Lessons in life....

Done...

lady_desire — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 06:50:05 GMT

Its been done since March.... and we've been spending all this time fixing and refining and just enjoying life living in this beauiful house that he built away from everything and everyone.

House....

lady_desire — Sun, 27 May 2007 20:55:33 GMT

What you cant see is the siding on the east end of the house and the HVAC, electical and plumbing inside...OH and the best part........my whirlpool corner tub!!!! Woooo hoooo!! Its coming along...slowly and shurly. The barage of mishaps still come and go. OBD finished his series of epidurals, but unfortunately it seems as if they didnt really help as much as we hoped; he still gets his pains and numbness so I guess surgery is definately in the future. Most recently he had an accident at work and cut his finger and thumb bad enough to get stitches in both....the crazy thing is he still went on as if nothing happened. Still he asks me to come out to help him and still all I do is stand around, hand him this board or that tool then stand around some more. It frustrates me... Finally though, I was able to do some painting and primed the porch...no more exposed wood. And as soon as we can actually decide what color we want the house, I can start painting the porch and siding.... I told him there was no way in HELL that I am going to stand on that roof to paint.... I'll do it before he hangs them. If its not obvious in the pictures, the pitch is way too steep for this girl. Today he took his boys fishing.... Im so happy he's taking a break to be with them, they are so cute and love being with him so much. Im not sure if he will work on the house or not, but if he does.. Im wondering if he'll be able to finish the siding downstairs. Either way, I really hope that he does spend more time with those boys. Not that he doesnt pay attention to them..... just that when I look at my girls, it seems as if yesterday they were so young and so dependant.... now they are almost adults...sigh. So whats next..... well hopefully he and his friends will finish the HVAC and electrical this weekend and then he can call for an inspection... the doors are in and can be put up but I havent decided if I want to paint /stain them first or not... and after that....drywall. Its getting close.. not the July deadline we were hoping for... but definately by the end of the year.... we cant wait.

Another homebuilders episode....

lady_desire — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 08:43:15 GMT

Another, more recent shot of the house. Sometimes I look at it and get all excited and cant believe we have got this far, and other times I get frustrated because I just want it to be done. But OBD pluggs away and is relentless.... well his father is relentless, he just wants to get it done too. Last week he hired a couple of guys to help move it along a bit faster. It acutally put us a month ahead of the current pace but what a setback in the wallet!!! I guess beer and pizza wasnt the ticket... he he. His back seems to be getting better but we still arent out of the woods yet. Last week he had his first epidural and after a day or so he said the pain wasnt so bad but now he cant bend over. Jeez if it isnt one thing its another... On the 15th he will have another epidural and hopefully that one will make a big difference. If not theres a good chance he'll have to have surgery... sigh. I wish I could help him more but I feel like such a dork and an idiot sometimes. He'll tell me what needs to be done or what he needs to get and its like being a foreign exchange student trying to relate to your host family..... just smile and say ok and pray you'll understand one day. My luck it will be when the house is done!! And then when I try to help its one thing or another.. yeah I can hit some nails but my thumb knows what that brings or I get sick or my body is just too sore from teaching that I cant even hit the damn thing if my life depended on it. Im hoping that once he gets going on the interior I can be more usefull.... well at least I can paint!! OH and to make matters that much more depressing for me, his mother is up there with him like a 20 yr old contractor plugging away. Arrrrugh!!! Anyway.. tomorrow he'll be working on it again... with his mother and I will be teaching.....and then hopefully next week we will have another inspection so we can get the roof on......

My "Boss"...RIP

lady_desire — Wed, 03 Jan 2007 03:32:13 GMT

He woke me up from a dead sleep a week ago. Breathing so hard I actually thought it was my daughter sneezing. It was frightening..... I tried to get him to the vet in time to save him, I kept petting him and shaking him telling him to hold on.... but he died in my car on the way. They said it was probably heart failure... that his tongue was blue and his stomache was filled with fluids... typical symptoms. There are so many "what-ifs". What if: I took him to the vet when I thought he had a heart attack just before Christmas?.... or had his check-ups done regularly?....or maybe he would still be here if I hadnt struggled so much with him to get him into the car that last time?.... what if? But he was 16.... an old "man"... I guess it was his time.... Some of you may be like OBD.... its just a cat.... but he was more than that to me and my daughters. He was there when each of them were born, and tolerated being laid on, pulled on, smacked, fought over, dressed, adorned with jewlery, makeup and nail polish and drug around the house like a rag doll. Paws tolerated too many new names and almost humiliating songs all made up for him. He was with me through all of the crazy moves, divorce, failed relationships and general madness of our daily lives. He was the one thing that my daughters and I knew would be by the door every single day no matter what just saying hello (feed me) and more than ready to love and be loved. He was my Paws, my "Boss" my "Monster" ... my "son". And to my girls, he was everything. He will be missed so very much.

