My Blog

Snufflaffugus

khaeger — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 23:35:10 GMT

I always love the muppets. One of my favorite albums is, no kidding, "Kermit Unpigged," where the muppets sing songs with artists like Meatloaf and Vince Gill. Come to find out something I didn't know. There's a Muppet Wiki!! Omigod, this is just surreal. http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Muppet_Wiki Found this when I was searching to explain a chosen codeword with a friend, the word" snufflafugus", which is a beast apparently only Big Bird can see (urban dictionary says when he's on acid). I never thought the worlds of Muppets and Wiki's would collide...this is bigger than chocolate in my peanut butter. http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Snuffleupaguses just thought it was so divine that I *Had* to share...

my new favorite book

khaeger — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 05:32:05 GMT

http://www.thecenturyproject.com/newsite/html/project/photos.html an amazing project, amazing photos. it's amazing to see the variety of freedom that people experience, regardless of circumstances. stumbled onto this after seeing the movie about Spencer Tunick and his art of crowds of naked people.

The greatest party (and why Burning Man is so lovely)

khaeger — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 14:44:39 GMT

The gatekeeper is dressed in grey tights, a pink and black striped jacket, with big pink ostrich feathers on his shoulders. No hat. He has a large…smile. “May I enter?” I say with a gentle smile and a curtsy. “On what grounds?” he replies, offisorily (if that’s not a word – it’s like speaking from the office that you are responsible for). “Because I want to.” I’m dressed in a silk and satin ball gown, with a peacock feather in my hair that matches the color in my dress and matching wrap exquisitely. My hair is in an up-do (gentlemen, that means my hair is put up nicely on top of my head, like a fancy thing). “Mmm, that’s good. But not enough to get in.” Pink Zebra Gatekeeper replies. I figure if I’m going to have this kind of relationship with the man, I may as well grant him a name, one that matches his office and demeanor. “Because I deserve to get in? Is that the answer? I think I’m on the guest list.” I know I had received an invitation, I think I left it at home. I hadn’t thought I would need proof. “Nope, that’s not the way in either.” Pink Zebra Gatekeeper sounds like he might be British. It’s hard to tell on so little data. He’s a relatively youthful and fit gentleman, just a slight ten pound paunch on his tummy. Other than that, he seems to have large…muscles. His legs look quite good in the tights I wish I had legs like that, it’d be fun to have such legs. I scrunch my face, like Nancy Drew when she can’t find her keys. I put my right hand on my right hip, I am prepared to bust this door open, darnit. Just gotta figure out the key. “Can I have any hints, please, sir?” Does politeness impress the British? I’ll have to research that one on a later day. “You are making things more complicated than they need to be, Miss.” He looks directly at me with a sparkle in his eye while he says it. “Well, you’ve just described my entire life, thank you very much.” I giggle a bit. There’s something about this guy that reminds me of a clown, like Yorick or somebody. Or what I imagine a court jester would be wearing. “So, I just need to say the magic phrase, is that it?” I ask. “Normally, Miss, looking for reasons won’t get you much anywhere interesting. But here, there is but one reason and one reason only that I will allow you to enter through these beautiful gates. And you must be aware of that reason before you enter, and to prove that you are aware of it you must communicate it to me. It’s really more simple than you think, Miss.” He looks like he could be dancing inside. I look that way when I have a juicy secret that I’m just itching to tell someone, but I want them to guess first. Hmm. “Do I have to do something for you, or to you, in order to get in?” I ask, hoping that it’s not that kind of party that I’ve been invited to. I just didn’t wear the right sort of underclothes for such a party. Really. No, really, that’s