomfortable. i was aware of my phobia of travelling - especially with someone else at the helm. but in this case, i was trying exposure therapy - trying to reach my boundaries, and, unfortunately, as the bus was entering the highway, i begged the driver that i be allowed to get off the bus. thank god he was understanding.

not long before this experience a similar thing happened to me on a plane. in fact, i've not been on a plane since a month after 9/11. but around new year's eve a year later or so - i tried to board a plane to see a friend in houston. well, sitting there, waiting for the doors to close and the plane to take off, i became very fearful - my heart raced and my thoughts of fear wouldn't end. the woman next to me chatted on her cell phone - the men beside me spoke in spanish. i grabbed my bag from the overhead and begged to get off the plane. thank goodness again, the staff on the plane was very kind and considerate and they seemed to "understand".

ever since these experiences, i've avoided travelling long distances alone. in feb/march a friend went with me on a long car drive to LA. well, that went ok. not many problems - i was somewhat anxious, but took meds to be relatively calm.

so what do i do now? i have jobs in SF that await me. and they have for years. not to mention the fact that there is so much about that place that i fit into. i'm vegetarian, interested in asian culture, sports, the list goes on and on.

travelling down I-44 i now am aware that an old friend of mine had a father who died on this highway. i remember it everytime i pass the place in this city. i don't know that it has much to do with why my phobia revolves around this particular issue. perhaps it does - at least in part.

one of the key factors i've recognized is that it is unhealthy for me to be here in tulsa - that my phobia relates, as do many phobias to a sense of fear of being out of control. and for reasons i cannot fully disclose here - on the net. but i will say that my fear of being controlled is at the heart of it. i fear an authoritarian sort of person - i fear not being "let go".

meds, exposure therapy and cognitive therapy will all assist me. most of my success has been with the combination of those things. at times i have breakthroughs, when my fears dissipate almost completely and i'm able to function better.

writing about it must help - i really think it does. having something busy to keep my mind on something helps. exercise helps too.

written 11.1.05

This is a panel of questions I've developed to assist myself and others with their lifetime ambitions and goals. It is designed to help people who are uncertain of where they are or what they want, but it will also guide those who are well on the path to success. Answer each of the questions, to the best of your ability, with thorough thought and narrative answers - at least try writing a short paragraph to answer each question. I think you'll find it challenging and fun, while pointing you in the direction you wish to be going.

These questions include love, romance, relationships, work, financial stuff and some of the deeper things we often neglect to think about. There's no reason to tackle them all at once - that might take days or even weeks of consideration. But choose some that seem most relevant to you - circle ten, work them and then work them with a friend or lover. See how much you are similar and what differences you might have.

I think you'll also find these questions a fun tool for working with others you don't know yet or simply want to get to know better. If you've been married a long time or are having a third date - you might want to go over at least a few of these. And chatting with your adult children or parents about them isn't a bad idea either!

Working on goals together can be rewarding and promote intimacy, but it can also be frustrating. Take your time. Be gentle when asking and never push a question on someone who doesn't want to participate - these questions are often personal and take plenty of time and consideration.

Most often, it is best to answer these questions for yourself and allow others to review the list on their own first.

The 100 Questions of Joy in Life.
(or, The Big Picture)

1. When will you allow yourself to be yourself - completely?

2. Where do you wish to be in one year, five years? ten?

3. Who improves your life and why?

4. How will you become the person you wish to be?

5. What makes you truly happy?

6. What will put you on the path of A. success and B. happiness?

7. How can you get what you need to obtain 6) A. and B.?

8. When were you happiest in life? and, B. How can you get more of the things in your life that were making you happy back today?

