From My Quick Quotes Quill

Here's My Stab At It...

HobbyHoss — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:42:52 GMT

The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. Instructions: - Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read. - Add a '+' to the ones you LOVE. - Star (*) those you plan on reading. - Tally your total at the bottom. 1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen 2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien X + 3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte 4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling X+ (all seven) 5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee * 6 The Bible X+ 7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte 8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell X 9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman 10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens X 11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott * 12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy 13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller X 14 Complete Works of Shakespeare 15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier 16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien X + 17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk 18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger * 19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger 20 Middlemarch - George Eliot 21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell * 22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald 23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens 24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy 25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams X + 26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh 27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky 28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck 29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll X 30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame X 31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy 32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens * 33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis X + 34 Emma - Jane Austen 35 Persuasion - Jane Austen 36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis X + 37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini 38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres 39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden 40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne X 41 Animal Farm - George Orwell X 42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown 43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez 44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving 45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins 46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery * 47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy 48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood 49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding X 50 Atonement - Ian McEwan 51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel 52 Dune - Frank Herbert X+ 53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons 54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen 55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth 56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon 57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens X+ 58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley 59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon 60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez 61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck * 62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov 63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt 64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold 65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas * 66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac 67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy 68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding 69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie 70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville * 71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens X+ 72 Dracula - Bram Stoker 73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett 74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson 75 Ulysses - James Joyce * 76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath 77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome 78 Germinal - Emile Zola 79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray 80 Possession - AS Byatt 81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens X + 82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell 83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker 84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro 85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert 86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry 87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White X + 88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom 89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle X + 90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton 91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad 92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery 93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks 94 Watership Down - Richard Adams X+ 95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole 96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute 97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas * 98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare 99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl X+ 100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo * Ok, have read (X): 23. If you count all seven Harry Potter books, 29. Plan to read (*): 12

Hey Lee

HobbyHoss — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 21:40:32 GMT

They changed it... http://people.tribe.net/65fbb88d-59c6-4998-8495-a5c4e3b185e2/blog?topicid=91e870a7-ac6d-401d-8529-13e5e484447c

I almost wish...

HobbyHoss — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 21:25:57 GMT

I almost wish they would bring back those stupid mortgage ads with the dancing computer generated characters. If you've been on the internet for any length of time, you know the ones I'm talking about. They popped up in banner ads across the top of the page, down the side of the page, and even in the middle of the page. They were almost as annoying as the ones with the videos of the girl dancing in her cubicle, who gets all embarrased when she realizes she's being filmed. I can only hope these new "Obey one rule" diet ads go away just as quickly. And I have talked to doctors (the MD kind) who say that you do NOT have old stuff lining the walls of your colon (let alone 25 lbs. of it. Your colon would not be able to function if the walls were coated with sludge). You do not need colon clense, just eat enough fiber and veggies to keep yourself regular, and how is cleaning this stuff out of your colon supposed to take 25 lbs off your tummy or waist anyway?

What Will They Think of Next?

HobbyHoss — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 17:30:43 GMT

http://www.bagborroworsteal.com/?adTrackId=9964&sourceCode=9964

The Letter Game

HobbyHoss — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 20:33:12 GMT

1.What is your name? Phil 2. A 4 Letter Word: Phat 3. A Boys Name: Phillip 4. A Girls name: Phyllis 5. An Occupation: Philanthropist 6. A Color: Purple 7. Something you wear: Pants (If you were expecting "phlip-phlops" sorry. I lost the "ph" thing at purple) 8. A Beverage: Pepsi 9. A Food: Pizza 10. Something found in the bathroom: Paper, toilet 11. A place: Philadelphia 12. A Reason for being late: Procrastination 13. Something you shout: Phooey!

The Saga Continues

HobbyHoss — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 19:57:37 GMT

Now, you have the ability to work on documents (Word), spreadsheets (Excel), and presentations (PowerPoint) online. You can publish your work as a web page. You can control who can see it. You can collaborate with your friends and peers, and of course, it's free! Just go to http://docs.google.com During the tour (click on the "Take a Tour" link. It's the last item on the bullet list on the left side), they say you can safely store your documents online. With their service your work won't be lost. You don't have to worry about your computer crashing, etc. This is all well and good, however, on the testimonials page of the tour, there is someone who says they store a spreadsheet of items online, so everyone involved in the process of launching a new line of product can accesss the list at the same time. This is very convenient, but it begs the question: Who can access the list? While you can limit public access to your documents, Google staff can still access them (which means others can, too). Before you post confidential company (or personal) info in a document, spreadsheet, or presentation on Google docs (or any other online service like BuzzWord), please ask yourself, "What's the worst that can happen if this is leaked to the public or my competition? As I predicted in "The Buzz on BuzzWord" the process continues. Just be careful, and please don't get sucked in.....

