As crushes fade into moments
that will catch in my throat
as I put miles between us,
there will be pieces of my heart
left in the red dirt and fading bruises.

I am falling in love with the idea of you,
and you as well,
sometimes
and this idea of you is wrapped up in the landscape
wide open and painfully beautiful.

there is the shape of your body in these mountains
broad shoulders
muscles, stomach,
the things that clothes conceal
and the clouds that rush over head
as fast as glances I almost miss
and wonder what they mean.

sometimes we are actors
playing out our parts
of lust and flirtation
sometimes we are intimate
in tears and gentle breezes
of friendly touch.

yet there remains the scorching sun
to remind me of the harshness of all these emotions
burning my skin.

I know that I cannot stay,
and this is perhaps why it is the idea of you
I am falling in love with
because the reality is not something
I know how to catch hold of.

and even if I could
I would not know what to do
with the precious thing cradled in my hands
calloused with my time here.

so I kiss your cheek
and lay silently next to you as you sleep
the sleep of a desert rain storm
the sleep of a desert dryness
the sleep of red dirt
of hidden lakes
of hollyhocks
of secrets yet to be whispered
and a history longer than can ever be known.

santa fe, I will leave you
in a few days
and goodbyes will choke me
but I will take you with me
underneath my fingernails
and down
where bone meets bone.

your memory will be in the places
where the landscape of my heart has been changed.



- summer 2007