When it rains, it pours.....

lady_desire — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 07:18:20 GMT

Well here it is.... as it stands (although all dormers are complete now) until the rain goes away and OBD finds out the deal with his back.......thankfully some great friends got the roof to this point for us. This weekend it got a pretty blue rain bonnet, to hold it over until things dry up.... until then all the work that can be done will all happen inside... One good thing is that IF it doesnt rain on Thursday... the wrap around pourch will be poured and stamped!!! As the pics come in, I'll try to post them.... And an update on my honey.... well it may be a herniated disc.... and maybe, God forbid, surgery... we'll know more this coming week. Sigh.

An update... errr something....

lady_desire — Tue, 21 Nov 2006 07:24:04 GMT

Yeah!! There it is!!! How you likea my house??? See why I keep OBD around???? Ok... thats it as of Saturday. Apparently as of today the entire roof is sheeted. So a quick update for those who care and/or are wondering.... Obviously still working on the house, not as much as before for me since most of the work was on a slope that I wasnt about to tackle and I was in the middle of my color guard teachings. Last week OBD's back went out but luckilly we had some good friends and family that helped get the roof sheeted in time for the rain. Granted it wont shield the house completely, but its better than nothing right? Saturday was the championship show for the color guard Im teaching. They tied for second in their division and took 8th over all (41 bands total). Yeah I know thats a bit on the ho hum side for most of you but its pretty mind blowing for me since I havent done this kind of thing in 20 years!!! Anyway.. proud of those girls. So other than that... things are going good. Job is great... kids are growing like weeds.... and my house looks like a house!!!!! Soon there will be a wrap around porch!!! Aint it purdy????? Wheeee!!!! More later!!!!!!!

Folsom....

lady_desire — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 05:53:06 GMT

Ahhh my fourth year and its still just as fun. This year I went with my love, OBD, my very dear friend and his wife... AND I finally FINALLY met up with Misha!!! Unfortunately we both were being pulled in too many directions and had to part ways very quickly, but still it was a treat. Simon has already told me he went and Im sure others went as well.. Im kinda sorry we all couldnt make arragements to meet at a particular place to at least just say hi. Maybe next year?? So anyway, the Fair was great. But there was something about it that felt a bit different to me.... we're kinda thinking it was more touristy????? Or maybe its because more men were hitting on OBD than me.... LMFAO!!!! But then I guess that should be expected in The City right??? My friend's wife was experiencing this for the first time and it was so funny to watch her light up every time she saw a flogger or when she saw the steel beds and the best part was watching her become mezmorized by the Janus charity booth (spanking, whipping and flogging).... she was so cute.. she reminded her husband and I of me the first time I went.. lol. Oh and the best, and yet most annoying, "costume" (if there was a contest lol) had to have been the leather and latex wolf..... wow....... and he howled like a wolf...... and damn if I didnt break out in a sweat just looking at him in all that black leather and latex in that wonderful California sun..... whew. Anyway, just had to share... and even though she will kill me, I had to put the pic of Misha and I up here (OBD said she hated it... but its all I got!!!!).

