i will return....

someday, when i am free,
i will return to lie down
among the shifting white dunes
of the American desert...

i will creep along high rocky cliffs,
to hide in seacaves
and watch storms move in
across the great choppy waters...

i will live in a timeless way,
trading bottomless sorrows
on the endless road
with my mama earth...

i will cruise down through
hot winding canyons,
pavement buzzing under the
fast moving wheels off the car...

i will roam thru grassy flatlands,
whipped by strong winds
smelling of baked bread,
counting countless black oil wells
engaged in their silent rhythmic dance,
sucking black milk from Her body...

i will pass with tired joy
over state line after state line,
crossing boundary after boundary,
For truly i am free already,
even if only in my mind...

i will touch with wonder
the pebbled black ribbons of
every back road off the interstate...
humming my ode to the road,
exploring abandoned houses,
contemplating overgrown cemetaries...

i will sleep peacefully
among huge granite boulders
beneath billions of stars...

i will sing and call out
to the vastness of the night,
anonymous once again
on a new orleans street corner,
enveloped and enlightened
by the salty smelling breeze
carrying tunes from a lone musician
into my ears to touch my soul
and tell me everything is real again...





by me, rebecca christian. written in september 1989, when i was 19 years old.

go back...

this is the beginning of a story about how i found myself, of how i went from isolation and spiritual desolation to a sense of wholeness and connection with all of life. it's simply called "go back".
**************

i awoke this morning with a divided sense of self. one side of me felt like a failure, overwhelmed by circumstances beyond my control. the other side of me felt a strong sense of possibility, and that is the side i chose to go with.

as i walked through my sweet little hometown, past rushing creeks, past giant old moss covered trees, down old-school alleys now adorned with colorful grafitti, the present moment grounded and centered me completely. i experienced a dawning realization that i could go back in my consciousness, to any point in time, to any perspective, to any level of awareness and intelligence i could find and choose. and that is what i proceeded to do.

you see, it began when some friends gave me a computer to empower me to complete some major projects. i've never used a home computer before, and i had no idea what these machines are capable of. there's a program on there called "go back" that lets you go back in time and revert your hard drive to exactly where it was at some point in the recent past. it will unload programs, erase mistakes, do everything to make it exactly the way it was at the "safe point" that you choose. a simple and brilliant innovation.

somehow i copied and pasted this concept into my consciousness. as i was walking, i decided to reboot my consciousness to where it was when i was 24, which is ten years ago. i went backwards through time, replaying what it was like to be alive in that state of consciousness and awareness. it was a good thing, because the past ten years have been rough, to make an understatement. i felt light, breezy, sweet, inspired, naive, gullible, excited, eager, happy, positive, full of hope and enthusiasm. i also felt innocent, unjaded, unsarcastic, not negative in any way other than superficially in reaction to some unexpected aggravation.

i remembered each person i had known, and surrounded them in a pink bubble of love and light and wished them well. i remembered what it was like to be in college, full of visions and ideals and just enjoying life on campus. i remembered what it was like being introduced to Rainbow and the Grateful Dead and the Beatles and Monty Python and the Freak Brothers and lsd and ganga and camping and vegetarian pig-outs over cool movies with down to earth friends who felt like family.

i rebooted myself back to that time. the actual script from the 24 to 34 years is still in the deep freeze-hard drives. but the desktop memory is running by the age-24 script right now.

i did go back to when i was 14, to see if i should reboot to that time, or even to when i was 4. but i'm saving that for later. i was happy when i ws 4. a lot of bad shit happened from 4 to 14, and even worse shit happened from 14 to 24. So there's some healing to do during that reboot, and it will take longer and require more energy, so i'm saving that for when i go on a shamanic journey or do a sweatlodge.

i feel so much happier running on this reboot. it's opened portals i had neglected and allowed to be grown over with weeds from the past ten years. i cleared the portals and can now access those aspects of my consciousness.

this morning my 15 year old son told me that i have my mother's eyes. that was an interesting moment. i had to decide how to react, both internally and externally. i chose to react with love. "well, she is an atwater, and a wells, and so am i. we are family. so of course we have the same eyes." i think of myself as having my daughter's eyes, though. she has big, beautiful blue doe eyes with long, thick black eyelashes. she's a Scorpio, an old soul....