the reason. Pink Zebra Gatekeeper chuckles and smiles a wide grin. “No miss, not at all. It’s not that kind of party here miss, although I must say, I like the way you think. Too bad I didn’t meet you earlier,” he says this last bit with a devilish wink. I rub my chin, hoping to find a secret out of my head, like Aladdin rubbed the lamp to get the genie. What is the answer? “Am I to give you a magic number? Is it 42?” I ask. “No, Miss, that’s not it,” Pink Zebra Gatekeeper sighs and smiles at the same time. He knows this is going to take awhile. I look around. There’s no one else to ask. Must be a weird sort of party, if there aren’t any other guests. “If you’re looking for the other guests, Miss, each have their own entrance to go through,” Pink Zebra Gatekeeper is starting to be helpful, or philosophical, or both. I pace, I’ve seen people do that before in movies, that seems to help them. Not sure if it’s helping me. “Is it a magic keyword, like a secret passcode?” I ask. “You can use whatever words you like, Miss, there is no word that works above others. It’s what’s behind the words that matters.” Who is this guy, Buddha in disguise? Or a Muppet-version of Yoda? Oh wait, Yoda was a Muppet, he just was never on the show. That’d be funny, actually. Yoda has fun with Pigs in Space. Maybe he tries to go after Miss Piggy, and then Kermit has to fight Yoda. But Miss Piggy loves Kermit, even when Kermit loses the fight with Yoda. Or maybe Yoda is a secret dancer, and his favorite is the Tango, and he loves to dance with the chickens. But I digress. Back to figuring out the magic answer to get the pink poodle here to let me in the gate so I can go have fun etc. Oh yeah, and I do not have an escort for this party, I am table for one so far. I could make that mean a zillion different things and carry them like daisies with me. But I won’t. I pace more, and rub my chin at the same time. I stick my tongue out of the side of my mouth, like Linus does when he’s being studious. I’m trying all my tricks that I’ve learned that might help me figure this out. The pea-stones are trying to get into my mid-high-heels, but I refuse to let them get to me. Rub chin, pace, scrunch the mouth. “I know I’m on the list, dear Sir, can you please check? Or can I talk to your Manager?” I’m desperate now, I’ll try anything. I’ve been planning for this party for awhile. “I know you’re on the list, Miss. But that’s not all that is required to enter. And who I report to is currently undisposed and cannot attend to the gate directly, that’s why I’m here.” “You know I’m on the list? What the heck kind of party is this? If you know I’m on the list, why won’t you let me in?” Now I’m feisty, I am prepared to do battle for my honor. Pink Zebra Gatekeeper smiles. It’s really quite difficult to get angry with a man in such an outfit, I haven’t had much practice getting mad at people in pink ostrich feathers. Nope, I never worked in Vegas. “Of course you’re on the list, Miss, otherwise you wouldn’t be here at the gate. No one knows about this gate without being invited.” “Is this the party, right here, talking to you?” Maybe it’s like Waiting for Godot or something. He smiles a wide grin. “You are getting closer, Miss.” Now I’m happy, I’m on to something. I’m Nancy Drew, except with a more interesting hairstyle and more hips and tits. Come to think of it, Nancy never seemed to acknowledge her ladies at all, it’s like they weren’t there at all. She probably didn’t have much there, poor thing. That’s one thing I haven’t worried about since sixth grade, so I consider myself fortunate to be ample in that area. Ooh, wait, back to searching for the answer. “Is it in the form of a question?” “Not really, Miss. It’s more of a statement.” “Darnit, Dear Sir, I think I belong in there, I need to get in there.” “Your first statement is closer, dear Miss.” He keeps smiling. He must either completely enjoy his job, or tire of it. He seems to be enjoying this. Although, with his outfit, I would have a hard time noticing if he was unhappy about anything. “I think I belong in there? That’s closer?” I ask, surprised and my face looking more scrunched. “Yes, Miss.” “Oh, I wish I was there already. I am so looking forward to dancing and whatnot.” I