Irony

The last time I blogged I talked about the status of my relationship. Well, I'm still with the guy. I'm finding that he really doesn't want to hear a lot of what I have to say though. I was telling him about an email I got today and he said "you told me about that last week". I left it alone. The irony is that I want someone to talk to and who will listen, but he does all the talking.

I went in last week and had a mammogram done. Today they called to tell me that I need to come in for some more scans. Some people might think no biggie, but it is to me. My mind has wandered the entire gamut and I need someone to talk to about all the possibilities. no one ever wants to think about what the worst could be. However, it is there, in the back of your mind. This could be something that will make a major change in my life and the person that I'm supposed to be intimate with doesn't make me feel like I can talk to him about this. If you don't want to talk about trivial stuff, you really don't want to talk about the serious stuff. He has shared some dark sides of himself with me and I've listened and discussed it with him. This really makes me want to cry, but at the same time I feel it is stupid to cry over this.

The other thing I've come to the realization of is that pretty much Sunday night through Thursday night he'll be here. But come Friday and Saturday night, he's gone. Must be with his "mistress", as he calls it. This is cool too. He asks do I mind if he goes, would it matter if I did? The man is grown and can do as he wishes. He just needs to realize that thisbehavior is probably what has caused all his relationships to end. Giving someone money or having sex is really not the important thing. Time, quality time, is what is important. You need to be there for someone when they want to talk, when they need support, a hug or a word of encouragement. There's a song that says: Tell me how would you feel if I stayed out late and didn't even call. Wasn't there to pick you up whenever you fall. If I didn't smile and compliment you when I should . Tell me what would you do, if the shoe was on the other foot. You should do unto others as you would have them do to you. You reap what you sow and that's how it goes. So be careful what you do.

He does show appreciation for how I dress and look, which I appreciate because it has caused me to take better care of myself. I feel really nice when I dress well and have my hair fixed. He is very driven by how people look and dress.

As I said before life for me right now is bittersweet. I spend time looking back on my life and wonder if I was too cavalier in some things. If maybe I took too much for granted and didn't really appreciate what I had.

08/14/09

Hugs and kisses (or lack thereof)

I have recently become involved with a new man. He's a really nice person and I like him. He doesn't, however, show or respond well to affection. This is very ironic, as I have never been an overly affectionate person. He doesn't like to be held or touched a lot and very rarely wants to kiss. That, I have issues with. I enjoy kissing and being kissed. I'm used to sharing a goodbye kiss when I leave and a kiss with the person I am intimate with after coming home. I'm not talking about the foreplay kind of kiss, just a hello kiss. He seems to feel as if that is not necessary. I like to feel as if I can let people be who they are, but this is hard. I have decided to see where things go and let him initiate any contact when he wants to. But, I know me, and I feel as if this will drive a wedge between us.

I'm not real good at expressing my feelings and thoughts with others (not even my lover), so I will probably internalize all of this and end up alone again. You can only hug a pillow for so long.

The intimacy (okay sex) when it happens is phenomenal. At first, I would just lay my head on his chest and hold him, but now I don't even do that. It makes me sad. I cried for three hours one day because this led my train of thought into the abyss. I told myself no more meltdowns.But you wonder what could have happened in a person's life to make them like that? He does have other issues that I really don't want to put down on "paper" right now; but come on, give a girl a hug.

This relationship hasn't been a long one, about a month, so maybe I'm rushing things and taking everything out of perspective. We'll see.

I don't blog often,but I needed to get these thought out of my head.

JLJ 080709

the birch tree

THE BIRCH TREE
BETH




24 December - 20 January


Symbolizing: The Sun

Gemstone: Rock crystal

Flower: Daisy

Archetypal Character: Taliesin, bardic-god


'I am a stag of seven tines'




The Illustration


The stark beauty of the birch in winter symbolizes the serenity of nature dormant and sleeping. The spirit of the birch tree projects a faint aura of light, as the sun, representing the solar-king, begins to rise from the dark slumber of night. The tree is shown in the ethereal light to symbolize the divinity of the dryad or tree spirit. The golden eagle circles overhead, carrying in his sharp talons a salmon, a dazzling symbol of knowledge. The proud white stag is a symbol of the eventual fate of the sun-king, who will reign for seven months in the 13-month lunar calendar of the Druids. This was foretold by the chief bard in the 'Song of Amergin', an epic poem chanted as an incantation to establish their supremacy when the Celts first set foot on Irish soil. The daisy represents another ancient Celtic symbol of light.