9. What are your most recent failures (list 5) and successes?

10. What successes would you like to obtain?

11. What failures can you potentially see ahead?

12. How can you avoid the potential failures and how can you prepare for the successes?

13. How do you obtain peace and serenity in your life on a daily basis - and how can you improve these qualities?

14. What do you enjoy giving other people and what are you greedy with?

15. Close your eyes and visualize yourself happy for a few minutes. What are you doing? Where are you living?

16. Can you see success without making changes?

17. What changes must be made immediately to obtain your goals? to obtain happiness?

18. Is money more important to you than fame? Is power more important to you than money? Why?

19. Can you be happy without money, power or fame? If so, how?

20. How can you improve the lives of 5 people in your life and how will you make that happen?

21. How will it make you feel to improve the lives of 5 people in your life?

22. What do you need to ask of others to help you on your path to success and happiness?

23. Are you drinking too much? eating too much? gambling too often? What can you do to change addictive and destructive behaviors in your life?

24. When will you allow yourself to be free?

25. What does personal freedom mean to you?

26. What is your favorite color and why do you identify with this color?

27. Who do you need to be a part of your life who is not a part of it? and Why do you need them?

28. How can you gain the friendships of people you need to be in your life to support your goals and ambitions?

29. How can you make the people near you more happy?

30. How can you avoid the same conflicts you've been having with a boss, neighbor, co-worker or group member?

31. What can you do to be a better person concerning the environment and social justice?

32. Can you do anything to feel better about work?

33. How are you currently planning happy occasions for your life and how can you improve this planning process?

34. How do your parents, children, girlfriend/boyfriend enrich your life and how can you best relate that news to them?

35. How do you enrich their lives and what will you do to increase those moments?

36. What can you share with those less fortunate than you?

37. Why are you being greedy or selfish with some things you do not share? How can you change this area?

38. What will help you understand that things are not permanent and that pain is the result of our desire to maintain the status quo? and, How can you prepare to accept change better?

39. Imagine a very peaceful time in your life, what were you doing?

40. How did you imagine life being when you were a child and how is that different today?

41. What can you do to incorporate those childhood dreams into your life today?

42. Are you being open and honest with your lover and best friend? How can you be more so?

43. What can you do to improve intimacy in your life?

44. When will you ask that important woman/man out on a date? What is keeping you from it?

45. How will you make your next date really special?

46. How can you best deal with the problem of physical or emotional pain in your life? What needs to change (be specific)?

47. When was the last time you allowed yourself to really cut-up and be ridiculous? What's keeping you?

48. List ten activities that have made you really happy?
Dancing? Drawing? Going to the Beach? Skydiving?

49. How can you cut down the too costly things you do?

50. Budget for the next week, month, year.

51. How will you let yourself go?

52. Name ten ways to relax that you've never done or not explored in a long time.

53. How can you optimize your time at work?

54. What will allow you to ask your boss for the things you've needed for a long time, but are afraid to ask for or simply haven't considered?

55. Are you kissing up to the boss too much and not developing true good work relationships with your peers? How can that change?

56. How have you been unfair to those you supervise? How will you change that?

57. Allow yourself to think about the way your body feels - now, what can you do to improve the way it feels?

58. What new activities could you enjoy if you allowed yourself?

59. Why won't you let yourself do that major thing that is keeping you from getting what you want?

60. What steps might you need to take to change that (59)?

61. How can you have a better sense of humor and what can you do to develop it?

62. How can you be less frivolous with your time and effort?

63. What changes can be made in your diet to improve your life and health? What will make you change them?

64. What exercise, regimine and schedule can you do (or change) to improve life?

65. How are you challenging yourself intellectually? What changes could be made there?

66. Are you an artistic person? How can you better incorporate the arts into your life on a daily or weekly basis?

67. What will help you confront the fears that keep you from doing what you wish?

68. How can you make more money, more simply?

69. How can you appreciate the little things in life more so?

70. What have you not done that you've always wanted to do? Wanted to go? How can you make these things happen?

71. What rules of your own are you violating? How can you conform to these rules/morals/ethics or should your morals and ethics change to better suit your lifestyle and why?

72. Visualize yourself being kind - what were you doing? What will you do to be a better person to others?

73. Record your 10 best and most frequent fantasies about/in life? How can you realize these dreams?

74. When you are a better person, what will that mean to you? and the people you are with? want to be with?

75. Do you have a prayer or meditation life? How can you make these parts of your life more meaningful or significant?

76. How can you rearrange your daily activities to make your life more functional and rewarding? or less frustrating?

77. If you had a new tattoo what would it be of? Why is this symbol or character important to you?

78. What do you appreciate in some people who are different than you?

79. Can you be more like them (78)? If so, how?

80. Where can you place yourself (physically, spiritually) in your society, community that will gain you more love and appreciation?

