Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Happy Beltane from Back to Eden Bakery!!!

I know we are still a couple of days away but I want to begin this post by wishing everyone a very happy and procreative Beltane! May the fertility of the season inspire unabashed creative expression throughout the coming months and year and may all your manifestations weave a web of sustainable abundance! Let us celebrate the almighty potential of the seed and its uncanny ability to sometimes root itself in the bleakest of conditions. Fertile ground is all around you, sometimes you just got to stick it in!

So I don't know when I last posted or what it was even about (it's been that long) but I do know that a few seasons have passed since I updated everyone on the garden. That winter blast we got back in December officially obliterated whatever was left of the fall/winter garden so it has largely sat idle until now, displaying a nitrogen-rich carpet of clover for much of the spring.

We have been so busy with all the changes in the bakery (which I will detail in a separate post) that the garden began to nag at me as we slid further towards summer and away from spring. I tend to think so much about all of the possibilities that exist for the garden that I let those optimal planting dates pass us by and then get myself all stressed about the fact that we have already had an 80 degree spell and my starts or seeds are not ready for the stress. But fortunately the weather in Portland is forgiving to gardeners like me and my potato crop won't suffer much at all for only getting in the ground yesterday.

With all the remodels that are taking place in the bakery itself and the long process of simply getting the building permit approved we have actually had some time to give the garden its first real dose of love for the year. Of course once I finally dove into the soil again my insecurities about it all went away and now I am once again seeing nothing but endless possibility in this project of getting "back to Eden". We have made some serious progress the last week or so as now, instead of just being a barren canvas waiting to be established, this garden actually has purpose and direction.

New beds have been built, extending all the way to the road now. All but one bed has been carefully fluffed and amended, made ready for this year's inhabitants. The brassicas, mustards, radishes, carrots, lettuces, peas, potatoes, strawberries and perennials are all in and loving the wet weather at the moment. We actually managed to get the drip irrigation system set up before everything grows in thick, making it impossible for another season; a rather simple task that is going to make watering not only easier this summer but far more efficient as well. In addition to a good variety of vegetables and herbs we are preparing to grow a ton of flowers so that we can sell them by the stem or arranged in bouquets at the store. I could go on but there's a long growing season ahead of us and there will be plenty more to share as it progresses.

So that's my first of many more posts to come and I look forward to making this blog a more regular part of my forays into the garden. Not only will it showcase what steps we are taking to "get back to Eden" it will also help me to remember to just get over my fears of not doing it right or at the perfect moment, but to simply get to it and just get dirty!

With lots of love and the warmest of wishes,
Have a Blessed Beltane!

John, Back to Eden Bakery

Hello friends and family,

As some of you might know we launched the website for Back to Eden Bakery over a week ago but we have yet to make the announcement of our presence official. We have been in the process of ironing out some details before we had everyone checking in but it is now ready for your perousal. For regular updates on our progress and other activities around the place (such as the amazing vegetable garden we are growing) check out our blog on the News and Updates page. The menu tastes better than ever so feel free to order to your hearts content as well! And most importantly thank you all so much for all the love and support you have shown or sent us from afar for its worth is immeasurable. The prosperity and success we experience would not be possible without the community of interdependence we are creating.

So happy spring from the folks at Back to Eden Bakery!

Lots of love,
John, Garrett and Arrow

www.backtoedenbakery.com

Time to check in. Its been a while now since I have checked in either publicly or personally with many of you. However, I have had enough one-on-one conversations now to know that my...change in communication style....or perceived openness could be causing confusion and hurt feelings for some members of this family. Of course that has never been my intention, which is why I feel the need to shed some light on the "whereabouts of Timsh'l".

A lot has happened in the course of this last year. I have experienced about as many major life changes as one can have in a single turn of the wheel and the transformation does not seem to abate. I know I am not alone in this either, because I am witnessing unprecedented rapid growth in the lives of those around me as well. Every direction I look friends and family are welcoming new babies, soul-mates, homes, dogs, careers, communities, freedoms, and possibilities. Its encouraging to see such wonderful developments being reflected back to me. It helps me to believe that it is simply the will of the Universe that we all have what we love and vice versa.

