Bad News Blues
Ari Lesser
8/19/08

Wake up in the morning
And roll out of bed
Head down to the kitchen
And get myself fed
I open the paper
And start to read
But all I can find
Is violence and greed
The stock markets down
Our country’s at war
The rich are still rich
And I’m still poor
All of the stories just give me the blues
Nothing in the newspaper except for bad news

Bad news
I got the bad news blues
I got the bad news blues
I got the bad news blues

Well I guess that newspaper
Just ain’t for me
So I put it down
Turn on the TV
The morning news
Is on CBS
And as I watch it
I get more depressed
Cause a senator lied
Gas increased in cost
A young girl died
And my ball team lost
All of the programming just gives me the blues
Nothing on the television ‘cept for bad news

Bad news
I got the bad news blues
I got the bad news blues
I got the bad news blues

So I turn off the tube
And hop online
Start surfing the web
And what do I find
Religious crazies
Who say the end is near
And conspiracy theories
That fill me with fear
Less money for school
More money for jail
And my girlfriend dumped me
Through an Email
All of the websites just give me the blues
Nothing on the internet except for bad news

Bad news
I got the bad news blues
I got the bad news blues
I got the bad news blues

Well the World Wide Web
Just ain’t my scene
So I go to the store
Buy a magazine
The cover is nice
It looks real flashy
But when I start reading
My content is trashy
Full of worthless stories
A bout movie stars
Who gained some weight
Or drove drunk in they cars
All of the articles just give the blues
Nothing in the magazines except for bad news

Bad news
I got the bad news blues
I got the bad news blues
I got the bad news blues

Funny Times
Ari Lesser
9/10/08
What kind of message is our government sending?
Fighting a war that seems to be never ending
Ain’t got no money but china keeps lending
Trillions in debt and yet we’re still spending
Don’t benefit America that’s for certain
Just helping the Carlyle Group and Halliburton
They been making billions since the conflict began
Wonder why they pushing for a war in Iran?
So making easy money on the taxpayers dime
Through government no bid contracts is fine
But if you don’t give them you taxes it’s a crime
No denying that we’re living in funny times

There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times
There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times
There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times
There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times

The war on drugs is a war on us
Seems like everyday there’s another drug bust
Don’t you think it’s a little bit absurd
Putting people in prison for smoking some herb?
Weed is less addictive than tobacco, and yet
On every street corner you an buy cigarettes
Marijuana’s harmless, it never kills
People die all the time popping to many pills
But you can got to the pharmacy wait in line
Buy a whole cart full of drugs, that’s fine
But if you plant hemp in your yard it’s a crime
No denying that we’re living in funny times

There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times
There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times
There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times
There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times

The man running for mayor says we need more cops
The crime rate is high and it must be stopped
Well if they got so much crime to fight
Why I see them busting parties every Saturday night?
Harassing young people trying to have a little fun
Power tripping flashing off they badge and gun
Officers enter our homes as they please
Spreading MIPs like STDs
At 18 you can fight on the front line
Kill other human beings and that’s fine
But if you drink an alcoholic beverage it’s a crime
No denying that we’re living in funny times

There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times
There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times
There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times
There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times

So I was at a music festival just walking round nude
Security grabbed me said I was being rude
Took me to the police, who said it was a crime
And I’d have to go to court not just pay a fine
Can’t even go to court in the city where I’m from
It’s a 15-hour drive mandatory that I come
Face a thousand dollar fine, three months behind bars
And I don’t even have a driver’s license or a car
So I can buy cloths from a factory line
Made by Asian wage slaves, that’s fine
But if I where my birthday suit it’s a crime

There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times
There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times
There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times
There’s no denying that we’re living in funny times

Dick Cheney
Ari Lesser
11/28/08

I’m committing crime
With a white collar
Taking every dime
Of your tax dollar
I’m committing crime
With a white collar
Taking every dime
Of your tax dollar

I’m Dick Cheney two term VP
Shoot you in the face if fuck with me
Saying you don’t want taxes collected
By me, because I was never elected
Shut the fuck up pink-o commie bitch
You just jealous cause I’m filthy rich
I’ll take you out like the Iron Curtain
And force you to work for Halliburton
Was CEO if you didn’t know
Even though I’m not there, I still run the show
So thanks a lot for the dough
Cause bro that’s where your taxes go

I’m committing crime
With a white collar
Taking every dime
Of your tax dollar
I’m committing crime
With a white collar
Taking every dime
Of your tax dollar

I never laugh but still find it funny
Hearing you rappers talk about money
Last year you made half a million
My corporation made 15 billion
Didn’t you hear, I’m a war profiteer
Killing civilians to help my career
Bombing Iraq to boost my stock
Got US taxpayers on lock
Read the banner: accomplished mission
You pay me, or wind up in prison
If you don’t support the invasion
Throw you in jail for tax evasion

I’m committing crime
With a white collar
Taking every dime
Of your tax dollar
I’m committing crime
With a white collar
Taking every dime
Of your tax dollar

I’m C-H-E-N-E-Y
Three heart attacks I still won’t die
Now if you don’t do what I say
I’ll torture you in Guantanamo bay
Shit all over UN resolutions
Wipe my ass with the Constitution
Shut your mouth or you might go missing
Wind up in Abu Gharib Prison
On top of a human pyramid
Naked, with a black hood on your head
Put you to shame, ruin your name
End your career like Valarie Plame