the love must flow once again in all directions, both forward and back, back through to the ancestors and forward to the descendants. even if i'm the only one flowing it. and especially if there was severe lack of love in the past or present.

we must find the courage to call on love and light, call on the spirit of the infinite one to enter into the tapestries of our histories and reweave them, using that brilliant, electrifying power to reweave the tapestries so they are as they should be. we must reimagine and reprogram our memories, if they have led us to a loveless circumstance or position in life. no one should be left out of the healing, nor ostracized, or nor spared the experience of being pulled back into the awareness and experience of love. i shouldn't be left out. you shouldn't be left out. wingnuts and homebums and blissninnies and high holies and soul survivors and junkies and none of us at all should be left out. we all need love, because we are love.

without love we are shadows, robots, ghosts, zombies, energy vampires, idiots, jerks and everything bad about humanity. with love, we are warriors, visionaries, healers, teachers, artists, wise ones, earth angels, and everything good about humanity.

the dark side has its virtues, i won't deny that. i've learned crucial and valuable lessons by venturing there. but it must be balanced with the light, the visions, the ideals, the highest in you and me and all of us. balance is the key as we walk the tightropes of life, through the computerized circuses and concrete jungles of babylon.

well, that concludes the wild human ramblings for now. take care and take it easy, my friends. peace be with you and blessed be...

love, kiyonah
wild human


Confront the Rainbow with an open heart and you will see the vision.

wild human poem

I found this written on the wall of a coffeeshop
bathroom:

These words to illustrate
a slip into the illerstate...
Rushing culture's fate stresses
a jump in the cancer rate.
Do you feel awfully tired?
Busy soul-wired?
So many coercive cranks
to make you GO
manifesting illness and drug abuse
as we make the economy GROW.
Job dissatisfaction springs
from repetitive action
lacking in PASSION.
It's really a waste the way we create
these things we don't need
fueled by greed
tranced by entertainment
A habit that kills
And leaves the bill
Our democracy has become depraved
as we slowly switched from cooperation
to competition, selfish bullshit,
Where our brothers and sisters sit
on lonely piles of cash, or none at all
REACHING FOR AND ACHING TOWARDS
EACH OTHER
The American Dream turned
unamerican scheme: when we become
the king we once fought to be free from.
There MUST be a change
for the oppressed grow deranged.
Will change happen with your GRACES
or much to your surprise?
BREAK LOOSE FROM THIS ILLERSTATE OF MIND!!!!


FREEDOM!!!!
DREAM DOWN BABYLON!!!!
Zen Shan Ren


author unknown to me


love and laughter and wild wisdom,
kiyonah thundersong
wild human

=====
Confront the Rainbow with an open heart and you will see the vision.

the dirtbike gang

"the dirtbike gang"

You could see the wildness in their eyes, the untamed
burning intensity, as they raced on dirtbikes thru the
downtown, nighttime streets. Their tag was POMOL
GLOBAL, written in chalk, in neat capital letters. I
saw it on the brick wall of a rockclimbers store,
where I had found a perfect place to park and camp in
my van.

It wasn't their intention to mark their territory, in
the usual sense, or even to intimidate anyone. Their
purpose was to leave a mark, over and over again, like
poking the storeowners with a stick, so they would
have to trouble themselves to wash it off. These cats
found it amusing.

There had been no tags on the wall in the seven nights
I'd been camping there. Then, one morning I looked out
and there it was, POMOL GLOBAL. Seeing it appear
immediately caught my attention, captured my
imagination. I'd somehow been caught and captured. I
wondered if I'd be required to surrender at some
point...

I had no idea what their tag meant. I could only sit
there smoking a cigarette, pondering its significance
to my current circumstances. I realized I was in some
kind of gang turf. Were these pirates? Punks? Thugs?
Shivers of strange pleasure rippled thru me as I
wondered.

I'd noticed these dudes coasting up and down the
streets, in camo pants, white cotton t's, their tatt's
showing at the end of the sleeves, piercings in their
eyebrows or their bottom lips. They were all beautiful
in a badass, hollar boy way. I passed countless hours
watching them cruise around the narrow streets at top
speed, jumping curbs, sometimes with a girl on the
handlebars, sometimes holding onto a dog running on a
rope leash.

