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GXAOUI

offline 114 friends
43 photos in album
joined on 09/18/03
last updated 02/25/08
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My Friends

**El...
**Elecktra**
online 628
bryan
bryan
online 209
SJ
SJ
online 179
bellboy
bellboy
online 116
da BoMb
da BoMb
online 203
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My Testimonials

T. L.
T. L.
offline 41
March 2, 2008
GXAOUI: he is one of the most giving, loving and compassionate people that I know. Everything he does and says comes from the heart. When I feel like I've come undone, he brings me back again with words of wisdom and support. He believes in me in times when I lack the faith or courage to believe in myself, and he reminds me that it's destine for me to love myself for who I am. One true friend, not to mention many other endearing qualities that I have discovered about him. I am truly blessed to have G. Xaoui in my life and grateful to have my soul touched so deeply, my life enhanced and my spirit soaring to all new levels of consciousness. My life, forever changed for all that he has done to inspire me and help me to move through life's challenges. I shall always be thankful for the memories and experiences we have shared together........and look forward to sharing many more with a friend I admire so much.....TLC
harriet
harriet
offline 8
March 3, 2007
he makes me so happy
Tracy
Tracy
offline 112
January 2, 2006
All that and brains too. Seriously. The guy's built like a brick shithouse.
Unsu...
 
December 1, 2005
GXAOUI is a true friend. I recently experienced a three-month, serious depression, and GXAOUI was there through it all. He insisted on seeing me when I was at my bleakest, and no fun to be around. He handled my frequent silences gracefully. He did everything he could to cheer up an uncheerable person. His efforts made a huge difference to me during my depression. If you have a chance to be friends with GXAOUI you should definitely take it. He also makes an excellent ex-boyfriend but I've said enough for one testimonial : )
Kevin:
Kevin:
offline 73
March 7, 2005
Gxaoui once gave me a peak inside his head. Took me three days to come back. He sees stuff other people don't see. He goes there to play with his imagination. I barely made it out alive. The world needs great explorers like Gxaoui. To lead and project. To stand tall and fuzzy. To make life interesting in the face of mediocrity.
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My Profile

Age
41
about me
The bad boy on the motorcycle, and the nice guy that will finish last.
I am creative with my mind, and hands.
Communication is important to me, I listen,understand, and express.
As an artist, I work with reused/found materials
to create; live performance, sculpture, and unconventional events.
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Llama Feed

Columbus bound
 
So I had a meeting with the super GI Dr. after reviewing my case and history he feels I have stress related to infant abandonment syndrome (I was premature and put in an incubator for the first week.) This apparently makes me more likely to be effected by stress. 
When my stomach issues started I was working for a county program called Re:Art, it was a great job, but it was to be shut down and I was not allowed to tell anyone about it for more than a year. This meant I had to lie to my friends and members as to how work was going, or the condition of the program. At the same time my longtime residence and studio was sold and the conditions changed with the new owners leading to my eventual moving out. During this time I was preparing to become mobile, condensing my belongings and getting rid of possessions, furniture and art. It was a very stressful time in my life, but I was also eating a lot of soy and other veggie proteins. I just wrote my stomach issues off as gas from my funky diet. Apparently I was wrong, now I find myself in a vicious cycle of not eating, not having the energy to work, so I cannot afford food and so on. 
 I am going to Columbus for a while, to regain my strength and health. Staying with my parents, working some with my father doing handy-man stuff. Eat, sleep, do some yoga, work on my opera and rest. And hang out with friends in that area. The plan is to return early next week, and stay for a month or so. 
Sorry for the short notice, but a good travel opportunity has presented its self. I should be in Denver this weekend, if anyone around there is free.
I was able to replace the engine and gearbox on my motorcycle. The carburetors need to be rebuilt, but otherwise it seems like a motorcycle again. That pleases me, I was able to replace it (this is the bikes 4th powerplant in 8 years)and get it running, it was having issues with that carb before, but since the transmission was going I forgot. I wont be able to ride for a while, but that’s ok, it will still be here when I return.  So will the rest of my stuff, and life, I just need to get back on my feet so I can make some art happen!
Tue, February 19, 2008 - 3:23 PM permalink
No energy
 
