My Blog

Early August/Mid August always hurts so much...

jeannieb — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 23:15:32 GMT

I start getting in these moods - watching the wrong movies - Dragonfly, this time. And I wonder where I am. What is wrong with me? Then I check the date. And I know. I am back there again. Grief. Full on. Getting fucking crazy angry at people who tell me that I am supposed to be mad at Richard (my baby daddy) for leaving me. That it is one of the stages. Because I am not and have not ever been mad at him. I never followed all of those damn steps. I am lost and different and broken and I know he misses me too. And my life is on a different path. A beautiful path. I don't even miss the old path. I just miss him. And still, in August, I go through moments where I forget how to breathe. Again. I met a man who said that he welcomed these times. If he could still bleed like this, he was keeping the memory of his wife more alive. Does that mean that you never recover or that if you recover you forget? People come to you when you're grieving. Give you weird messages and tell you not to be afraid of the touches and moments that come. Like they are missionaries with message. Saying that loved ones don't want to let go of you either. I have never been sure. Sometimes I think that my mind creates moments that I need to have - that it is being gentle with me. Sometimes, I don't care - I just don't want to wake up when the dreams come.

My 44th! Aaawwwgggghhhh! (isn't that what CB says?)

jeannieb — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:09:01 GMT

&It is freaking awful, but I am so surrounded by the best people and hanging out with a lovely guy and the best daughter in the world makes it bearable...plus I had some naughty reminders from lovely people that I don't I always have to be proper and grown-up. Please allow me to share. This is from an AZ friend and BRC campmate, flyer, musician - I was flattened - so much more than just flattered! Jeannie, sweet Jeannie your smile at the bar brings warmth to us all and to those from afar. Forever congenial an aura of grace your smile is a fixture upon your sweet face Upon a return from a cat herding mission we can always rely on your steadfast postion "Cranberry and Vodka" from me and the rest as we watch you make drinks and stare at your breasts It's hard to determine which asset befits your gorgeous sweet smile or your bulging soft tits? You can ride the Sybian with the greatest of ease with Tommy behind you making sure we are teased Too long it seems for a year I must wait to bask in your aura I'll be first at the gate. Another year passes and you never look older just sweeter and kinder and warmer not colder. I could have spent much more time on this poem but I'll look for to seeing you at our BRC home. Happy Birthday sweetheart! Miss and love you! ------- And this is from my most treasured person who lives too far away - you know, the who feels like home: J is for sweet Jeannie the Jack & coke she loves. E is for her eagerness and everything she does. A is for adorable, no other word describes. N is for her niceness & the kindness in her eyes AND N is for those nipples and those breasts I like to ride. I is for I love you and all your lovely ways. E is for the ecstasy you bring to all our days. Much love Axxx ----- omg - I am so in love with my friends and so very fortunate. The year ahead promises many shutdowns at my company, but i KNOW what is important. And this is my family, my friends here on TriBE (our BRC theme camp), and on tribe.net - especially those on BurningWoman - and I know can weather it all and go gentle into the gale. And yeah. I'm planning to spend some of my bonus $ on botox... but the rest will bet getting me to Transformus and BRC =) Plus I am going back to school for my doctorate! How frickin' crazy is that!

Love the Hitchcock connections and this IS a great hooping song =) Apologies to Josephine!

jeannieb — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 00:10:56 GMT

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance I want your ugly I want your disease I want your everything As long as it’s free I want your love (Love-love-love I want your love) I want your drama The touch of your hand I want your leather-studded kiss in the sand I want your love Love-love-love I want your love (Love-love-love I want your love) You know that I want you And you know that I need you I want it bad, your bad romance I want your loving and I want your revenge You and me could write a bad romance (Oh-oh-oh–oh-oooh! ) I want your love and All your lovers’ revenge You and me could write a bad romance Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance I want your horror I want your design ‘Cause you’re a criminal As long as your mine I want your love (Love-love-love I want your love-uuhh) I want your psycho Your vertigo stick Want you in my rear window Baby you're sick I want your love Love-love-love I want your love (Love-love-love I want your love) You know that I want you (’Cause I’m a freak bitch baby! ) And you know that I need you I want a bad, bad romance I want your loving and I want your revenge You and me could write a bad romance (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh! ) I want your love and All your lovers’ revenge You and me could write a bad romance Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance Walk, walk fashion baby Work it Move that bitch crazy Walk, walk fashion baby Work it Move that bitch crazy Walk, walk fashion baby Work it Move that bitch crazy Walk, walk passion baby Work it I’m a freak bitch, baby I want your love and I want your revenge I want your love I don’t wanna be friends Je ton amour Revanche veux ton amour Je ton amour I don’t wanna be friends Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh! I don’t wanna be friends (Caught in a bad romance) I don’t wanna be friends Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh! Want your bad romance (Caught in a bad romance) Want your bad romance! I want your loving and I want your revenge You and me could write a bad romance Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh! I want your love and All your lovers’ revenge You and me could write a bad romance Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh! Want your bad romance (Caught in a bad romance) Want your bad romance Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh! Want your bad romance (Caught in a bad romance) Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance

