when I am here, love me intensely, like a hot white star ...
burn everything away but love, unconditional love ...
when I am gone, let me be free, like a free falling star ...
if there is any sadness, then our love is not unconditional ...

aum klim kalika, decapitate my ego ...
rip away all of my material possessions ...
and let my love rise like ethereal mist ...
untraceable and unconditional ...

where do i belong ... i've waited so long to feel the wholeness of who we are but i am just a single note sung in the eternal song ... my melody can seem so melancholy and so i'm sorry for the sad tunes ... hues of blues and grays ... dark shades cover my days and create a stream of tears ... force me to face my fears ... rather we like it or not we are here to clear up this mess that was left behind by generations of misguided gains generating this immense suffering ... i am just a little child so why me ... i am nobody ... just a note that falls in time with the rhythmic minds of a global conscious connection birthing a new direction on the dawn of this day ... in the shine of the rising sun we sit upon solid rock bringing forth a place for each being to relate to this life we face and because of you there is a reason to smile ... i know at times you may feel out of place or a little out of tune as we wait but fate is the course while we rehearse the music in our heads that reminds us the time is coming soon ... in the shine of the rising sun golden pillars uphold the sky bringing forth a space where oneness expands consciousness so that we can feel a little bit of bliss ... and maybe one day all the sorrow slips into the past and tomorrow comes to us at last ... forever free in pure energy radiating in a field of positivity ... a field of love ... of complements and compassion ... a field of truth ... of wisdom and connection ... and a field of music ... where every being belongs ... and songs of freedom fill our minds with divine light and we are able to BE the good way ... on the dawning of this day we are one ... and i too belong to the shine of the rising sun ...

Saturated in sadness and so sadness seeps into me
To say anything out loud about it would be worthless
Words can never touch this so it's better to never say
I'll smile and try to make chat about nothing
Emptiness forgotten for only a few moments
Dreaming until death passes us all away
Hand in a long list of pain and I Should Have
And another of At Least and The Best Times Ever
For now I lay to rest and let the burning sands stir
Beneath many layers of all my fear and all my love


My prayer: Strip away all attachment to all things and set my soul free

Recently, while reading a book that has really put me in my place, I have felt less of a burden from my mischievous ego. Last night, my little brother was doing a class project in which he had to interview family members. One of the questions was, "What is love?"

My answer was "The absence of ego." But then today I experienced a beautiful train of thought where my ego was not present or was at least, in the back seat of my consciousness while I was simultaneously concerned about my needs in what felt like a healthy and good way. The train of thought consisted of reviewing some important decisions that I am trying to make with love, consciousness, and awareness at the center ... and in the train of thought I found that I was very egalitarian in the fact that I not only made sure that everyone's needs would be met, but that also, my needs would be met and that I would not over extend myself or put myself in an uncomfortable situation. And I didn't feel that any ego was present or driving the thoughts.

After what I guess was about a few minutes, my ego did jump back into the mix and said, "Wow, that was very good of you. You respected your need for self preservation yet also gave as much energy as you were willing to give to others". Of course now the pureness of my thoughts were tainted since the ego jumped in with it's commentary. But, I was grateful for the nice run of thought without any thoughts about why I was thinking or any judgments about what I was thinking about.

After these thoughts, I began to reconsider the answer I gave my little brother concerning what love is. If one of the functions that the ego serves is self preservation, then it must not be entirely bad. Love for one's self is just as important as love for everyone outside of our body's physical boundaries.

I considered the ants, the bees, the coral, a pack of wolves, a school of fish, et. al., juxtaposed to a mountain lion, a badger, an eagle, a human, and everything else, concerning it's relation to the self and to the community. It appears to me that if survival (self preservation) selects for a species to work together as a group, then they will, in varying degrees. So the "ego" in it's function as self preserver will vary depending upon long standing evolutionary forces and current social forces.

Humans have found that working in groups is very beneficial to survival and thus we have formed tribes, families, cities, countries, etc. Yet, individualism has become very prevalent due to the proliferation of the machine which allows one person to accomplish many tasks. So there is a tug-o-war going on between, "I can do things on my own", versus, "I need someone's help" or "We can do this together". This is the battle a child is faced with when she or he realizes that one day choices and responsibilities will be primarily their own.

I've been telling my ego "Relax dude, don't stress out so much about things. You don't know everything, and half the things you are concerned about work themselves out on their own. The universe is in control and God will see us all through, and there is nothing you can do about that. So, here's what you can do ego ... you can remind me to brush my teeth, and take out the trash, and make sure that the basics of self preservation are in order. You better not slip up on that. Stay on top of it. But, as far as the future, where I'll be and what I'll be doing. I don't need you there. That's God's work. Let's just take care of here and now. Ok, cool."

The book I am reading, "Embracing Heaven and Earth" by Andrew Cohen, basically shut my ego up and put it in it's place real quick. It made me see the truth about myself and where I am. I'm not ready for real enlightenment and a true renunciation of desire. I had to admit to myself that I have desires that I am not ready to release and now I am OK with wanting to be successful, wanting sustainable technology, wanting to have children, wanting land and a sustainable farm. I do want things and I am OK with that, they are good things.

The book stated it plainly and I faced the reality, I can see it clearly and now I am not thinking that I have found some sort of enlightenment while simultaneously wanting material things. What a relief! I don't need to try to be anything special anymore and this—I hope—will free up a lot of my thoughts so that I can just be. I feel like I've been trapped between wanting to join a monastery or live the life of an aesthetic, wondering holy man, and wanting to have things. Good wholesome, honest and caring things none the less, but they are still things. Still desires.