The rock crystal
This is a naturally occurring substance that has the ability to make invisible light visible by refraction. The alchemists and magicians of medieval Europe claimed that if it was cut in a certain way and exposed to the Sun, it could also render a solid object invisible. It is a transformer of energy that relates to inception, the spiritual significance of the birch tree.

The Druids reputedly used rock crystal to make themselves invisible and thus be able to travel great distances undetected. The tribal aborigines of Australia continue to use amulets as a protection against demons, and the most commonly used stones for this purpose are fragments of rock crystal.

If held in both hands, rock crystal is said to induce serenity, a peace of mind, and to sharpen the mental processes.



The stag
From ancient times the stag was considered a royal beast, and figured prominently in Celtic myths and legends. Antlers have been found in the Newgrange burial site in Ireland, and in various sites around Britain, notably at Stonehenge and Glastonbury. A stag-cult appears to have first developed among the Gaulish Celts and then spread to Britain, being particularly active around Glastonbury. The horned deity called Cernunnos became an important intermediary between the animal kingdom, the forces of nature and man. It was a guardian of the gateway connecting a dual-world envisaged by the Celts.

The fate of the antlered king, like the proud white stag, had an inevitable conclusion; both were symbols of the metamorphic process of soul growth that required radical changes on all levels of consciousness. The Celts drew heavily on their observations of nature in order to understand their own doubts and fears of life and death.



The golden eagle
This was another symbol of the soul, signifying the eventual resurrection, the power of life over death. As a bird of prey, the prize of knowledge symbolizes its ultimate victory.

The golden eagle is now almost extinct in Britain; it is a powerful bird, of magnificent flight, but seldom seen except in the north of Scotland. Highland chieftains still wear three golden-eagle feathers in their bonnets to proclaim their rank.

In heraldry the eagle is a bird that makes the most prominent appearance, although it is surprisingly lacking in English devices and coats of arms; the English imagination is perhaps not so wild or free in spirit as that of the Celt. It was used as an heraldic device by the Earls of Cornwall, who occupied a very Celtic kingdom, and some of whom had Celtic origins.

The Romans used the golden eagle extensively on their standards and great seals. The French from Charlemagne to Napoleon used it with superb style and artistry. The Austrians adopted it early on, but developed it into a double-headed black emblem that was annexed by Germany. Black birds, however, have always had a sinister association, both symbolically and esoterically; the Austrian royal family, along with several other royal houses in Europe, incorporated the black eagle in their coat of arms, but most of these families have been either deposed or the royal heirs tragically eliminated. Coincidental or not, black eagles have a powerful occult significance that could never be termed benevolent.

The Druids were believed to be able to change into the form of all birds and beasts, their favourite being the eagle. The very idea of shape-changing is difficult for modern man to accept, but metaphysical studies relating to the rapid changes of molecular structure do not rule out such a phenomenon. The Druids had perhaps tapped into energies that are still waiting to be explored and understood by modern man.



The common daisy
This is a symbol of innocence and fidelity. Devotion to duty and personal obligation also describe the most positive aspects of the birch tree character. The daisy has an ancient lineage whose botanical name, Bellis perennis, came originally from a dryad called Belidis according to some writers of antiquities. It can be further traced to Belenos, a Celtic god of light and a solar deity.

The healing power of the daisy and yarrow was used by Druids on the battlefields with great effect; yarrow was used to staunch the bleeding, while the daisy was a great wound healer that counteracted the debilitating shock of such injuries. Both plants grow profusely over wide areas, but only the daisy grows all year round and throughout the world - an evergreen of plant power that complements the durability of the birch.



The birch tree
The birch tree is a native of Europe, from Sicily to Iceland, and of parts of northern Asia, where it has been referred to as the Lady of the Woods for its grace and beauty. However, despite its slender beauty, it is hardier than the oak and will thrive in places where the sturdy oak will die. It was also used for many humble purposes, from providing broom handles to the manufacture of cloth. The name of the birch is a very ancient one, probably derived from the Sanskrit word bhurga. It is known as a tree whose bark is used for writing upon. The birch tree is associated with the letter beta in the Celtic tree-alphabet, the first of the 13 consanants of the Celtic letters that formed a calendar of seasonal tree-magic. In heraldry, the birch tree forms part of the Birkin family arms.