She said, "I needed these 9 weeks, i couldn't have made it without you, and you were my angel - I prayed to you."

jeannieb — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 04:33:17 GMT

Wow. The services and being there were beyond words. Chandler's mom managed things so well and she was holding up. I was one of the last people in line and when I told her my name, she started crying and hugging me and wouldn't let go - okay, I wasn't letting go either . . . Chandler's mom lost her husband of 34 years this January, her mother later this year and her 28 year old son last week. I have been worried about that we didn't do enough, and that these 9 weeks were just in vain, but she said these words to me, and spoke about my letters and gifts and she comforted me! I think that we'll stay in touch. Love to everyone and thank you for your words of sympathy. Jeannie

Unleashing the inner "Jeannie"

jeannieb — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 06:28:36 GMT

So, Tuesday night my son and his best friend and I drove to our house in Alabama and arrived around 7 a.m. I had a lazy day, worked a little, and decided to attend the neighborhood holiday cocktail party two blocks up. I don't often do things without Tommy so I called another neighbor who is older and who's wife would not attend due to her illness and asked him if he wanted a date for the evening. He had choir practice and met me there towards the end of the party and we walked down the street to the local posh bar/jazz club like place and had a couple of drinks and talked. As we were leaving - around 11:30 or so, a woman chatted with us briefly and she was so fun and effervescent that I invited her to the party that Tom and I are hosting this Saturday. We exchanged numbers and then my friend and I walked back and very courteously my friend walked me to the house like a true old world gentleman. You know how sometimes when you're out and partying, that you flake when you give out numbers and such? Well, anyway - I almost always do. So I made a quick call to this lady to confirm my invitation and to do the follow through. I had changed into sweats and ordered pizza for the boys (they're 19, but such babies), and then she invited me to join her and her friends at another bar for the rest of the evening. And you know what? I went! I never do anything spontaneous anymore and I just decided to go. I gave the boys money for pizza and took my son's car and told him that I was going to taxi home as I was going to go out, drink, and have fun and we'd get the car with Tommy when he drives in late the nest day. I wore my knock-me-down-and-fuck-me stripper shoes and these stockings that are a cousin of fishnets and a simple black dress with decolletage. It was a pretty simple small town bar with a decent amount of grad students, some of the crowd close to my age too, even though they were doing karoke! OMG - that was cute. Southern accents and heavy metal songs! LeAnn was the perfect new friend; she hung out with me, checked in with me, introduced me to her crowd and still did her own thing. Everyone treated me like a princess. I was inudated with drinks and shots, I had requests to model for an art class, and offers to come over and cook dinner for me, and unbelievalbe compliments all night. I know I was being palyed a bit, but it did not matter!!! I can't remember feeling so good about myself. Bad that we can't do this for ourselves and get to this level of validation. So I brought LeAnn and her friiends back to our house for a few hours after we closed the bar down. And that was fun too. Except that the boys had locked us out and were too immersed in their video games to heed our door bell ringing and knocks. So we had to break in. We broke in to the already broken window in the back of the house and just hung out and continued to play games and party. I have drunk girl cuts on my hands! Always, when we return to Alabama, we hang out with Tommy's friends, but now I've got some of my own and it feels SOOOO good =)

