My Blog

How A Humble Young Man Assumed His Place....

jefeismymesiah — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 15:41:39 GMT

...As the Greatest Looking Author Since Byron: I was born literate in 7 languages. We know this because there were 4 nurses and 3 wise men at my birth all of varying decent and they all attest that after being wiped off I thanked them for their attendence and answered Lewis Carrol's age old riddle that had been troubling me since 2nd trimester: "How is a raven like a writer's desk?" There's a B in both, I declared in 7 languages and one and all wept. The nurses were marginally attractive (Swedish, Puerto Rican, and Italian *somewhat* respectively) and I suppose my tongue at that early stage lacked the obscene elequence it aquired soon after. That's when I learned a highly important lesson: Chicks dig guys who get riddles. With that first gang rape on the first day of my life, the path was forged. SF is a nice place. And soon, bery bery soon, it must be departed for LA. The reading for LA is The Tribal Cafe on the 16th at 730pm, 1651 W. Temple (X-street is Union) Echo Park is very nearby. Anybody who can make it is welcome. Brin/Jefe Jefe

DATES FOR SHIPWRECKING IN SF & LA

jefeismymesiah — Wed, 09 Aug 2006 01:01:41 GMT

12TH-15TH SF, 16TH-20TH LA. anybody who knows places to stay for me and the guy i'm traveling with---i'll buy a drink for if they can hook me up. lemme know. be fun to see some happy faces along the way on this little tour. brin

WEST COAST TOUR

jefeismymesiah — Mon, 07 Aug 2006 05:41:44 GMT

portland, SF, LA starting on the 9th thro till the 18th. by train. open to best pitches for coffee along the way. brin

EURO BEACH PARTY FUNDRAISER!!!

jefeismymesiah — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 21:37:50 GMT

Cheap booze, speedos (I may even wear leopard print if i can find them), topless chicks (tops optional at least), bizarre circus freak musical acts (actually an internationally renowned jazz pianist, Paul Plimley with a traveling minstrell gypsy guitarist named BARRY KULAN WHO YOU WILL ADORE)---a whole lotta fun. Next Friday, Vancouver, all the infos on the photo I've provided. Hope to see anybody and everybody there. Brin

West Coast Book Tour in August...

jefeismymesiah — Thu, 06 Jul 2006 18:04:37 GMT

I'm prepared to read in back alleys and on top of moving tractors. If any of you guys know literary folks---bookstore owners preferably---along the coast gimme their email addresses. I want contacts so I can hit up some towns along the west coast toward LA from Vancouver. I'm willing to accept white women who own bookstores aswell and if I get drunk I might sign copies of my book for them. A fucking book tour. Not the worst way to spend a coupla weeks, huh? Even if I'm reading to 7 girls from Uganda! Jefe the touring

My first death threat...

jefeismymesiah — Thu, 06 Jul 2006 14:37:37 GMT

Here's a response to my sober think-piece on gays I received this morning at 5:24 AM: "not only do you look like you belong in prison, you look like you should be fucked up the ass there as well. You ever bring your judgemental christian shit online again I'll personally come looking for you you big ugly thing. PS Jesus Christ died a fucking long time ago....with 2.6 billion people in the world you focus on an a dead guy? Do is a favor and just kill yourself and go to your "God" and get off this planet you peice of shit..." 2.6 billion? That seems like a rather low estimate. Unless you're talking 1960 or something. "Big ugly thing"? But I thought you said the prison population at least would dig me? Mixed messages here. Jefe the threatened

BOOKS

jefeismymesiah — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 16:45:34 GMT

10 books left over from first print run after last night's reading. If you want some I'll send them off on monday. Email me at brinfriesen@yahoo.com and we'll work out the paypal shit if you're stateside. The books are $24. I think shipping's around 5 bucks. Lemme know. Jefe

book reading

jefeismymesiah — Fri, 23 Jun 2006 16:30:29 GMT

vancouver, spartacus books, 7pm, 29th of june, cambie and hastings. i'm performing naked in anticipation of a 17 page photo spread in play girl (it's one of those panoramic shots to take in all the literary glory/majesty). any and all are welcome to attend. the space is small but cozy. the harem is providing security.

Slide...

jefeismymesiah — Mon, 19 Jun 2006 19:23:52 GMT

Lonesome brain/heart fart...