sigh, trying the oh-I’m-helpless-please-rescue-me-oh-won’t-you-please approach. “Getting very, very close, Miss.” I bend my head to one side, trying to look at this whole thing differently. “I wish I was there already….?” “Very close, very very close, Miss.” “Am I already there and I just don’t know it?” “Very very very close, Miss. You’ve just about got it.” I open my eyes wider with anticipation, I’m so excited. I’ve almost figured it out. I love puzzles. This is like when I would shake my Christmas gifts and try to figure out what was inside, it was fun to try to deduce it. I often was correct, and very often I was darned close. I am already there and I just don’t know it…what could be closer than that? “I am already there?” I ask. “Are you asking, Miss?” Pink Zebra Gatekeeper asks. “Oh wait, no, I’m not asking…I can’t ask,” I say, remembering his hint from earlier. “I am stating, I am already there.” “Is that what you believe, Miss?” I scrunch my eyebrows together and look at him directly. “Believe? Who said anything about believing anything? All I’m doing is going to a darned party, that’s all I’m doing.” “This party may be more than you imagine it is, Miss.” I close my eyes, and picture in my head what I think the party will be like. I picture myself dancing, eating lovely little teacakes, chatting the night away with new and interesting people, meeting a certain tall and handsome man. Oh wait, back to figuring out the answer. Can’t get distracted now. I open my eyes. “I believe I am already there. I am already there. ” I stand up straighter while I say this, as if I’m suddenly wearing a tiara or a crown to show my regalness. Pink Zebra Gatekeeper reaches for the door handle, and swings open the gate. “Welcome to Heaven, Miss.” I look at him, startled. Is this the kind of party? “Oh dear, am I dead sir?” Now I’m getting frightened, did I miss a memo? Did I ignore a certain letter in the mail, thinking it was junk mail? “No Miss, you are more alive than ever. Trust me. I look forward to seeing you again.” “Oh, that means I get to leave and come back? In and out privileges, really?” I’m surprised, but that would explain a few things. “The Kingdom of Heaven, Miss, is yours for the asking anytime you wish. You just have to believe you are already there. Most folks are initially able to stay in that space for just a little bit, and they grow in their ability to stay.” Wow, this is what happiness, true joy feels like. I kiss him on his cheek, a bit more sensually than just a peck. “I will bring something special to you next time I come by, then. You’re such a dear.” “Just bring yourself, Miss, that’s all I need.” He smiles, practically glowing. Man, if this is just the entrypoint, I wonder what the main party is like. I feel like I’m falling in love with the Pink Zebra Gatekeeper. “I would have thought that the gatekeeper to the Grand Pearly Gates would look more, uh, officious or something, like the Queen’s guard or something.” “Maybe I am a Queen, Miss,” he grins. I get a good chuckle out of this. I have a number of friends who would quite enjoy knowing that the gatekeeper to Heaven is gay. “I am King, also, dear Miss. God just has a splendid sense of humor sometimes. I change outfits all the time, and I am in more places than you might otherwise suppose. You just need to look for the twinkle in my eye and you’ll find me.” “Oh lovely, that sounds utterly delightful. I’ll bid you adieu now, dear sir….What is your name?” “I have so many names, Miss, you may call me whatever you wish and I will enjoy you calling me by that name.” I smile, I love this man. “Okay, dear, today I call you Sir Warm Fuzzy, how does that suit you?” He smiles, and gives me a peck on the cheek. “That suits me perfectly. Now go on to the party and enjoy yourself.” I start walking in. “Oh Miss, one more thing… the party can be anything you like. So, it can be that kind of party, if you like.” He grins, like James Bond or something. I blush the biggest blush, “Maybe not this time, Sir Warm Fuzzy. I’ll keep an open mind, though.” “That’s the way to do it. See you soon, Miss.” “A Bientot.” I blow him a kiss. The fog around me starts to dispel, and I see a path to follow. Oh, this is really going to be a delightful party.