Tears - - -

jeannieb — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 02:09:48 GMT

so my new friend didn't make it. After 9 weeks of trying,to survive with all of those machines, extensive surgeries, blood infections, organ damage/failure - it was time for him to rest. This past Saturday evening, he left new friends, old friends, a kitty cat, a mother anda little sister who loved him deeply for a more peaceful path. My heart goes out to them. Thank goodness for Dacia (who was with Tommy, Keith and I during that time) and who has continued to be an emotional sister. It was her voice I heard, when I found out. I thought that this was going to be a hard road, but we were all so hopeful that he'd stay here rather than move forward. I watch my son bully and protect his sister as she embarks on her dating life and it hurts to know that Chandler's sister will never know that. Josie and Chandler's sister are the same age and both sophomores in high school. It was a festival and an amazing place, but only because of a late afternoon/evening nap were Tommy and I sober when we met Chandler - - and it still wasn't enough. The response time felt like hours. There were four of us and we weren't fast enough, we didn't do enough. Maybe we couldn't have done more, but it doesn't feel that way. It feels as though we let this young man down. It feels like we let his mother down. His best friend is letting me know when the services are - we're all going to go. I know I shouldn't cry so much and/or it shouldn't hurt so much. But it does.

Life and times and fire . . .

jeannieb — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 01:29:30 GMT

- I still have hope for tribe.net! I'm too lazy to manage Facebook. - Tommy and I shared his first burn and my 10th at BRC together and are still in love =) - Richard, our son, is somehow remaining enrolled in Indiana University and bankrupting us. - I had PKR 2 1/2 weeks ago - mostly successfully - slow healing and much sensitivity to light. - Josephine is talking/texting her old boyfriend again (as I predicted when they broke up), she got her braces off and she can test for her driver's license this month too! - Tommy took on an Associate Dean position - maybe because the rest of us are expensive. . . The biggest, for me, was inadvertently, making two new best friends because Tommy and I went to Alchemy at the very last minute. It was only days after my eye surgery, but we had the tickets and decided to risk it. We left the burn early because Tommy wanted to get some on before the party really started going! We came across a young man who had tripped into a tiki torch and set himself alight. It was awful. Because we had had a nap just before the burn and hadn't had a chance to catch up with the general level, we were the only sober people present as well as being first on the scene. The medic and the Rangers were so fricking slow and scared. My first new young friend (you've guessed it - his mom is the second), was able to respond to me a little. I did the talking, petting, and hand-holding, though, that's all. Tommy did the rolling on the ground, getting and pouring gallons of water, and getting our son's quilt blanket for him. Our new friend has had several grafting surgeries and he has extensive recovery to go through, but he's going to make it. My emotional response to this has been over-the-top. I am obsessed wth this young man and his mom. Maybe, because I teased and flirted with this young man to the point where he called me mommy - since I said that I was so much older than him and maybe because no one even suggested that I move away for the medics until he went into the ambulance to the airlift. He told me his name - we didnt' have it confirmed for 24 hours . . . the detectives thought that he was going to die and secured the area like a crime scene. Neither the onsite medics or Rangers were or could locate someone sober enough to drive another injured party to the hospital (someone who had also tried to deflame this young man). So after the "seemingly" hours of waiting, talking to the police, and being petted by Rangers, who donned gloves but were scared to touch anyone, we were the ones who drove the injured lad and his mate to the hospital for a 2:30 am to 6:30 am visit. Fabulous festival - hard way to make new friends.

Just in case!

jeannieb — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 03:33:05 GMT

I'm sorry! i still love tribe.net. Even when it is bad and I'm frustrated - it is still so easy to use and check in with my loved ones. I'm not ready to give it up. I'm an early adopter AND I'm loyal =) I'm not on facebook - although there maybe a naughty picture of me on myspace - I don't know what it is. My emails are: tigerlegge@hotmail.com and jeanniebrush@gmail.com I'm not giving up with this yet! H&K - Jeannie -

Losing the Dog

jeannieb — Fri, 30 May 2008 02:02:47 GMT

Her name is Brandy Seventeen Indiana hound/farm dog Happy dog Puppy dog Children's dog Fast, fast, faster than I have ever known a dog could run Even blind in one eye, she could jump up and snap bugs out of the air and little critters Playful Gentle Cast iron stomach Soft mouth bites when startled Deaf now as well Senile Confused Scared Lost Falling She could still have the summer But it would only be for me Tomorrow 8:45 am

Movie quotes - take my personal challenge!!

jeannieb — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:16:27 GMT

1939 vs. 1988 Which one has more quotable statements - more universal - more burner appeal - more anything . . . Wizard of Oz vs. Princess Bride? Which movie do you use or find used in conversation from? "I'm melting." "Do you want a peanut?" "I don't think that we're in Kansas anymore." "Inconceivable."

