Lost in Transition

So here I am again. I think the most familiar location in my life, isn't the top of the mountain, or in the valley of despair. Not the beach of relaxation, or the rock quarry of work. It's the crossroads.

Moved to Portland last February, which means Cheryl and I have been living here for a year now. Last fall, I was promoted to Store Manager of a Discovery Channel Store - the highest paying job I've ever had. Finally broke me out of the $20,000 per year range on income. But I was miserable, migraines every other week, totally depressed. So when a chance to do some freelance conceptual design work for a real estate development company came along, I quit.

Except now, I am not certain how certain that freelance gig is going to be. Well, I was planning to quit Discovery to return to school anyhow this spring. Only a month away now, and I'll be attending classes at Portland State University. I am not only looking forward to finishing my degree, but for the first time in a long time, I am looking forward to just attending classes. Wow.

Just have to find some type of part-time job if the freelance gig isn't panning out. Would love for it to be something art orientated, having gotten my teeth wet. And with that, currently I have a lot of free time right now. Makes me realize just how hard I was working at Discovery. I have not made any friends here in Portland on my own - only through Cheryl. What's up with that? I have no social life to speak of, besides a Saturday night game night with Cheryl, Cheryl's brother, his girlfriend, and our roommate - which is cool as hell, but for the last few weeks, it feels like I have not interacted with anyone outside those four. I need a LIFE.

And my life seems to continuely lead me back to these crossroads. Am I most comfortable with life in flux, in limbo, in choice? And is it really flux. limbo, or choice if I continuely find myself here - against my wishes?

Annual Materialistic Worship Ritual

This will be the second holiday season I spend working in retail. I work in a specialty gift shop, as most seem to desribe it, based off of a major cable network with several channels. This store in a mall in one of the largest, and richest, metropolis areas in one of the richest countries in the world.

It is amazing to me, as a practicing anthropologist, the idea of what is occurs every holiday season in this culture. It is simply one giant pot luck!

The wealth of the people and the country is redistributed from them back to the corporations, in an orgy of materialistic buying gifts for loved ones. What is even more startling is the fact that this ritual is considered largely secular in its current state of practice by the populance, with only small nods to any type of religious belief.

Let me take a step back with that last statement. Again, as a practicing anthropologist, I need to define such a heavily loaded word as reigious, or religion. Religion, in an anthropological definition, is any practice or ritual that a community practices to reinforce cultural meaning.

So when in reference to the holiday spending spree in this country that I state it is a largely secular practice versus a religious one, it is that the populance does not usually view the practice in how it serves to give the culture meaning. They usually view it in regards to economy or in the spending spree's relationship to its psuedo-Christian roots. I don't think I've ever heard anyone speak about how the holiday material worship actually works in a functional way to push the culture's mores and values within the people.

One of the great tenets of this country's culture is the idea of capitalism. But the subject of money and materialism itself is rarely, if ever, talked about as a good thing. So a large part of the country's cultural identity is treated as culturally taboo to speak and discuss, though it remains as a driving force in providing daily meaning in most of its citizens. And the holiday season is the lungs that breath life into the economy year after year.

My store makes enough money in the months of November and December to equal the rest of the year. Two months equal 10. That is amazing to me. But what is more amazing is how blindly our culture treats the phenomenon of spending.

But that is another thing I learned as a social philosopher. That what people say they do and why they do it almost always differs from what they do and the functional reasons for doing so.

Serenity NOW!!!

The line from Seinfeld is always good for a laugh with me. But it has never been truer, though for different reasons, than now.

Remember the excitement as a kid when you went to see Star Wars? Did you have high hopes when Episode One was being released? Yeah, call me geek, but I was there at the midnight showing. And left, somehow disillusioned. It wasn't just Jar Jar Binks. Whatever deeper meaning, human meaning, the earlier films had was not there.

The subsequent episodes were seen dutifully. The crowd became less jubilant each episode. Episode Three I actually got to see at the Lucasfilm screening. These people helped to create this film. And even that audience had the air of non-church goers showing up for Christmas Mass out of some long forgetten tradtion...

