I am not a member of the Goth sub-culture. In fact, I live on a farm in Kansas with my husband, cats, guinea fowl, chickens, ducks, geese and what have you. I wear jeans and sweaters to work.

Within me, it seems always, is a heightened comfort level with darkness. As a child I was exposed to the pre-Raphaelites, read all the Rosetti’s, saw/fell in love with Howard Pyle’s Marooned long before such things became popular. I came to know despair far more intimately than most people think possible whilst maintaining some semblance of sanity - my mother suffered a burst brain aneurism right in front of me (I was all of 13), later a brother brutally murdered, a sister who chose to stick a .38 in her mouth and pull the trigger... no, I’m not a member of the Goth world, but I have reasons to love Gothic belly dance.

Whoa! Where did paradigm shift that come from?

During the weekend of February 9 and 10, I was thrilled to be able to attend the first ever American Gothic Belly Dance Festival - Gothla. About a year earlier I’d gone to a workshop in KC and met a woman who has literally changed my life. Through her I discovered that I could take an art form that I was learning and use it to express some of what goes on in my warped little mind. I can dance and express my rage, I can dance and pour my sorrow over the audience, I can dance and draw energy from those who are watching. Or, I can dance and send my energy into the room, feeling powerful and raw. Only Ariellah could give me that gift, and each time I am fortunate enough to study with her I receive another piece of the puzzle. I am honored to know her, truly. And so, this, then... is what gothic belly dance represents to me.

That being said, I approached Gothla with interest and a huge amount of trepidation. I had met Sashi at a terrific workshop in Springfield, was excited to be taking my first Tempest workshop and, indeed, looked forward to meeting all of the teachers (I signed up as a glutton.) BUT... I’m 50 (was that old?) I’m blond-ish (should I dye my hair black?) Am I going to be the only person there with no tattoos or piercings? I wear workout clothes to workshops (um, erm, is that too nerdy?) I’m not a very good or very experienced belly dancer (are people going to roll their eyes?) I have spinal issues that make my flexibility suck. Etc. Etc. Etc. I had no idea what to expect. So I pulled on my Marine Corps Sergeant inner strength and walked right in.

I was blown away. I met the most delightful women on the planet Earth, I swear! The enthusiasm and excitement was palatable in the festival hall. There was no one looking down their noses at me, no one judging me. I was part of a festival (such a good word!), we were all celebrating and having a wonderful time. Friday’s meet and greet was fun, albeit short. The workshops were wonderful. My only real criticism is that attending the workshops meant that I saw almost none of the day-time performers. That saddened me more as I got to meet and “know” a little of some of the women I could not see perform.

Thank you to all the organizers, teachers, volunteers, vendors, performers and everyone who made this event possible.

Gothla - the weekend that proved that, yes, Goths DO smile.