Jones will suck your toes if you pour warm Miller Lite on them.

Big ups, Jones! Good to meet you! Hope to see you at another party soon!

Being such an accomplished genius in the fields of music, literature, and acting, it is hard for me to ever look upon another human being as equal to me. Jones, however, is not bad, for being so inferior. I have fond memories of him when he was a young intern at one of the world famous studios where I was recording one of my top selling gold records. I remember how I used to hit his legs with a yardstick, trying to trip him up and cause some sort of injury to his person as he frantically scrambled to keep our cocktails full of Roejiff Brand Whiskey (tm). He couldn't tell a quarter inch cable from an XLR to save his life, but his eager compliance with the sexy dress code we enforced upon all of our interns at the time made him a welcome distraction from the tedium of recording yet another hit song. He was one of the best studio interns I ever had, and later on we took him on the road with us as a personal assistant/roadie/whipping boy. We eventually shared a special love that can only exist in a smoky backstage hallway, and when he grew too needy I decided it was best to cast him aside. He then became one of my road band's most accommodating groupies. After that tour, we never saw him again, but I am sure he got over whatever that strange itching thing was that afflicted him so terribly. Jones, here's to you!

On this holiday that we share i wanted to let you know how much i appreciate you and your light and am thankful for all the wonderful moments we have shared. You are definitely one of life's amazing gifts.

Jones is a wonderful man. Plus, he's got a really nice apartment. Thanks for the open invitation to crash, Jonesy!