I knew they had peered into my van silently one night.
Even with the curtains closed, I'd felt their
presence, but heard only the quietest of movements and
the scratching of chalk on brick. One time, I suddenly
sat up straight and looked out a side window, and saw
two of them at the front of my van, one facing away on
a dirtbike, the other sitting on an indentation in the
brick wall. I looked straight into his sapphire blue
eyes and felt we were only inches apart. Time
stretched and warped, as though a wormhole into a new
pathway through life had somehow opened.

I quickly moved back behind the curtains and sat there
motionless, electrified, listening. Long minutes
later, I risked a look outside again, but they were
gone. I fell asleep thinking about them, wondering
what it would be like to know them, to run with them,
to make love with them...


********************************************************

This is a rough draft for a chapter in an erotic road
novel I am writing called "wanderlust". What do you
think? Any advice is appreciated. If you popped open a
novel and scanned thru this, would you want to keep on
writing? Or would you say, who cares? and put it back,
to continue browsing thru other books? Thanks...

love,
kiyonah thundersong

zen and the art of changemaking

zen and the art of changemaking by kiyonah thundersong
april 5, 2005

When contemplating the unfolding journey of your life, do you ever stop all of a sudden and say "hey, wait a minute..", and look around at your life, on other levels, from angles other than your ordinary consciousness? Just stop and look within, and let yourself witness all that swirls around your sudden stillness?

I was sitting with my children, watching television, when I became aware of a presence, "sitting" on the floor in front of me, looking up at me. I acknowledged it with peaceful respect. I felt aware of it watching me, observing with fascination how my spirit is experiencing the limitations of this incarnation. The limitations come with the tremendous, sublime benefits of being alive in a body and being able to experience physical sensations and processes, which all spirits long to experience. I knew this spirit was a friend. I felt humorous, watching myself, knowing I am this huge spirit that is squooshed into this body and life right now. I felt chagrined... my mood turned serious, and I said to the spirit, "what are you doing here, in this mundane space, with me, in my rundown house and dealing with all of this stress?" The spirit said, "I came here because you are here. No matter where you are in the cosmos, I can come to you. It matters not where you are, for it is you I come to be with, not what surrounds you."

I hung out peacefully for awhile, but then I allowed my mind to wander again. I started thinking about how I can do things to change history. I was looking back at the lives of my ancestors, considering how they lived in the present moment, working hard for secure futures, struggling to leave legacies we could be proud of, while just living normally. The actions they took, step by step, created future scenarios to be dealt with, thus creating both history and the future at the same time. Some of them made marks on history, and others faded into the handwritten pages of the documents that left their tracks across the landscape of life (such as journals, legal papers, letters). So, how does one person orchestrate the moves to change history, or at least make a mark on it?

I think it has to do with doing certain things that leave a noticeable mark on the public consciousness. Like publishing a book, recording music, building architecture and monuments, and starting social movements. The actions must leave a noticeable mark, such that future people who experience the effects of the action you took will feel continually compelled to look again and reinterpret the evidence of your actions from their own perspective, continually fuelling cultural evolution. Looking at Stonehenge, or Easter Island, or the great pyramids, for example. I think this is true for artists, philosophers, politicians, merchants, everyone it seems. You must leave a mark, but not just any mark. The mark must contain the essential ingredients that make it a classic for humanity to cherish. It must stimulate the intellect, engage the emotions, electrify the soul, in order to last beyond the blazing immediacy of its creation (one-hit wonders). It must echo ancient human concerns and qualities, tap at contemporary consciousness, and yet hint at future possibilities as well. Hmmm...like the journey of the hero. Like Kane in that old Kung Fu tv show...

So your soul is on a continually unfolding journey, experiencing the ride in this material body of yours. What do you really see? What are you thinking about? Are you zen enough to get lost in a puddle? Can you see the trees stretching and sighing? Where do you suppose the clouds are going? Doesn't that water dripping sound like a natural symphony? It is wondrous to be incarnated in a physical body, especially if you are aware of non-body awareness. It's exstacy, but we usually tune all of that out. It's time to gently awaken all sides of our beings, and unite them in a fully awakened state of pleasure and consciousness. We don't have to walk around with a head full of hallucinogenic static crackling and sizzling. But we can walk around with the wide-eyed wonder of a newborn. It's very psychedelic and beautiful, and you don't need any drugs to experience it. Just a completely relaxed and open being.