Tis the Season

HobbyHoss — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 19:51:01 GMT

It's that time of year again. Enjoy..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFQyib5ZQZY

The Buzz on Buzzword

HobbyHoss — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 01:56:21 GMT

I know some of you use Buzzword (https://buzzword.acrobat.com) and like it. For those of you that don't, or haven't heard of it, it's a word processing program that works like Microsoft Word, except it's online and your documents are stored on their web server. The good things include being able to easily share your documents (thoughts and ideas) with others, and the people you share a document with can attach comments to it and, if you let them, even make changes. Looks and sounds great, right? Of course it does!! Now before I get to the sneaky part, let me say that if you like Buzzword please continue to use it. I'm not trying to get you to change. However, I'm still going to attach my docs to my emails and here's why. (Hint: this is the sneaky part. <wink> <wink>) Back around the year 2000, Microsoft was looking to the next release of Office (2003) with an eye toward subscription software. They didn't think people would keep upgrading Office just to have the new version, and they didn't want to lose the revenue stream. So the idea was hatched that you don't buy the software, you subscribe to it. As in, "pay a yearly fee to use Office or the software on your computer locks up." Word of this scheme leaked out and Microsoft Office users screamed so loudly about it you could hear them on the moon (ignoring for a moment the vaccuum of space). "I paid for the CD (DVD), what do you mean I have to pay an annual fee as well?!" Microsoft said, "Oops." And the idea vanished so fast it was like it never happened. Fast forward to today. Buzzword appears online. It's easy. It's convenient. It's easier than sending copies of a Word document via email. And it's FREE. I predict that an online version of Excel will follow, along with an online version of Access, PowerPoint, etc. Hey, you don't need to lug your computer around with you when you go on the road, or to a friend's house. Just link up to the internet with whatever computer happens to be where you are and your good to go. After all, the computer wherever you are doesn't need the software installed on it, the software runs in your web browser on the internet. This will go on for however many years it takes to (very slowly) build up a user base of folks who have migrated from Microsoft Office to the free online versions. Eventually, we will hear things like, "Hey, we'd really love to keep this as a free service for you, but our servers are getting crowded with your documents so we need bigger ones, and there's maintenance, and access to the internet isn't free, etc. So, we're gonna have to charge a small monthly fee for this. We're sure you understand, and golly we're really sorry (whimper)." By this point, it will be inconvenient to go back to Office, so folks will pay. Over time, the fees will go up. To make it easier for everyone, we will be allowed to pay annually instead of monthly (there will even be a discount). Just as with the cable companies raising their fees, we will grumble and we will complain, but we will pay. In 10 to 15 years Microsoft will have it's guaranteed annual revenue stream from subscription software and we will be glad to pay it. Once again, I'm not trying to get you to stop using Buzzword, but you have been warned! -Phil "Quini, quidi, quici" - I came, I saw, I played a little quidditch.

Quality Time - My Two Cents

HobbyHoss — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 16:29:02 GMT

From http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/quality%20time quality time n. Time during which one focuses on or dedicates oneself to a person or activity: "When you decide to turn on the TV, you decide ... not to spend quality time with your family" (Steve Tschirhart). -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Origin: 1985–90] That's a nice definition and it may be true, but sadly most people use it as an excuse to bail on someone for someone (or something) else. "Sure I only have the kids Wednesdays after school and one weekend a month, but it's quality time!" If you believe this is ok, ask yourself this question, "Would my boyfriend or girlfriend think it's ok that we only see each other Wednesdays after school and one weekend a month if it was quality time?" Peersonally, I don't think so. Your wife/husband, children, friends, etc. don't want quality time with you. They want time with you, and lots of it, but not too much (you do have to draw a line somewhere, and yes, people also need space or alone time, too). So, spend time with them. You don't have to do any great thing or go to Disneyland every time, just be with them. In the long run you'll be surprised to see the impact you had on their lives. If you found this post to be of interest, please pass it on. If the shoe fits and this post offends you, good. I've done my job. :) And that's My Two Cents.....

Three Things.....

HobbyHoss — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 22:17:04 GMT

Rules: Post 3 things you've done that you believe nobody else on your F-list has done. Indulge in remorse if someone calls you out on a listed item. Ok, here are three of mine: 1. Was a member of the Florida Association of Magical Entertainers. 2. Was the "authorised factory technician" who comes out and inspects your theatrical lighting system for a theater in Guayaquil, Equador. 3. Been on the stage crew for the Pageant of the Masters for 23 years. (Number two is almost worthy of a blog post in itself.....) -Phil "Quini, quidi, quici" - I came, I saw, I played a little quidditch.

