-----------Journal Entry------------------
Monogamy

How vital is monogamy to a healthy relationship? Not every enduring relationship has such a commitment and they appear to be fine...so it must not be a requirement for happy relationships. I've been on both sides of the fence regarding the issue of faithfullness. Maybe it's all a crock of shit. I recalled listening to a radio show discussing the idyllic romanticism of Bollywood movies. The speaker commented that monogamy and the supreme virtue of chastity was created by the lesser desireable men. Women would naturally gravitate toward the younger, richer and more virile of the male species. If not for the monogamy thing, ugly guys would be left out in the cold. Memes are incredible when you think about it.

Anyways, this subject has hit close to home now. It has been officially 3 months since I've been with my boyfriend and it is difficult for the both of us to be without a physical relationship. So we've got to decide how to deal with the situation. I suppose most of the evils in love come down to insecurity and wanting to possess another entirely. I must admit the idea of merging with another soul is intoxicating----something I've experienced regularly before. I suppose this only reinforces the idea of separation which is anti-thetical to my vision of oneness and unity.

So I can always love on myself. It's usually quick and easy. ;-) So until Marco and I discuss this topic in the future, I will simply allow my inner mind to mull it over. In the meantime, I'll begin reading a book entitled, "The Dangerous Passion- Why Jealousy Is as Necessary
as Love and Sex" by David M. Buss, Ph.D.

It looks like it will provide interesting reading. I know some folks are into the whole polyamory thing which I never quite understood. Although I must admit, I've never given it much consideration. I'm more of the merging with one soul kinda guy ---must be my Cancerian moon.

In my youth, I was incapable of separating sex and love. This tendency led to quite a few disappointments. As I've matured, I've been able to distinquish between the two. Although I generally prefer the love+sex combo over just sex.

I recognize how it's difficult being apart for so long. It certainly wasn't the plan however, circumstances have made it so. I, too have wondered how long I'd last without physical contact. I'm just ....you know...unable to articulate the feeling really. There's a pain inside...a lonely space. It's gotten smaller through the years. At least I hope so. I've tried so hard to be strong and not be needy or weak but ...

Maybe it's part of the human condition----this longing for one's other half. Although my intellect can't stand such sappyness. I'm so much more comfortable with reason and logic....when it comes to the emotions it can seem overwhelming. Yet I do cry in real life and when watching tv and movies...which makes me wonder about people who are cry at the drop of a hat during movies and commercials but seem incapable of doing so in real life...with a flesh and blood person not reading from a script. Hmm...interesting.

---to be continued---