... another thought.

If it were that you were trying to find a place to screw, and if it were that the person you were trying to screw you couldnt keep your hands off of but there were indeed some notion that this person perhaps was meant to be loved and not just fucked, and the only immediate place there was to screw were a bathroom, disgusting and distastful, but avaliable, and you open to the stall to find a man in a suite pissing blue liquid over a dead body on the tile floor one might come to wonder this:
Did the universe save the union of you two by removing all possibilities of fucking at the time, which is good cause really these persons should be making love and somewhere comfortable and perfect,
Or did the universe fuck everything up by introducing a man in a suite pissing blue over a dead body?

Is the glass half full, or half empty?

This was the quandry and question I came to wonder this morning after waking up from a very unusual dream, very detailed, of a camping trip and a lover I havent seen in almost a year.

Now the truth of the matter is that seeing the man in a suite pissing blue over a dead body on tile floor did not fuck anything up as it brought forth honest conversation between the two us, in this dream, after removing ourselves from the bathroom and anything to do with the man in the suite.
The interesting problem in all of this, of course, is not the need to fuck, or the man in the suite, or the dead body, but the fact that this awesomely honest conversation I had in a dream, that I need to have in reality, happened in a dream.
What a conundrum my brain cavity is.

Ive been working and working and partying and working. Ive been trying to gain normal person stability with normal people. Ive been trying to decide on roads and directions and saving money. I had lasik done and now I see. Im suddenly very aware of the present reality. Im suddenly aware of growing up and trends and repeats and notions of communication. I do know what to do. I do know how to do it. I am doing it. And it does include a rubber hammer and fish bowl. maybe a tullip too.
If one makes a carreer on partying and that industry, if one makes a carreer on making food and that industry, then does one vacation when they work, or does one need to leave said work to have the vacation?
What a novelty... enjoying what you do.

MMmmmm... tacos.
Do friends just happen, or do friends try and make friends happen?
Inquiring minds want to know. O,o

To note I hold the uttmost respect for marriage. To also note I did write this being polyamorous though i am not in term polgamous.