FREE MUMBIA UPDATE...

jefeismymesiah — Tue, 13 Jun 2006 14:31:44 GMT

Even for my tastes this is out there---ALBERT MUMBIA has just been confirmed as a contestant at the world's FIRST all-Christian, mud bath, gangbang, foot-fuck-in, MARY MAGDELENE-ATHON. Apparently it's a response to the Divinci Code. Says ALBERT MUMBIA: "I want this MARY MAGDELENE to wash my feet with her hair. It's risk-free behavior. Then I, ALBERT MUMBIA, 4 honorary doctorates and all, will insert a toe and we cry out together for freedom. I became involved in this ordeal because I knew a relative of MARY MAGDELENE who died in a plane crash who left behind a great deal of money that our treasury will claim if... ALBERT MUMBIA everybody! FREE this man (endowed, articulate, *wears* his suits)

My Novel...

jefeismymesiah — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 13:35:06 GMT

If you want a copy of my book, Sic, leave your name in the comments here. It's $24 plus $6 shipping to anywhere in the states. The first printing run will be completed by sunday and bound early next week. To pay for the book you'll need a money order or, preferably, paypal. So please state which manner of payment you'd prefer and I'll give the paypal address in the next couple days once this publishing outfit is up and running. The website for the book is andorpress.com. You can email me a shipping address personally at brinfriesen@yahoo.com. Thanks very much for your interest. Brin

AN OPEN LETTER T0 THE DESK OF MR IDRISI ISSAH.

jefeismymesiah — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 14:53:48 GMT

I CONFIRMED YOUR INFORMATION (BY BBC NEWS NO LESS!!) First off, you are a *very* attractive man and I can appreciate the gravity and courage it must have taken for you to trust me with the sum of "USD$20.150,000 (Twenty million, one hundred and fifty thousand US dollars.)"---thanks incidently for breaking the enormous number down into chewable figures. I feel no shame (like pedophiles) in admitting that this proposition gave me pause (like pressing start on a nintendo control pad) and i considered the great bounty of 10% that you offer for my assistence very generous (like god giving us tinted windows). Ouaga-Burkina Faso in West Africa has always been my favorite countryside in Africa. I recently read "OUT OF AFRICA" by Issak Dinesen, have you? It had many Africans in it. It is a lovely glorious thing that we shall share a great fortune. My birthday was only 3 days ago. Are you sexually turned on by gemini's? I'm sexually turned on by a complete lack of grammer and spelling and bilingual letters. You are a dynamic and thoughtful man (like Socrates or focault) so I'll make you a deal... if we can have one passionate night and make love on the beach you go ahead and keep the 10%. Fuck the 2 million and change. Crying out MR IDRISI ISSAH is worth the stretch. THE DESK OF JEFE HAVANA, CUBA 14 INCH REVOLUTIONARY RIFILE CLOSE AT HAND LONGING KEPT IN CHECK UNTIL I HEAR FROM YOU

Eve

jefeismymesiah — Mon, 05 Jun 2006 07:23:38 GMT

With the myth of evolution finally being exposed and America proudly and stridently becoming the first country in the world to advocate the teaching of Intelligent Design in its schools, another deeper, uglier maligancy must be exposed for the health of our nation: Flat out, white women should not be trusted. Look what they came from! Take my hand... let's take a walk to the begining of time (if you'd prefer, hop in a Delorean). Regardless of your mode of transit, we've voyaged waaaay back 6000 years when everything got started. Look. What's the scene you see laid out before your eyes? That's right. For every beautiful woman there's a man whose dearly tired of fornicating with her. Eve was just such a woman. Now there have been many depictions of this vengful, manipulating, hateful female---however, I have it on good authority (God) that this Ruben's portrait I've furnished for your scrutiny is absolutely the closest thing resembling the actual inhabitants of Eden. Notice how Adam attempts eye contact only to be shunted. Does she resent his metro sexual body hair waxing or just his sunny dispostion? Or what about how Eve is shielding from view a possible mustache she's acquired from rumored steroid use after Adam invented arm wrestling to settle disputes over rabbits Eve desperately yearned to kick field goals with? What about the breast enlargement surgery Eve threatened Adam with after he wrote lyrics to a song that Billy Joel later stole and turned into a number one hit, called "Just the Way You Are"? Aside from her evil penchant for rabbit kicking and punting (notice the enormity of her calves from this activity!), Eve also innovated truly hideous hairdos to spite Adam's adoration and unfailingly temperate nature. She questioned the virility of Adam and was deeply suspicious of his beard betolkening a latent sexual orientation (add to this the fact that no other men exist to get an idea of the maliciousness of this female). Saying nothing of the oft repeated slight Eve hurled at Adam about the size of leaf required to conceal is sexual member. Eve also got in the habit of squeezing lemon juice on her hair to lighten it's color and claimed it was a natural occurance. To be fair, Adam's abdominal development leaves something to be desired. But in no way does it warrant the treatment he endured. If we accept that 99.9999999% of the species of this planet are now extinct, which *some* (Godless heathens one and all) might conclude isn't all that intelligent under the rubric of *intelligent design*, then it seems fair to excuse this other egregious slip up of making Eve rather nasty with limited bathing habits and general hygenic maintence. Morning breath was also a major problem which, kindly, Adam failed to call to her attention. What, you ask, is suitable punishment for Eve's copious transgressions? Following the example of Jesus we must forgive. However, for their sins I have taken it upon myself to forever deny the advances of the white female.