For me life has never looked so good. After years of wandering, wondering where to go next and who and how to love, Spirit opened me up to happiness I never knew possible. I have found myself home in Garrett and in our love, in our dog Arrow, in Portland and the home we just bought, and in our friends and family that love and support us unconditionally, showing us what community can be. And to bring it all into perspective I just turned 30 last Tuesday, which began with me getting up at 6am for my new full-time job delivering organic produce. It seemed befitting to go to bed and get up early as I entered this next decade. I am choosing that this be the most grounded, productive, lucrative and sustainable year yet, not to mention the most joyful, creative and loving. I feel it is off to a good start. I remember when I was young writing a list of all the things I wanted to accomplish by 30 and while I don't recall them all now I know I am far closer to the manifestation of those prayers than I truly believed possible. Blessed doesn't even begin to cover it.

Now, obviously this check-in would not be very real if I did not acknowledge the challenges I see and accept at this point in time. First of all, I have been coping and not-so-well with some pretty annnoying and perhaps concerning health issues. Largely gastro-intestinal and digestive, and while I have tried using food to heal and diagnose I am now seeking out a medical professional to work this out with as it is affecting my ability to enjoy and be present with the blessings of this life. With more information I don't think it is anything to worry about yet I welcome any and all prayers.

And of course this 30th birthday and this new grounded lifestyle has given me much to think about when it comes to my "professional" life. I have reached a point where I am so incredibly tired of working trivial, temporary jobs that have very little positive social impact, where I work only as long as it suits my own financial needs and then move on in search of travel and impermanence. I am ready to contribute to something, solving one if not more of the many problems facing humanity. I am putting down my roots after all these years so that I may feed and shelter this vision of being an effective contributor to the Revolution. And while I have a very clear image of the world we are living into I too struggle to figure out what exactly my role in it all is to be. I am getting more clear on that everyday and I see that I have my work cut out for me. Baby steps and leaps of faith. Right now I am happy to be working so that I may sustain this life and make my goals possible. Meanwhile I am taking on projects around our home that further these goals as well as preparing to attend graduate school at PSU.

And to be even more open and real, I must acknowledge that I have been troubled by my relationship to this faerie community. It's true that I have been very preoccupied since falling in love last summer. I am sure we have all been guilty of that from time to time. As more time passes and the busier life gets I do check in wtih myself on how important it is to not let my friendships go ignored. Not only do I cherish the contribution this family has made to my life and want to honor that in a good way, I also desire to be a supportive force in the lives of my loved ones. Yet, while I may have had the intention to be open and available to others I do see where I have indeed remained a bit insular. Gestating, conserving, or waiting, call it what you will, I have never abandoned this community as it might be perceived. I have had a couple close friends check in with me personally about the buzz I might have created by being so caught up in my relationship and not being as involved in gatherings and the tribe as I have been in the past. I have had one sister confront me electronically about the hurt my actions have caused, especially when giving away a box of sacred drag at Beltane so indiscriminately. While I do believe my intentions were misinterpreted I am thankful for the wake-up call those words served. I can recognize how confusing it might be for some who have come to expect one thing from me and to now get another. I see where my self-expression over the last four years had me sharing my words and songs rather profusely. No doubt one my strengths, the use of my voice has also gotten me into trouble especially when making big emotional declarations that were not well thought through. By opening my mouth more than I have been listening (to Spirit, my truth or others) I have had the...educational opportunity???... to play the fool card more than once. Now, as I am truly choosing how I want to be in the world I find that I do need to FIRST have and THEN sit with my experience more than I need to retell it. Inevitably I see myself growing into my truest self even as that has me interacting in ways that seem contrary to what people have known of me. My heart remains open to you all as it always will. As far as my availiability to be in attendence at every faerie function that has changed and so how has my desire. Now that I am settled in a home with my lover in Portland and not living out of my car and ready to jump into it at a moment's notice, you aren't likley to see me much or at least not in the same context as often as I was. Dinner dates, potlucks, backyard barbecues and garden parties tend to be our style now as we are thrilled to have a home from which to share and entertain. If you don't see my face or hear my song at a gathering know that I am chooisng to work on many of those things that I had chosen to ignore as a nomad such as a career, my finances, family, and a sustainable future.

