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kSea flux

joined on 08/05/03
last updated 05/02/08
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Beans Teeth

The necklace I made from Beans teeth.
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Quote of The Moment.

"The future has several names.
For the weak it is the impossible.
For the fainthearted
it is the unknown.
For the thoughtful and valiant
it is the ideal."

Victor Hugo


"If desire causes suffering, it may be because we do not desire wisely, or that we are inexpert at obtaining what we desire. Instead of hiding our heads in our prayer cloth and building walls against temptation, why not get better at fullfilling desire? Salvation is for the feeble, that's what I think. I don't want salvation, I want life, all of life, the miserable as well as the superb. If the gods would tax ecstasy, then I shall pay; however I shall protest their taxes at each opportunity, and if Woden or Shiva or Buddha or that Christian fellow -what's his name?- cannot respect that, then I'll accept their wrath. At least I will have tasted the banquet that they have spread before me on this rich, round planet, rather than recoiling from it like a toothless bunny. I cannot believe that the most delicious things were placed here merely to test us, to tempt us, to make it the more difficult for us to capture the grand prize: the safety of the void."

King Alobar, Jitterbug Perfume

"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."
- Carl Gustav Jung

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes."
- William James

"Life is a daring adventure, or nothing"
~ Helen Keller

"Let all the children boogie."
~ David Bowie


The Invitation
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer (A Native American Elder)

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking the fool for love,
for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow,
if you have been opened up by life's betrayals or
have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness and let ecstacy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the
limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can betray another to be true to yourself;
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful
and therefore be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty
even when it's not a pretty day,
and if you can source your life from God's presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and stand on the edge of a lake
and shout to the silver light of a full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done
for the children.

It doesn't matter who you are, or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~


"The soul has an absolute, unforgiving need for excursions into enchantment. It requires them like the body needs food and the mind needs thought. Yet our culture often takes pride in disproving and exploding the sources of enchantment, explaining away one mystery after another and overturning precious shrines, dissolving the family farm that has housed spirits of civility for eons, or desecrating for material profit a mountain or stream sacred to native residents. We have yet to learn that we can't survive without enchantment and that the loss is killing us."
Thomas Moore
The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life


To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must cultivate our personal life; and to cultivate our personal life, we must first set our hearts right.
- Confucius

When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it - always.
- Mahatma Gandhi

The spirit down here in man and the spirit up there in the sun, in reality are only one spirit, and there is no other one.
- The Upanishads

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the law of the universe will be simpler.
- H.D. Thoreau

"He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice."
- Albert Einstein

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become."
- Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

"Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself."
- Chief Seattle

Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll

Consciousness is the basis of all life and the field of all possibilities. Its nature is to expand and unfold its full potential. The impulse to evolve is thus inherent in the very nature of life.
- Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

The truth dazzles gradually, or else the world would be blind.
- Emily Dickinson

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My Photo

My Bean. The best damn Dawwgy in the whole wide world EVER. She will always be in my heart.
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jetsam

Gender
Male
Age
40
Location
about me
The circus is a tiny closed off arena of forgetfulness. For a space
it enables us to lose ourselves, to dissolve in wonder and bliss, to be
transported by mystery. We come out of it in a daze, saddened and
horrified by the everyday face of the world. But the old everyday
world, the world with which we imagine ourselves to be only too familiar,
is the only world, and it is a world of magic inexhaustible."

--Henry Miller, The Smile at the Foot of the Ladder


vague ramblings:
www.livejournal.com/users/ksea/
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My Photo

Playa Candleabra
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My Photo

The boy that you loved...
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My Photo

...is the Man that you fear... (boogity woogity. Really. I'm scary. I'm green. fear me.)
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My Photo

See? Scary. I eat children. Just about to roast this one - you can see the fire in the background...
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The Beautiful People

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A gift from Anastasia...