Sometimes a little country music is just what I need!

jeannieb — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 02:15:33 GMT

Lookin' for love - Waylon Jennings I've spent a lifetime looking for you Single bars and good time lovers, never true Playing a fools game, hoping to win Telling those sweet lies and losing again. I was looking for love in all the wrong places Looking for love in too many faces Searching your eyes, looking for traces Of what.. I'm dreaming of... Hopin' to find a friend and a lover God bless the day I discover Another heart, lookin' for love When I was alone then, no love in sight And I did everything I could to get me through the night Don't know where it started or where it might end I turn to a stranger, just like a friend I was looking for love in all the wrong places Looking for love in too many faces Searching your eyes, looking for traces Of what.. I'm dreaming of... Hopin' to find a friend and a lover God bless the day I discover Another heart, lookin' for love You came a'knocking at my heart's door.. You're everything I've been looking for.. No more looking for love in all the wrong places Looking for love in too many faces Searching your eyes, looking for traces Of what.. I'm dreaming of... Now that I found a friend and a lover God bless the day I discover You, oh you, lookin' for love In all the wrong places Looking for love in too many faces Searching your eyes, looking for traces Of what.. I'm dreaming of... Now that I found a friend and a lover God bless the day I discover You, oh you, lookin' for love Much love to my friends and lovers - I hope that I tell you enough how much I love you!

Not so much about the sisters . . .

jeannieb — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 00:39:55 GMT

You can't have a best friend who has a true sister (when you haven't). Rightfully so, you will never be first in her heart. The love of my life is both sister and friend even before I find her hotttt!

Together we can/must cure BDD!!

jeannieb — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 05:52:11 GMT

I was talking to a friend of mine . . . (first line of one of my fav songs by Tom Petty) . . . and we shared our experiences with men who were afflicted with BDD. My experiences were prior to my marriage, but given my happy slut status then, i could still contribute to the conversation with some experience. BDD being the Big Dick Disease. Which translates to the lad believing that all he has to do is show up - his penis says everything and he doesn't have to try to please you at all. I don't really know if this is true for men who are bent (which means gay in England), but it soooo is for the straight ones! And there may be girls out there who are so lovely that they think the same - all they have to do is show up. I've never met a girl that uncool though. Big penises are pretty in the same way that breasts are - but there was a famous lover - Casanova? - who stated that more than a handful is too much. Maybe more than a mouthful is too much, too. Regardless of how we feel about ourselves, if we enter into a body touching experience with another, we have the right to ask for as much pleasure and effort as we are willing to give. We do NOT have to be grateful that our nicely hung partner just showed up!! So, NO - I'm not just going to kneel in front of you and let you push your large, pretty cock down my throat when you're not giving me anything in return. And NO - I'm not just going to let you lie on your back while I ride and writhe on top of you when you make no effort to taste or pleasure me. I do not care how wonderfully that you're hung - - you have to beg and earn it just like every one else! Ladies - take a stand - don't let these lads get away with this! You can make the next time happier for another lady =) It's simple training. Reward and punishment - positive reinforcements! BTW, this blog is Tommy approved - and I find him perfect in every way.

Protecting the girl . . .

jeannieb — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 03:04:41 GMT

So I have a new army officer outfit . . .Aimee has Nation's jacket and LisaGrace has ebay and PHX places to scour. Let's dress up as military goddesses and protect our Siren on Saturday in LA. I mean, come ooooonnnn!!!! If we can be pirates and leprachauns (sp?) in PHX on a random Thursday, we can be naughty military goddesses at any time in LA, right? Boots or thigh high stockings required =) Are you with me, or am I the lone general?

Saran Wrap - We didn't do the camp but I still love it =)

jeannieb — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 03:44:54 GMT

Unfortunately, it was creepy to some . . . but I still find it hot and sexy!! And it doesn't just have to be in this style, saran wrap works as really fab ropes. Tommy asked me to add to this comment that he was the wrapper and restrainer . . . it WAS a lovely night! More about Mamma Mia to follow and how very much I cried.

