Gratitude

Here is something I wrote for my newsletter recently. I hope you enjoy:

Gratitude, for me, has been one of the most difficult things to *truly* feel and experience. For most of my life, I didn't really think about it, but in recent years I've noticed that it's not just that I never thought of it before, but that I actually had a strong inner resistance to really letting go into gratitude - even for the things that I know are blessings in my life!

Over time, I've realized that the reason for this resistance is that there is no room for the ego in true gratitude - there is nothing that one can claim for him- or herself, because if you claim any credit for it, then you are just bragging. What's more, feeling a deep sense of gratitude is very humbling, intimate, and leaves you feeling vulnerable. It's an acknowledgment of the power of Grace, which strips you of any illusion that you are in control or that you (as ego) are the source of your own blessings.

And yet, the more you let go into the truth of those feelings of gratitude, the more your blessings increase! If you resist the gratitude, then you are also inherently resisting the blessing it's connected to, and so there will be little room for more blessings to come to you. If you are grateful for what you receive, however, then you are not only closing the cycle on a previous blessing, but you are also opening the door to a new one. So let gratitude swell within your heart, for even the smallest blessings in your life, and see what new blessings start to come your way!

Spiritual Awakening - What the Heck Is That?

I've just finished writing an essay on the topic of Awakening, and my experience of it. As something that I've created, it feels a lot like my "baby" and I want the whole world to see! I promise that it will be both interesting and entertaining. You can find it at www.healingforthesoul.com/spiri...ng.pdf

Let me know what you think, and enjoy! :)

Why I'm not a fan of "The Secret"

I do believe in the "Law of Attraction" - I have since I was a teenager - but I believe it all runs much deeper than "thinking good thoughts." For me, it isn't your thoughts that create your reality, it is your inner consciousness that creates your reality, INCLUDING your thoughts. Changing your inner consciousness is a long, arduous process and it can't be accomplished just by pretending that nothing unpleasant is going to happen. You have to look at, feel, and deal with your subconscious wounds or else they will remain wounds and affect your consciousness, your thoughts, and your outer reality.

When unpleasantness happens, you have to deal with it. Thinking good thoughts isn't going to be good enough in most cases, and it makes you come across as a flighty hippie more often than not.

Another way to look at the whole thing is to use "bad thoughts" as an opportunity to grow. Instead of seeing the bad thought as something to be squelched or avoided, simply see it for what it is - a reflection of your inner consciousness - and use that information to help heal your inner consciousness. For instance, if you think, "My boyfriend is such an idiot!" take a look at why you would put down someone you care about - or why you are with someone you really don't care about! Then work through those issues so that next time you have a stray thought about your boyfriend, it's a more positive one.

The biggest thing for me regarding manifesting and The Secret is how ego-driven it becomes. I see it as trying to turn God into a pet that can do tricks for the ego. It just doesn't work that way. The whole enterprise becomes a spiritualized version of trying to make the outer world satisfy your inner feelings of suffering and lack, rather than finding a way to actually deal with those feelings by coming to recognize that you ARE what you are seeking.

That's just my two cents...

P.S. I believe Puppetji says it better than anyone. www.youtube.com/watch

Pure Surrender

I had a painful yet enlightening experience today. A relationship in my life has changed in nature quite suddenly, and in a way that brought up feelings of frustration and loss. In meditating on where this suffering was coming from, I realized a lot of different things, one of which had to do with the egoic satisfaction I get out of having my life go the way that I wanted it to.

That felt great (sort of) - up until my life changed. Now that satisfaction has turned to suffering.

So I took a deep, hard look at the part of me that tries to get my life to look a certain way, and I could see that it was a completely empty way of living. All of this effort and heartache to get things to fit the story that I have about them - it seems so pointless and painful.

Of course, the thought in my head is, "But I don't know any other way to live! What would I do if not this?" Stop, I tell myself. Don't worry about the how's and whyfor's. Just look at and accept what you already know to be true, and then go from there.