Happy Father's Day

khaeger — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 04:18:00 GMT

So, I have a chat with Dad tonight, talking about what’s going on in his life, and what’s going on at work with me. I happen to mention that there’s one guy who really frustrates me, he’s a senior manager who just can’t seem to appreciate people. He can be mean and nasty, his meetings are old school style, where he sits at the front and he’s the only one who talks. Dad’s suggestion: Go up to this guy and tell him I appreciate what he does. That’s who my Dad is for me. He’s the guy who can transcend petty struggles and create friendship where before conflict reigned. I remember when I was a kid there was this girl, Mona, who lived up the street. She had fire red hair and a temper to match, she was a total bully. I was so scared of her, and I had to walk past her house to get to the school bus and back. She’d sometimes yell at me when I ran by, and I’d run away, completely scared. I don’t totally remember how it came about, but one day my Dad took me up to this girl’s house. We had a conversation, I have no idea what was said. But after that I found myself playing and having fun with this girl. She became my friend, until the family moved away awhile after that. The bully was lonely, that’s all. And if it weren’t for Dad, I wouldn’t have seen that. Happy Father’s Day, whether your dad is near or far, he’s still with you. p.s. and he's the only dad i know who can discuss Kant's categorical imperative and also fix a car and be handy around the house.

Lala love

khaeger — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 14:20:53 GMT

my new addiction ....www.lala.com, there i'm kimba

right foot, left foot

khaeger — Sun, 25 Mar 2007 22:32:12 GMT

right foot, left foot sweat forms into a drop, hanging off my nose, but I don't care. all I care about is moving forward, keeping my forward momentum greater than my sideways energy so I don't fall. no cars, just redwoods, ferns, a stream, and lots of dirt. an occasional person. bikers are mostly male, and nice and cool. breathe out, breathe in, just keep the breathing manageable. it doesn't matter how fast I'm going, just as long as I keep moving...and in the direction I want to go. in 3 months, i'll make it to Sand Point Overlook at Nisene Marks. From the dirt parking lot just past the railroad tracks. Last week, I almost barfed and fainted and didn't even get to the bottom of the incline, after parking inside the park to shorten the ride. This week, I made it 2/3 up the incline. in the granniest of gears, but I gotta start somewhere, and if I don't start, I won't get to where I want to be. afterwards, my body is more relaxed than it's been in ages...the calm after the ride. priceless.

Europa 2006

khaeger — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 16:38:06 GMT

Just got back from my first trip to France, Germany, Austria.... if you're interested in learning about my adventures, look here: http://www.kimbaventure.blogspot.com/

let the ipod begin

khaeger — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 16:18:47 GMT

just got my nano in the mail the other day, i'm already looking at upgrading my cd burners, they're too slow, I can't get my music onto this thing fast enough. I already have a plan to be able to hook up this itty bitty thingy into my home stereo, car stereo, and boombox (bought them with ipod in mind). When I first plugged in the headphone jack into the bottom of it, I felt I was violating its innocence. Maybe I shoudn't have gotten the white one. Will the addiction ever stop? Or does it become like another appendage, part of who I am? Hello, I'm Kimberly, and a fast way to get to know me is to see what's on my ipod... Good thing I have a party coming up, I can rock the house with some killer playlists ;-)

where do you feel at home?

khaeger — Sun, 12 Mar 2006 20:08:03 GMT

What has us feel at home with some people and in some places and not with others or in other places? What has you feel at home? It's the kind of experience that can happen anywhere, it's not about the house or apartment you live in. It's about the spaces you go through or the people you be with that nourish who you are. It's about being at home, being comfortable with you are, even if things aren't the way you want them to, they still feel good. Lately, here's what's been creating that "I'm at home" feeling... peanut butter and jelly sandwiches watching movies with friends and not caring what I look like while doing it being silly and laughing with friends hearing Amy sing jeans that fit just the way I want them to, despite all the other things I have to say about my body being inspired by vegetables at a farmer's market - even the brussel sprouts called to me! surrounding myself with a pile of books and feeling free to read whatever I want having friends over and creating in-depth conversations that make a difference taking pictures of friends being surrounded by music good, warm, authentic hugs cooking breakfast for myself, just because feeding others something that I cooked eating a fresh mint leaf dancing into the night until my body, not my brain, tells me to stop granting others the space and freedom to be exactly how they are and be loved no matter what being touched by a good man people smiling back despite the weather

blogthingy

khaeger — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 06:37:38 GMT

okay, found it on someone's profile on myspace, it's fun... and this all came out of choosing animals??? ***The Keys to Your Heart*** You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. What Are The Keys To Your Heart? http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/

proof that you can have it all...

khaeger — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 19:17:44 GMT

forwarded to me by a fellow beer-loving female... Guinness ice cream Makes 1 quart 1/2 vanilla bean, split lengthwise 1 cup whole milk 1 cup heavy cream 2/3 cup Guinness stout 2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons molasses 4 egg yolks 1/3 cup sugar 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 1. In a medium saucepan, scrape in the vanilla bean seeds. Add the pod, milk, and cream. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Turn off the heat, cover the pan, and let the flavors infuse for 30 minutes. 2. Meanwhile, in a small saucepan over medium-high heat, whisk together the stout and molasses. Bring to a boil and turn off heat. 3. In a large mixing bowl, whisk the yolks, sugar, and vanilla extract. Whisk in a few tablespoons of the hot cream mixture, then slowly whisk in another 1/4 cup of the cream. Add the remaining cream in a steady stream, whisking constantly. Pour the mixture back into the saucepan. 4. Stir the beer mixture into the cream mixture. Cook the custard over medium heat, stirring often with a wooden spoon, for 6 to 8 minutes or until the custard thickens enough to coat the back of the spoon. 5. Strain the mixture into a bowl and refrigerate for at least 2 hours or overnight. Process the custard in an ice cream maker according to the manufacturer's instructions. All recipes adapted from ''Sunday Suppers at Lucques"

interesting secrets

khaeger — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 20:58:48 GMT

Found this after traipsing around on the web today (okay, suffering from temporary boredom intermittently) http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ people write their secrets anonymously on a postcard and send it in. What secret would you write? Some of the postcards there are quite moving...