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Upcoming Shows & Schtuffs I'm doin'

getting that damned magazine going

Big Top Magazine is ALIVE and on time!
www.bigtopmagazine.com

May 18th Fillmore, Dresden Dolls - interview with Amanda for Big Top

September 26th - SIGIL @ Fat City, performing

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My Photo

Avant Kyudo
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flotsam

I find a distinct and dangerous line as I search for the words I once could write, the place I could go inside where I could find home when there wasn't any true home - that place is getting much more difficult to find.

I try to imagine myself in my tent in The Enchanted Forest in Austin, I try to imagine myself sitting on one of New Orleans' balconies hovering above Chartres St. in New Orleans, or in my tiny apartment just off of Esplanade Ave. there, or on a random block of Colorado on ... read more
Wed, May 7, 2008 - 2:15 AM permalink - 0 comments
 
Yeah, I tend to write too much, which I decided was not what I wanted this magazine to be about - the /inside page has been completely re-done with a few others in their re-work beginnings, with only one not-so-hidden link if someone wants to read what I write. This gives us all much more freedom, and I believe makes the site much more approachable. www.bigtopmagazine.com

I mean hells - I'm sick of looking at it too - which is why I implore you, please let me know what you would change, an... read more
Tue, May 6, 2008 - 8:48 PM permalink - 0 comments
 
This was received in my email just minutes after I started dissecting a few select pages on www.bigtopmagazine.com - looking for ways to make it more inviting, easier to navigate, friendlier - especially for the way we've all become, especially on the web.
Ya see, I've got this fancy program installed that tells me not only which pages are visited from most to least, but the average time spent on them, what country the visits were from (so far in the past 5 days - 14 countries!!!) and the a... read more
Tue, May 6, 2008 - 4:05 PM permalink - 3 comments
 
& hopefully, (after no fewer than five straight hours searching for, finding, downloading, loading photoshop brushes, deciding on table size, fonts again, colors, re-creating all the top banners -) get really happy & hopeful that the site will be more inviting, more fun to look at for you (ooooh - pretty!) - which honestly, I loved doing -

www.bigtopmagazine.com

but instead, completely FUCK IT ALL UP.

Need desperate help with Photoshop layers & slices, & Dreamweaver tables. You can... read more
Sat, May 3, 2008 - 1:21 PM permalink - 5 comments
 
Step right this way, ladies and gentlemen, and enter the Big Top! A place of wonder, delight and whimsy, a place of dreams and desires!
A place called home.

This site began as a vision of mine somewhere around a year ago, and though it has been met with many challenges in it’s creation – with more to come, I’m sure – here it is, for you.

One of the primary goals I have for it is connecting us, all around the world. The artists, the dreamers, the people who have the power to change the ... read more
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 10:48 PM permalink - 8 comments
 
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My girl, Bean.
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My Testimonials

May 23, 2007
KSea is awesome. He takes care of me when Bobzilla is away. He scratches my tummy and makes sure I'm OK till Bobzilla gets back.
May 13, 2007
i find it hard to breathe in your arms. it has less to do with the urgency of your embrace, the strength in your slender sinewy limbs... more the relentlessness of your self. i find myself outnumbered, surrounded, because you are starving, ravenous, for life and love and laughter.

and these things i have, like candies spilling out of my overfull hands

i hold them behind me, not to taunt you, but unsure that i can surrender them without loosing fingers.

you are no tame bird
October 15, 2006
it was wonderful seeing you last night. you were looking more balanced than i have seen you
before, gorgeous and fit of course, but also you energetically seemed very clear and free. So many real smiles, even your aura shining. i'm so glad. you're such a great combination of goofy and lovable and innocent, and fucking searingly sexy and worldly and such a piece of inspiring art to look at. fascinating art that creates itself from the inside out and can reach out and grab a lady's hair just right.
love.
Unsu...
 