That is where I am at right now. Something in me has let go of trying so hard, and now I'm in a no-man's-land, without a clue as to the next step, if there even is a next step. Maybe this is all there is - continuous unknowing, unending freefall. I think this is what they're talking about when the great mystics talk about surrendering yourself. I hope I am ready for it.

Adyashanti

I went to see Adyashanti yesterday, and for the first time I got to go up and talk to him (I've been going to see him for almost two years now). I didn't have a question or really anything to say, I just wanted to interact with him because that's when he really bridges Awakening directly to you. I had no idea just how powerful that can be!

So I go up and introduce myself. Then I tell him that I just want to interact with him. In a short pause that followed, I said that I do sometimes have questions, but then I know what his answer will be. He and everyone laughed, so to keep the joke going, I said, "It's actually really convenient - it's like I have a little Adya in my head!" At this point he got completely serious and said, "Throw him away. Throw away your little Adya. Don't hold onto any of my words. I'm just a doormat for you to walk through the door into Truth, which is that we are both the same."

As we was talking, he was pulling me right into the place of Awakening that he sits in, and it was fantastic. I was truly humbled by the depth of Truth that I felt in those moments.

For a few seconds we just looked into each other's eyes, and finally I said, "This is what I was looking for when I came up here. Thank you." And that was that.

Today, I can still feel that place that he pulled me into. I had expected it to come and then go relatively quickly, but I feel fundamentally changed by those few moments of interaction. So yes, I have always highly recommended Adyashanti, but I do so even more now. (www.adyashanti.org)

1400

I have now had a total of 1400 views of my profile since joining Tribe.net. Woo-hoo!

For some reason, that really makes me happy........ :)

Liberation is a bitch

Recently, with the help of one of my teachers, I went through a movement of Awakening in which all sense of "the personal" died within me. The sense of freedom, clarity, and joy that this movement has created has been tremendous, but at the same time I have lost a lot of my ability to "hide" from my suffering and issues, and so paradoxically for the last two months I have been cycling through periods of great peace and joy, and periods of intensely yucky suffering.

There doesn't seem to be anything I can do about this except to ride the wave, and to deal with the suffering as it comes up as best I can. Mostly this means sitting with it and letting it wash over me without resistance. When I resist, the suffering gets to be unbearable. When I don't resist, it's still pretty bad until those moments when something "pops" and a deep peace comes over me.

I wouldn't trade this shift that I've had for anything in the world, but it's still quite a process to have to go through. With any luck, I will be able to embody the peace and joy deeper and deeper, and eventually process out the yuckiness.

Self Actualization vs. Spiritual Awakening

From what I have observed, when people are unsatisfied with their lives, they can go in one of two positive directions: 1) Self-Actualization, and 2) Spiritual Awakening.

Self-Actualization is a process that uses metaphysical concepts to "manifest" an enjoyable life. It is fraught with many difficult situations as you are confronted with old fears that you need to work through in order to get what you want. It involves articulating very specifically what you want, setting a plan in motion to get what you want, and then using a host of techniques to deal with the challenges that come up, such as affirmations, life coaching, visualizations, and other forms of positive psychology.

It is a path of high adventure and a certain clarity can emerge as you deal with old issues and learn to play the game of life in a way that leads you to your bliss.

The path of Spiritual Awakening takes a completely different course. Rather than looking at your desires and then going about getting them fulfilled, you try to see that desires - and the suffering that they cause - arise from the false egoic self. Instead of scratching the itch of desire (which is a bottomless pit, and no amount of scratching can end the itch), you look at the root cause of desire and try to see through it, so that you can be free of all desires - and suffering. The end result might be either a deep contentment with your life as it is, or a deepening sense of purpose that leads you on a completely different life path.

My personal preference is the path of Spiritual Awakening, because it addresses the real problem and leads eventually to a sense of peace that you don't have to do anything to maintain.

There is no formulae for this path, as we are all different and need different things to Awaken us. However, you can try sitting with and/or becoming a student of an Enlightened teacher, chanting the name of a divine being such as Jesus Christ or Krishna, and/or become deeply aware of your sense of "I" and eventually just see through it.