I have not posted because not much has changed for me recently, and I would like to use this journal for something other than bitching, and bragging but it’s just to much effort to write about anything…
I cannot keep up right now; normal activities are getting to be to wearing. I am getting a better handle on my meds, and diet, but I still have pain, not as much in some ways more in others. My system generally is not extracting enough energy and nutrients from what I consume. Eating more does not necessarily help since I cannot afford to eat that much or take the pills that I need to digest it. (The enzyme replacement pills are $1.25 per and @ 2-3 per meal, it becomes an interesting balance.)  My motivation to eat at all is lessoned by the pain associated with digestion, the more I eat more likely I will have pain. So I end up not eating, and have no energy. At least I still have a hunger reflex, lost that for some time last spring got really skinny, it sucked. Fortunately it came back, I am doing my best not to go down that road again.
I have had to refocus my priorities, and concentrate on my health and finical issues, as I just do not have the energy for relationships. Things that seemed so easy and normal wear me out. I have to depend on manic episodes to get any thing major accomplished.
An 8-hour workday exhausts me, extended periods of exercise leave me depleted. In addition lately I do not have the wherewithal to control my addictive behavior and have fallen back into bad habits. Nothing terrible, but very unproductive and overall not benefiting me or the people I care about. The self induced celibacy, sucks but hopefully will give me the energy and opportunity to heal. 
I need to do so many things right now and wish I had the strength for all of them.
The truck seems ok for the moment, I finally have all the parts I need to finish the engine swap on my motorcycle, back and current taxes need done, BM grants need rewritten, research need to be done on presenting my machine opera, and next week I will see a GI specialist at UCSF. I hope they can offer up some treatment plan as I cannot keep living this way much longer. 
More when I have something positive to say. I hope that will be soon…
 
 
 
Fri, February 1, 2008 - 8:03 AM permalink
Life is to short to just complain but…
 
After many Dr. appointment, tests, and research, they (My medical team) have decided that I need supplements for my Pancreas, the enzymes that help me possess fat are not being produced in significant amounts. They do not know why this is, nothing seems wrong with that organ except that some of the ducts are to small.
So they give me a prescription for the medication, and tell me that it’s no big deal.
I start looking for it, and no one carries it, ( I called 29 places before I found it) in fact most of the people I talk to at the pharmacies act like I am trying to get free pain meds off them or something. They ask leading questions in a accusing fashion. I am just wondering if you carry this supplement, it’s not a pain drug, in fact if you used it recreationally it would just make you fat and constipated. So when I do finally find a place that has it I am shocked at the cost, $225 for 200. Now I do not have insurance, or anything to help this but it is compounded by having to take 9 pills a day! I now have a $10 per day drug regime, and no idea how long I will have to be on this stuff. I can not afford this, nor can I afford not to take it as I am not getting any nutrition from any food I eat with fat in it.  
People keep telling me to go see ‘Sicko’, I am living it, I know how bad it is, I do not need to experience others troubles it will just depress, and piss me off more.
 
Ok, some good news.
Cheese and Pants theater preformed at a David Lynch tribute the other night. We did a scene from ‘Eraserhead’ and one from ‘Blue Velvet’ (PBR God-Dam-It!) along with the Dead Nigger in the Garage from ‘Pulp Fiction’ just for fun. They went over very well, and it was fun to get back into the costumes and on stage again, even if the audience was very small. We need the practice for the upcoming Beckett festival performance Dec. 1st in Las Vegas. 
Otherwise, I have been working on transferring parts from the dead engine/tranny to the replacement one for my motorcycle in preparation to install it. I have been working on this for a while, it has been slow going since I do not have the $ to buy some of the parts I need, and I have just been to sick and depressed to put much energy into it. Fortunately I can just leave it midway through parked in my ‘living room’. Yes my trailer has had a motorcycle sitting in the middle of it for months now, its not like I really use that space for anything like entertaining or other normal living/dining room experiences.
 