football and video games

khaeger — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 05:24:37 GMT

watching football is sometimes all that's missing and I won't be silly enough to try to beat my dad at a game of Jeopardy again. Next time, I'm pulling out the dance pads to even out the competition. (waahaaahaa)

Wrestling with Abundance

khaeger — Thu, 10 Nov 2005 16:36:50 GMT

I'm trying to stay in the light, but I feel like I'm trying to avoid the quicksand of negativity. I still have parts of me where I feel bad and wrong, there's something wrong with me. Maybe there is something wrong with me-- maybe if I stop being so scared of it, then the fear won't run my life as much. What does it mean that there's something wrong with me? That I'll be punished. That I'll be swatted and demonized and humiliated and detested. That's okay too, those parts of me need love too. I can love the parts of me that hate myself. I can love the part of me that's scared of happiness. Why am I scared of happiness? It's the danger zone, it's scary there. I might like it, I might enjoy it. And when I'm not looking, when I've forgotten to mind my stuff and watch out for the bad stuff-- Wham! That's when the bad stuff hits. Someone's taken away, someone goes away, I love them. I'm so scared of losing what I love. I'm scared of losing my home, I'm scared of losing my family. I'm scared of being content and relying on externalities for that contentment, because I know that change is inevitable. I'm scared of being happy for the wrong reasons, because it might get taken away and then where would I be? Left again being unhappy. It hurts more to have tasted the possibility of happiness and then lost it, then never to have tasted it at all. The heartbreak hurts so vividly, so exponentially, I'm afriad to risk it again. Dare I hope for the love I want? Dare I hope for my dream come true? There seemed to be a few brief moments when it seemed possible, where the men I've wanted might have been interested in me after all. Freak out! Maybe I'll get what I want? That's too scary, or at least it has been in the past. Why would something so delicious seem so scary? I feel I don't deserve it, I'm not good enough, there's something wrong with me and they'll find it out. Oh, and that harsh awakening of reality hurts so much when I can see it in his eyes, the shallow disdain simmering with disgust and repulsion. Get away from me it says. It doesn't matter who says it, the voice comes back from someone's mouth, someone around me. Someone I settle for, I guess. I'm creating that voice. And if I'm creating it, I can stop doing so. It's not comfortable to change voices, it's not easy, but it's worth it. We rarely love our imperfections, the parts of either ourselves or others that aren't what we want them to be. My butt's too big, my attitude's too sharp, my approach is not sexy enough. Her shape is not right, his hair is too messed up, his responsibility isn't enough. All dances of excuses, distracting us from dealing with ourselves. I can push others away, but I can't push myself away. I can try to deny who or what or how I am, but that inner separation gets me nowhere. Nowhere I really want to go, nowhere where I'm loved and appreciated just as I am. We all are our own Mark D'Arcy, proud and carrying many prejudices about ourselves, and we project these onto others. And we are silly, we wonder why we can't connect with people, why do I feel so apart, so distant? We separate ourselves, we push ourselves away. We create the divide. And if we create it, we can choose to create something different, something that works. I am whole, I am complete, I am unfinished and perfect. I am loved and I am loveable, and I love others and I love myself. Peace within is the only way to authentically generate peace around us. And not a boring peace, where nothing happens because it's so calm, but where happiness reigns for everyone. Where inner joy is cultivated and appreciated and cherished. It's time to warm the heart, time to be at home whereever we are, whoever we are.