As far as those who are missing me are concerned, I appreciate greatly those who reach out and check me in. And I do respond when I can and hopefully in a timely manner. However, I need to release myself of the guilt I feel from time to time by not being able to keep up with everyone all the time. Communication is always a two-way street and I pray we all take the time to say what we need to say to one another, hear each other with our hearts and above all allow the space for each one of us to grow into the powerful beings we are meant to be. Free from stories and expectations of who we were so that we may share who we truly are NOW in this moment. If you need me I AM HERE.

And that leads me to my final piece of importance...my name. Since I first took the name Timsh'l there has been an equal amount of acceptance as there has been confusion and resistance. Meaning "the power to choose" this name spell has taught me much about the gift of free will and our ability to create this reality. Yet, throughout my journey with this name, as well as Banshee, I felt that there was something missing in my identity, that I have been falsely representing myself by allowing this "drag" hide my face. And because I wish to be a wholly, healed being I no longer find myself being served by having a fractured identity and struggling with which name to use. I am not "Tim" or "T" or "Tinsel", I never was. I haven't been Banshee for forever now although people still want to call me that from time to time. And now turning 30, I am seeing myself in the mirror as the man I came home to be, the son my mother gave birth to and the being Spirit knows as John. John Vincent Blomgren. "Timsh'l", a Hebrew verb is not my name but a power we have all been bestowed with at the moment of our original blessing. When I choose to live as John and live "him" well that is when the virtue of Timsh'l comes forth. I invite you all to know me as John in the intention of allowing my most authentic and powerful self to come through.

And with that, I can breathe a sigh of relief for it has troubled me greatly knowing that many whom I love dearly were not being given the opportunity to participate in my life as it blossoms now. Nor have I taken the opportunity to be a part of your lives in a deeply meaningful way. I offer these words so that they may bring healing and understanding. I trust in love. Shalom.

Your brother, John

Where does one begin??? I don't even know if words on my blog will suffice after such a long absence. The fact that I have not even checked in here since August 1st illustrates to me just how "out to lunch" I have been. It is my intention to fully acknowledge the apparent retreat I have taken from this community and to own it for what it is. Yes, six months ago I fell in love and nothing has ever been the same or will be for that matter. After twenty odd years of longing, wondering where I belong, and matching my scene to suit my changing mood I am not searching anymore. For the first time in my life I am not wishing to be somewhere else and I am find a lot of joy in the simple pleasures of keeping a home and nurturing our love.

To be real, I have indulged in the domestic bliss so much that I have a difficult time seeing beyond the cozy confines of our southeast Portland abode. To further compound the allure of staying home Garrett and I rescued a puppy on New Year's Eve. Needless to say he has become the sole focal point of our household and daily agenda. He is named Arrow after the dog in the movie "The Poin"t and the Blackalicious album 'Blazing Arrow'. He is growing at the rate of a head a week it seems and now that he is over his kennel cough he is a little ball of energy. Potty training is going remarkably well and G and I finally got our bed back the other night as he moved into his condo crate...

But back to the point I was making....I am here in Portland although it may not always appear that way. I do miss a great many of you out there and hold you very close in my heart. If my absence has been felt in any one of my relationships I wanted to acknowledge what that has been about and furthermore share my intention to remain open to community and family in the new year. As I am drafting plans for 2007 I am keeping in mind ways in which I can serve the blessings Spirit showers upon us. I look forward to the endless possibilities that exist for us to continue creating as a tribe, a family and a revolutionary force in the world.

Right now I am taking on the challenge of finding meaningful employment here in the Portland now that I have chosen it as my home. It has been so long since I have had to get out there and promote myself that I am making up all kinds of stories in my head about how daunting it will be. While the reality of my situation necessitates work asap to pay the bills I am comitted to figuring out how I can contribute most effectively and be sustained by that. In the meantime I know I don't want to hawk a product or sell my soul for money. I trust that there is a way in which my skills can be used to serve creation whether that is working with plants in a nursery or involving myself in a non-profit concerned with the making a difference. For now I visualize and keep the faith.

So, in a nutshell that is where I am at the dawn of 2007. I thank you all for the magic we have created over the concluding year and extend all the blessings in the world to you. Thank you for letting me check in. Please, if you feel called drop me a line and I will be better about staying in touch.