Marriage is one of the greatest leaps of faith which exists in today’s society. In the past marriage was a business arrangement based on procreation. Sell your daughter for a goat kind of business. Today the idea of marrying for love has become a constant regularity. I was raised in the generation of divorced parents. Every kid in my school had parents slip. You were the odd ball out if your parents were still together and happy. Much unlike my parents generation where you were the shit stain if your parents were divorced. First on the block kinda deal. Thankyou WWII.
On the constant of marriage the vast and various reasons folks marry may or may not have anything to do with love. Convenience of the tax cut is often enough, especially with a bun in the oven. For those who do marry for love, who mean it and do it kosher style how does one attack the idea and or fact of ‘cheating’?
Cheating by general definition is breaking the rules. That’s to say the relationship at hand has rules that have been stated. Most relationships don’t have rules, or they do but the rules are unstated and assumed. To assume makes an ass out of you and me. Honesty takes sleeping with someone outside your partner and cuts cheating to shreds. To be honest, to state honestly how and why and when and for what reasons makes one human. Humanity can not be battled as we who are speaking this conversation are human. No ties of love can break humanity. Being honest about it grows the fact that you are human living this life this once, new at it just like the rest of us. If the love is true generally honesty will be understood. We all make mistakes. We all fuck up, and or we sometimes choose the moment cause that moment, it couldn’t, absolutely couldn’t be ignored. The people met in life, sometimes they are too amazing to forget or ignore. Sometimes the smell of them, the attraction, it burns deeper then the balls. It burns in the heart of life, same place your love for you married companion burns. They both exist in heart. One does not over ride the other. They’re simply different flavors, different people with different and amazing thoughts and experiences.
I speak now specifically on honest unions. I’m not speaking of mo fuckin cheaters. I’m not speaking of womanizers or gold diggers or rich married Barbie’s fuckin the gardener or traveling philanthropists. I’m talking the average joe who loves their husband or wife, means them no harm and with no intention to ever be else where but their arms, and yet finds them selves that one day living a dream which never actually seemed this road. Finding your companion, as that’s truly what marriage for love means, doesn’t mean you cease to be the person you are. Those dreams, those growing’s, they’re still apart of you. What do you do when you find your mate and some short time later find your dream or even a dream? Or even a dream of many? Do you deign your dreams for your mate and do yourself and the moment the injustice? Do you suffer your mate to live out that dream for the worth of its very existence despite the pain it will cause?
Most marriages doesn’t discuss this possibility. People want to believe that once married that’s all they’ll ever need. Maybe it is… but more likely then not it’s not about need, it’s about the moment and the incredibility of its existence. It’s not that my generation of broken families were really all so broken. It’s not that those parents didn’t love each other. It’s that they didn’t know how to have this conversation. They didn’t even know they could. Then they’d be swingers and that would be heart breaking and unusual. Fuck the day you sleep with anyone else other then me. Your life before me should have taught you, fuck you for putting me in second place too your dreams, wants, desires, especially for something so inconstant as the moment. Honest love never deigns the person that you love. Honest love never requires them to be anything but who and what they are. Honest love remembers that they were a single individual before you, that you are an accrutremont of the utmost importance. Honesty abides that their worth to you is indeed greater then the moment which just occurred, but denial to ones self about ones desires leads only to self cursing, which in the longer generally fucks a relationship up more then anything else. Lies lead only to heart break. Period.
In such course, what then is the conversation to be had? Yea hi, I love you but I need to fuck other people? NO. That’s looking a gift horse in the mouth.
Dear, I’m sorry but this occurred with this person and you at that moment weren’t the first thing in or on my mind. Possibly.
Will they hurt from this information? Yes. Will you? Yes. What matters next is where this conversation leads too. The inevitable: were you safe? Yay or nae. Nae makes things more difficult but that’s a natural period whether in a relationship or no. Yay then leads to the next two great questions. Are you in love with that other, and will you do this again with others? The in love question answered positively leads to mass variety of other subject matter that doesn’t have much to do with this conversation here. The I love them but not in love with them is the hopeful response for then you didn’t give up the goods to fuckass… certainly preferred to some level almost always. At least then some level of intimacy is in hand and on argument basis, better to give away goods for some level of love then no love at all. Answered no leaves one indifferent and generally agitated. Again usually leads to other subject matter in the same area as in love. Following then: will this be a regular occurrence? This is always touchy subject matter as now that its happened once the possibility and even permission has already been laid and you both know it. Trust broken. Answering no is almost a lie. You can not say what the days will bring, evident by this occurrence at present. Answering yes too is difficult as that says a lot about how you feel about your married mate. I don’t know is a great answer. Followed hopefully by I don’t really want too. Now you have a decent conversation and that is, if it does happen again how do we feel about it, how much do we want to know, what are the rules for it and if we do set the I don’t want to know factor when does the have to know come in?
Companionship is about walking the world together. It’s not about stopping each other or holding each other back from life’s experiences. You may not be the only love in your companions life. Accepting this can be difficult but if companionship is really what you’re asking of this person then it is something that will have to be dealt with. Far away or right next door (though that sux) it needs to be discussed. We can sleep with other people so long as both of us are there is the most classic. It’s found in the regular. See more on The Trifect for insight on that subject. We can sleep with other people so long as we tell each other right off the bat and honestly. Best policy. Two sided, as good as it is bad, only creates buffering distances if you let it. Doesn’t have too. Doesn’t give permission either and is always a pain in the ass, especially if one partner does it more frequently then the other. But that’s people. Some people just need variety. Some people don’t. That too needs to be discussed. Comparisons are always a bad idea. Never ever compare if capable. Its inevitable, but silence the subject as quickly as possible. Same same but different. Always be kind and loving in silencing comparisons.