During the first lunar month of the year, the Celts used birch rods in the beating of the bounds and in driving out the spirit of the old year - two important rituals of re-establishing tribal boundaries and the order of the seasons. In Great Britain and Ireland birch-rods were later used for flogging criminals, a practice continued right up to the present century and only recently rescinded in the Isle of Man. (Although part of the British Kingdom, the Isle of Man is an ancient Celtic stronghold with its own parliament, the Court of Tynwald.) Then in March the Druids made incisions in the tree and collected the sugary sap to make a cordial to celebrate the vernal equinox. It was also a very symbolic gesture of releasing the spirit (dryad) of the tree at the time of the sun's own liberation into manhood. Indeed, in the Druidic herbal calendar the birch tree had a continuous cycle of uses throughout the year, with every part of the tree yielding a valuable remedy or product. Whilst their observation of the rhythmic laws of nature was fundamental to their social customs and agricultural calendar, spiritually the birch was the alpha and omega, the first and last principle, signifying the eternity of God and immortality of the soul.



Beth
Beth is a word strikingly similar to Bith (meaning world), the son of Noah and father of Cessair who, with the pilot Ladra, were the first people to invade or settle in Ireland according to the Irish Mythological Cycle of Invasions. They came to Ireland from the west, after a great deluge had overwhelmed the Earth. The shadow of Atlantis falls across this period of history, providing another mysterious connection relating to the Celts.

According to another earlier but lost ancient manuscript, The Book of Druim Snechta, the name of the first woman who settled in Ireland before the Flood was Banba, a female progenitor who symbolized both water and land in the creation myth of the ancient Irish.



The Solar Symbolism


The solar symbolism associated with the tree is a sign of the continuous phases of life, which aligns very well with the alpha-omega principle. The sun, in terms of Celtic mythology, was a powerful deity. It was a cosmic allegory of Druidic belief, and had been created by the mystical union of Celi and Ceridwen. The Welsh bards called this offspring Taliesin, and recounted his solar brilliance in the romantic and intellectual deeds of numerous poems.

The Irish and Gaulish Celts, a more warlike people, called their sun-king Lugh and they regarded him as the greatest of warriors. He had as equally a mysterious birth as Taliesin, and a strange fostered upbringing with the Dark King of the Great Plain in the land of the living and the dead - a faery kingdom. He was therefore very skilled in all the secret arts and sciences. He had many titles, but as Lugh Lamfada, or Lugh of the Long Arm, he was guardian of a magical sword and spear, the two symbols of power and mastery over other races in battle. The other two symbols, the Lia Fail or Stone of Destiny and the Cauldron of Dagda, enabled the Celtic kings to believe in rule by divine right and to understand the deepest mysteries of life.

The Celts were naturally drawn to delving into the subterranean structures of life, both spiritually and philosophically, perhaps because they believed that all Celts were descendants of Dis, a powerful god of the underworld. Pluto, lord of Hades, was the Greek equivalent, the Greeks being a race with whom the Celts shared many beliefs and customs.

The sun-king belief gradually evolved as the Celts experienced the changing aeons of time. The sacrificial aspect became identified with Jesus, which certainly helped to promote their early conversion to Christianity. The solar spirit was equated with the national psyche, not only ready to be drawn into action at the time of approaching danger but also a guardian of national honour and truth. Just as Lugh went to the aid of the men of Ulster in their desparate hour of need, King Arthur personified Celtic chivalry. This solar spirit lies deep within the psyche of birch tree characters, and holds the key to unlocking their innermost feelings.



Myths Associated with the Sign


The story of the birth of Taliesin provides a glimpse into the Celtic world of fantasy and fundamental truths. Ceridwen was an ancient lunar goddess and a primeval mother figure. Her first-born child was called Avagddu, Black Wings, and in their creation myth was referred to as Night or Chaos. Avagddu was so ugly that Ceridwen decided to compensate him with the gift of great wisdom and knowledge. She prepared a mystical cauldron of inspiration to be filled with the sacred herbs of every species, their optimum virtues determined by the hours or position of the moon and planets. It would take a year and a day to brew (a reference to the lunar calendar), during which time she travelled far and wide to collect the ingredients.