The Top 99 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

HobbyHoss — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 21:53:51 GMT

This list has been around for a long time. The reason it is only 99 instead of 100 is because number 99 originaly involved padding all important files to 1.5Mb because the capacity of a 3.5" floppy disk was 1.44Mb. Rather than revising this to be slightly larger than the largest portable storage device available today, I just removed it (why not? What's the point of being an Evil Overlord if you can't just remove stuff?). Enjoy: 1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones. 2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. 3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon. 4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies. 5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness. 6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them. 7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No." 8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out. 9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such. 10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well. 11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat. 12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation. 13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal. 14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request. 15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation. 16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know." 17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice. 18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time. 19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father. 20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly. 21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi storm troopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set. 22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head. 23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks. 24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.) 25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot. 26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber. 27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times. 28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble. 29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion. 30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief. 31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick. 32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by. 33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions. 34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps. 35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X. 36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison. 37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant. 38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age. 39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army. 40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve. 41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices. 42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around. 43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans. 44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance. 45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling. 46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?" I will reply "This." and kill the advisor. 47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature. 48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge. 49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper. 50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh PowerBooks. 51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position. 52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about. 53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!" I will say "Oh well" and kill her. 54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary. 55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention. 56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice. 57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual. 58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner. 59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am. 60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords. 61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?" I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them. 62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight. 63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals. 64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage. 65. If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment. 66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system. 67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency. 68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again. 69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild. 70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner. 71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no. 72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable super weapon on them. 73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win. 74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk. 75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time. 76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.) 77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer. 78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical." 79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins. 80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress. 81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw. 82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure. 83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him. 84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex. 85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button." 86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded. 87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them. 88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again. 89. After I capture the hero's super weapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him. 90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door. 91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important. 92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.) 93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first. 94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value. 95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look. 96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa. 97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled. 98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance has forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution. 99. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

The Latest Meme

HobbyHoss — Tue, 06 May 2008 01:49:21 GMT

1.Tankard, Goblet, or Plastic Cup? Pewter tankard! 2. Did you dress your 1st time at Faire? Yes. I borrowed my brother's pesant outfit. 3. Big Faire, Dam Faire, or Southern? Not sure I understand the question, so my answer is Devore and the Dam Faire Site. 4. Do you regularly smuggle alcohol into Faire? No. Did once for a friend, though (in another friend's bra - don't ask). 5.What was the last thing you bought - other than food and drink? Sox. 6. Do you regularly pirate pictures? Once in a great while. 7. Ever followed the parade all the way through Faire? Four times a day since 2003. 8. Have you seen every show? No. This is usually due too scheduling conflicts. 9.What does your favorite pin say? I don't wear any because the Hoss straps keep breaking them. 10. MUST your costume be period? Must it be faire approvable? Yes and yes. 11. Where was your last out-of state Faire? The only out-of-state fair I've ever been to involved produce, livestock, square dancing and a rodeo. 12. Do you know the words to a Poxy Boggards' song? Several (know some of the Wives' songs, too). 13. How many costumes do you have? Two and a half (my sister-in-law is making one for me as we speak). 14. Do you carry a blade? Small eating dagger on my belt, but it never comes out of its sheath. 15. Have you been flogged? No. Please don't offer to help me remedy this problem. 16. When was your virgin year? If you mean my first time at Faire as a spectator, 1987. If you mean as a participant, 2003. If you mean the other one, none of your business. :) 17. Who originally introduced you to Faire? An old friend. 18. Have you been drunk at ale stand zero before ever entering Faire? Nope. 19. Ever gotten a henna tat? They look really cool, but I can't justify spending that much money for something that's gonna wash off in a week and a half. 20. Had your hair braided? Nope. Hair's not long enough (yet). 21. Do you use a tankard cover? Nope. 22. Do you have pockets? Nope. 23. After seeing what happened to TruBBle, will you tell anyone it's your birthday? Who, or what, is TruBBle? And yes, I have. 24. Do you carry a cell phone where it can be seen? Nope. 25. Will you shed part of your costume if it's hot? Only when they call "Sleeve and Jerkin Off Day" (or code 100, or whatever). 26. Do you want an article off of someone else's costume? No, but on occasion I wish I was really good friends with the person. 27. Ever had a run-in with security? Three or four times, but we both have always been nice and polite so I never got into trouble. 28. Do you bother with Faire-speak? Aye. 29. Have you been on either end of the blue ribbon? Officially, no. But I have had more than one girlfriend who did tell me I won first prize. 30. What do you carry on you, that most other people probably do not? The Hobby Hoss. 31. Is sunscreen a normal part of your costume? It goes on before the costume does. 32. What color is your shirt? Natural

Here Now the Bad News.....