Stories need to mean something. Shakespeare had the ability to write for the appeal of the masses, speaking in their language, while on a deeper level below the immediate entertainemnt, allow a universal human experience be told. Now, I am not going to say Joss Whedon is the contemporary Shakespeare, but I will say that his work is similiar in struture. Especially his recently released film Serenity. Fineared in pop culture, snappy dialogue, and flashy fights, the film is actually about characters, what drives them, what they do to build community, what sacrifices they make for that community, and what moral dilemmas they are faced with because of their choices and actions. This is universal human experience at its best.

As a "practicing anthropologist," I believe that there are mythic archtypes that all stories adhere to. To put it more cynically, all stories have been told. What creates dramatic tension in stories that we have heard over and over again is not from knowing how it will end. We already know. What drives dramatic tension is not know how much the ending will cost the characters. How much will they need to sacrifice to achieve the happy ending? Well, Serenity holds nothing back, leaving you wondering if EVERYTHING will be sacrificed for the crew's goals.

If you can't tell, I loved this gorram film. I saw it tonight for the first time. It was an experience I will be returning back for more.

Please - go see it. You deserve it.

City of Fog to City of Roses

San Francisco has been all right. I grew up near by it, so maybe I take it for granted. I fell in love here. I love the ocean. But the City itself has not really grown on me. Maybe it is my fault, since I have only really worked here, but haven't really joined in any really social activities. I haven't really gotten to know anyone.

I spent the last week in Portland. And I loved it.

Overall it reminds me of Berkeley and Marin combined. It has a positive progressive culture, and the overall vibe had me smiling most of the time while up there. I felt that the culture as presented was much more accessable(sp?) in comparison to the City, but that might have had a lot to do with how it also reminded me of Sacramento in size, layout, and culture. Plus, I feel that those Oregonians have a better idea of sustainable growth while valuing their natural wonders around them.

On the materialistic side, there is no sales tax or food tax. Plus things seemed cheaper overall. Every time I spent money, I felt I was saving. And I might have said it before, but you can rent a nice old house in great shape with 3-4 bedrooms in a nice neighborhood for about $800 to $1000 dollars a month. Beat that SF! And minimum wage is just a tad less than here in SF. I can easily leave the job I hate down here for a job I hate up there at hardly in loss of income, while vastly increasing my standard of living. Beat that SF!

At the moment, Cheryl and I are definitely looking at leaving within the first six months of 2006. It depends largely on what type of job the CCA can help Cheryl land up there. We can stay with family for a month or two while we look for a nice place, and there is even talk of house-buying assistance from family members. I will be looking into either transferring my job, or in finding something new and hopefully more to my liking. I am applying to Portland State University as well, to attend in fall 2006.

The only negative drawback I can think of to moving to Portland is I will probably wanna get a UV lamp for the winter months up there. But since I was planning to get one anyways for the misty climate of the Richmond, it draws out to a neutral.

So the pic is a tribute to the City by the Bay, the City of Fog. It'll be me looking back as I drive off to the Northwest, to a place nestled in with forests and surrounding by mountains, the heart of which meanders a river, a place called the City of Roses.

Tribal Observations & Prior I Ties

I am writing more often these days. While sitting at the computer to write, I would find myself reading forums, and posting around the net. It made me want to see how Tribe was doing, and those people I had connected with there.

It seems like Tribe is slower. I know - three days, and here is Jack's verdict. And yes, I am actually going through all my old tribes, and checking out all the posts. My eyes are strained. It is a curious bit of digitial archeology.

I wonder who I've forgotten, and don't see, so therefore don't remember that I knew them. The people I remember are still here. Funny, there are some people who are on my friends' list that I don't have a clue as to who they are. Like some head injury victim, I have to reintroduce myself to people I already know.

So besides connections, my other agendas are going thusly:
*Mage Game
*Portland Scouting
*Job Search

*Mage Game
The Mage Game recruitment is going well. I think I have a group already, but it is a month before the book is even out, so we'll see who sticks around on the long haul.

Checking out Portland and looking a SF job has not really happened what with my current job, tribe catching up, writing, and Mage prep. But hopefully in the next few weeks, I'll make some headway.