In her absence, the task of stirring the cauldron was given to Gwion, son of Gwreany, the Herald of Llanfair. But on the day it was ready, three drops flew out, scalding his finger, which he quickly stuck in his mouth. In an instance he was transformed from a boy to man, student to sage. Realizing at once that the whole essence of the brew was contained in those three drops and that the residue was now a deadly poison, he fled, knowing full well the fury of Ceridwen. He used his new knowledge to change into the elements, then into a hare, a fish, a bird; but Ceridwen pursued him as a greyhound, an otter and a hawk. Finally, in desperation, he took the form of a grain of wheat, hiding amongst the many thousands on a threshing-floor. But the goddess of all life was not so easily deceived. Turning herself into a large black hen, she gobbled him up. He grew inside her, however, and was born nine months later as her second son. Angry as she was for bearing a child of such trickery, she could not kill him because of his radiant beauty; instead, she concealed him in a leather bag, placed the bag in a coracle, and cast him unto the mercy of the sea. He was found and fostered (a typical Celtic concept of how man evolved from contact with the gods), and grew up to become the master bard Taliesin, who raised the skills of Welsh bardism to new heights and recognition.

This feat of great achievement, against all the odds, reveals a vein ot optimism and enterprise running deep within the Celtic psyche. It also expresses their belief in the free spirit of man, which cannot be easily snuffed out or compromised - a complete contrast to eastern mysticism, which demands a more obedient spiritual will.



Astrological Significance


Tne significance ot the sun in traditional astrology is simply as 'the life-giver', a vital and principal influence throughout the whole birth chart. Its position reveals the individual faculties. The symbol itself, a circle with a small dot in the centre, represents the one unity underlying all things. Until a certain stage of evolution has been reached it therefore represents the self or the ego. Esoteric astrology defines the sun on another level altogether; the sun is observed as a focus of a ray from the central sun or the supreme intelligence, presiding over the whole universe.

The 12-sign zodiac that has dominated western astrology for centuries has tended to interpret the sun through the signs in a rather isolated or abstract way. The sun in this system is regarded as the ruler of Leo, a fire sign that supposedly dominates other signs. But the soli/lunar cycle of the Druids provides a balance of energies, placing the sun at the beginning of the Celtic zodiac, a place where it begins its return or 'rebirth' after reaching the maximum point of declination or distance from earth in the northern hemisphere. This new rulership sets a new precedent in astrological thinking, which will hopefully help to refocus and re-define the role of the sun.



Archetypal Character


The mystical legend of Taliesin relates to the basic personal qualities associated with the birch tree sign, and reveals the individual facets of character. Taliesin is the archetypal birch tree character, symbolizing the potential light of the sun, although any achievement or personal recognition has to follow a similar course or ordeal experienced by Taliesin. Therefore the basic character is primarily moulded and influenced by the need for patience, which naturally evokes an inward sense of quiet determination as well as a sense of personal isolation.

There is, however, a basic inflexibility in this sign, symbolized by the changing forms of Gwion as he seeks to escape from the goddess. The eventual outcome is the radiant 're-birth' of the higher self, in the form of Taliesin. In personal terms the birch tree character must learn to become less narrow-minded and rigid regarding all aspects of life.



Tree Character


Birch tree characters hold the seed potential of all the signs. The virtue of patience is attributed to this sign, a necessary requirement when dealing with such potential. People born under this sign direct their energy and enterprise through ambitious strategy; each step taken in life has a specific goal in mind. The obstacles can, however, be quite formidable. Personal limitations are not readily accepted, as birch tree characters become more resolute and determined. Some notable birch tree characters include Pasteur, Kepler, Gladstone, Lloyd George and Ronald Reagan.



Positive aspects
Birch tree characters are reliable and trustworthy people, not given to rash moves or bold statements.

The second-son aspect in the mythology of the sign has an interesting parallel, pyschologically speaking. Birch tree characters often take on the role as head of the house, not through seniority of birth, but because they take family responsibilities very seriously. They are usually the most successful members of the family in financial terms, although they might not appear so as they do not flaunt their success or generally waste money on the symbols of affluence.



Negative aspects
A rigid outlook can promote a pessimistic character and impose a form of self-discipline that can be difficult to sustain. Their willpower can therefore alternate, or fall between two extremes, resulting in some wild behaviour or acting out of character that may surprise even close colleagues. It may, however, go to the other extreme of acting with great discipline and determination at certain times - but never consistently. Undisciplined birch tree characters are unhappy individuals.



General
Birch tree characters actually thrive best on strict routines and regimes. The term 'workaholic' fits them perfectly, although it can equally apply to other signs, particularly other cardinal signs.