You SOOOOOO know who you are!

jeannieb — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 01:50:30 GMT

For so long You and me been finding each other for so long And the feeling that I feel for you is more then strong , boy Take it from me If you give a little more then you're asking for your love will turn the key Darling mine I would wait forever for those lips of wine Build my world around you , darling This love will shine boy Watch it and see If you give a little more then you're asking for your love will turn the key I , I just want to be your ev'rything Open up the heaven in your heart and let me be the things you are to me and not some puppet on a string Oh , if I stay here without you , darling , I will die I want you laying in the love I have to bring I'd do anything to be your ev'rything Darling for so long You and me been finding each other for so long And the feeling that I feel for you is more then strong boy Take it from me If you give a little more then you're asking for your love will turn the key I , I just want to be your ev'rything Open up the heaven in your heart and let me be the things you are to me and not some puppet on a string Oh, if I stay here without you , darling , I will die I want you laying in the love I have to bring I'd do anything to be your ev'rything

For Lisa - remember our days of wine and sunshine and trampolines and little wrestling boys?

jeannieb — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 03:11:34 GMT

I just came back from the Brandi Carlile concert and this song made me think of you! TURPENTINE I watch you grow away from me in photographs And memories like spies And salt betrays my eyes again I started losing sleep and gaining weight And wishing I was was ten again So I could be your friend again These days we go to waste like wine That's turned to turpentine It's six AM and I'm all messed up I didn't mean to waste your time So I'll fall back in line But I'm warning you we're growing up I heard you found some pretty words to say You found your little game to play and there's no one allowed in Then just when we believe we could be great Reality it permeates And conquers from within again These days we go to waste like wine That's turned to turpentine It's six AM and I'm all messed up I didn't mean to waste your time So I'll fall back in line But I'm warning you we're growing up We're OK I know we're OK These days we go to waste like wine That's turned to turpentine It's six AM and I'm all messed up I didn't mean to waste your time So I'll fall back in line But I'm warning you we're growing up

Crybabies - for Josephine Victoria

jeannieb — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 01:02:26 GMT

I spent an interesting weekend with my new sister-in-law and her mother and assorted relatives a few days ago in New Orleans. Somehow we came across the topic of softies. My daughter has embraced the fact that she's a crybaby and a softie. They, on the other hand, had no tolerance for that behavior at all. As a gorgeous, and talented 14 year old, my daughter will sometimes use crying to get what she wants, but she's so deeply touched by life that she reacts to it honestly and with a lot of emotion. All of the health promos and needy children commercials tear her apart. She can't listen to an entire health class without getting upset. She's sensitive to jokes and teasing but she's so honest about her feelings that her friends let her get by with it - sometimes they're protective and sometimes they just let it slide. Neither she or my mother can get through chick flicks without sobbing out loud. My problem is sympathy crying =) I'm a pushover when it comes to kids and kitties - well, maybe everything. Why did we want to be tough in 3rd grade and tease those when their feelings were easily hurt? Why do we want children or adults to be tough now? Maybe it is that the trying to be tough thing is messing us up something awful . . . What is so amazing to me is that watching her be brave with her tenderness is making me more open with mine =) So this is to all of you - my darling friends - much love! YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL TO ME YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL TO ME CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE EVERYTHING I HOPED FOR YOU'RE EVERYTHING I NEED YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL TO ME SUCH JOY AND HAPPINESS YOU BRING SUCH JOY AND HAPPINESS YOU BRING LIKE A DREAM A GUIDING LIGHT THAT SHINES IN THE NIGHT HEAVENS GIFT TO ME YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL TO ME

Subconscious - I was looking for a picture of the Reverend and me -

jeannieb — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 01:52:54 GMT

but I kept stumbling across this picture. Just looking at this makes me smile =) I didn't even know that I had clicked the make this the main photo until I started jumping around in Tribe a bit! Maybe I'm a little transparent sometimes . . .

