· People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
~

· When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet. When toast is dropped, it always lands butter-side-down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat, butter facing up. The two will hover, spinning, inches above the ground. With a giant buttered-toast/cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
~ Omni

· The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
· Ogden's Law

· No matter where you stand, no matter how far or fast you flee, when it hits the fan, as much as possible will be propelled in your direction, and almost none will be returned to the source.
· John L. Shelton

The other line always moves faster
~

· Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
·~Manly's Maxim

~When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
· Lynch's Law

· If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
~ Murphy's Laws

· If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished.
~

· If it happens, it must be possible.
·~Murphy's Laws

· If it jams - force it.
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
~ Lowery's Law

· An Animated Cartoon Theology:
· People are animals.
The body is mortal and subject to incredible pain.
Life is antagonistic to the living.
The flesh can be sawed, crushed, frozen, stretched, burned, bombed, and plucked for music.
The dumb are abused by the smart and the smart destroyed by their own cunning.
The small are tortured by the large and the large destroyed by their own momentum.
We are able to walk on air, but only as long as our illusion supports us.
~E. L. Doctorow "The Book of Daniel"

· In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean. ~

"in serious pain the claims of the body utterly nullify the claims of the world." ~Elaine Scarry

· You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
· ~The Heineken Uncertainty Principle