81. What parts of your life are you not attending to? What do you need to get there?

82. What is your favorite book, painting, opera, ballet, rock music? Why is it so important to you?

83. What are some inexpensive ways to get your needs met? or meet your "happy" requirement for the day? List ten.

this is only my opinion, but it is from years of writing myself, and of lots of thoughtful criticism from many gifted writers and editors: start the story every day - a new thought, a new path and write every day. just write a couple of paragraphs and set out to do it for one month. love the story and sleep with it, take showers with it in your mind. it's your new hobby. don't censor your thoughts too much while in your creative stages, that comes during editing.

don't really edit seriously until you are finished - spell check maybe, but the rest leave alone. give yourself the month to be creative and take the next month, an hour a day perhaps, fine-tuning what you have written. take the story to workshops, they'll help you over the fine points. and you need outside criticism. give it to your friends to read and give you feedback.

cut it down, add some, but perfect the language and the organization of the story during this second month. don't censor your thoughts too much while in your creative stages, that comes during editing. when you're done, in sixty days, you'll have something that tells something about you, even though it is fiction. you can analyze it and yourself. take a look at where your path in life has brought you. examine what this story means to you and what it might mean to someone else. then start again. you've become an author.

California Governor: Democrat, Phil Angelides (endorsements of environmental, unions, human and civil rights groups) long term service in government. recognized for his honesty and integrity.

if i had a second choice: Peter Miguel Camejo (Green candidate - environmentalist, activist)
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US Senate: Dianne Feinstein, why? she's the best senator in the business - while i've heard criticisms about her lack of passion for the anti-war movement, i'm not sold. i think she's still one of the most articulate liberals in the senate. However, there are a number of challengers, who will not win against this powerhouse, but the green party and peace and freedom party both offer alternatives i consider seductive, if i change my vote, it's because i feel so passionate about the issues - but i think while feinstein may not have been as good in the past few years as we wish, she's still the best we've got.
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Lt. Gov: Democrat, John Garamendi, current insurance commissioner, state of california
..............................
Secretary of State: Democrat, Debra Bowen
when Debra Ortiz lost in the primary, this left only one candidate to vote for (in my opinion).
......................................................
Attorney General: Democrat, Jerry Brown (go rebel go) if there's someone who is going to be nearly as good as nyc's eliot spitzer as top cop of this state, well, here he is.

incidentally, i voted for Rocky Delgadillo in the primary (LA's DA) even still, jerry is a legend in his own time.
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Insurance Commissioner: Cruz Bustamante ( i just like to say "Cruz Bustamante", Democrat)
..............................................

there are a number of other candidates i appreciate, they are in the Peace and Freedom party (including John Reiger from Sacramento, running against Doris Matsui - this is a toss up in my opinion, they're both good candidates.

(Reiger is a little more serious about getting the US out of the war, supports gay rights tremendously and is otherwise a good man. - so who knows)

State Senator: are you kidding? Darrell Steinberg is, hands-down, the best candidate in the business. he cares about everything and everyone, including mental illness, which he has been at the forefront of in advocacy for many years. he's my man, he should be your's too!

State Assembly: Dave Jones; also a tremendous asset to our community and state - this guy is the real deal, he's always there, working, defending the little guy, spearheading legislation that matters (not meaningless garbage) and sometimes not taking the most popular position on issues, but always the right position.