What kind of mark are you leaving on the world, that will ripple in unseen ways, changing the preplanned courses of history with which we refuse to co-operate? Are you writing books, making music, starting social movements, living your dream inter-dependently with the entire family of beings? We are seed planters, spiritual johnny-appleseeds, and every seed we plant should grow. I'd love to hear about yours, so please share. Elaborate, elucidate, embellish...I love it all. It electrifies my soul and compels cultural transformation, with social accupuncture.

So let's dance, my wild human friends!

love, kiyonah

the unity of community

dear wild human friends,

what does "unity" really mean to you? does it even matter, in the larger scale of things? hmmm. what does "community" really mean to you? and do you have a sense of it in your daily life? i feel a strong sense of community on the internet, even without having met most of you. i care about you, i think about you, i refer to you in conversations. but what about in real, daily life? have you had strong experiences of unity or community yet? the Rainbow family has provided that for many people, but what about people who are not affiliated with a Rainbow community?

being affiliated with a church, profession, hobby, or something similar can give a fragment of what i am talking about. but in my experience, those realms often demand that we conform to their expectations of acceptability and success. it's very subtle, a lot of times, and you may not even notice it, if you have been immersed in it or any other kind of programming for years and years. i have no church, profession, or hobby that defines me. so...how do i fit in? where do i fit in? what the hey, my friends?

here in my hometown, there is a strong sense of both community and unity. it's so small here--small is beautiful, right?--that everyone literally knows everyone else. people regularly hitchhike all over the place. people look out for wandering children or dogs. people respect each other's stuff, so you can leave your keys in your car or go for a walk at night or leave your door unlocked, without any real fear to speak of. there is a large area with wooden bins and shelves called "the free box", where you can sift thru tons of clothes, books, electronics, whatever, and take it as you please. A friend of mine scored a television and a vcr and three movies yesterday, and I found a child carrier backpack, beautiful children's books, buddhist t-shirts, and courderoy pants. and its all free, because Spirit truly does provide, around here.

when people go "downtown", they look each other in the eyes with a steady gaze, as though reading your energy or vibration, and ask sensitive questions based on what they see. sometimes they go off on a spiritual rap about the meaning of things, or the deeper dimensions of stuff. it's not unusual for mere acquaintances to spill their heartsongs to each other, which are received with compassion or humor. no one ever fights or acts disrespectful out in the open, except for teenagers. i guess that's part of the wonderful strangeness of a good home town.

anyway, if you are hungry, you won't be for long, around here. people will insist that you allow them to buy you a burrito or a banana or some coffee. people leave handrolled cigarettes on the windowsills and in the plant holders, so people without tobacco can pick them up and have a smoke. no one watches tv, and very few people have internet access. the newspaper comes out once a month. it's very rare to see a cell phone, because there is no reception here. i just feel right at home here.

what is your home like, my friend? and what can you do to make it even more homey, with a stronger sense of unity, of community, of relaxed acceptance of oneself and each other? if these things are not possible where you are, then do you have plans to move where it is? how can you cope and live without these things? it takes a tremendous amount of courage and faith to step into the unknown, to give up your security, and to reach out for what you need and dream of. i couldn't have done it without my melonhead friends, my new world rising friends, and my wild human friends, not to mention the invisible support of angels and guides.

i truly feel i was led home, on a grand adventure to find understanding and peace that i could not ignore or deny. the systems of Babylon and the people who didn't believe in me and my visions tried to stop me many times, by calling me crazy and by calling the cops and social services to "check up on me". but the drive to find "home" was so strong that it burned with an indominatable fire in my spirit. i wish and hope and pray that you can have a similar experience of the goodness of community and unity of humanity, if you wish. peace and power to the peaceful--

love, adventure, and (r)evolution,
kiyonah thundersong
the wild human initiative

recruiting for the rucksack revolution

Greetings and Namaste--

You may ask yourself, "is this a dream? how can this be real? is this
happening for real?"

Yes, friends, it is happening for real. We are making our dreams
come true, step by step, together. Opportunities usually come clothed in a lot of hard
work, so many people don't recognize them. Well, we do, and together
we are building a better new world with endless adventure, diversity, and
opportunity to manifest visions and to enjoy life. We are building a solid foundation for the Spirit Lodge of our network, and then we will work on the dome, and then the embellishments that make life good for us all. One step at a time, together, in harmony.