The best way to understand this tendency is to look again at the ambitious strategy; work is the means to an end, but do they really enjoy being the only person left in the office at the end of the day? It may be a question all birch tree characters should ask of themselves every so often, in order to define their true objectives in life. The intense desire to succeed is the bottom line and, on balance, is a positive aspect overall. The formidable obstacles mentioned earlier usually arise from difficult family obligations or physical weaknesses, all relating to setbacks from childhood; personal isolation has occurred at some stage, which is difficult to admit to or confront, and yet it has helped to strengthen some minor weaknesses of character.

Are birch tree Characters sociable? Their quiet reserve can be deceptive. Providing they can choose the company, which falls into a narrow list of possibles rather than probables, they are certainly more amenable. After all, socializing is a serious matter if you are intent on becoming the managing director or, perhaps, marrying the managing director.

The trouble is, they are serious individuals trying not to be serious. If you should meet one who acts just the opposite, beware! They have an identity problem. But with regard to neuroses or phobias, these people are the least likely to be affected; both physically and mentally, they have developed a powerful resistance to just about everything. Having said that, they can become obsessive about their health, in the sense of sticking to a fairly strict regime; certain foods may be religiously avoided, and this establishes a mode of living that is, again, a necessary discipline.

Do birch tree characters have a sense of humour? They could never be termed humorous people, but their sense of humour has a droll quality that can have some people rolling in the aisles. But what makes them laugh is another matter. It would have to be extremely clever witticisms or jokes so coarse as to make most people blush. The extreme is the norm because mediocrity is not acceptable in their system of values.

With regard to material values, the birch tree characters have no problems whatsoever. They, above all other signs, understand the value of money not only have they worked hard to acquire it, they are not ashamed or embarrassed about having it.

Do birch tree characters make good friends? The answer is undoubtedly yes, but not many people will get close enough to count themselves as such. They do make very good bosses, not overly generous with praise, but at the end of the day they will make sure that their employees have been fairly treated, and they are keen to promote people from humble origins. There is an autocratic manner that some people may find cold or indifferent. Although this quality is genuine enough, and related to an inherent sense of dignity, it is also a good cover-up for a basic shyness. Of all the signs, the birch tree character is also the most modest individual.



Love life
There is an initial sense of loneliness associated with this sign that reflects a lack of activity or sensitivity regarding early personal relationships.

Successful marriages will often occur later in life and, along with holly tree characters, people born under this sign are not inclined to divorce. Separations are more likely, or the premature death of spouses. Their love life is rather hit and miss - some sudden passionate affairs, and then zilch. It has to fit into that strict routine, which, no matter how pleasurable, has a narrow circuit.



Summary
Some of these points of character may not be so positive or pronounced, but the potential pattern is always there. Not all birch tree characters will come from the same family background, or have the same natural abilities, but there is a distinct behaviour pattern that separates them from the rest of the crowd and applies throughout the zodiac.

Birch tree characters prefer to keep a low profile generally. Even if they attain high office or public standing, they prefer their private life to be very private. Their public image is often a matter of convenience to fit the part. Their careers remain a dominant influence overall, and there is no mistaking their personal hand on the wheel. They set their own precedents, and eventually create a degree of growth or success not easily matched by other signs of the zodiac.



From The Celtic Lunar Zodiac by Helena Paterson. Boston: Charles E. Tuttle Company, Inc., 1992, pp. 26-35.

dragon name and color

<p>My dragon name is <b>Jargon</b>.<br />"rumandmonkey.com/widgets/t...ll></p>
Your Inner Dragon is the embodiment of Nature and the Earth. Greens spend almost all of their time below the canopy or just above the treetops in tropical rain forests. Not a bad life considering every other creature in the forest looks up to you, figuratively and literally. You speak the language of every animal and plant in your domain and know most of them by first name. If people mess with your forests, you're more than happy to wail on their puny butts. Because of your protector/caretaker role, you are the Earth Elemental dragon.

Naturally your whole life pretty much revolves around the other couple million species you keep an eye on, but that's not your whole dragon. You also like to like to impose your steadfast will on others, commune with Nature, and lobby governments for alternative fuels and conservation. Your favorable attributes are Midnight, Winter, gemstones, mountains, caves, soil, respect, endurance, responsibility, prosperity, and purpose in life. Folks shouldn't get the idea you're a hippy pushover though, because your breath weapon is a nasty Fire/Acid combination. Maybe you should invest in a hemp shirt reading "Don't knock my smock, or I'll clean your clock." *wink*

it's been awhile

i haven't posted anything in awhile. i can't say i've been busy, just sidetracked. i put up a family website for my genealogy research and had to build and upload three trees, so that took awhile. i've also been researching some genealogy info on ancestry.com. i took up a new hobby that i have been curious about for a while; quilling, the art of twirling paper. we recently aquired a new addition to the family. she's a 1lb 2oz ball of grey fur. she was found in the hall at the aprtments where we live by the maintenance man and we took her in. her name is minute (she's not big as a minute), and she is curious,fiesty and not very timid about anything. we currently have two older males, corner and noland and are trying to introduce her into the mix. noland seems to be kind of nonchalant about her; corner is not a happy camper. i've changed positions at work and am a little happier with my situation there. overall i feel like i'm ready to retire just don't have the age. that's all for now.