HobbyHoss — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 21:51:45 GMT

(This was orginaly a reply to a post from someone wanting to know if there was a "magic pill" that would make them "instantly" good at improv.) For anything you REALLY want in life, THERE IS NO MAGIC PILL. There, blah, I said it. There is no magic pill. There is no way of just instantly being good and "be ON and give GOOD SHOW to [the] audience." At the risk of incurring the ire of my fellow magicians, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: There are several categories of magic: Stage magic - Obviously done on a stage in front of an audience. Walk Around - Where the magician comes up to your table in a restaurant (or wherever) and performs for your table. Street Magic - Like Walk Around, only out on the street. Intimate or Close Up - Where the magician performs only for you, and maybe a couple of your friends. In the types of magic I just listed, there is one thing they all have in common - You're expecting magic and you know that the props are probably rigged somehow, even though they look normal and you can't figure out how. You also know that the magician has spent many hours of practice before doing a trick in a show. In the category of Impromptu magic, the magic is spontaneous and without any prior preparation. The magician literally "makes up" the magic on the spot. This is as close to "improv" as magicians get. Here's the dirty secret I'm going to get in trouble for revealing - there is NO SUCH THING as impromptu magic. That's right, you read correctly. There is no such thing as "improv" magic. The magician has practiced on those tricks that appear to be spontaneous AS MUCH OR MORE than he has on the tricks that are part of the show. The props are usually rigged, too. The REAL trick is making the magic look like improv. What I'm trying to say is, "How do you get to Carnegie hall? Practice, practice, practice." There ain't no magic pill. Ok, what does this mean for you? It means: BEFORE YOU GO OUT TO GIG: 1. Get with someone you know is good at improv and work out some routines. Try them several times, like 30 minutes to an hour. This is NOT a two or three minute "I'll be the duchess. You be my bodyguard." "Ok." session. You must FOCUS on your routine for a good 1/2 hour to an hour, and go through it several times! 2. Try it out in front of others in your group AWAY FROM THE PRYING EYES OF THE PATRONS and get feed back. THEN: 3. Go do it in front of guests/patrons. You don't have to memorize a script, but stick real close to what you worked out (RESIST THE URGE TO IMPROVISE AND ADLIB!!! The audience THINKS you ARE doing improv!). If you stray from what you worked out, the person performing with you (you know, the person who is GOOD at improv?) will gently guide you back to your original plot. After you have done the routine SEVERAL times, and are VERY comfortable performng it in front of patrons, THEN you can actually "improv" in front of them. REMEMBER: Improv takes time. You must pe patient. It doesn't happen overnight. A magician friend of mine once told me, "Practice intelligently. Think about your moves and patter and what you are doing, and try to do it better each time. Don't just do the trick over and over like mindless repition." Improv and "being on" are the same thing. It will take time, maybe even several more years, to hone your craft. But it will be well worth it. Pass this around to people who are good at improv, and they will agree. One last thing: If you don't have the patience that is needed (and some people just don't. It's not their fault. They're just not wired that way), then bite the bullet and say, "Improv isn't for me." You will save yourself years of aggrivation, and be much happier. Either way, GOOD LUCK!