Remaining friends with those you’ve slept with outside your marriage is difficult. For this reason many end up in threesomes with that other person just so everyone feels at level. The truth of this matter is that the third wheel is a dependable factor. Sometimes their chill. Sometimes their not. Sometimes they’ll be helpful and sometimes they rain ruin and destruction down on you. Sometimes they’ll stay, sometimes they’ll peace out. There isn’t a good way to judge this of a person and experience is the only way to discover. To have one good third wheel doesn’t mean all third wheels will work the same. Boils back down to honesty, though hopefully if you, the married, are and have been honest the whole way through the third wheel here is also such. Even better if they have some knowledge of damage control, realizing that where it isn’t their marriage they still participated in manifesting this situation and have some reasonability towards it, minor though it is. Mostly good to be present and accept the repercussions as they occur, neither with adamancy, nor with standoffishness. You don’t want to press the drama of the thing, nor react too strongly. Rather to be patient, understand the pain of the thing and be a compassionate friend in recognizing the process at hand. One day you may go through the same. This is of course to say that everyone’s not crazy bipolar and this is a proper in love marriage with love friendship on the side of the third wheel. Don’t, do not try and excuse past occurrences by sleeping with the other and not speaking of the original incident. Fucking the husband and then fucking the wife does not mean its ok that you fucked the husband first and didn’t tell the wife.
The greatest conversation that will be had and brought by this instance is what was so lacking in me that you would want to sleep with them instead of me?
The truth of the matter is that it wasn’t about you.
It wasn’t about me either.
It was about that moment, and living anywhere else but that moment with that one person would have been a lie to the only thing viably true in life and that is the present. It’s the only thing which exists without an argument or doubt. Often the me will agree that if you had been there it would have been wonderful to include you. You weren’t, and that moment couldn’t wait till tomorrow. Doesn’t mean there’s anything lacking or that my love has changed for you. Just means it wasn’t about you, and in that a part of it probably occurred because I needed to remember that I am me. We are companions, walking this road together. That does not mean that I am you and you are me. That me means I and me and you are you and that’s wonderful, but the moment I forget what being me is because I’m spending so much time with you and thus feel like you I want to do something, anything to remember what being me is.
Greatest challenge in relationships period is both individuals remaining individuals and not becoming one mixed up person in two bodies. It is the greatest frustration and often the driving force in break ups. Also the driving force in cheating. Most wont even know that their actions are an internal attempt to remind ones self that one is ones self. They’ll bring up a thousand other excuses before they’ll admit that the real issue is that this path, wonderful that it is with you by my side, it’s hard sometimes. Hard to not be free. I am me and was me before I met you and sometimes I just want to be me again. Sometimes the random people you meet in life remind you so much of who you really are, bring that person back out of you that you can’t help but love them for it. You can’t help but exist in it, even if the person in this companionship, this marriage, in your eyes, is so much better then the person you were before.
The first conversation on this subject is the hardest. Where to start and watching the initial heart break is the worst of experiences, though generally that only occurs if ‘cheating’ is the subject. The pain of this can be avoided if both partners state from the beginning their feelings on these subjects. If those lines are broken, honesty and humanity are the recourse, and still, that hurts a lot. Stay calm. Lots of holding. Don’t be too frantic and where sympathy is definite don’t let yourself be too steered by the passion of this moment so that the mind is clouded. Emotions can and will fly statements of honesty out of hand. You exist in it too with all of your confusion and insecurities, same as they.
The concept of freedom in a relationship is a hoped for ideal, as much as true love and soul mates. Remaining free without sleeping with the occasional random third wheel can be hard as a part of freedom states the ability to do without permission. Next comes the don’t I give you enough freedom? question. This is a next to impossible question to answer as the state of affairs pretty much deems the answer no. It’s important to recognize that the partners in this marriage are not at fault for this no. It’s not that the marriage and companionship restricts freedom. It’s not that enough freedom is not there. If communication and honesty exist in the relationship then freedom is entirely present. On that then, it is simply timing.
What hurts so entirely much about knowing your mate has slept with someone else? Generally it’s the idea that you had no place of input, that you had no say in the matter. It’s the shock that your mate would do something without your permission, thoughts, ideas. Comes back to humanity. People want to communicate. People don’t want to ask permission. That requirement acts as a leash and causes great contest between partners. Often it’s the fact that permission is so, standard, in a serious relationship that makes a partner rebel against it and sleep with a third wheel. Again, often entirely unconscious as both partners think their communicating which in evidence they aren’t as much as they need to be. Also generally an unspoken agreement people come to in marriage is that if I’ve bothered to marry you I’ve given you permission to hold me on a leash. This effect, though true of in love marriages is a feudal practice. Companionship can not work that way. It will fail as no one likes to be controlled, even if they’ve given permission to be.
That marriage has evolved yet to the state where marrying for love over rides marrying for economic gain is an incredible feat. The next place it needs to evolve is companionship and understanding. The removal of rash actions and reactions for the realization that in picking this person to marry you’ve decided that they’re worth walking these days with; with all their actions, all their consequences and all the patience in the world to sit through it with them and continue on to the next day as they do the same with you. Humans naturally fear being alone and humans naturally search out companions. By attempting to make an equilibrium of understanding of all the effects a human goes through one creates a greater chance to truly enjoy the entirety of one person as apposed to the perception and ideal of what one person should be. By looking at marriage with hope, honesty and understanding and removing the standard ideals set by society as to what should be the rules one grows with the marriage, the experiences, as they are, and moves to the possibility of a greater state of love and union.
This concept and conversation can make or break a relationship. It can scar it badly or it can bind it tighter. The key to remember is that both partners are individuals and humanity and love are what they’re offering each other. Patience, acceptance and honesty are what keep this union as both people grow with every experience, together and or separately.