lost in the bridge

khaeger — Tue, 25 Oct 2005 22:22:27 GMT

Renovating hardwood floors in my new house has been a world of experience. I've spent more time with my parents in the last couple of weeks than I have in the past few years (that would be a whole other post). My ribs are still sore from working the 350lb orbital sander. Right now, the kitchen's gone and the floors are just about ready to be stained. By the end of the week, I'll be moved in and the kitchen's supposed to be done, new tile, new cabinets, etc etc etc. There are zillions of decisions to make in remodeling, and normally I avoid making decisions. My eyes rolled back into my head last night when my mom asked me "What kind of finish do you want on your floors? Satin, semi-glossy, or glossy?" These are the kinds of problems I prefer to have, but sheesh, I just want to move in. All I want to do is get my furniture and my stuff in, and be able to curl up on my couch and watch a good movie with a warm blankie and a cup of hot herbal tea. There is a certain sense of satisfaction or ownership from knowing I've already dripped sweat on my own floors, I helped pull the carpet staples out, I helped sand the floors, I breathed the dust and coughed it back up, I not to mention I'm choosing colors of the cabinetry and tile etc. I wish I had a lifesize teddy bear that I could just curl up next to and sleep. I can't remember the last time I got a full night's sleep, maybe 6 months ago? But in all this being in the in-betweenness of life, I'm noticing that it's required to go through this process. In order to get to the other side and shift how I see myself and the world, I *must* break up who I know myself to be. I must shatter the views I have about myself in the world that say "I can't have what I want" and all the variations on that theme. So it's no surprise that I'm not comfortable and I'm feeling so shell-shocked. I'm on the bridge to a bigger life, and it starts with creating the structure to take me there. (If you've seen Under the Tuscan Sun, then you know what I mean). Next step - pack up my stuff and move it on over. I get to pay attention to everything I've been putting off paying attention to, oh joy of joys. Goodwill, here I come. Time to shed what I no longer need. (anyone want a sofabed?)

I'm in Escrow

khaeger — Wed, 21 Sep 2005 22:45:13 GMT

For a cute 3/1 in the Cambrian neighborhood, my folks are co-investing with me (a major miracle in and of itself). Close of escrow is 10/14. Even tho it's only 1 BA, it's cute, good condition, hardwood floors under the carpet, nice sized back yard (plenty of room for the hot tub dream), nice big 2 car garage. Room for entertaining :-) I think I'm nauseaus, and I can't even spell it.... Dare I get excited?

Perceptive Distractions

khaeger — Sun, 18 Sep 2005 17:22:31 GMT

This started with a posting to the ENFP personalities tribe, realizing that this is one of those kinds of issues that I am fiercely passionate about, thought i'd share the ranting with y'all... I've read that NF temperament personality traits and ADD-like behaviors are commonly cross-mis-diagnosed. Here's a quote from "How We Learn and Why We Don't" by Lois Breur Krause (a Student Survival Guide Using the Cognitive Profile Inventory - a great book on how to learn) "There is a statistically significant correlation (at better than 99% confidence level) of NF dominance with a diagnosis of ADD or ADHD. That does NOT mean that NF dominant learners are ADD. It means that NF dominant learners get diagnosed as ADD." And it goes on to explain why (the books available on Amazon, she's got a website too .. http://www.cognitiveprofile.com/) My last boyfriend is ADD/ADHD, *many* of my friends are ADD-like in their behaviors, I seem to be attracted to and attract these creative, spirited, perceptive types. These are the people I call home, where I find myself, where I learn the most, where I have the most fun. And sometimes we all need re-directing, much like a wayward puppy or kitten. I hate the idea of anyone being labeled as "disordered", as if there's something wrong... folks with ADD have a lot to contribute. Here's a great site that lists just a few..http://www.kpinst.org/strengths.html Oh, and I heartily recommend "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Kurcinka. It gives great ways to empower your inner kid and the inner kids around you. I was reading about how to handle Extrovert kids, and they need feedback, and I felt totally understood. I'm not wrong/bad/stupid for wanting feedback, look, it says it right here in print! This probably all speaks to one of the dreams on my list - one of these days, I want to find about 7-10 puppies and be with them for a full day - Be with the Insignificant Chaos :-)