*Portland
I am hoping to meet some people here from Port-town (do they call it that? What nick names does Portland have?). Cheryl and I are seriously planning to move there come early next year (2006). Scouting the city out is important especially because I want to have a good idea of the cultural scene - as in:

Poetry - Slam, Street/ethnic, Open mic, "societies"

Local music - yeah, I've heard its good, but since I am music illiterate despite my love, I need help checking it out. I prefer local stuff over corp tours and radio, cds, etc.

Art - I wanna know about street galleries, places artists show who would be the types to hit Burning Man. Innovative, edgy, questioning the norm. I ran my own gallery of this type for a year in Sacramento, and definitely have a huge desire to get into it again when moving to Portland.

Cool eats and places to hang - 'cause I like people watching, good food of various types, and places i can sit and write for hours at

*Job Search
Yeah, if I am planning on moving to Portland come early next year, what the hell am I doing looking for a new job? Well, 'cause, I am, all right. I am coming to believe as I get older that one must keep a constant vigilance for employment. And who knows, I might find something in Portland as I am searching.

What do I want to do to pay the bills - anything people-oriented and creative. Customer service and adminstration does fall into that since I find it creative connecting with and helping other people (as long as the company's agenda is for me to help and not screw over, that is!). From graphic design, to writing, to promoting, to publishing/printing, to teaching, to game design, to counseling, something has got to give if I keep pouring my energy in that direction. I want a place that I am inspired to come each day, that I can healthily include as a truly honest holistic part of my life's meaning. I do believe that if I can find a passionate job, then the financial BS will fall in line. And financially speaking, I live a simple life - my only desire is that my employer's appeciation is shown via their pay. Maybe that needs clarification, but I am not worried about it now.

Oy. That's enough blog for now. Cheryl's home. Wanna have dinner with her and talk. Knowing one's priorities feels grand.

Why I Left And Returned, or The Jack Strikes Back

Alright, here's the dirt - I was finally kidnapped by pirates, and left marooned for a year and a half on a South Pacific island. There was only one palm tree, and it would take a month to grow a couple of coconuts. Delusional from hunger, thirst, and sunstroke, the only thing that saved my life was my hat.

And now for something entirely different.

So some people might remember me around here. I certainly do. The main reason why I started "tribing" original was for simple reaons. I worked graveyard. I had no social life. I was lonely.

Tribe.net was able to give me a social outlet and a sense of community when I had made several choices in my life that cut out the normal means for both outlet and community. I've never been the type of person to tie myself down to the computer when there isn't a purpose to do so. Working graveyard, plus school, had me at the computer for more than 8 hours a day, back when I first started tribing.

When I left, it was mostly because I stopped working graveyard and took a hiatus from school (once again). I moved from Sacramento to San Francisco to life with a wonderful woman who I am still passionately in love with. I transferred with Kinko's, only to quit over ethical reasons, was unemployed for four months, then began working as an Assistant Manager at the Discovery Channel Store in Stonestown Galleria. I was never on the computer anymore.

I got some calls from people off of tribe. Sometimes a random email would float through my inbox from tribe - most of them probably got deleted by accident. Busy-ness distanced me from a community that I had once invested a lot of time in on a daily basis.

Yet Tribe would randomly flutter across my consciousness. I would wonder about the friends I had made there, even though I hadn't met most of you in person. I missed the Tribe thread discussions on the most random topics. I missed celebrating the beautiful smallness of life, and coming together to help support just how belittling life can be at times.

And this is what brings me back after a year and a half. I am still wearing my hat, flashing my smile and saying "Argh!" I want back what I ended up missing from this place. I want to help contribute to tribe's sense of community, and the type of relationships it fosters. I want to meet some of those people who have touched me here, and get to know some new people as well.

It is interesting to see who has kept me on their friends list. It is interesting to see who messaged me wondering what was up. I don't take it personally who is gone or forgotten - I probably don't remember. It is an interesting socialogical snapshot to me though. I do smile to see who is still around though, and many still on my friends' list bring a smile and fond memories.

So I hope that tribe still welcomes my ecletic energy of rocking out piracy. I think I am here to stay. Maybe not as strong of a presence as I originally was, certainly not on a daily basis. But certainly on a weekly one. I am glad to be back.