My Blog
Change and the Ego
Fri, March 21, 2008 - 5:13 PM
Crossroads are curious places. I am standing at one, looking ahead and not knowing what will unfold. The utter humanity of it is humbling. I have been blessed to have always been directed clearly by the Universe.. now I am in a moment where I have to harness the flow and craft my own vision in a way which will nourish and endure. These moments of utter realization are really awakening. How lucky am I to be visiting this place now!
Letting go can be tender. The energy of *holding on* is so strong. Attachment to outcome. Attachment to the predictable, even if it is obvious it need to evolve. I am facing this within myself now in the biggest way ever for the past 6 years, realizing I must grow! Really grow, not the fun sassy kind of growth that I may do with girlfriends giggling, but the aching inner letting go kind of growth, where I release any cares about what people think of me and what I think of myself. Surrendering to what is. Welcoming home pleasure, beauty, joy and bliss...
I am open!
I am ready!
I let go!
Fri, March 21, 2008 - 5:13 PM -
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8 Comments
8 Comments |
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Fri, March 21, 2008 - 5:52 PM
I must say I really like the way you write. You are such a beautiful person! Good luck on your growth.
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Fri, March 21, 2008 - 7:13 PM
Being connected to the truth of your being is a HUGE responsibility, if not the most important one, since it does define the quality of our life experience from the inside and out. It's like having a cut. You know it's there. It hurts. And in your hand is the bottle of alcohol/peroxide, which you know you must pour over the cut to prevent it from gradually getting worse (infected), and take a leap in the realignment of the cells back to their full potential: perfect health, perfect expression of their true nature. How long do you hold that bottle of alcohol/peroxide, knowing that yes, it will be painful at first but it's exactly what you need? It seems to be a harsh option, which propels one into a self inducing process of deeper pain. At least that's how the ego/mind interprets it.
The thing is that change/flux is the nature of the Universe, from the inside to everything that is outside of ourselves. The way the mind has been programed doesn't effectively or accurately address reality as it is and its universal laws. It grasps, clings, glues itself to already experienced concepts which it wants to reproduce so that it can operate in automatic mode. This kind of software, especially if not examined, can prevent one from connecting with reality. Reality, an infinite soup of subatomic particles, is ever so in a flux. As the mind continues to be trained/mastered, one can see that there is no substantial reason to try to cling to any person, place, thing, idea, sensation, feeling, etc., because one knows more and more that it will change, only to come back, only to leave and come back, and leave and come back, and so on for the rest of time; each cycle taking as long as it will take. Having an attachment even to positive qualities/emotions can cause deeper suffering when it's the turn of a different part of the self to come forth and teach you something different for a little while. You can observe: "Oh look....it's sadness. Let's see how long this will last", and observe with equanimity, as if it were any other aspect of ourself coming forth more strongly. All of these things I've written about are concepts I not only learned about on an intellectual level, but at the experiential level during my 12 day stay at the Vipassana meditation center, recently. And now my duty to myself is to continue developing my awareness of the nature of reality: change/flux, so that I may be totally present for what actually is in the moment, rather than what I want it to be. Infinite blessings on your journey sweet Christabel.... |
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Sat, March 22, 2008 - 8:05 AM
I love you christabel....you inspire me to be the best.
thank you for letting us watch you grow. :) |
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Sat, March 22, 2008 - 8:07 AM
I love you christabel... you are the best.
thank you for letting us watch you grow. :) |
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Sat, March 22, 2008 - 9:48 AM
sister, you speak the words of my journey right now too! thanks for putting them out there.
and gemini, great illumination through your words, thanks! |
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Tue, March 25, 2008 - 4:11 PM
Christabel, I echo the sentiment of love and being blessed to witness your personal growth, and it inspires me to search within to do the same.....attachment to ego is such a hard thing.....both blissful and painful...
Know that I love you. |
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Tue, March 25, 2008 - 11:17 PM
even though our paths and experiences are different, they can be similar. the universe supports you. thanks for sharing your experience.
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Fri, April 18, 2008 - 10:13 AM
hello all you beautifuls.. it feels like an eternity since I have written into my tribe blog. Thank you so much for all your support during my transformation!
love love love christabel |