Waves of Failure are the Best Way to Learn

khaeger — Wed, 31 Aug 2005 18:43:22 GMT

This lyric snippet from Kings of Convenience particularly resonates for me today: Failure is always the best way to learn, retracing your steps 'til you know, have no fear your wounds will heal. There are many areas of life where it seems Failure with a capital F is showing up. When I see this lyric in text, I think of my water start lesson at the Gorge. First, you gotta get the context of me being at the Gorge. Me, who, as one of my friends described me, looks like "an athlete in disguise." In addition to not looking anything like an athlete (nor really feeling like one either), I'm a beginner windsurfer. The Gorge is Mecca for windsurfers, tying with Maui/Hawaii. It's the end-all, be-all place for windsurfing. And little ol' beginner me is out there. Add to that that I was there with my brother Scott, his wife Betsy, and my two nephews Nick and Otto (god i love that name!). This was the most time I've spent with my brother since I was 5. Major miracle. Water starting is the only way to get going on a windsurf board - once you get it down (from what I'm told), it's the only way to go. Much easier on the back and other muscles from the miserable uphauling exercise. Learning to water start is an exercise in dealing with failure, much like windsurfing is. Picture yourself lying in the water, your arms holding onto a sail, your feet up in the air or lightly resting on the windsurf board, and trying to reconcile yourself with the flailing bumbling that your body is going through with the grace and ease that this move is supposed to develop into. The wind is pushing the sail in one direction, the water's pushing you and the board in other directions. Not a natural position to be in, I found - my instincts were seeming to work against me, as I kept wanting to bend my arms or move my hips or not reach up - all of which I'm supposed to do the opposite. In my ear is my coach Brian, speaking in his calm Jamaican accent, "You just need to trust yourself. If you think you can do it, then you can. I know you can do it." And then, for a brief moment of magic air, it all works somehow and I am up on the board and sailing with the wind at my back. Later i hear that it takes people hours to get up at all. The next day I'm out there in crappy weather in a 5.4 sail trying to do it by myself. I manage to get up once. Later I hear that the sail I was using is truly large, my brother doesn't even use a sail that big, and neither does my sister in law. The look in my brother's face says it all - even though I failed to stay up, the fact that I was out at all in the rain and irregular wind with a sail that's much bigger than even the people who are good at windsurfing use and I was able to get up at all, he's impressed and surprised. And a smile's on his face too, looking right at me. And that's all I need.

fortune

khaeger — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 21:20:37 GMT

As water smooths stone, so love shapes the spirit. (From a fortune Perugina chocolate - i'm sharing the saying, but not the chocolate ;-)

windsurfing comes home

khaeger — Wed, 17 Aug 2005 20:52:12 GMT

<this starts with what I shared with my team, and y'all are my friends and my team as well> ~~~~~ Thanks to each and every one of you for being who you are in the world, and thanks for sharing yourself with me and allowing me to share me with you :-) ....What I got present to is that my team is myself, I am them and they are me, in all the facets that they show up. Being on T2 and particularly T2 leader is my access to owning all of who I am and loving myself and others just as we are :-) I was out windsurfing on Saturday (just started taking it up this summer), and I used a bigger sail and was out in bigger wind. I was out at the same time as "the big boys" who were going faster and stronger than I, and I was happy to be out there and mostly upright :-) I could totally be with the wind and its gustiness and the sail was difficult to manage at times, it even blew out of my hands few times, and once I fell in the water. But I was able to be with however it was at all times and have a great big smile on my face and yelling a big "Yahoo!" I had total fun, and it was totally worth it. I got to experience holding on with all my might and enjoying having the wind push me around, and it took my breath away to have those moments. For me, being T2 and T2 Leader is a lot like windsurfing for me. It's a ride, the wind of team may be gusty and gutsy and it takes a lot of balls to be out there fully in it and riding it, and it's SO worth it, it's the time of my life. :-) ~~~~ I posted this to my team yahoo group...and then I emailed my brother, saying I had a gift for his son. Turns out I have another nephew (Otto Alexander, a killer name!), and they're inviting me to their windsurfing vacation in Oregon next weekend. And i usually have it that my brother doesn't really want me around. So i'm going to Oregon next weekend to go windsurfing with my big brother :-) And my sister in law (she also windsurfs) and my two nephews

You will start today

khaeger — Tue, 16 Aug 2005 21:03:05 GMT

I love this song... bonus points if you can pinpoint who it is :-) (yup, this is a test--for those of you from my LPS seminar) Rock and roll You are envy, I am So uncool Still I want to do the best I can Let’s meet on the corner and act like we’re old friends We can talk about the streetlights The people Surrounding you In a haze Won’t you tell me how it feels To be a nervous man At the wheels You don’t have a master plan But you will start today You will start today I called you up Cause I felt so guilty Ended up It was not such a pretty scene Let’s dump the ashtray, wipe the table clean We can talk about the streetlights The people Surrounding you In a haze Won’t you tell me how it feels To be an famous man At the wheel You don’t have a master plan But you will start today You will start today You will start When all of your fear is gone And you’re thinking that you’re strong Enough To make the jump up to the big big sky, sky We can talk about the streetlights The people Surrounding you It’s a strong pull We can talk about the streetlights The people Going down And you will start today You will start today You will start today You will start Today

I need more single females...

