I love my Daddy so much. Sometimes, for no reason at all i have a hard time, but everyday he's there holding my hand and healing part of my heart. I'm lucky and so incredibly blessed. I don't even know what to say sometimes. I look at him and the way he holds me and want to cry. Not because i'm sad exactly... just that my heart hurts for how much i love him. Yesterday after a particularily hard scene he wrapped me up in his arms and took me to the shower. He held me and washed me and then he started singing to me. Our song, the first thing i ever thought of in connection with him. So we danced in the shower (we have an orgy style shower in the back room, off of the lg room) and i felt love, and i gave love and we both became, even more attached to each other.
i don't understand this fairytale life. I knew someone was out there for me, but i never really expected to find them. I never expected to KNOW (without a doubt) that they'd never leave. And what's more... was that through time and the ages i've known about bdsm i was beginning to believe more and more that i was poly. Maybe in some ways i still am. But i couldn't find a single person who had the BIG thing i needed (the ageplay) much less all the other little needs i have. Daddy (so far as i know) fullfills them all. I'm his little girl, his kitten, his____, and the love of his life. He told me so two days ago and i believe him with all my heart. He lets me be whoever it is i need to be at the time. And he dosnt care if i want to fuck other girls (hell encourages it) or make out with other boys. I could love other people and that just makes him smile at me. Theres so much unending love that i just can't put my finger on it. when did this all happen? I was lost and alone for so long dealing with SBI and struggling desperately to keep things together. William never hits, he never makes me feel stupid, he wasn't mad at me when i slipped up at Disneyland (and i really felt he should have) somehow him not being disappointed in me helped in more ways than i knew were even there. I still have urges here and there, but it's not intense and i can resist it now. I really can. Maybe i can go for years and years and years again without wanting to do it.
I grew up so hurt. I hurt and hurt and there wasn't anyone around. some random people, a teacher here and there. But mostly i did it all on my own. I HAD to survive there just wasn't any other options. And i thought i would go on doing it all on my own, forever and ever. I was so strong (with so much hurt inside) i never thought i would find anyone who would be strong enough to give me the things i need. I'm eternally greatful. It's funny how things happen though... because without knowing it (at about the same time) i discovered i had a family. It may not be the sort of family most traditional people think of in terms of family... but i discovered i have a family and that it's growing. When i find healthy relationships they last forever and for all time. Uncle don and kevin will be with me forever. Bo9b will be in my life forever. Daddy will never let me go. He's mine and no one else's... But it's not me holding on to him that makes him stay. It's that he dosn't want anyone else. He looks at me with his eyes and even a blind person could see how much he loves me. how he only has eyes for me. I stepped into a fairytale (like enchanted) and this feels like it isn't my life. But it is my life. And i am happy. I am so happy, even when i'm sad i know everything is going to be okay.
I feel sort of smug sometimes when we go to events and parties. Daddy and i walk into a room and we have the best relationship there. most people never have a happily ever after. most marriages are considered a success if they don't manage to end period! Forget about happily ever after.... My life has stopped changing dramatically. Thank you God. And now all i have to look forward to are good things. The website growing, making new little friends, having people over for dinner, making other people feel good. I'm not in survival mode anymore (thank you Daddy, thank you uncle don, thank you kevin) I can think. I can breathe... i can just be little me, filled up with joy. I can give again the way i was having a hard time doing in the past. It's really hard to give to people when your not sure where you stand yourself. I'd do it anyways but i finally feel like my heart is ready to give again. I really felt... burned with Katy. and maybe even a little with steve. I didn't want to open up. I was shattered and broken but somehow... my Daddy let himself in.
So i'm happy.... and i want everyone to know. I Need to share this with my friends. It's time to celebrate. Thank you to all the other special people in my life. Thank you for sharing my joy with me and for loving me for who i am. I am blessed