Metamorphisis

lady_desire — Wed, 20 Sep 2006 03:14:20 GMT

Ok so I'm starting a New Year's resolution now, and I think in order to get going on one, a declaration has to be made......but first I have to tell you the strange occurrences... or links that came from all of these current events..... A couple of weeks ago, I came home from work and there was OBD with six job applications to the school he works at.... he insisted that I sign them all and he, in turn, turned them in to HR at the school. To this day I really dont know exactly what jobs I applied to.... but I got two phone calls, and amazingly enough I got one..... working in the same department as OBD..... as well as working with a grandparent of one of the kids I teach..... odd but... well OK. In obtaining that job, my boss (the current one) insisted that I replace myself..... fair enough. So I contact Work Net, Cal Works and post on Craig's list. Ten minutes after posting on Craig's List I get a resume. I read it and it seems as if this girl would be a good candidate.. and then I look at her address..... my neighbor...... MY FRICKEN NEIGHBOR!! Honestly I did not know that she was looking for a job nor did she know I was looking for a replacement... in fact we've probably talked twice since she moved in about six months ago. It turned out that she had the same type of hellish job as I did prior to this one and she needed to work closer to home......ummm she works in Dublin and I worked in Livermore..... for those that dont know, those cities are fairly close to each other and about an hour commute.... CRAZY!! So anyway we interview her and two other candidates, and even though the others seemed to be well qualified, my neighbor had the attitude that is needed for this job. So today was her first day...... I dont know... I think its a bit odd that there were so many links to all of the recent events...... maybe im just crazy myself. So anyway.... I had some rude financial awakenings during this process and discovered I was about 7 lbs heaver than I thought I was. Which really wasnt good since I think I need to lose about 10 lbs..... grrrrr now I have to lose 17 lbs!!! Well my resolutions are this..... As of now, I am starting to pay more attention to my body... I will eat better and start an exercise regiment. I actually bought a video to work out to when I cant get to the gym (which will probably be more often than not) so soon I will be back to my hard bodied self... or at least close to it. Hey... I live in the real world and I accept the fact that I probably wont look as good as I did when I was 25. I resolve to get over my fear of money and actually us it correctly. I hate money... I hate spending it..... it actually scares me to pay a bill or buy food or clothes because I always worry about not having money in an emergency... crazy huh? And ummm.... well Im planning on retiring with this new "company", if you can call it that. The benifits and perks that come along with it.... well I cant see another job beating it. So there they are... my resolutions laid on the table for anybody to call me on if I start to slip or fail. Wish me luck!!!! Oh yeah... and the house..... completely dimensional..... tomorrow the tresses will be delivered and soon there will be something that looks like a complete frame of a house. So far the only scary thing.... yesterday OBD fell off the roof...... luckilly only a couple of bumps and bruises and a bit of hurt pride is all he got..... he was back up and at it today.

Work work work work.....

lady_desire — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 22:40:41 GMT

Aaaah nothing like watching an project grow.... There is the house... forms, plumbing, rebar and all.... except now it doesnt even look like this picture!! Now the radiant-heating tubes are in and it looks more like a giant oven. And the better news is that today they are pouring the concrete for the porch and hopefully (cross your fingers) Saturday we will be pouring house!!!! OBD and I look at each other and just say wow.... honestly we couldnt imagine it even getting to this part. Soooo exciting!!!! My God!!!! Thats MY house!!!! And then, on the other hand, Im the proud "mother" of 19 girls other than my own 2. They are the most energetic and eager to learn girls I've ever known. (Er, Im talking about my colorguard/flag team.) Im having so much fun teaching and re-learning and doing all the things I used to do in my "band geek" days. Last night I did what most "band geeks" dream of... I kicked the football team off the football field....lol..... I was the band heroine for a night. Their reactions were just too cute. But hey, it was our time to be on the field and not his........ boy do I sound like a geek or what??? And upcoming events.... well next month I will be going to see two broadway shows. Chicago with my mother and Moving Out with my best friend & her husband and of course OBD. Ive always wanted to see these shows and finally I get to..... and I really never asked, they just happened. And then theres OBD..... sigh...... he just so perfectly wonderful that I can even begin to describe him....... I am definately in absolute love...... sigh Well, anyway, life is fun right now... and its going great..... and hopefully soon another adventure, a more personal one, will be had in the very near future........ And that, my friends, is why Im not around so much anymore. But dont think that I dont miss talking to any of you.......I do...... Im just having so much fun in the real world!!!! Wheeeeeeeee..........

My man has left me...... sniff

lady_desire — Sat, 08 Jul 2006 04:04:58 GMT

Sigh.... he has done get upped and goned away..... Left me for the northern lights and yummy salmon of Alaska...... Sniff..... For one week I am a single mama...... WHERE IS MY FRIGGEN MARGARITA?!?!??!?! Waaaaaaa hoooooo!!! (If your reading this baby..... I do do do do looooove you!!!)

When reality bites the real world......