This week I plan to get my resume updated and start thinking about what kind of ‘real Job’ I want to commit to. I need to make some $ and pay my debts….
Mon, November 19, 2007 - 1:08 PM permalink
Update/bitch session
 
In the past few years I have been having issues with my digestive system, the Dr’s are unable to find out what is causing them and I have undergone allot of testing. Earlier this year I had a CT scan, during it they found stones in my Kidneys and a lump in my liver. (And nothing that would create my other issues)
So when I started peeing blood a week ago Thursday I knew something was coming, but little did I know the pain that was in store for me. I have had pain and uncomfortable ness in my abdomen for years now, I hardly notice it other than the occasional worse morning. So when the discomfort in my Bladder started I hardly noticed it, then the pain moved much higher into my right kidney and became intense. The week before I had an Endoscopies with ultra-sound to examine my pancreas and other organs that area. I think this loosed up my stones and set this into motion. Any how, Friday morning I get a call that the show Gomi Style or Masters Of Junk has been canceled by the network and the premier of Green Planet pushed back until June? Great, we were scheduled to start shooting the next week and several weeks of work have already been done to prepare for this. At least ‘we’ still own the show and have a very nice package to present to some other network. 
Saturday morning I get up to move some one off CL and am in a lot of pain, I push through and get her moved just before the pain gets debilitating, I am gifted Codeine cough syrup and that takes the edge off for the evening.  By Monday I am in mild pain again but not as bad, and I am able to do some work around the Catwalk to pay some of back my rent.
Halloween I am to finish moving the same CL person and I once again am in pain passing a stone, but I am able to get the job done before crashing at H2Oboy’s place.
As I am writhing around the darken living room floor I can hear Trick-or-Treaters knocking, I wonder if they could appreciate the true horror of what I am enduring on the other side of the door. Much scarier than zombies or monsters, real agonizing pain, pointless torture, a grown man crying… The cough syrup is not doing it, I have access to nothing stronger and cannot afford a prescription for pain killers even if I could get one.
Friday I am once again in pain, still having to deal with out meds, I am fortunate to be given a Vicodin, at the ‘wrap party’ (more like a commiseration/bitch session for the crew of the show.) and it takes the edge off. Later I go to a second party and feel rather dissed by someone I like, not even a hello. I just wanted to catch up and return a tool left at my place long ago. Why is it so hard for people to play like adults?
I get home late, and cannot sleep, my head is thick with uncontrolled fast thoughts, making focused work impossible but not allowing for sleep.
I finally crawl into bed, and rest for a few hours only to wake up with quickly building sinus pressure. Migraine lasted until early Sunday morning. It was one of the worst I can remember, first in 10 months. More pain, this time in the head, completely debilitating and causing me to vomit uncontrollably for most of the day. Sunday I was able to rest some and get a little work in. 
This has left me feeling very broken and like a walking time-bomb of pain. I cannot take much more of this, hopefully the stones are over for now, I plan to see my DR next week about my stomach issues and possibly he will have the report from the CT with how many stones and where they were. 
Right now I feel ok, got my appetite back, and am looking forward to going down to LA for the AFI DigiFest. Sparky is on the bill for Thursday with Marque giving a presentation and showing his Telecommunication Robot, along with the usual crowd interaction. I also hope to see some other friends while down there. 

Then this weekend I am to help SRL unload the container from Robodock. 

Mon, November 5, 2007 - 11:50 PM permalink
Comparison of events

So I was looking around in the archives of my Live Journal and found a comparison I had made between Coachella 05 and Burning Man 04. I shell now try to duplicate that between the events I attended this summer.

I should also say that I did not pay for a ticket for any of the events, several were free, a ticket was gifted, and some worked for.

 

Scorched Nuts 6/16/07 private campground near Dayton Oh, regional Burning Man event 1st year Midwest woods, and fields.

 

Community Festival  6/23/07 Gooddale park in Columbus Oh, NFP, Volunteer run, LNT, Non sponsored, no advertising, community driven, grew from backyard party to block party to 40 acre park event, 5 stages of rock and blues some art over a weekend in a park downtown. 25year grass park with paved trails and big trees

 

4th of July on the playa, 7/4/07 Black rock playa Federal land, Nv, loosely organized in the same area as BM. No idea how long. 4000’ dry lakebed, hot springs nearby.