Propositions:

1A - 1E: i'm voting in favor of all (#1) these propositions, why? they mean bond (or maybe other) money for transportation,highway safety, housing, emergency shelter, kindergarten, university, public education, disaster preparedness, flood prevention (1E for sacramantans). all of these issues are critical for californians.

prop 83: not absolutely certain yet - but probably in favor, i'm very interested in prosecuting and keeping criminals who harm children under a watchful eye, however, i'm not absolutely certain this bill does just that. i'll probably vote YES though. NOTE -- this is the proposition that intends to protect children by gps monitoring, more punishment, restrictions on residence locations, etc. the opposition to this prop has pointed out some very valid concerns. as i said, leaning in favor, but concerned about some issues that may favor the criminals, not the system.

prop 84: water quality, safety, flood control, etc: YES

prop85: parental notification: NO, this would confuse, mess-up, cause extreme problems for teenagers in trouble. more on this later....

prop 86: tax on cigarettes. YES. decrease the use of all drugs - including nicotene and reduces health care costs to the system.

prop 87 YES, alternative energy research, tax on oil producers: california is way behind in the area of taxation on oil producers. it's fair to take a share and do something valuable with those funds.

prop 88: YES, education funds, real property tax: K-12 funding from $50 tax on each real property parcel exempts certain classes from tax.

prop 89: YES, political campaigns, public financing, levels the playing field for candidates.

prop 90: NO, government acquistion regulation of private property. bars state local govs from condeming property to promote other private projects, uses. this is about eminent domain, as far as i can figure, but i don't know anybody who likes it!

MEASURES Q AND R: now, even the maloofs are opposed, they were in favor. ok, i have to be honest, i like ARCO arena - i think it needs some improvements, but i think the best thing to do is to renovate what exists. i don't think the maloofs are content with that. but i'm a big sports fan, a big rock and roll fan, and i can't see paying a gizillion dollars to create something new, knock down something old and start over. now, if it happens that ARCO comes down - ok, but do, as they plan, build in in the old railyard, rotten space as it is - and DO build in more flood control for the area in the existing ARCO space - the reason? sacramento is in huge trouble if it doesn't attend to the flood problems - it could face an extraordinarily bad situation, not far different from the one experienced in new orleans during the katrina hurricane disaster.

Leaving the Apple (or Dix Huit)

I left the apple farm on a dreary and foggy day. I loaded my pack and said goodbye to my boss with a nod. My duffle was full of gear that I'd accumulated over the years. I didn't have enough money to be leaving and I didn't have a clue where I was going.

I look back and think of my successes on the farm more than my failures. I don't resent the boss for being greedy -- I just learned from her and that's all that is important today.

When I see an apple at the market, it is more than a number to me now. It is either full and rich, soft, with abundant taste or without. I think about the picker. Did he get enjoyment from the act or was he arthritic and resentful of his occupation?

Ms. Pierre had led me down the wrong path. I'd become a person I didn't want to be, in many ways. Although I had money for a while, it was squandered. But that was my past and I came to a place I was trying to form a new future.

.................

Terri was playing chess with Andie. One piece moved and then another. There would be a pause, some humming, and then, finally another piece moved. I couldn't stand watching. I can't stand still, much less see my wife lose. So I gave her a kiss on the cheek and crept over to the fridge where there was some juice and a boule of bread. I pinched off a quarter of the loaf and gulped down the rest of the juice in the container. That's all there was in the refrigerator. So I was out the door to the store and slammed car door behind me too. I drove down to the end of our drive, the dusty gravel having kicked up behind me and then the car ran out of gas.

Things had changed dramatically since our days on the apple farm.
.................................

I walked down the road, got gas and spent the rest of the afternoon driving. I didn't know where I was going. The machine felt good in my hands - the throttle a friend to my foot. There was no traffic - just a winding road, falling leaves behind me. The thought of Mitchell's pharmaceuticals kept coming back to me. What did he have them for?

I'd known Mitchell for twenty years now, but he never struck me as the type that would become a pharmacist - a doctor, maybe - he had that caring way about him. But being stuck behind a counter with no one to attend to just didn't seem like him. Mitchell's wife, in fact, was a doctor. I was assigned to her.

We are embarrassed when we don't want someone to know who we really are. It's that sudden recognition that we are not alone in this world - that others will truly become a part of our lives. When I began to share. my embarrassment began to disappear. Giving was forgiving. Destructive dependance and an unhealthy amount of independence became a sense of belonging and community for me. I was at the height of my game then.

My internship was in Battleboro and there were no women there. I was a very lucky student.