I have recently become involved with a new man. He's a really nice person and I like him. He doesn't, however, show or respond well to affection. This is very ironic, as I have never been an overly affectionate person. He doesn't like to be held or touched a lot and very rarely wants to kiss. That, I have issues with. I enjoy kissing and being kissed. I'm used to sharing a goodbye kiss when I leave and a kiss with the person I am intimate with after coming home. I'm not talking about the foreplay kind of kiss, just a hello kiss. He seems to feel as if that is not necessary. I like to feel as if I can let people be who they are, but this is hard. I have decided to see where things go and let him initiate any contact when he wants to. But, I know me, and I feel as if this will drive a wedge between us.

I'm not real good at expressing my feelings and thoughts with others (not even my lover), so I will probably internalize all of this and end up alone again. You can only hug a pillow for so long.

The intimacy (okay sex) when it happens is phenomenal. At first, I would just lay my head on his chest and hold him, but now I don't even do that. It makes me sad. I cried for three hours one day because this led my train of thought into the abyss. I told myself no more meltdowns.But you wonder what could have happened in a person's life to make them like that? He does have other issues that I really don't want to put down on "paper" right now; but come on, give a girl a hug.

This relationship hasn't been a long one, about a month, so maybe I'm rushing things and taking everything out of perspective. We'll see.

I don't blog often,but I needed to get these thought out of my head.

JLJ 080709