October 4, 2006
kSea is the best house guest EVER. He puts away the dishes, shrugs at the insanity, and whacks me with English muffins when I am being too nutty for my own good.

kSea is a very sepcial, wonderful man and I am so glad that I am getting to know him and become friends with him. Yay for fabulous friends.
June 22, 2006
***ksea flux***
***here's a real angel on rockets for shoes***he skips around with a wiley heart of gold***always finding a way to make me laugh***this one's up to big things***you watch***luv star***
October 18, 2005
I lived with Casey nearly 20 years ago at the New Method warehouse and I really didn't like him. I'm probably the only female who didn't think Casey was hot enough to melt butter. All I could see is that he didn't have any housekeeping skills, and I thought he was kinda shallow. Fast forward to millennial San Francisco: there's Casey walking down the street with Aleph - just like old times. A passing hello, and not much more, he appeared to be a glam/clown car crash. But now that I've gotten to know him through his writing, I've found that he's willing to look into his dark corners and dig around. I admire that in a person. "Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light, but rather, it is making the darkness conscious." (Carl Jung). Now I think Casey is a pretty deep guy, not just a pretty guy.
July 8, 2005
""""····****MAGIKAL WiSH 4 @ DREAMER****····""""

I do admire you... I do not know how you do to live the life you live. You remind me of the replicates in the Blade Runner Film. So wild and beautiful like poetry lost in time... like tears in the rain...

Do birds ever come to you?

I will be praying for you these days... for you, my friend, to get home soon. I am so very glad life is good to you because you are so good, way over too many stupidities of this world. And, I might be wrong, of course, for I perceive your nature must bring this need to pull it all the way. Not being a slave at any risk... it’s a pretty good damn meaning and purpose. I believe in you, you are an inspiration to life itself...

I feel you have been giving way too much, and you are so intense, that could be dangerous like love... you seem from here like a wild tender beautiful authentic being, more than human. I want to pray for you to find what you are looking for, what you really need....

There is something of me in you; still we might be completely opposites... You are, brother, creator of fantasies, worlds, and million thousand ways to fly. I watch you fly, mesmerized; still I wish something wires you to the ground... I don’t know why, sometimes I wish I could become that wire to connect you with your land, or at least, send it to you in some magical way...

The higher you fly, the further away, the deeper this wish buries in me... like a dream, it cuts. It’s not easy to say this kind of things, to describe this kind of experience without some fear...

I hope you’ll understand… I hope you do receive a kiss and a hug with these words which aren’t enough, I know, but it’s all I got now…

BE BLESSED IN LOVE
April 3, 2005
hmmmm...it was 15 years ago!...he had a black and white striped tee shirt he wore everywhere and lived with sweet boy Apollo. When we met he had a broken leg with a huge cast--that thing was scratchy and heavy-OW! Pretty green eyes and long red hair to play with-I ADORED HIM (still do SO much, even though we've not seen each other in AGES)!!! we snuggled on his bed on the floor in his living-room-bed-room...he took me to sushi for the first time and made me eat unagi...we would go to Zeitgeist and play pinball and pool and be sober and chainsmoke :) and then he moved to NYC...I came out there and we bought a top hat and went to the Empire State Building and King Tut's Wa Wa hut for 5 am snowball fights and flaming doctor peppers (sober no more!) Then I lost him for so long but he found me (hooray!) I can't wait to see his pretty face some day soon--one of my favorite people in the history of my life, a beautiful man with a tender heart and a yummy wicked streak...I am stealing the pictures from this website from when we were together so I can put them on MY photo page! Love you, C
February 12, 2005
He's Hot, he's deep, he's warm and has an awesome presence. Every time he enters a room, you Know hes there without even turning around. I drool every time I see him.
February 4, 2005
Presence something like murmurs
The sea out past the waves, fast little agitations like ready laughs, and gallons below unseen
December 25, 2004
I've enjoyed having a crush on casey for a while now - something about him makes me want to chew on him....

I'm hoping when i get back to SF we can run rampant around the city - I could use a little of his ruckus in my life.
December 21, 2004
I just realized that you are pretty attractive for a stranger.
December 3, 2004
KSea is an awesome guy. A kind soul and freak extraordinare.
November 13, 2004
What a beautiful human being- inside and out. And couldn't you just drown in those eyes...with kSea, they truly are the windows to the soul.
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