We wish to give life some meaning and some context again. We wish to
reunite the human family with global retribalization...It's happening
every day, emerging spontaneously as a phenomenon of human cultural
evolution all over the world. We are one of many rings or networks which all put together encircle the world, and we are representing the spirit of it in North America at this time.
We have friends in Australia, South England, Panama, Amsterdam, Scotland, all over the place.

And so the circle grows and the hoop is mended....that is the prayer
we made together to Spirit...
that the Infinite Being go within the rips we have made in the fabric of life
and reweave them with all the healing and restorativepowers of the Infinite Being.
that our mistakes and blunders be cast into the bonfire
in the heart of the Infinite Almighty and transformed back into
harmonious interconnection with all of Life..

that lost ecosystems be restored. that the air and water be purified.
that the girth of the Earth expand in size to accomodate new life.
that the soil be restored and replenished, with our promise
to once again dedicate our lives to the Tree People,
the plant beings, the green spirits...
that we find ways once again to return to the Mother
and live in natural harmony with all of creation.

this is what lightworkers and earth angels pray for every day.
it would and will be miraculous for the Earth to experience
such profound healing and restoration of balance.
whether or not we survive as a species and as individuals remains to be seen.
so its a good idea to evaluate your life and decide if you are on your chosen path.

So, this is why I feel it's long past time to create that rucksack revolution.
Consider going on strike against the aspects of Babylon that need to change, try walking out of some things as a political protest, work on releasing the baggage of the past so you may travel lightly, and embrace the path of freedom and peace.
Join a circus or a travelling show, be a rennaissance person,
be a gypsy nomad, be a travelling pilgrim, or whatever life is calling you to be.
It's up to you to manifest what you feel, and
to demonstrate your will by choosing meaningful actions.
The time is now. So if not now, then when? If not us, then who?
think about it...


love and (r)evolution,
kiyonah thundersong
wild human sister bear

Here are the Yahoo groups that I focalize. Please feel free to check us out and join with us.

groups.yahoo.com/group/Wil...nitiative/
groups.yahoo.com/group/NewWorldRising2/
groups.yahoo.com/group/sev...nbowtribe/
groups.yahoo.com/group/Soulternatives/
groups.yahoo.com/group/Vil...heArtists/
groups.yahoo.com/group/Sun...Transport/
launch.groups.yahoo.com/group/...eBlues/

liberating my inner wild human

for many years, probably all of my life, i have tried to be more than what i am, higher, deeper, cooler, than i actually am. i've striven to write interesting things, touch people intensely, be somebody. at times, i've almost worked myself to death, trying not to sacrifice anything while accomplishing everything i can.

then one day, i met a wild human. i was sitting in a coffeehouse, writing and designing a deck of tarot card. i had been working night and day for four months, full of ambition and determination to raise myself and my children out of poverty and make something of our lives. in walked a very dirty looking guy, with long claws, shaggy hair, wild eyes. he sat right beside me and stared at me very intensely. i looked up and he told me that he had dreamed on his way to my town that he would meet me and we would change the world together. i asked him to tell me more.

he told me all about myself, inside and out. he told me about my visions. he told me about his visions. he told me how things would mesh together. i was intrigued.

for years, i had been researching the countercultures of north america, primarily the Rainbow Family of Living Light, and all the sociocultural children of the sixties generation. i knew a lot about it intellectually, and longed to actually live what i had read about. how that would happen, i had no real idea.

then in walked this wild human, and my life has been changing ever since, even tho we are only acquainted now, rather than close and intimate as i had hoped to be.

so what is a wild human? A wild human is a spirited person who has chosen to rewild and to reclaim their authentic human nature, by refusing to be fully domesticated, by living adventurously and creatively, and by being willing to explore outside the bounds of mainstream dictates.

wild humans like to build bridges between traditional and
contemporary human lifeways (for example by learning both wilderness and urban survival skills), to search for personal empowerment, to build grassroots community by loving our Mother Gaia while feeding our brothers and sisters, and by going on capers and adventures of our own wild designs. Sometimes we like to encourage cultural transformation by doing various things to subvert the dominant paradigms.

that's only one of many things this wild human guy told me as we sat in a brick coffeehouse drinking organic free trade coffee we had gotten by "freefill"--filling your cup without telling anyone or paying for it, one of many survival tactics employed by people without money. he also told me about grafitti and tags, guerilla building climbing squads, squatting, dumpster diving, anarchism, and negotiating during armed conflicts with street thugs. i was fascinated.

