Without getting into details just yet, I am letting people know that I have joined a 12-step group and am trying to recover from addiction. I could use support, but in case you need it too, here is a great place to get some:

"recoverychat.com"><img src="recoverychat.com/chatlink.gif" border="0" alt="Chat Now!"

Good Luck! :)

In case you missed it on the news, western NY was hit by a major storm that cause over 400,000 homes and businesses to lose their power last week. Well, my mom's house and my apartment are finally back on! Thank goodness...cause their is nothing quite like sitting in a 30F house with no heat and praying like hell that your cell phone stands the test of time because you cannot recharge it. Not to mention checking the basement every few hours to make sure there is no flooding cause your sump pump is not working. We got lucky there tho, cause no flooding...but a few of our friends...most of them actually...weren't so lucky. Thank goodness for generators! Even when you have to stand in line for 3 hours to get one. Some people still have no power tho...so if you're the praying kind, pray for them, cause there is more snow and very cold temps and flood watches on the way. Oh my, I am just so happy to have heat again. Not to mention internet, phone, fridge/freezer, laundry facilities, tv, cable, light, hot water, etc etc etc. :) How do people live without these things? Hope I never have to again...esp in the freezing temps and for 5 days!

So I changed my tribe name to M. Marie...just so you know. Hope everyone is having a nice weekend! :)

I can't believe it, but I recently heard from my stalker/ex-bf from 12 years ago! What an asshole. He coaxed me into returning his call by putting on an English accent and stating that there was an emergency with a friend in San Francisco and that I needed to call back ASAP. So of course I called back, cause I have friends (and ex-friends) in trouble over there and took this seriously. He kept the game going for about ten minutes and then finally admitted who he was and apologized for the past...but only for the lies! Said nothing about the stalking or the fact that he was arrested outside my apartment 12 years ago for gun possession! Thank god I wasn't there and that I had a nosey landlord at the time...he spotted this person in the driveway pulling a gun out of his pants and called 911. Anyway, cause he found me, I'm not sure how to feel or to be scared or what...he was calling from a cell phone (also registered to the name he left on my machine BTW) with the 415 area code, but can't you be anywhere with a cell phone??? I dunno...for now all I can do is move on and change my phone number and have it unpublished...whatever. Wish I could remember his last name. But just in case, his first name is Demisi. Hopefully he is in SF like the phone number says...for now, I am chosing to worry about this as little as possible, but I am telling EVERYONE about it, just in case something happens to me. Remember, his name is Demisi, oh, and he is using a cell phone registered to "TIM ORLOFF".

Okay, so when I started the treatment for my leg thing, the home nurse said, or so I thought she said, it would be about 6 months-give or take. Today, tho, she changed her tune...said that it might be a year altogether-including the last six months...so 6 MORE months!! For those of you who do not know, this problem with my legs is (as far as we know) called lymphedema...here is the definition:
Lymphedema is the swelling of tissues caused by the buildup of lymph fluid. It most often occurs in the arms and legs.
Good news is the therapy is working, so I just have to be patient...no pun intended. lol
In the meantime, if anyone knows of legitimate work from home opportunities, let me know...I need something to do besides treatment, smoking, and internet/tv browsing! Thanks. :)

Okay, so it has been a month now for me getting 5+ hours of sleep per night...what a wonderful thing! So I would be an ass not to plug the product that finally made it possible...LUNESTA 3MG. If sleep is an issue for you...call your doc NOW and ask him/her about this wonder-drug. If you work, however, you might want to start on a lower dose...this 3mg does leave a little bitch of a hangover, but it's worth it if you are as desperate as I was. Thank goodness for sleep...I will never take it for granted again, ever!

Winter and the Holiday Season approaches and I am looking forward to them...yeah, right. Does anyone over 19 look forward to the holidays? Anyway, even tho I am kinda a grinch, I do try to look on the bright side, and I never try to steal anyone's good holiday spirit, so Happy Holidays to ALL! I truly hope everyone gets to spend them with those they love! :)

I am not sleeping well. It taints everything. You want to feel good and be productive, but with less than 4 hours in a 24-36 hour period and this going on for weeks now, with few exceptions...it's so exhausting. My brain is on overload. Too many thoughts, too many feelings...sometimes none of either. Don't want to go back on the Halcion, but not sure what my options are...another week of this and I will be Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys, ya know. Any ideas?

Is it just me or has smiling at strangers become a freaky thing to do? I was just reminded of this change by a neighbor...we passed in the hall and I smiled, but she looked at me like some guy smiling at her kid in the park...like 'EW, what are you thinking?!' I remember when smiling as you pass someone in public, or especially where you live, was common and endearing to the ones you smiled at. What happened to us that we cannot accept or reciprocate a kind genture anymore???? What a bummer.

My real name is Michelle. Someone special started calling me Mesha...and no one had ever called me that before...I think it's so pretty and not the usual nickname you end up with when your real name is Michelle.