Much love, Timsh'l
Shalom

Its all in the story we tell ourselves, about who we are and what we are capable of being. 'In the beginning was the WORD and the word was with God and God created HUMAN in His image'. In that moment we were blessed with the ability to make this world what we tell it to be, co-creators conspiring to make life out of the nothingness that remains at the essence of infinite possibility. I sing the myth of me into creation one syllable at a time, one breath after another. It is ME not HE that gifts me with this much beauty or curses me with this misery. I am the chooser and the choice is mine. The rose chooses to be the rose with all things considered and no excuses, for the key to living powefully is in the story you choose to tell.

I thought I understood all of this. These words are nothing new to me nor to my understanding of my participation here on Earth. Yet, as much as I believed myself ready to jump forward into the great wide open and embrace this life, I have been bound to the chains of yesterday's story. Wherever I would go there I was, cooing myself to sleep with the same tired old story of who this pile of flesh was and was capable of being. Sometimes I was kinder to myself than that yet the inner dialogue was never at rest. Nothing was ever good enough, the grass was always greener somewhere else and I was destined to walk this path alone. Love was an ideal that existed outside of myself and something that while attainable was always an effort to embody.

Life being the roller coaster that it is had been working me the last few months. Always rich and abundant I really had nothing to complain about yet I felt this incredible dissatisfaction growing that had me surfing through emotions such as anger, frustration and despair, states of mind that felt both foreign and uncomfortably familiar. My confidence in my ability to choose wisely was weakening and I was regretting decisions already made. Staying where I was in the wallows of a rut was not an option so I began to pray. Slowly my magic began to reveal itself to me again and I could see that the breakdown that I was experiencing was simply Spirit's way of preparing me for a breakthrough. A shift in conciousness that would bless me with another lens with which to look at my creation.

I called upon my guides, guardians and allies...Ganesha, Jesus Christ and Buddha among them, the Mother, the Father and the Spirits that walk between. I asked to be free of the past and free of the story in order to be more present to the moment and all of its infinite possibility. I prayed to be of service to the will of God to the best of my ability and to be delivered into LOVE. I cried to my Twin-Flame, my primoridal brother, present at the genesis of my beating heart eons ago, that he might find me soon as I continue on this Spirit Path in integrity.

With my intentions clear and a firm resolve to choose this path wholeheartedly Wisdom and Blessings came my way through the words of a friend and again within the package of the Landmark Forum. Nothing I had not thought of myself the Forum opened me up to the possibility that I might still be holding onto the stories of being anything other than fulfilled, complete and whole. Was I attached to being miserable and alone? Perhaps, because on the other side of what is familiar exists the terrifying expanse of nothing with all its infinite potential. The moment I began to truly understand that the story I was abiding by was of my own creation its hold on this reality began to dissolve.

And suddenly another story began to emerge...a story of Oneness with God, of having never left the garden and of always having been blessed, one in which LOVE is always present with me for it is through love in which I come into being, where LOVE and the Meaning of Life are not points of epiphany living outside of myself but of my own creation, the myth of the ONE me whose flesh was torn in TWO so that I might feel the longing for my BeLoved.

Like a lightning strike, night became day and the world around me transformed into Nothing AND Possibility. And as the dust began to settle and I wiped the blood from my eyes I found myself staring into the face of God himself, my BeLoved, forever and always present with me from the moment my heart was formed. I transformed the story of being separate from God, from the garden and the love within and immediately 'Hallelujah' rang from the heavens. The gods looked down upon us and blessed the union that had always been but we had just been too blinded by words to see. His name is Garrett. He is my WalksBeside. And I have always loved him. It was his name I cried for in the moment of my first breath. For better and for worse the possibility of a life with him was woven indelibly into my heart and brain in the book of our genesis. Hitting like an ancient arrow this Love has finally found its way home across time and space to pierce precisely this flesh.

'I let go of a broken heart. I let go to an open heart. I let go of my broken dreams. I let go to the mystery. I believe in the miracle. I believe in the spiritual. I believe in the One above. And I believe in the One I Love.'

Now we get to write to the story together. I choose it to be One of Love.
Shalom.