lady_desire — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 02:46:22 GMT

I have been chatting for, oh, maybe eight or nine years and I think Im fairly wise to how things work around here in this lovely "net world". My daughters "chat" on My Space. And because I am a parent, and I try to keep my feet firmly planted in the real world. I joined My Space and am a permanent "friend" on both of their accounts with complete access. And I really try to talk to them and tell they why I find some of the things I do necessary to protect them. So there.... the stage is set...... My boss called me over the weekend and told me to watch Dateline. It appears they ran a special about the perverts, whom I lovingly (HA!) call the "freeks and geeks", that troll the net. Well to be more exact, it was about the freeks that troll for young teens for their own self gratifing sick sexual pleasure. Anyway, for my daughters... I turned it on. Sounds like a good thing, right? So we watched it and my girls actually understood why I do what I do and they seem to be appreciative. In fact my oldest removed some people from her friends list and fixed a couple of pictures I didnt quite agree with (they showed her full name and High School on them). After the show, I looked further into this whole investigation program that set up these freaks; honestly, I would be more than happy to sit here every chance I get and pretend Im a 13 yr old to catch these people. It just seems to be more productive than spending the time mindlessly wandering the net... right? So I go the the website and browse around..... looking at all the different posts of these goofs.... various chats they had with these supposid children.... and then I had to go there..... I look at the "convicted" list...... and there he was....... A friggen brick came completely out of my computer screen and hit me square between the eyes... I swear to God!..... I honestly cant recall anything more shocking to me in my entire life. I mean, there are pictures and actual chat dialogue!!! OMFG!!!!! Here's the story.... I "met" this guy on Yahell.... he was one of the first handfulls of people I had ever chatted with. He was so kind and sweet and apparently he had his life together.... a very good life at that. Yeah yeah... I know... you cant always believe what they say on the internet. But through the years he was able to verify everything. I saw pictures of his family.... talked to people on line from his real life and even checked out his employer's web page where his picture was..... damn it if he wasnt a prominent defense attorney in Ohio!!! There were even newspaper articles of cases he had worked on. So why in the hell would I not trust him?? Ok ok so I'll go one step further...... I was at the lowest point in my life. I was actually mentally making plans for my daughters to live with my mother so they wouldnt have to live on the streets with me. And what does he do? Pays my rent. Twice! Then...THEN... he calls me and says.... "Hey.... Im going to go to Vegas for a convention. You really need to get away... will you come if I pay your way?" Er uh uh uh..... I told him no.... I didnt want to have to sleep with him because of all these favors he had done for me. I am far from a whore!!! But he assured me that he wasnt thinking of that, he just wanted to get me away from my reality for awhile. Ok so Im not passing up a free trip to Vegas!!! He was an absolute gentleman.... we stayed at the Venetian.... he slept on the couch and I slept on the bed... NEVER did he make any type of advance toward me. And it was one of the best escapes I have ever had... just wonderful. So since then we've talked off and on. And he did call me awhile back mumbling something about Dateline and him being followed by the police. I kinda put it off as another one of his cases that was getting to thick or just him being whiney, ya know. OH NOOOOOO it just couldnt be something as simple as that!!! HELL NO!!!! So this leads me to now.... I sit here and I dont know if I want to be his friend and give him the benifit of the doubt.... but theres the dialogue and the pictures.....sigh. Maybe I ought to just forget him all together......Or do I call him and just scream "WHAT THE FUCK!???!?!" I want to throw up because this guy is... was..... is..... a friend (?)..... er something. Hes sick..... sick sick sick sick.... Damn..... And my daughters chatted with him!!! Oh thank God I was always there and it was always under my nickname!!! The other day I called him..... left a message and told him to call me back (he hasnt been sentenced yet and is out on OR) And, of course, he called me back. I just couldnt do it.... I couldnt tell him that I saw it all...... Partially because I want him to confess to me and partially because I may join that program.... Anyway, he talked about it a bit, but skirted the actual issues. He said he's going to appeal it but it cant be done until his sentencing... suddenly his words just became "blah blah blah". Yeah he talked about his daughter and how she may have met the man of her dreams and continued with some small idle chat.... and then he had to go.... thankfully.... with a promise to call me back. I was just sick when I hung up..... he talked about his daughter..... and her love.... and this..... all in one conversation!!! Ack. He called back..... twice.....and I ignored both calls..... I dont know what to say or do..... Im just sick...... And that is when reality bites the real world.... http://www.perverted-justice.com/?con=manofdarkneedsl951 Yes..... yes hes nickname makes absolute sense to me now......

