I'm super down today. Yay.

Well, it's been coming for a while now.
I've been smoking since I was 12-13 years old so it was only a matter of time.
Today I've decided to stop.
I've had a couple attempts before but those were failures.
I didn't plan or prepare for those attempts.
I just woke up one morning, slapped on a patch from a whim and said, "I'm done."
I didn't let people know I was stopping before I did so they could
be ready to refuse me if I asked for a smoke, didn't know not to offer one.
I didn't have ... read more

It has been an interesting time without a computer.
Lots and lots of time spent in that vast maze that is my own mind.
Thinking, sorting, pondering, wondering, fantasizing, wishing and dreaming.
I wrote a little bit in a notebook to help get some stuff out, but it was not quite the same as throwing it down online where people might read it, comment on it, give feedback, ideas and criticism.
There was no dynamic to the paper written things, once it is there, it is there and kind of dead fo... read more

Last few weeks have been kind of up and down.
I've been without my anti-depressants for nearly two months now and have to say that all things considered, I am not doing too bad.
I have a side job that is back breaking work, but pays cash and is located up in the hills of Camas, so it's a beautiful place to be working.
It gives me some peace to be surrounded by nature, working with nature. Kind of a hippy thing to say, but it's true.
Though I have to have my headphones with me, otherwise I... read more

So Sunday was just as lazy as I expected, well to an extent.
I ended up deciding to go out to The Hive to check it out.
Yeah, I went to a club, alone.
It was fun to be out and about, but again, I was alone, so it kinda sucked too.
I had no idea what to do with myself there.
Damn I'm a socially awkward pussy.