Dear Mr. President,

I understand that you're extremely busy with Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, and the recent bombings in London, but as a patriotic American, I believe it to be my duty to alert you to an even more horrible and powerful enemy that is clearly trying to corrupt and dismantle our treasured democracy: The Sun. As you may be aware, we are currently being bombarded by solar flares. I'm not a rocket scientist, Mr. President, but this seems pretty clear-cut to me. For reference, I've included this recent news extract from CNN.com to help clarify the issue:

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Sun Blast Hurls Gas Cloud At Earth

Posted: 10:15 AM EST (1515 GMT)

DENVER, Colorado (AP) -- Another spectacular eruption on the surface of the sun sent charged particles hurling toward Earth on Wednesday, and scientists said the cloud could significantly disrupt communications on Earth and may even hamper firefighting efforts in California.

"It's headed straight for us like a freight train," said John Kohl, a solar astrophysicist at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics in Cambridge, Massachusetts. "This is the real thing."

In Tokyo, Japan's space agency announced the Kodama communications satellite malfunctioned after being affected by the flare. The agency said it was temporarily shut down and would be reactivated after the solar storm subsided.

Similar solar events in recent years have disrupted television transmissions, GPS navigation, oil pipeline controls and even the flow of electricity along power lines.

Space weather forecasters first warned of that possibility last week, when a previous solar flare erupted, and then they saw a new sunspot region developing in another region of the sun's face.

But scientists observed one of the three biggest such explosions in 30 years shortly before 6 a.m. EST Tuesday. It produced a particle cloud 13 times larger than Earth and hurtled through the solar system at more than 1 million miles per hour.

The resulting geomagnetic storm could be ranked among the most powerful of its kind and last for 24 hours. It is expected to disrupt the communications satellites and high frequency radios.

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Mr. President, I strongly urge you to take action immediately, as it seems abundantly clear that the Sun is a hostile entity intent upon destroying our cherished Democracy. In short, sir, the Sun is a terrorist. Let's look at those facts in simple terms:

1) Our intelligence has shown that The Sun is in possession of nuclear capabilities. In fact, it has no other purpose than to chug along every single day in its relentless cycle of atom smashing.

2) As the above article clearly illustrates, the Sun is volatile and unstable.

3) The Sun hates freedom and loves terror.

Isn't it simply a matter of time before the Sun decides to use its nuclear powers on us? It is a chilling thought to ponder what might happen if the Sun were to conspire with any of our enemies by providing them with an endless supply of raw nuclear materials. I believe you'll agree with me that these recent activities on the Sun are proof of its aggressive stance and that it is clearly flexing its destructive muscle in our direction. We ignore these flare-ups at our own peril, Mr. President. It is time to declare war on the Sun.

I'm sure we'll meet some resistance from those left-leaning, bleeding heart Europeans who will try to urge us not to take out this awful menace. They'll defend the Sun as "Life Giving," proclaim our actions as "horribly misguided," and in general stand in our way while we protect our freedom. This will have to be another unilateral attack, Mr. President.

If you're having second thoughts about our involvement, might I draw specific attention to one line in the article above: "Similar solar events in recent years have disrupted television transmissions, GPS navigation, oil pipeline controls and even the flow of electricity along power lines."

As a man whose family fortunes were built upon the energy industry, and oil specifically, I should think this brazen attack by the Sun would strike a personal chord. I for one believe the Sun is mocking you, Mr. President, and its aim is clear: It wants to supplant our present fossil-based fuel sources with its own form of twisted power. I urge you, for our own good and the good of our children, to take out this evil Sun at once and rid the planet of any future threat of Solar Power. If you don't stamp out this horrible menace to our beloved way of life, not to mention the core of our economic system, who will?


Sincerely,

Jay Hedblade