After 20 years... colorgard again

lady_desire — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 02:59:02 GMT

Well here I go...... Twenty ... well .... 19 years ago I left the wonderful world of color guard. I stood on the 35 yard line at Arrowhead Stadium and decided that 1988 would by my final year as a "flag girl". It was a good and bad thing. I spent my second year with the Blue Devils performing one of the most incredible and emotional show ever. Never have I been in a group where everything came so easily to us; we were completely tuned into each other... we knew what needed to be done and did it. We performed practically every show flawlessly and the scores showed... we were unbeatable and seemingly untouchable. And that night at Arrowhead Stadium, the World Championships, we left the field in tears and completely exhausted. We cried for different reasons.... it was the end, our final show for the year.... and we put our hearts and souls into that show. It was amazing. The most incredible part is that very few of us remembered actually doing the show.... we knew we did it..... but we didnt remember physically performing it. Something TJ Doucette taught me to be "muscle memory". You do something so much, so many times that your body just does it without thinking about it. Like driving, or singing along with your favorite song. Its crazy!! I remember being on the field watching John Meehan playing his solo on the big screen...... I was making a curve around the back side of the 30 yard line between sets... and I know my hands were moving because I remember catching a glimpse of my flag moving from the corner of my eye. I was performing the show and basically watching TV at the same time... and the only thought in my head at that moment was "You go John!!! Yeah!!!".... crazy. The bad..... well.... we took third place. Yeah I know that sounds selfish or as if Im a sore looser, but when you come off an undefeated season, where the closest any score came to you was 5 points and the majority of the DCI world assumes you have the gold in the bag... it comes as quite a shock. My decision, though, came more from the political end. Drum corps is an incredible experience... the lessons that are learned beyond music, dance, performance and competition far exceeds what is expected... but when politics enters things that I find enjoyable, I tend to move along. I decided that I would keep the great memories that I had of my drum corps life and move along to the adult life that was ahead of me. And believe me.... once DCI gets into your blood, well, the love for it never really fades. Some of you may understand what I am saying, some may be dreaming about understanding and some may be thinking "OMFG shes a total band geek!!" Well... to you in the final category... it can surpass anything that a cheerleader or drill member could expect and at times it can compete with a major sport. Laughing? Hmmm somewhere in the DCI archives, I think its somewhere between '85 and '87... they did an experiement. The attached heart moniters on a member of a quad (drum) line and had him perform a show... not a rehersal but a real 14 minute performance with a live audience. The conclusion they came to at the end was that if he were to perform at any higher of a pace, or if he wasnt in that physical condition at the time, he very well could have suffered a heart attack from the speed his heart had to pump. Personally I find that to be pretty impressive, I dont know about you. Anyway, so here I sit 18 years later... and OMG I'm doing it again!! In December I walked up to the band director at Lodi High and said "do you have a guard instructor?" and my inner self said "WTF did you just say???" and he said... "well yes.... and no".... and went into a brief description of his situation. And then, three months later, Im listening to the Nightmare Before Christmas music, and watching the movie and looking at uniforms and flags and .... and all the while my head is saying "what are you doing?!?!??!" Last weekend I got to meet some, er the majority, of the kids in MY colorguard (I have to say MY still because my head is still saying "OMG OMG OMG OMG") and you know what? They are WONDERFUL!!! They took me back 20 years and I really felt I belonged!! Like I never really stepped away from the flags, and the rifles, and the drill, and the drums and the... arrrugh..... wow. These kids are soooo open and happy and full of energy that I couldnt help but relax and get excited about what comes next. And I really am. Sooo here I am.... a reborn "band geek". And I have a feeling that its going to be a great time......... again. (yeah thats me on the left.... sigh)

Aaaaw they got me!!! Er Astrid did lol....

lady_desire — Mon, 19 Jun 2006 05:29:29 GMT

4 jobs i've had in my life... Office Manager Cashier Credit Analyst Customer Service Rep. 4 movies i could watch over and over.... Pretty Woman Somewhere In Time Pirates of the Carabbean Princess Bride 4 places i've lived ... Denver, CO Huntington, WVa Sacramento, CA San Francisco, CA 4 tv shows i love to watch ... CSI Good Eats Grey's Anatomy House 4 places i've been on vacation .... San Diego, CA San Marcos Island, FL Vancouver, BC Montreal, Quebec 4 websites i visit daily .... Tribe Myspace CHP (for work) Yahoo games (occasionally) 4 of my favorite foods..... Lobster... lobster ... lobster... lobster Sushi Artichokes Grandma's raviolli 4 places i'd rather be..... At a spa being completely pampered In my new house In a jacuzzi Laying under the stars 4 tags .... Misha Dex Rose OBD

FINALLY!!!!

lady_desire — Fri, 02 Jun 2006 16:23:36 GMT

Lookit!!!!!! Last night OBD finally broke ground on the house!!! And my God does it look small!!! LMAO. Im thinking he took this picture standing in the kitchen facing east toward the kids bedrooms and bathroom. The bathroom looks huge now but that square also includes the hallway and the closets for the kids' rooms. Well they are telling me that it will look a lot bigger when the framing goes up.... and Im going to take their word. Either way... its a home and Im still excited as hell!! Who wouldnt be?? Just look at all that space..... no neighbors looking over the fence at you (without binoculars lol) no traffic, no street lights... just nothing.... frog croaking cricket chirping star filled nights.....ahhhhhhhh.

