For those of you who don't know... but you should all know... I am in Santa Fe attending the Wise Fool Women's summer circus workshop/camp. And now I will tell you all about it.

Where to start?

I arrived here with Casey on Monday, May 28th, after driving from Oakland. We quickly found a place to lay our heads, and then wandered downtown. On the 29th I started my classes, and we headed out to El Dorado (25+mins outside of town) to stay with my friend Alice. Casey stuck around until Wednesday night, but before that we drove all around so he could see Santa Fe, and we ate plenty of breakfast burritos.

Shortly after I got settled in El Dorado, Alice left for a week to visit family, and while she was gone I got sick sick sick. Three days of fever. Exhaustion, and congested everything. It was frustrating to miss class and even when I was in class, it was really hard to push myself. Not to mention living way out of town and about 5 miles from the nearest grocery store. I watched a lot of cable tv.

When Alice got back, her daughter Meghan came with her, so I moved into town to stay with another couple from the church here. They are currently out of town for a week as well, so I've got their big house with a hot tub all to myself for a little while.

So those are the nuts and bolts, but here's some more of the fun stuff.

I have been taken over by crushes on people I can't have - so reminiscent of the old days in Santa Fe. But they are fun crushes, ones I can gossip about with friends, and ones that will be left behind here when I go. I have forgotten how much fun crushes can be, in the right circumstances.

Circus has been a mixed bag. I am by far not the best at anything in my class of 25 women. And this is something that I am not always good at accepting. I'd rather just not participate than be bad. But I am trying to push myself. The hardest thing for me has been the aerial class. I don't think there has been a class yet where I haven't wanted to cry. I think this is because it's the only class where I feel like I really can't do anything, or much of anything at all. And I missed one of the classes because of being sick, and I sat out on another because I had terrible cramps. Also I have some weird skin problem on one of my fingers, which makes hanging from the trapeze really difficult. sometimes I feel like I don't want to be on the aerial equipment badly enough to deal with all the pain it causes (physically). And then I wonder if that just an excuse I'm making so that I don't have to face how difficult it is for me (mentally/emotionally). On an exciting note, I am loving stilts and acrobatics (clowning and juggling are close seconds). I have been getting together with friends from class to practice acro moves and it's super fun.

I guess I feel like part of being in this workshop was to really have to push myself to experience my body and what it can and can't do, instead of assuming what it can and can't do. All of my teachers are really supportive, but to be honest, sometimes I feel like I can get away with not pushing myself as hard as I'd like to. Part of that again is because I've been sick, and it has been really hard to push myself. Coming into this, I knew I was going to be in the bottom of the class in my starting ability, but I was hoping that I would be the girl to impress everyone with how hard I try, even when things are really hard, but I find that I've been giving up more than I want to be, and that is something I need to work on.

The friends that I've reconnected with, and the new one's I have made are so great. I was pretty nervous coming back here that people would remember be as I was when I left, and that girl is quite different than the one I am now. But everything has gone swimmingly. It's really good for me to be surrounded by women, and queer women. Rosie and I have become instant friends, hanging out all the time and having a blast. Debs is really great, and I'm excited that she and I will be performing together in the drag show cabaret. I hung out with Michelle (who is my band mate from Big Judy) a bunch before I got sick, and we even had a reunion tour concert at a party she had. I'm getting to know Indi, slowly but steadily, and she inspires me a lot (as do all these women really). Then there's Kathy who I just ran into, and it's great to see her, and she has changed since we knew each other. I think she has some of the same nervousness about people treating her like someone she used to be, and not who she is now. But it's been lovely to see her. And then there's JD who I'm working on some new acro moves with, and Kiki who is just the sweetest. Not to mention all the women in the class, and the women teaching the class. I just feel really loved and supported here. It's really beautiful.

Speaking of the drag cabaret... I will be performing in two shows this weekend as Neil Down. Yipee. This has been a fun process too. Working with other kings to really choreograph numbers and have them really polished before the show.

And I've been riding my bike. And I've been trying to eat well. And I've lost 7lbs, which hopefully is an indication that I am on my way to a healthier me. And I've found time to pray. And I'm falling in love with life. And I have bruises.

time for a banana,
ktm