I’m committing crime
With a white collar
Taking every dime
Of your tax dollar
I’m committing crime
With a white collar
Taking every dime
Of your tax dollar

Blowing up like the twin towers
You think I need executive powers
Out of office but it don’t matter
War makes my wallet fatter
Though the economy’s on the decline
I don’t care cause I’m getting mine
War in Iraq is still doing fine
Iran is already next in line
If you speak out against the attack
We’ll go hunting, you never come back
File a report that I killed you for sport
Won’t go to jail, won’t even go to court

I’m committing crime
With a white collar
Taking every dime
Of your tax dollar
I’m committing crime
With a white collar
Taking every dime
Of your tax dollar

When I was young my parents raised me right
My dad sang me Beatles songs every night
Mom cooked organic meals, with homemade desserts
Everyday I went to school wearing tie-dyed shirts
I was taught to love and taught not to hate
I learned consumerism’s bad, and G-d is great
I’m anti-war, and I’m all about peace
For a welfare-system, can’t stand the police
If you can’t dig it you can get bent
That’s how it is, I’m from hippie descent
From a family of hippies, even uncles and aunts
And at parties we all do the hippie dance

First close your eyes and sway to and fro
Get your mind in the music and let yourself go
Now move your arms like the waves of the ocean
Keep it up don’t stop this motion
Put a bend in your knee and a smile on your face
And the last step of all is to spin in place
Keep your arms gyrating and your body rotating
And now you’re doing the Hippie

Well, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
And being raised by hippies rubbed off on me
I don’t think being a hippie’s a crime
I been called a dirty hippie more than one time
And if you call me a hippie I’ll take it as praise
Cause I’m going to be hippie till the end of my days
I’m sickened by violence, disgusted by killing
My heroes are Lennon, Marley, and Dylan
I don’t discriminate people who are gay
I think cigarettes are bad, but drugs are okay
So take some magic mushrooms start getting trippy
Take off your shoes and dance like a hippie

First close your eyes and sway to and fro
Get your mind in the music and let yourself go
Now move your arms like the waves of the ocean
Keep it up don’t stop this motion
Put a bend in your knee and a smile on your face
And the last step of all is to spin in place
Keep your arms gyrating and your body rotating
And now you’re doing the Hippie

Well, I’m a vegetarian so I don’t eat meat
And I like to sing songs when I walk down the street
If I see a bum I always leave some change
He’s a human too although he looks kind of strange
I don’t watch TV, I play hackey-sack
And for about ten years I’ve had the same backpack
I got peace and love in my bloodstream
And I’d love to kick it if you’re on the same team
What’s mine is yours if what’s yours is mine
So come be my house and we’ll drink some wine
But recycle your bottles, don’t throw them in the trash
And we’ll all get together for a hippie bash

First close your eyes and sway to and fro
Get your mind in the music and let yourself go
Now move your arms like the waves of the ocean
Keep it up don’t stop this motion
Put a bend in your knee and a smile on your face
And the last step of all is to spin in place
Keep your arms gyrating and your body rotating
And now you’re doing the Hippie

I listen to a lot of different music when I’m chilling
Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, and Bob Dylan
But the one group that I love most of all
Is the quartet of John, George, Ringo, and Paul

When it comes to great discs no one has more
Yellow Submarine, Magical Mystery Tour
Rubber Soul, Revolver, Abbey Road, Please, Please Me
Help!, The White Album, Sgt. Peppers, Let It Be

Twenty-seven songs topped the billboard charts
And the lads from Liverpool, touched so many hearts
So close your eyes, open your mind and relax
While spit you this list of my favorite Beatles tracks

Lady Madonna, I Want To Hold Your Hand
Eleanor Rigby, I Wanna Be Your Man
Sexy Sadie, Penny Lane, Dizzy Miss Lizzy
Julia, You’ve Really Got A Hold On Me

From Me To You, Back In The USSR
Michelle, Baby You Can Drive My Car
Within You Without You, The Night Before
Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?, When I’m Sixty-Four

If I Needed Someone, In My Life, Baby It’s You
Dear Prudence, All You Need Is Love, Love Me Do
Martha My Dear, I Will, Love You To
Here, There and Everywhere, Girl, I Want You

Tomorrow Never Knows, Things We Said Today
She Came In Through The Bathroom Window, Yesterday
What You’re Doing, Another Girl, She Said, She Said
Tell Me Why, I’m A Loser, I’ll Cry Instead

Lovely Rita, Please Please Me, Don’t Pass Me By
Wait, Come Together, We Can Work It Out
Got To Get You Into My Life, No Reply
The End, It’s All Too Much, Twist And Shout

I Am The Walrus, A Fool On The Hill
The Continuing Story Of Bungalow Bill
Mean Mr. Mustard, Nowhere Man
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

Doctor Robert, Help!, Happiness Is A Warm Gun
Cold Turkey, Cry Baby Cry, For No One
Day Tripper, Free As A Bird, Flying, Like Dreamers Do
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds, I Need You

Strawberry Fields Forever, I Me Mine
With A Little Help From My Friends, I Feel Fine
Ticket To Ride, One After 909
Here Comes The Sun, Good Day Sunshine

Good Morning, Good Morning, I Want To Tell You, Goodnight
A Day In The Life, It’s Been A Hard Day’s Night
I’m Only Sleeping, Golden Slumbers, Get Back, Sun King
Because, I’m So Tired, And Your Bird Can Sing