Blah....

lady_desire — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 21:43:30 GMT

Sorry I havent been around.... Ive just been ... busy.... and full of thought after a conversation/needed slap in the face from a certain lady here on tribe...... sigh....... I'll be in the corner thinking.......

Im tired of this....

lady_desire — Sat, 20 May 2006 07:58:00 GMT

Someone who is considered "great" and "wise" has been quoted as saying, "if you leave them alone, they will go away". And I have taken that into consideration. Not as one who will follow that "rule" but as one who has been affected by it. I have been told that I look for attention in the tribes, which confuses me since it seems as if just about every post from most can and does appear to have similar intentions at times. Note that I said from most and not all. And honestly, I wasnt looking for attention....at least not in the way i have been accused. But a response to some of my posts would be nice...... Im just tired of the occassional "holier than thou" attitude that some people present. Only a few have taken the time to truly find out who I am..... actually two. Some accept me for what they have learned from my interactions and other have decided, based on a on-line spat or misconception that I am something I am not. And then there are those who feel that the "great and wise" one (and/or the top followers/friends) has chose my fate and threfore will not take the time to know me. Those that fall into the final category, I feel sorry for..... to me they seem to be unable to think for themselves or are afraid to go against the grain. I jjust dont need that in my life... too many negative forces. Its funny, because OBD would actually sit here and laugh at me getting all wound up at something someone said. Someone I have never met before and more than likely chose not to meet at all by that point. He'd say.... why are you working yourself up so much? And I realized it was to be accepted. But by what? Or who? I was becoming frustrated that nobody (using the word loosly) would actually hear me, or so it would seem. Now I just dont bother. I realized that I pissed off the wrong people way too early in the game and have been dammed ever since. But one person... only one person did I have a huge discrepancy with.... a pretty good blow out in PMs, and the funny thing is we saw that there were two sides to the argument.... and we moved on, as friends, and shes one of the youngest on here. Another I have been very critical of, and she too is taking it in stride, without judging me, and we continue to be friends, thank God. To me, they are what separates the "attention getters" from the adults here. I often wonder why and how people can be posting so much on line without it affecting their home lives. What do the do or have, or even lack, that they can be on line so much? But then thats not really my business, is it? I have a hectic life now... as a small hadfull of you know.... two jobs, two children, a wonderful man and a house to build. I have no time to be concerned with all this here. My only concerns here lay in the few friends I have made and would love to keep. So I have decided to go away, as the wise one said. I'll stay in whatever tribes Im in but more than likely for reading material.... occassionally I may comment. And I imagine that some are sitting there saying "pah... there she goes again..." To you who are... please do me a favor.... if your on my friends, please remove yourself. I hate judging people, and honestly I dont even judge the "wise one" and friends.... I just feel sorry that they never took the time to get to know someone, they just judged based on an initial internet instinct and/or another's opinion. Maybe one day we may meet by chance.... and maybe they will be right.... or maybe I will be. Until then.... who knows. But isnt it just crazy how a notion of "ignore them...." can work so well?

Today I cried...

lady_desire — Mon, 15 May 2006 07:15:08 GMT

This morning my oldest daughter came in and brought me my Mothers Day card and gift that she made with her own two very talented hands. And as I opened the card, a small yellow and black heart fell out. I picked it up and looked at it and she began to tell me that these cards were made in school and that the yellow heart was made for me by one of her best friends who lost his mother a couple of years ago. My daughter isnt clear on what happened, but shes tragically gone from this world. All day long, as I recieved my card from my youngest daughter and cooked dinner for my mother and OBD's mother I just couldnt get him out of my head. So sad.... and yet I am so honored that this boy, who has only met me once and keeps me on his friend's list on "My Space" chose me over all the women in his life to recieve such a precious gift. How did I deserve this???? So I sit here, finally alone, in absolute amazment crying over his loss and pain. Staring at this small yellow and black heart. With my name on it.... signed by him.... Its amazing how one small gesture from a 14 year old boy can truly open your eyes to how precious life is, and how important it is to be with the ones you love as often as possible. Oh God his grief.... I wish I could just take it from him. I will never NEVER lose track of that card. I plan to keep it near me always to remind me..... to never stop loving .... and to never take life and the ones I care for, for granted.