Prince Max and his Princess Wed!

jefeismymesiah — Mon, 05 Jun 2006 06:29:52 GMT

On my advice Prince Max took Vera Olive Loveless as his princess over the weekend. They married on saturday to take advantage of my 27th birthday proceedings. While Max and the thrown "officially" do not advocate outright hatred and/or stoning of white women, a decree from the kingdom has been handed down forbidding all subjects to open doors for them, compliment high lights in their hair, and Palace Star Bucks are now, by law, required to have separate, lesser quality, fattening mirrored, bathroom facilities for all women over 90% caucasian with the notable exception of Vanna White who was made "honorary applauder and letter turner of the thrown" back in 1987 after a brief yet passionate affair with Prince Max in the back of the royal Datson. All our best wishes go out to Prince Max and his fine, elegant, wife. Jefe

Rosie Perez

jefeismymesiah — Sun, 28 May 2006 04:21:01 GMT

Rosie Perez, Rosie Perez, Rosie Perez.... What was Billy thinking to let you go.

Cuba Diaries...

jefeismymesiah — Fri, 27 Jan 2006 08:13:10 GMT

Gitmo is the destination from Havana. On anything but a fucking scooter.

Cuatro cosas

jefeismymesiah — Mon, 23 Jan 2006 06:05:10 GMT

1. Sucker Punch Press until I hear better. 2. I want a Spanish teacher to woo with my inexplicable Italian lilt. 3. I want this Spanish teacher to be from Portland. 4. Just for a laugh to round up my points here. The photo above is a photo taken of my father at roughly my age now. Keep in mind he had no awareness of the existence of Ernesto "Che" Guevara. Little freakish, huh?

Seeking a hand...

jefeismymesiah — Sun, 22 Jan 2006 17:56:25 GMT

It's participation time kids! They've rejected Banana Fish Press so here's some alternatives I'd like you to vote on or you could suggest your own subject to my mercilous scrutiny: Jimmy Best Childhood Sucker Punch Childhood Files Sucker Punch Tuxedo Two Ply 50 Cent Piece Asbestos Catfish Big Shoe Peruvian Maid Molasses And/Or Napoleon Stereotype 49 Cent Halo's

Pocahontas...

jefeismymesiah — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 07:01:33 GMT

Goddamnit Terrence Malick can shoot a movie. *The New World*, even without Jewel's cousin or 2nd cousin as Pocahontas (who is so violently beautiful it's revolting), was amazing. It's like good visual poetry on opium. Along with *Best of Youth*, an Italian film 6 hrs long that coulda been 60 hours long and I woulda enjoyed it, these were my two favorite movies this year. Jesus that girl in the movie. I realize I'm talking about a 16 year old or something... but the historical liberties taken to bulk up the romance and all that---I'm a sucker. Jefe

Why women of color find me irresistable...

jefeismymesiah — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 16:45:45 GMT

There are several answers to this Gordian Knott of a question: 1. I say yestaaday reflexively, instead of YESTER-DAY. 2. I tan easily and the color is resplendant. 3. I speak Spanish with an Italian accent (you tell me, man) 4. I have never prefaced ANYTHING with "well...from *my* point of you"

now why oh why do the gay listings get so much attention

jefeismymesiah — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 04:34:33 GMT

108 views so far in roughly 12 minutes. is it the gay photo of the guy in chains? i'm trying to work out the good recipes for this stuff so you boys and girls gotta help me perfect it. jefe the pondering

I think I've found a friend for Wade

jefeismymesiah — Sat, 14 Jan 2006 04:03:31 GMT

jefeismymesiah — Sat, 14 Jan 2006 03:42:15 GMT

check out zoetrope.com to read my story that got ranked the top one for november. i realize it's january but they're slow on the uptake. the story's called "sic" and it's in the novella section. lemme know what you think.

havana feb 1...

jefeismymesiah — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 04:14:15 GMT

if you are pretty and put out, contact me. if you are pretty and feel like sending nude photos, you may also contact me.

Plush safe he think...

jefeismymesiah — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 04:09:07 GMT

my book "sic" will be published next week by Highbury Press. little paperback edition. 4 months after breakup still feel like shit but have been eye fucked at least thrice daily. this is an auspicious sign. girls suck. cheer me up. jefe