A Saturday Evening Cocktail - Jeannietinis

jeannieb — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 00:52:46 GMT

In the Burningman community, I introduce myself as the bartendress of the TriBe, which is the theme camp I belong to and have belonged to since 1999. I am proud of my group and their art and my dedication to wetting their lips. So let me share with you a yummy and simple drink. You want to prepare it in a shaker with ice and rim your martini glass with melted chocolate or syrup. If you're feeling especially naughty, top this with whipped cream and shaved chocolate . . . I'm all about decadence! 2 oz Kahlua 2 oz Baileys 2 oz Goose or other good vodka 2 oz Creme de Cacoa (I like the light) Serves 2-3, depending on your Saturday night mood!!! Love you guys!!

Part II Sex Goddesses

jeannieb — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 00:17:14 GMT

My closest girlfriends have all been sex goddesses! They just get it – what they love about their bodies, what they love about other people’s bodies, and their level of sexual interest and intent is HIGH. Insatiable, demanding - - and it’s amazing how men respond to them. Sometimes I feel like a nun around them, but mostly I’m just in awe and I find them inspiring. After the girl kisses at Burningman that one year – a girl playmate/friend seemed pretty intriguing and something I was starting to fantasize about a lot =) And not too long after that, I had the opportunity to indulge in a long and luxurious evening with a very close friend. She had been tempting me for years. Talk about long foreplay, I was so ready to go there. It’s been an odd thing, feeling mischievous and sexy with my girlfriends. There’s a little kink and a little flirt going on and it’s made most of my friendships a little stronger. I worry a bit about liking it too much or crossing a friend’s boundaries if I get too enthusiastic. One of my oldest friends at Burningman loves girl kisses and little neck nibbles but states emphatically that she’s very heterosexual. I stopped touching her once I started going a little farther than that, because I’m afraid that she’ll feel uncomfortable. She’s noticed, because she makes more effort to touch me =) And I have another dear friend who embodies the word abandon. She also does pretty well on the word celebrate. I think that Tommy is mostly okay with me. We talk a lot. We spend hours every weekend in the hot tub and in front of the fire and we do pretty well on our own playing ground. Tommy’s rules have been pretty easy to follow. I have some freedom but if my interactions with a particular friend become a little more frequent then he at least gets to watch once in a while =) He makes me happy and I can’t imagine a life without him. What’s been interesting is that while I often flirt or dance with any young, cute guy when I go out, when it comes to sharing, playing, being intimate with a girl – it’s always my favorite women. It’s like I have better taste, more discernment, a desire for a higher level of intimacy when I connect with a woman. Because I know it’s not a drink and a dance at a bar with some studmuffin, it’s a cuddle and the touch of someone I already love. I’m a lucky girl!

Ready and Willing to Play - I think - . . . with Girls =) Part I

jeannieb — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 23:56:36 GMT

Okay, fuck it – it’s my 41st b-day and I’m being a little introspective. The only person that I am naming in this narrative will be my husband Tommy. Everyone else should be a wild guess – not that they will be completely, given that some of you know and love me all too well. I’m not doing initials or nom de plums! And I’m not out or declared or willing to do anything that will make my children think that I’m crazier than they already do! I was raised RIGHT – in every way. Marriage and motherhood were the high points that I reached for as a young adult. But as a young girl and a blossoming teenager, I was intrigued and beguiled with my interactions with other girls. I eventually convinced myself that I just appreciated the beauty of other girls and that looking at them was just appreciating grace. I shared a bed and a few cuddles with my college roommate – as well as giving each other the opportunities to witness each other’s sexcapades. I learned more about being comfortable and giving in to my own body’s needs from her than I have from anyone else. She made me feel joy about being a girl and being feminine. Not to mention that she set me up with Richard’s father . . . of course, after trying him out first! Rather a weird thing, to know what a man looks like naked before he is =) My other best friend from those years is a lioness but will play submissive only on the sex scene. The smartest woman I know - in every sense, and my daughter’s godmother. When Richard’s father died, she was the one who thought everything out and gave me appropriate stuff to wear at the funeral (at 23 and in grad school, yeah – all of my stuff was still trashy). She has always challenged me to review my choices and tempted me with the adventures that she shared. Several years ago, at Burningman – a new friend asked to kiss me . . . it was over whelming . . . and HOTTTand it set in to focus where a lot of my secret fantasies were. I mean, you can fantasize about a guy going down on you, but for me at that point, it held nothing against imagining a girl being intimate with you. And if she’s at all in touch with her body, then she’s likely got you pegged - - at least in a spot or two. All of this was kiss only, but my mind went EVERYWHERE. I jumped in to being open to the experience here and started discussing my feelings with Tommy. If you haven’t met Tommy then you should! He makes my world go round, keeps everyone together and sane, he’s hot and super-duper smart, and maybe the only reason I think that I’m mostly heterosexual. I have withdrawal symptoms when we’re apart too long. He’s game for anything that I want to try as long as it doesn’t involve guys, especially naked ones. You should see him hoop!! Plus, my kids think he’s the best daddy ever AND he tolerates my 6 kitties. Maybe Part II later this weekend . . . and yes - I believe that there might be a tale or two about my favorite person on this planet! Much love and hugs to my friends =) I love that we're so there for each other even when there is so much physical distance between us.