as our discussions continued over the following days, we both realized that we wanted to create some kind of legacy to empower and honor the wild human aspect of humanity. he had been thinking about it for years, while i was suddenly inspired and sidetracked from my tarot cards by meeting this guy. he wanted to call it the Wild Human Initiative, and have the slogan be "wilderhumans unite!" i thought it was really cool, and dug it on several levels, so i got to work right away.

i did tons of research, about forming nonprofits, about homelessness and the underclasses and subcultures, about all the skills and issues and topics relevant to our electrifying conversations. then i actually tried to live what i learned.

i put myself out there. i wandered downtown at midnite with bottles of wine and stood under stairwells with local badasses and punks and joked about dangerous stuff like robbing people and being pirates and stuff i wouldn't actually do but they did do. think what you will, but it was cool, and i really enjoyed the camaraderie. i also snuck into empty buildings and looked out the windows to the street down below, scribbled poems on the wall, smoked doobies with whoever came up the stairs to see who was in there. i sat on the sidewalk out in the open and smoked doobies just to see what would happen, and nothing happened except that i got high and marveled at the beauty of life.

i set about practicing both urban survival skills like urban foraging, as well as wilderness survival skills like building shelters and fires. i was gifted with a drum, and i taught myself to drum, chant and sing heartsongs. i ventured outside naked in the moonlight and danced in my yard, thinking the cops would come, but none did. i found freedom, little by little, and began to reclaim my natural power. it was good.

now i try to be an inspiration to other people who want to be free spirited. i try to teach them a "fuck it" attitude when faced with the prospect of sleeping on the ground or flying a sign to raise cash or begging for food. its no big deal, and you can do it gracefully if you need to. i try to teach them to look other wild humans in the eyes and reach out if they need a human to talk with or hug or ask for help from. being wild, rewilding, is really good for my soul, and good for the souls of the people whose lives i've touched. it continues to ripple and ripple.

my favorite rainbow gathering experience

my favorite gathering was probably my very first one,
the Cumberland Gathering in the spring of 1993. OM
Valley from Cincinnati also had a big presence there
with their Bliss Kitchen (music all the time, usually
Grateful Dead on banjos and mandolins) and their hand
built Kid Village playground. i had no idea what
Rainbow was, and i went there on a "camping trip" that
my boyfriend promised me i would love and never
forget.

so we drove down winding country roads thru eastern
central kentucky, where all the dripping caves and
shady hollars are. well, you can imagine my bafflement
and surprise to be greeted by the most beautiful
Rainbows, with dredlocks, muslin and calico clothing,
all kinds of funky jewelry, people of every possible
description including straight looking people and old
folks, all up in the parking lot, yelling "welcome
home!", "we looooooove you!" "you're beauuuuutiful!"
over and over again, trying to outdo each other and
breaking up into laughter and silliness, jumping on
each others backs for piggyback rides and stuff. i was
amazed. the Rainbow Flag was there, saying the family
that prays/plays together, stays together. also an
Earth Flag. lots of colorful banners with raps and
advice, and flags to the shitters and kitchens and
stuff. i felt i'd arrived in a different country, all
of a sudden!

so i put on my boots and shyly gathered my pack up,
trying not to look anyone in the eyes, but study them
without them seeing me do it. they were so open and
sweet. running up and demanding a hug and then
kidnapping the person, spiriting them away to get high
in a nearby tent. i had never smoked ganga, so i had
no hunger for it, but i was very curious.

i walked down the trail slowly, marvelling at the
natural wonders in the treetops, with blue sky peeking
thru, the rocky creeks, the sharp curves where i had
to grab a tree to not go off a cliff. i felt i was
crossing a threshold into another world. there were
little camps all thru the trees, like an ewok village
in star wars. drums. heavenly scented smoke, children
giggling.

the first place we arrived was at the kitchen, to even
more welcome homes and hugs. i'm sure my eyes were
shining very brightly by now. i forgot all about my
pack and just dropped it, so i could wander around.
the culture shock was so strong, within my own
culture, that i will never, ever forget it. i was
reborn that day.

