I would never choose to be gay….

Although one could laugh lightly at me and jokingly accuse me of choosing every counter culture idea and incorporating it into my ‘kadeth does the theater of the world’ show, I still will argue…I would never have chosen to be gay in this world.

Why? Seems like a good ‘fuck you’ and form of social resistance to mainstream
“herd-aucracy”, right? After all, what better way to fly your own special “I’m not like you” freak flag by choosing something that will mark you irrevocably as ‘other’?

Uh huh.

Don’t think so.


Welcome to 2009, sunny (and butt cold) California where homophobia and prejudice are alive and well and living under the cover of ‘acceptance’.

I’ve been partnered with Brenda (with ups and downs, breaks and re-defines) for more than 10 years. Ask her and she can tell you the exact amount of time to the day…

However, even with a signed and filed domestic partnership legal agreement we have had to fight an uphill battle to get me on her medical insurance. OK, we got that, with its huge financial price. (gay people pay for this ‘right’, straight married people get partner benefits free of charge)

Now, using it.

Every time I go to the doctor I am questioned, ‘who is Brenda? Is she your sister? How are you on her insurance? Are you married? Who is your husband then? What is the nature of your relationship to Brenda? You must be unemployed to be her dependant. How exactly are you related?”

And every time I well them “She is my wife. I am covered under her family plan through her work. I work full time, but my work does not offer insurance (I can afford).”

“Your wife?” They look at me like I am smoking crack.

“Yes! We are domestic partners. I am gay! Gay!”

Usually after that the receptionist turns red, mumbled and processes me for the doctor….

Not this time.

This time the receptionist was fine. She had all the information ahead of time- we’ve gotten smart and Brenda calls the day before to explain everything to them and detail our relationship rights and such.

This time it was the doctor.

While being examined for contacts, the doctor grilled me about the nature of my relationship. Was Brenda my ‘friend”, how long had I known her? How was it valid that a friend could put me on her insurance? What was the nature of our relationship?” OK, I said ‘domestic partner’. More grilling, all about what sort of ‘friend’ Brenda was. All while trying to answer multiple rapid fire medical questions.
The she questioned the validity of my insurance. OK, yes we maintain separate residences, or by law ‘2 residences”. This is legal to do so. I typically tell people either that we are re-building my house, or that I am taking care of a relative there to validate the dual addresses. Once again, under domestic partnership laws, we may have more than one residence. The ‘must live together’ law allows for things like owning 2 homes, having a vacation home or whatever, as long as there is reasonable signs of a shared life. We have that.
This doctor didn’t agree with that.
More grilling, which implied that I had filed a domestic partnership agreement with a casual friend to rip off the company’s insurance plan, just like so many gay couples are accused of. The validity of my insurance, already cleared by the carrier was questioned, and I was told the doctor would follow up to see if I really was covered.

Check out time. I present my master card. “Citi Business” carries me. It’s City Banks big juju card, and it is under my name.
The doctor insisted on looking at it, and running it herself while the receptionist looked very confused.
“Is this your card?” the doctor asked. Yes, I told her. It has my name on it. “It looks like your work card. You can’t use a work credit card.”
It’s my card, I growled. City bank issues it to good customers. Call them.
“I need to see ID.”
The doctor examined my drivers license, checked the name, asked me the name of where I worked and handed the cards to her receptionist. In parting the doctor told me she would be following up and checking the validity of my insurance to be certain I was covered, and the validity of my credit card.

Don’t even pretend that wasn’t homophobia.

I hate it when people around me discuss how ‘gays’ don’t really deal with prejudice anymore. That people are just people, and no one really cares.

Right. When a gay man is stalked and beaten to death, it isn’t random. It’s because he was a gay man. When gays are forbidden to marry, it’s not random; it’s directly because they are gay….

When I am grilled about the validity of my life, or my integrity because I do not have a husband, it is not random.

It’s homophobia.

I would never have chosen to be gay.






www.imeem.com/sobeanaggie..._hallelujah/