I am in a stage show for the last 3 weeks of Nor Cal Ren Faire. I will be playing the White Queen in a human chess match. But there’s a little problem... I don’t have a THING to wear. So I thought I’d try within the community and see if anyone might be able to help me out.

Do you or someone you know have a noble outfit of any kind (ok... a FEMALES outfit) that might be loaned to an honest hard working fellow faire participant for the stage show? It would be worn for approximately 3 hours on 7 days including a dress rehearsal. I am willing to leave a substantial deposit in the hands of any generous soul to insure the safe return of said garments. I will also pay for dry cleaning and/or any special handling that must be done after the run at CASA. My role is simple and not physically taxing, so the chance of any damage is nil (baring a lightning strike of course).

I’m not exactly a small woman. I am however a bit short, standing at a mere 5’3”. It doesn’t have to fit me perfectly. I will be wearing a flowing white cloak, so even if I can’t lace it up all the way on the back or sides it won’t matter as no one will be seeing it in great detail.

If you can help me out or pass this message onto any noble types you know, it would be greatly appreciated. I desperately need something to cover my ample ASSets.

You can e-mail me directly here, or at ksharkey@mail.com

THANK YOU!!!
Kitty Sharkey
Guild Mistress – St Blaise Town Criers

(cross post / facebook)

So, here’s how MY work week began…

I was running late this morning, but had to stop for gas. As I pulled in, I actually had to wait for a pump which is something I never have to do at the station near my house. So I pull in, get out of the car and start pumping my gas. As usual, I went back and sat in my car while I waited for the pump to clock about $45.00. “Click”… done.

I was getting out of my car when this skinny black man approaches around the front of my car. “Excuse me Miss… Excuse me…”

So I pause while he tells me his name is Jerry, emphasized by the tattoo running down his forearm with block letters J E R R Y,, and then proceeds to lift up his shirt and explain that he wasn’t armed. Great! Now what do I have to deal with.

So he blabbers out some sob story about his wife having cancer and there she is in that car over there with their two kids and needing money for gas. Whatever! If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it a million times. But I was running late so, just to get rid of the guy, I reached into my pocket and gave him $5.00. Done, right? You give the guy money and he goes away, right?

WRONG!

I go around the back of my car to disengage the pump and finish my transaction. This asshole comes around the front of my car and stands right next to the pump and starts hitting on me. I had half a second of “oh shit”, looked around and realized there were at least 20 people within earshot. Whew! Safe... So after asking what my name was (Mary) and where I was from (So Cal) he stares straight at my chest and tells me I’m going to kill someone with those and he’d like to be the one. Fuck me! I had to get the asshole bum! I tell him “Just go away and leave me alone”.

I walk around the back of my car again, get in, and start the engine. I look up and he’s standing right in front of the driver’s side signaling for me to roll down my window. Obviously I can’t pull forward without hitting the asshole so I roll down my window about two inches. He approaches the window, looks straight at my crotch and says “Baby, you smell like the Garden of Eden and I would love to lick your honey pot.”

CLICK. Something in my brain went off. I said to myself “Oh no, you did NOT just say that to me…”

I turned off the engine, opened my door and got out. A look of uncertainty crossed his face for half a second and then he was all game on. “Alright Baby! Let’s hook up!”

I walked right up to him, maybe two feet away, extended my palm and calmly said “Give me my $5.00 back”.

He backed up a couple of steps with a “What cho talkin ‘bout?”

I took a couple of steps forward so I was back in the same position and started projecting so everyone could hear me. Gotta to love working faire! You learn pretty quickly how to project. No, I wasn’t screaming like a crazy woman. I was very calm, but rather loud.

“I said give me my fucking $5.00 back.”

He steps back a couple of steps. I move forward a couple of steps…

“Hell no, I ain’t gotta give you nothing!”

He steps back a couple of steps. I move forward a couple of steps…

“You just approached me with some sorry ass sob story about a wife with cancer and a couple of kids. I was generous and gave you money. And now you have the audacity to fuck with me? To harass me? Hell no! Give me my $5.00 back!”

He steps back a couple of steps. I move forward a couple of steps…

Turning to the crowd that is now dead silent and completely still… Addressing my audience… “Do you guys want to know what this asshole just said to me?”

I turned back to him. He stepped back a couple of feet and threw my $5.00 on the ground. “Fuck you bitch!”

Turning, he walked away calling me a fucking whore over his shoulder. I casually bent down, picked up my $5.00 bill, put it in my pocket and calmly walked back to my car.

Dead silence on the part of the audience. I never even gave them a second glance.

I started my engine and pulled out of the gas station heading to the freeway with one of the biggest adrenaline rushes I’ve ever had in my life.

Hell yeah! Welcome to the start of another glorious work week!

Having a garden is wonderful. I just wish I could eat everything I grow. Ah, but there is a certain joy in sharing.

Tonight's harvest included:
1 large bunch Rainbow Chard
3 Carrots
4 Cucumbers
1 head Red Romain Lettuce
12 Tomatoes - various Heirloom
4 Beets
1 Red Bell Pepper
2 lbs Green Beans
and 2 lovely eggs!

So the names aren't set, but I'm thinking Kaylee, Abby, and Sophie. This is how I deal with my stress. Why stress?

My cat Gabriel is apparently having seizures. If it was an isolated incident... but no. It’s happened three times (that I’ve witnessed). He is definitely having some neurological dysfunction. He stops and raises his right front paw up to his ear and tilts his head. Sort of like those Japanese lucky cat statues. I scoop him up and his eyes are off in some far away place. His head is rigid. His paw stays by his ear. He doesn’t respond to my voice. And then it’s gone. Slowly he lowers his paw. His eyes focus. And Gabe is back.

I’m scared. Very scared. They did full body x-rays today looking for tumors. The thought was that if he had cancer it may have spread to his brain. But the x-rays were clear. Blood work results come back tomorrow. Do I charge $2,000+ on my VISA for an MRI? I don’t know what to do. I’m scared.

This little guy has cost me a fortune so far, but he’s worth every penny. I know, in the end, I will do whatever it takes to make him whole as long as he isn’t suffering. I just hate thinking something is wrong “up there”. He’s such a sweetie. I hate this….

One of California’s oldest traditions is seeking your support by joining as a * Fan* the Northern California Renaissance Faire facebook page.

In the world of entertainment, it is a rarity that a print advertisement will move someone to attend an event. More often than not it is the words of friends and family that entice us to act on our intentions to go somewhere.

The Northern California Reniassance Faire is the only Artisan/Participant owned faire in the United States. By supporting our faire, you are directly supporting the vendors and performers.

Show your support today! Join as a Fan and entice your friends to do so as well.

Through your support, the faire will continue to flourish and extend its borders to become a revitalized show every year with new and exciting attractions as well as the return of anticipated classics!

Let's push this Fan meter to 10K in the next few weeks!

www.facebook.com/profile.php

See you there!!!
Kitty Sharkey
Guildmistress - St. Blaise Town Criers