that night, the bonfire was beautiful. i saw dragons
and faces of ancestors and so much else in the embers
of the bonfire, and i had never tripped yet. whenever
someone stoked the fire, embers and sparks showered
upward into the clear night sky, to the moon and the
stars. the heartsongs literally made me lay on the
ground and cry so hard. i cry now just remembering it.
a beautiful sister was drinking wine and yelling
"I....FEEEEEEL....FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" over and
over again. cool old men sat around playing guitar and
reminiscing about the heyday of acid rock and
psychedelia. god, it was great.

the food was mainly 12 bean soup with cornbread, and
it was so delicious that my mouth waters remembering
it. also, the Hare Krishna were there with their
bells, their storytelling, and their sweet delicious
food. they threw flowers on the fires that made the
entire area smell like heaven. they did cartwheels and
told stories and make everyone smile. at night, the
dudes in the kitchen, Scooter and crew, made tons of
pizzas in a clay oven, and pretzels with chocolate,
and fudge brownies. Scooter made sure to put some for
me in a little hole in the ground with a stiff piece
of earth over it, because i could never get in line
fast enough, before it was all gone. what a
sweetheart. he also carried my pack out of the
gathering for me, all uphill, and i gave him my
favorite turtle bead, because my name was Turtleheart
at that time. last i heard, he still has the bead in
his medicine bag.

poems i wrote (i hope to add the good ones soon)

Who am I?

My name is Kiyonah Thundersong.
I am a courageous truth-teller.
a Rainbow.
an Indigo.
a self-taught craftsperson.
an amateur anthropologist.
a solo parent.
an anarchist,
a pirate,
a cultural revolutionary.

I am a drummer.
a heartsong singer.
a poet.
a lover.
a loyal friend.

I am a writer and
I will be published soon.

I am a soul survivor,
and a child of the Earth/Sun/Moon.

Who are you?

***************************************************

its been said
that sometimes life
is darkest
just before dawn.

this darkness that envelops me
as I stand at this crossroads
is the deepest
that I have ever known.

it grabbed my soul and
dove deep into the mystery,
swimming and spiralling
far away from the known.

now I stand alone, as long blowing,
ruthless, northwestern winds
which stunted my growth for many long years,
now steer my reachings for light and love.

but these changes are truly in the warrior's realm,
requiring courage, flexibility and grace to survive.
yet they are medicine for my Soul...
strong medicine...maybe too strong...

as I stood against those winds,
I grew faithfully, and took on gnarley shapes,
like tree branches twisted by harsh weather,
yet I glow with that hidden, worn-in beauty.

that beauty is both frightening and useless now...
supernovas implode within me, and the crystalline structures
of life as we know it explode and fly apart
into fiery shards of death and rebirth, the neverending wheel of
life.

I arise on the winds
of my thundersong,
torn to pieces as I faced the Beast
and fought my demons.

I arise and recreate
as a thundersong,
as a phoenix from the fire,
bringing the calm after the storms...



***************************************************

i am no longer afraid
of the mystery called freedom.
i stepped out,
i let go, and
i sank for awhile.

now i swim,
now i am healed,
now i grow,
now i walk freedom road,

sometimes alone,
but always tall and easy,
with fierce intelligence
and unadorned beauty.

i got in my canoe
and learned to paddle on my own,
then i paddled away
from the known to the unknown.

i got out of my canoe
and crossed my personal wasteland
of emotional garbage,
of spiritual baggage,

with no signposts and
no prophets to guide me,
only the light of spirit and truth.

now i have passed the crossroads,
now i am truly alive,
no longer afraid of freedom.

***************************************************
writing, my solace...
music, my comfort...
two gateways...

they transport me,
transcending all...
all illusions,
all lies,
all mindgames and bullshit...

shining genuine truth and authenticity
onto all aspects of life.

for these two gateways to oneness and peace,
i give my deepest thanks and highest praise.

***************************************************

a hummingbird visited my humble porch today,
after thunderstorms rumbled through,
washing and cleansing every living thing.

rocky creeks and mossy boulders
greet my eyes,
caress my mind,
comfort my soul,

as i wander down
every gravel backroad
in this outlaw haven
of wooded hollars and
untamed forests.

i wander these backroads
searching for my original soul,
hidden beneath layers of grime
accumulated in the city,
shed in the country.

these roads lead me away
from the illusions and bullshit
and towards my heart
strongly beating
and towards the light,
and towards my soul
courageously answering
this devastating call to adventure
that is finally leading me home...