khaeger — Tue, 16 Aug 2005 03:31:43 GMT

okay, so I was over at a friend's house this weekend, and we got to brainstorming about dating. (yes, we ventured into one of the conversational islands, Topics Of Which I Go Ugh at Entering Into) We're thinking of doing our own Table for 6 kind of thing, starting with people we know. (she's married, but she dreams of being a matchmaker). Or maybe we could do group social things, or maybe participate as a group through OneBrick (volunteering & social group). Or we could work out together. People could bring other single friends. The thing is, I made a list of all my friends who are single, and most of them are male. And heterosexual. But it's a good sized list. And good material, I have excellent male friends. I recommend them all. I need more single females. How do I find them? I want the good ones, the authentic ones. The ones who are good on the outside and the inside. Smart, funny, slight eccentricities are endearing. I'm looking for just this side of geek, but not nerd. Women who only care about money and looks, go elsewhere. Although I admit those play into the equation, it looks more like a calculus equation than a simple GoodLooks + Money = Good Catch. (guys, I know these are you two big beefs about what women want). (mine looks more like SenseOfHumor + Goodness + StimulatingConversation + Responsibility + Spontaneity + Snuggability + Empowerer + Lickability + WantsMe = great fun) Anyone have any ideas? Tell me I'm wrong, if I am. Tell me what you want. I once cornered a woman in a restroom to tell her my brother was interested in her, but I think there's got to be a better way....

Home

khaeger — Wed, 10 Aug 2005 19:37:05 GMT

Where do you call home? What makes a house a home? When I visited the international section of Epcot last week, I loved how at home I felt in each country. China, Japan, Norway, Germany, Italy, UK, Canada, India, Africa, etc..every country I could relate to, I know and love people I know who are from there etc. When I got back, my boss ran with one of my ideas and put up a world map and most everyone in the company has put their a thumbtack on it indicating where they were born. We are a global family here at work. I feel at home when I'm with my friends, especially the ones who can read me really well and love me just the same. The ones who make me laugh. The ones who have it be okay that I cry. The ones who inspire me to be greater than I know myself to be. The ones who are my friends and they didn't start out that way. The ones who, around them, I get to express a part of me that no one else brings out. The ones who remind me of who I am and who I want to be. The ones who remind me to laugh at myself. Funny, when I got home I didn't feel 'at home'. A home for me is somewhere where I invite people in to my space and I share myself and they share themselves with me. I do that when I walk around, go to places, talk on the phone. But I haven't been doing that with my physical home. time to clean house and open up the doors and create a new sense of home :-)

Superfreak

khaeger — Tue, 02 Aug 2005 07:31:57 GMT

You won't hear from me for a week, unless I get a fix somewhere on a friend's 'puter in Orlando. I've been freaking out about this whole Team 2 Team Leader thing. I'm noticing alllllllll the places where my integrity's out, and my mind has been a hampster on speed. I'm having problems spelling, i've been so stressed. Stress puppy am i. (Or am I stress kitten? what's the diff?) Why am i stressed? My training is that this is my time to "Be the One". dammit. nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide, no way to be invisible anymore. It just has me feeling realllly alone and lonely, which I know logically isn't true, but I can't shake this deep emptiness thing going on. And it's uncomfortable coming out of the closet with that one, am I afraid that I need you? I started putting some love in - sometimes, my access to bringing love into my life is feeling and expressing my love and appreciation for others. This blog thing is turning into something potentially useful - it makes me get off my crap so that I don't sound too whiny. I did a couple of testimonials for tribe friends, and that put me in a better space :-) You who don't have one yet from me, it'll be coming soon... Now I just gotta apologize to a friend for missing her party. my excuse - sobbing after shopping. I hate clothes shopping right now. Next time I'm taking a buddy with me to block the bad voices out. --consider yourself licked on the nose by the Superfreaky Kitten :-) thanks for listening...

my muttness

khaeger — Sat, 30 Jul 2005 17:23:07 GMT

from my recent family reunion, i've now expanded my "heritage" (aka, ingredients to being a Mutt). I now know I have the following in me... English French German Scottish Dutch Blackfoot Indian Ukrainian If you know anything about the following names, let me know... Dreier (my first last name, long story associated with this) Elmendorf (great grandmother Alice on grandfather's side) Krows (Great Great Great Great Great Great Grandfather Johannes) It's funny, I didn't grow up with a lot of family around, so this is having me wig a bit to learn I have so many connections :-) Cool wigginess, tho