Hall and Oats

jeannieb — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 01:49:53 GMT

Who would have thought it? Why am I thinking about them out of the blue? I can't believe that they made such a great impression on me. i didn't even think that they were that cute! True, I did nickname my best friend Maneater in HS (which we metamorphed into the name Kitten). And Your Kiss is On My List played throughout the summer of my first crushes and kisses, but really what else? Just now, when I was browsing through some notes and tribes, I started thinking about the song, "She's Gone". Remember that? There is nothing like feeling lonely when you're a teenager! And it keeps running through my head!! Aimee!!! Maybe it's the toothbrush reference! ----- Everybody's high on consolation Everybody's trying to tell me what's right for me My daddy tried to bore me with a sermon but it's plain to see that they can't comfort me Sorry Charlie for the imposition I think I've got it, got the strength to carry on I need a drink and a quick decision Now it's up to me, ooh what will be Chorus: She's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd better learn how to face it She's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd pay the devil to replace her She's Gone - what went wrong Up in the morning look in the mirror I'm worn as her tooth brush hanging in the stand my face ain't looking any younger now I can see love's taken her toll on me She's Gone Think I'll spend eternity in the city let the carbon and monoxide choke my thoughts away and pretty bodies help dissolve the memories but they can never be what she was to me She's Gone

No kool-aid and no-foolin'

jeannieb — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 03:24:13 GMT

I just saw the History Channel's documentary about our own Indiana Jones: Jim Jones. This happened when I was in junior high and so whitewashed that I never really understood it. I don't think that I'll be able to hear the joking "drink the kool-aid" and party with us again without crying. I do believe that by bringing things out into the open and making them ridiculous that we lessen their power, so I don't deny the benefits of this humour. I just won't get it and I'll remember the children and I will cry. It came on and I tried to explain about how little I knew about this episode that occurred when I was young to my 14 year old daughter because my parents had kept it from me and she said, "But you didn't keep 9/11 from me." Different choices and that happened on her 9th birthday - I probablly would have have difficulty shielding her as much as I would have liked. I'm filled with awe and respect for Jim Jones's son and how he was so open and shared so much in this documentary. He is an amazing being. His wish is that we get something out of this tragedy so that the 908 deaths were not in vain. I almost posted this on the Burningman tribe because of the kool-aid jokes and references that are often mentioned there, but my reactions are too personal to put out there. Did anyone else see this show? I'm really interested in knowing your reactions, memories, and thoughts. Love, love , and always love - Jeannie -

For my angels - you know who you are!

jeannieb — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 04:49:55 GMT

Have I Told You Lately that I love you? Have I told you there's no one else above you? Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness, Ease my troubles, that's what you do. For the morning sun in all it's glory, Meets the day with hope and comfort too, You fill my life with laughter, somehow you make it better, Ease my troubles, that's what you do. There's a love less defined, And its yours and its mine, Like the sun. And at the end of the day, We should give thanks and pray, To The One, to The One. Have I Told You Lately that I love you? Have I told you there's no one else above you? Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness, Ease my troubles, that's what you do. There's a love less defined, And its yours and its mine, Like the sun. And at the end of the day, We should give thanks and pray, To The One, to The One. Have I Told You Lately That I Love you? Have I told you there's no one else above you? Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness, Ease my troubles, that's waht you do. Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness, Ease my troubles, that's what you do. Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness, Ease my troubles, that's what you do.