A little while ago, I was asked to be auctioned off for some good cause, and when I was waiting to be put up on the auction block, I kept thinking of funny shit to say about this situation:

So, here it goes - my thoughts on being auctioned off:

"Because at $50, that's only $25 each for you couples, or $10 each for you gang-bangers."

"Because even though Craigslist is free, if you bid on Andrew at least you won't show up for drinks on your next Craigslist date and find your father sitting there waiting for you."

"Bidding on Andrew here is a stunning discount compared to what he goes for in the back of The Stranger."

Here are some questions about it that I wish friends has asked:

"So, Andrew, do you have to spend the whole date with the person, or just until he's finished?"

"Is it a $50 minimum, or $100 minimum with release?"