 

Fire Arts Fest, 7/14/07, Oakland Ca, The Crucibles event, in a parking lot near the Crucible, some volunteer staff, and performers. 3 year

 

Burning Man 8/1/07 Black rock playa Federal land, Nv, LLC run volunteer labor, Fire Art festival,  18 years 4000’ dry lakebed

 

Robodock 9/22/07 Noord Wharfs Amsterdam, NL, Fire Machine festival for profit event, some volunteer, some paid artists, 10 years??, Inside huge ship fabricating building, and outside on the wharfs.  Rainy and cool.

 

Event                SN                   CF                   4JP                  FAF                 BM                  RD

Duration Days  3                      3                      up to 16           4                      7                      4

My days there  3                      2                      5                      3                      5                      7

Tickets             Y                     Free                 Free                 Y                     Y                     Y

Attendees         350                  4500                1000?              1300?              4800                1400

Environment     Woods             Park                 Desert              City                  Desert              Warf

Altitude            sea level           sea level           4000’               sea level           4000’               sea level

Surface Grass               Grass               Playa                Concrete          Playa    Cobblestone/Concrete 

High winds       N                     N                     Y                     N                     Y                     Y

Dust storms      N                     N                     Y                     N                     Y                     N

Humidity           High                 High                 Very Low         Medium            Very Low         High

Rain                 N                     Y                     N                     N                     N                     Y

Day temp         85f                   90f                   100f                 80f                   110f                 68f

Night temp       70f                   70f                   60f                   60F                  65f                   45f

Cell coverage   Y                     Y                     N                     Y                     N                     Not for me

Wi-Fi               N                     N                     N                     N                     Y                     Y

Food Sold        N                     Y                     N                     Y                     N                     Y

Vending            N                     Y                     N                     Y                     N                     Y        

Advertising       N                     N                     N                     N                     N                     N

Funded art        N                     N                     N                     Y                     Y                     Y

Big sculpture artN                     N                     N                     Y                     Y                     Y

Fire sculpture    N                     N                     N                     Y                     Y                     Y

Interactive art   Y                     N                     N                     Y                     Y                     Y

Performance artY                     Y                     N                     Y                     Y                     Y        

Live music        Y                     Y                     N                     Y                     Y                     Y

DJ music          Y                     N                     Y                     Y                     Y                     Y

Drum circles     Y                     Y                     N                     N                     Y                     N

Event                SN                   CF                   4JP                  FAF                 BM                  RD

Law enforcementN                   Y                     N                     Y                     Y                     N

Security            volunteer          volunteer          None                private              volunteer          private

Leave no trace  Y                    Y                     N                     N                     Y                     N

AccommodationTrailer Offsite              Offsite              Offsite              Trailer              Trailer

Attendee campingY                  N                     Y                     N                     Y                     N

Domes             Y                     N                     Y                     N                     Y                     N

R/Vs                Some               N                     Some               N                     Lots                 N

Toilets              Y                     Y                     N                     Y                     Y                     Y

Showers           Y                     N                     N                     N                     N                     Y

Average age     25                    30                    ?                      ?                      30                    30

Mutant VehiclesN                     N                     Y                     Y                     Y                     Y

Bicycles            N                     N                     N                     N                     Y                     N

Dance area       Y                     Y                     N                     N                     Y                     Y

Nudity              Y                     Topless            Y                     N                     Y                     N

ShirtCockers    Y                     N                     Y                     N                     Y                     N

Drugs/Alcohol  Y                     21+                  Y                     21+                  Y                     Y

Drugs/Pot         Y                     Y                     Y                     N                     Y                     Y

Drugs/other      Y                     N                     Y                     N                     Y                     N

Public sex         N                     N                     N                     N                     Y                     N

Fire spinning     Y                     N                     Y                     Y                     Y                     Y

Handicap accessibleN              Y                     N                     Y                     Y                     N

Parking            Y                     N                     Y                     N                     Y                     N

Indoor areas     N                     N                     N                     N                     N                     Y

Stilt Walkers     Y                     N                     N                     Y                     Y                     Y

Costumes         Y                     N                     Y                     N                     Y                     N

Obnoxicators    1                      0                      0                      0                      2                      0

Event                SN                   CF                   4JP                  FAF                 BM                  RD

 

 

 
Mon, October 1, 2007 - 1:53 AM permalink
originally published at GXAOUI
 
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