Sure, I know that I try my best to do good and that I honestly have a good heart, but that's just the first step along an infinite path of renunciation. So I'm OK with just the little tidbits of clairvoyance and magic, I'm not ready for the fullness of God. I couldn't handle it right now. So in this life, I am nothing more than a good person, and I am OK with that. That is more than enough for me to handle in this life. Now my true goal is just to find a harmonious balance between the mystical, spiritual, fullness of God and the material, physical, oneness of self. It always seems to come to balance anyway.

I felt split in two... my shaman soul flying through the astral, but my body bound to the physical with all the desires that can come with that ... though I think I understand now (for now, they'll be more to learn of course), what true freedom in God is (and that I'm no where near that, nor am I ready to attempt that), and where I, as a man, stand on this earth. I am now (for now) aware and comfortable where I am. I am free to desire and to be desired. To give and receive. Gosh, I don't know why I have never been fully comfortable with this simple concept. More introspection needed.

So again I ask myself, "what is love?" And my answer today is "An awareness and respect of the community's needs coupled with the mature ability to balance those needs with your own." Tomorrow my answer my be different.

Bless and love,

Ishmael

I, the Jungle Guru, descend in the early morning rain. I heard the call, and so, I left my cave. I traveled through the valley of the bamboo forest, slashing with my swords, forging my way, to seek the master, who sat in the holy temple, meditating forever on The Way.

The day was almost done when I arrived, and just a little light shone on the temple gates, yet the glassy reflection on the wet bars of black iron, created streams of illumination, that radiated from within the temple courtyard and fell upon my face. I raised my drenched sleeve against the weight of thorough wetness, and reached for the latch to let myself in.

I walked through the courtyard that was filled with stone effigies of divine beings, covered by twisting vines and overgrown fern. I began to ascend the stone stairway that led up to the thick temple doors that were inscribed with esoteric symbols from the ancient holy scriptures, stained in a red rusty die, and eroded from layers and layers of timeless entropy. I grasped a hold of the heavy iron latch, and with great effort, pulled the door open and found myself drenched in light, radiating from where the master sat.

An attendant immediately took my soaking wet clothes from me, and wrapped my frigid body in a white cloth, and tied a red belt around my waste, and placed my swords within the belt. I took one hundred and thirty-seven paces forward and sat on a bamboo mat at the feet of the master who had not yet stirred nor said a word. I looked up into the master's eyes, and with my eyes, I begged forgiveness for the long delay in my arrival. After three days had passed, the master asked "So... what IS the sound of one hand clapping?"

Our gaze froze into one another and together we formed a glacier. Ten-thousand years later the glacier began to melt and we became the sea. Tiny creatures sprung from our belly and hopped across the land. The creatures began to dance, and pray, and heal one another. They became birds and flew into the heavens. They became stars and shot across the sky. Some, sat as a great sun, warming the skies, and scorching the deserts, causing snakes and scorpions to crawl beneath the rocks, seeking the mercy of the shade. But the rocks cracked, and crumbled into tiny molecular structures, forming trillions of pixels that took shape as the master before me and I replied "One hand... can not clap alone."

I expected a nod of approval. A word of encouragement. Some sign that my years of meditation and fasting had amounted to something. But the master did nothing but stare into my eyes for seven more days. I became enraged at the master, but I held my rage deep, like the molten lava that is held beneath the surface of the earth. I felt my body being turned into a pool of anger and hatred. I could feel the tips of my toes and the fingernails on my fingers vibrate in disgust. My heart sped up and and my mind became dizzy. Finally the master said to me calmly "Three chin of flax."

Those four words infuriated me! The lava that lay unsettled in the caverns of my soul began to boil up to the surface and I lost all control. The scorching shot up through the channels of my mind and I tried to determine if I should take my long sword and slice off the master's head or take my short sword and plunge it deep into my chest. I was overtaken by the paralysis of the human condition, I was entangled in dualism, I lost all connection to the oneness of the universal mind. I had failed the test. I stood quickly and turned for the temple door but there was no door any more.

There was no temple. There was no floor. I had stepped away into an abyss and the fall was endless. The wind whipped harshly against my skin and my pores began to open and break apart. My body burst into a billion butterflies. Black ones with white spots. White ones with black spots. Yellow ones, orange ones, and blue ones. Big ones and little ones, with wings of all shapes and sizes. A fantastic mass of fluttering, flowing and floating on the wind. And then, the butterflies imploded, consolidated into ten gray elephants. They screamed loud blasts with their large trunks, and tried to fly, flapping their great ears to avoid the blue-green planet that approached very quickly from below.

The planet was earth, and the elephants were pulled forcefully by the massive gravitational pull. As they entered earth's atmosphere, there was crashing sound like thunder, and they exploded into a trillion drops of rain that came cascading down in thick sheets that completely covered the sky. The rain swirled and spun in the air, gaining more and more speed, broke through the first canopy of trees, then through the second and third, and finally came crashing down on me, as I was making my way through the valley of the bamboo forest, slashing with my swords, forging my way, to seek the master, who sat in the holy temple, meditating forever on The Way.

---Purport---

Expectation and arrogance was The Jungle Guru's downfall. Instead of turning his focus on himself and all the years of meditation that he accomplished, he should have continued to focus on The Way, on the present. The master focused only on the eternal, the present, The Way and did not give praise for an answer given in the past. Once words are spoken, or an act accomplished, they are in the past. What's going on right now?

So, did The Jungle Guru really fail? Actually there really are no downfalls, only states of mind. The "Eternal Return" finds The Jungle Guru again, making his way to seek the master. Let's all try our bests to keep our focus on God, and off of ourselves. Everyday is a new opportunity to find your enlightenment.