The weekend

lady_desire — Tue, 09 May 2006 04:46:21 GMT

Well, although it was a perfect weekend for working the property, nothing much was done. I guess OBD got what he wanted done as far as the time we had to do it, but unfortunately he had to work Sunday. So at least the electrical panel is set up for PG&E and whomever else needs to insepct it. It was a bit of a pain since the wind distorted the panel door and we had to do some heavy thinking and tweaking to get it to work right, not to mention having to drill through cinder blocks to set up an outlet. Sheesh... the words coming out of his mouth!!! It was just too bad that our friend offered to plot out the house on Sunday... ARRRRUGH!!! BUT I made the most of Sunday without him... since he had to work.... sigh. And a new/old friend came by..... a certain Doc....er Prince..... whichever you prefer to call him. We had a wonderful afternoon walking downtown at the street fair getting to know each other and sharing a few laughs. He was so sweet and took me to lunch and bought me a beautiful anklet. It was a day I will remember for quite some time. Thank you Dr. L it was so wonderful and please know the invitation is open, just give me a call and maybe next time OBD will join us.... or not lol. Now this week Im without my love... my OBD. And it has absolutely nothing to do with my "date" with Dr. L (that actually got him a-grinnin..lol) His boys are spending the week with him and since my apartment wont accomodate all six of us, he will be staying at his parents house...so.... my bed will be cold.... sigh..... I hate it when hes gone......

Rehashing old issues...

lady_desire — Wed, 03 May 2006 17:55:45 GMT

Last night OBD brought this to my attention.... and it really opened my eyes.... its about 9-11 and if your interested and have about 1 1/2 hours to kill check it out...... pretty amazing stuff that really makes you think...... http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2023320890224991194&pl=true

Im sooooo tired....

lady_desire — Tue, 02 May 2006 04:29:47 GMT

This weekend we finally started on our house.... well on the property, the final plans were approved today. It was a very eventful weekend.... we laid down road base from the end of the small road that leads to the property to just about where the driveway ends. And all of the weeds have been hacked down. OBD and his dad worked very hard on it and I tried to do what I could while I was there and believe me, we all have the sunburns to show for it. My shoulders, his legs, Dad's arms......I'm sure there will be a lot more to come. So we are excited as hell and soooo friggen tired....but just look at that picture!!! In the end it will be sooo worth it!!! Its so quaint.. I just love it!!! Im understanding that the next phase is to plot the house on the pad and get the plumbing and electrical in there before we pour the foundation..... OOOOOH did I say foundation!?!?!??! Wheeee!!! Then frames then roofs then walls then.......... Honey... correct me if I am wrong. :-D HA.... Now Im doing the Snoopy dance Misha!!!!

Excitement and stress

lady_desire — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 06:19:39 GMT

So there it is.... that brown patch of dirt in the middle of that land is where our house will be. Sigh....... This is a picture from January... when the damn rain first started. Now the weeds are so high you cant even see the house pad. But the good news is this shows about how deep the water got. We are waiting for this damn rain to stop... wait two weeks... knock down the weeds..... wait about another month and maybe....MAYBE.... we can start building our dream home. At one point we were actually planning on possibly spending Christmas in the new home surrounded by friends and family.... not so sure about that now.... maybe it will be Easter. Sigh.... So here we are....excited to watch our dream grow, excited to have all that land to ourselves, excited to have clear and peaceful star lit nights, excited to share all of it with our friends and family.....and stressed over everything.... time, money and dry weather. Rain, rain... go away!! Come again another day..... LD & OBD want to play!!!!

Every 15 minutes....