another year over

2005 is coming to a close. it has been an extremely difficult year for me personally. i was without a vehicle for most of the year and had to get myself and my daughter where we needed to be when we needed to be there. i think we both learned so very useful lessons from this experience. i now have a vehicle, but no money to get insurance or pay for registration. i am going into the new year with my health and wits, hopefully it will be a better year. i do have a roof over my head and a job for which i am thankful. as i think on all that has happened here and abroad over this past year, i am saddened; but, at the same time i am glad that so many were spared the heartache, loss, and devastation experienced by so many. may all have a blessed and wonderful 2006.

water

<img src="images.quizilla.com/Q/QueenO...jpg" border="0" alt="pond"><br>You are like a pond--settled, relaxed, content,<br>kind, and dreamy. You are not overly ambitious<br>and are quite content with your current<br>situation. You have an extremely laidback<br>nature, even more so than the stream. As a<br>matter of fact, at times you can be just plain<br>lazy. But you are not lazy because you don't<br>like work (being the immensely positive person<br>you are, you find a way to enjoy everything),<br>it's because you are often daydreaming and<br>adore just lying back and spacing out. Your<br>friends love you because you calm them and are<br>forever kind and welcoming to them. You try to<br>offer a shoulder to cry on but find that you<br>simply do not like confrontations or<br>disturbances of any sort so you attempt to<br>convince them that everything will be all right<br>in the end without directly facing the problem.<br>A positive outlook on life is fantastic and<br>something to be treasured, but just remember<br>that the world is not all rainbows and<br>butterflies. There will be times when you need<br>to meet the world head-on: you'll ultimately<br>become a stronger person if you do.
<br><br><a href="quizilla.com/users/Queen...u%3F/"> What aspect of water are you?</a><BR> <font size="-2">brought to you by <a href="quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>

sad farewell

one of the greatest comedians of my time died yesterday. i enjoyed richard pryor and his comedy. he is gone but will live on in the hearts and memories of his many fans, followers and admirers. Does anyone remember "Richard Pryor meets Richard, Willie and the SLA"? This is probably one of his albumns that was not released everywhere.

?????

i recently posted a question on one of my tribe sites. it was like i was in the valley with laryngitis and everyone else was on the mountain with earplugs. it doesn't really make one feel welcome or invited if you get no response. it's kind of like being in a room full of people and everyone is talking and excluding you from the discussion. i may try again later but at this point i don't even know if i want to bother. i am feeling like a fifth wheel these days and so may just be carrying my feelings on my sleeves.

ready for ...

more abundance, new year, car, creative jolt.
The last few years have been very life changing for me and yet there is still so much more that needs to change. My finances have spiraled so far out of control it's not even funny. It's payday, and at the end of this day I will be almost broke. I have to have enough money to get to and from work for the next two weeks and will have only enough to make it to Friday. Thanks to the kindness of friends I have managed to make it thus far, but I don't want to become a burden. Christmas is going to be very lean this year, but as long as I have friends and family I won't trip on the material. Used the computer to send e-cards for some of the one's on my list who have e-mail. I'm currently thinking of ways to change some of my financial pitfalls. I have come to the conclusion that I won't ever improve my "credit-worthiness", but I can make my life easier by changing some really bad habits that I have. Have to go but hopefully will be back later to unload my brain, heart, whatever.

I'm back, went to pay rent and get some brushed at Hobby Lobby. I am working on a project and it's not quite coming out the way I want.

This is the time of year when I usually review my esoteric resources to see what may be happening in the new year. My progressed sun has moved into Pisces and I joined the Pisces tribe to see if I can get any insight into what that's like. My solar return places my sun conjunct the ascendant, maybe I'll see if there is a Capricorn rising tribe and check them out. My Venus is going to be retrograde this year and I'm not real sure what that means. Maybe I'll post on the astrology tribe and see what they say. I'm going to put both my solar and progressed charts in my pictures.