Fun Little "Meme" Thing

HobbyHoss — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 18:11:30 GMT

Hit forward (pray, how do you hit forward? All I can find is "Add a comment") and place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not. Answer the 30 questions at the end and send it to your friends (including me). This is for your entire life! ( ) Gone on a blind date ( x ) Skipped school ( ) Watched someone die ( ) Been to Canada ( x ) Been to Mexico ( x) Been to Florida ( x ) Been on a plane (have private pilot certifiate!) ( x ) Been lost ( x ) Been on the opposite side of the country ( ) Gone to Washington , DC ( x ) Swam in the ocean. ( x ) Cried yourself to sleep (x ) Played cops and robber ( x ) Recently colored with crayons ( x ) Sang Karaoke (by myself in the car) ( x) Paid for a meal with coins only ( x ) Done something you told yourself you would not. ( x ) Made prank phone calls ( ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose ( x ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue?' ( X ) Danced in the rain ( x ) Written a letter to Santa Claus ( x ) Been kissed under the mistletoe ( ) Watched the sunrise with someone you cared about ( x )Blown bubbles ( x ) Gone ice-skating ( X ) Been skinny dipping outdoors ( x ) Gone to the movies 1. Any nickname? Flipside. 2. Mother's name? Jolene 3. Favorite drink? Root Beer Float (shot of amaretto in a chimney glass w/ice, fill 1/2 way with milk, rest of way with coke, stir, splash of galiano for added "root beer" flavor) 4. Tattoos? Nope 5. Body Piercings: Nope 6. How much do you love your job? scale of 1 to 10 ... 5 to 6 7. Birthplace: Long Beach, CA 8. Favorite vacation spot? What's a vacation? 9. Ever been to Africa ? Yes (Mombassa, Kenya) 10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Yes 11. Ever been on TV? Yes 12. Ever steal any traffic signs? Nope. Put "In-N-Out Burger" sticker on a stop sign once. 13. Ever been in a car accident? yes 14. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? 4 15. Favorite salad dressing? Ranch 16. Favorite pie? Cheesecake 17. Favorite number? 14 18. Favorite movie? The Great Race 19. Favorite holiday? Thanksgiving 20. Favorite dessert? Cheesecake 21. Favorite food? Cheeseburgers 22. Favorite day of the week? Sunday 23. Favorite brand of body wash? Dial Gold bar soap 24. Favorite toothpaste? Crest regular. 25. Favorite smell? Whatever my girlfriend likes to wear (when I have one, that is) 26. What do you do to relax? Read. 28. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Married to the girl of my dreams...or not. 29. Furthest place you will send this message: don't know 30. Who will respond to this the fastest? It's a toss up between Karla and Miss Liisa. -Phil "Quini, quidi, quici" - I came, I saw, I played a little quidditch.

New Element Discovered

HobbyHoss — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 18:27:40 GMT

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by physicists al Cal-Poly. The element, tentatively named Administratium (Ad), has no protons or electrons, which means that its atomic number is zero. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistants to the neutron, 75 vice-neutrons, and 111 assistants to the vice-neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass number of 312. The 312 particles are held together in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called memoons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically because it seems to impede every reaction in which it is present. According to Dr. Phillips, one of the discoverers of the element, a very small amount of Administratium made one reaction that normally takes a few seconds take over four days. Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay. Instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which assistants to the neutron, vice-neutrons, and assistants to the vice-neutrons all change places. Some studies have indicated that the atomic mass number actually increases after each reorganization. Administratium was discovered by accident when Dr. Phillips angrily resigned the chairmanship of the physics department and dumped all of his papers into the intake slot of the university's particle accelerator. Research at other facilities seems to indicate that Administratium might occur naturally in the atmosphere. According to one scientist, Administratium is most likely to be found on college and university campuses, near the best-appointed and best-maintained buildings.

We're Off Like a Herd of Turtles in Costume and Makeup.

HobbyHoss — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 23:52:13 GMT

Last night was our first rehearsal this season for the Pageant of the Masters. For those of you who don't know, at the Pageant of the Masters, we recreate works of art with people in costume and makeup. We put them in a set built and painted to look like the original, and display it on stage for 90 seconds. There is a live orchestra in the pit as well as live narration. We put the paintings we do inside an adjustable picture frame, and use our own custom lighting to make the set and cast appear flat, just like a painting! In addition to paintings, we also do posters, sculptures, frescoes, friezes, you name it. The picture at the top of this post (from the Festival of Arts, Pageant of the Masters website www.foapom.com) is our reproduction of the Trevi Fountain (or at least a part of it). This year's theme is, "All the World's a Stage." So we will be doing statues from atop the Paris Opera House, paintings of some ledgends of the stage, and as always, we conclude with the Last Supper. The show runs for an hour and a half, not counting intermission. For all the Ren Faire fans, we are doing two oil paintings and a porcelian sculpture of Commedia Dell ' Arte, and there will be live action included in their segment of the program (so, if you have any info, videos, etc. ..... call me!).

If You're Addicted to Fiber...

HobbyHoss — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 21:31:41 GMT

I'm talkin' wool and such here. Sorry if I mislead you (knot). There is a web site for crocheters and knitters that is still in Beta, but it looks really cool! You can post and catalogue your projects, your stash (yarn, thread, needles, etc.) and organize it (them). You can also do a bunch of cool stuff that I can't remember off the top of my head, but I do remember the part about free patterns. Go check it out! www.ravelry.com You have to sign up on a waiting list, but I think it'll be worth it. -Phil "Quini, quidi, quici" - I came, I saw, I played a little quidditch.

Who's on First?

HobbyHoss — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 00:27:48 GMT

I came across this clip on YouTube and put it up on my bio. It's part of Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First?" routine, only it stars Yoda and Jar-Jar. Enjoy! -Phil "Quini, quidi, quici" - I came, I saw, I played a little quidditch.