lady_desire — Thu, 06 Apr 2006 19:04:39 GMT

Did I get your attention???? This is one of my passions. Some people have different avenues of contributing to society by making donations or volunteering at some event or another... but I prefer to impact the kids while they are still impressionable. For the past seven years I have made it a priority to do something with the kids that is drug or alcohol related. First it was through DARE and Red Ribbon week coordinating with local law enforcement to hold assemblies or creating lessons in the classrooms and now its the "Every 15 Minute" program. The pictures you see are not of an actual collision, but of one that our local emergency services and the high schools set up on a yearly basis. And it is one of the most emotional programs I have ever had a part in. My company will provide and set up the vehicles while the students portray the victims and local police, fire, ambulance-including life flight, coroner and mortuaries provide all the actions and lessons. The scene is set involving teens, drinking and driving. The one you see here involved 1 drunk driver with a passenger and 4 innocent teens in the other car. In the end one will be dead on scene, 1 will die on the way to the hospital, 3 will make it to the hospital and 1 will go to jail. And these kids actually go to jail... and the hospital... and the morgue just as they would in real life. And in the mean time... the parents are notified, in real life at home or work, that there child has been in an collision and their child is in jail, or in the hospital or dead. Of course they are perfectly aware that this is going to happen, but still, when it does, its as if it is real. All the while, every junior and senior will witness every minute of the action either in person (the collision) or on video the next day. And the kids in the collision.... they dont go home when the final bell rings that day... they stay the night with the CHP officers and their assignment is to write a letter to their parents, the one you read earlier, and in turn, the parents write their children a similar letter. Throughout that school day every 15 minutes the Grim Reaper walks into a classroom.. points at a student and removes them from class.....making that student a member of the Walking Dead, then an officer steps in to read that student's obituary, written by his/her parents, to the classroom. Throughout the campus a makeshift cemetery is made and every 15 minutes a headstone is placed with the name and age of the student the Reaper just took and a photograph of that student is also placed on their locker... in memory. The Walking Dead join the kids in the collision and are not allowed to return home, their parents are notified and they too are required to write the letters. By the end of the day, approximately 34 students, an entire classroom, will be "dead". The next day, a trial and a funeral is heald to complete the circle of life and death when one choses to drink and drive. Its amazing.... I am proud to be a part of the program....and I feel its worth sharing with anybody I know.... and now you know. Here is a link to the program: http://www.every15minutes.com/ And here is a link to the photo gallery posted by our local news paper of the scene I had a hand in: http://lodinews.com/photos/every2006/ If you havent noticed... its a collision..... accidents dont happen when you choose drink and drive.

Pain pain go away......

lady_desire — Sun, 19 Mar 2006 19:33:21 GMT

Why is it that stress can kink up your body so much that it causes actual physical pain???? Yesterday my neck kinked up so bad that I feel as if I broke it. And actually its not in my neck... its right at the base just between my shoulder blades so even breathing is extremely painful. Ive taken far too many amounts of alieve and now have switched up to the heating pad and hydrocodone (damn if Im not alergic to friggen vicodin!) and still it doesnt seem to work. Last nite my bf asked what it was that stressed me out so bad and at first I couldnt figure it out. Everything is going great in our lives.... house is built, money is tight but not so tight that we cant live, all in all things are pretty comfortable. And then it hit me. My daughter..... She got an F in english which pisses me off because she should be an honors student. See her school started this new program where I can go on line and see her grades, attendance, homework assignments and scores. So yesterday I popped on and saw her final grades. Arrrrrrugh!!! Ok so it runs deeper than that.......... she got 50% for participation in that class. Now I have ran just about every scenario through my mind as to how this could be and it just doesnt make sense. How do you participate in English? I mean its not like its Drama or PE. She attended class daily and all of her abscences are excused. My bf said maybe she was disruptive.... but I thought that it was the job of the teacher to ensure that they learn, and a disruptive student should be corrected right? Why didnt I get a phone call or a note.. something? I mean, a disruptive student upsets the class and jeapordizes the rest of the class right? Then the bf said... maybe its because she didnt turn in her homeworkd - all of the work she did turn in were As and Bs. But again... why would the teacher kick her again? She got Fs on those assignments... why punish her again? Im not arguing that she deserves a B or C.... a D seemed appropriate.... but the F for participation..... arrrrugh. And damn it if they are on spring break right now so I cant contact the teacher at all!!!! Fricken Frack!!!!! Please please someone explain what the teacher is thinking? What am I missing? Make my pain go away!!! Arrrrrrrrugh!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM PISSED!!!!

lady_desire — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 20:12:06 GMT

Im pissed!!! I dont know how much everyone has heard about this fricken numb nut... but he deserves to die!!!!! For those not in the loop.... this jack ass killed a beautiful 17 year old girl 25 years ago here in my home town. Over the fact that she was his cousin's lovers ex-girlfriend. He hit her over the head numerous times with a hammer and raped her... leaving her for dead only a couple of miles from where I live now. Luckly he was tried and sentenced to death. Oh but now..... arrrrugh..... now they wont execute him.... because it is cruel and unusual punishment. WTF?!?!?! As if it wasnt cruel and unusual that he beat that girl over the head and raped her??? They are saying that the lethal coctail may hurt him.... booo fucking hooo yeah... and the hammer and rape was a pleasurable thing for her. And the way they held it up? Oh by getting a court order that a licensed medical offical must be in the chamber with him while this is being done. Hmmmmm does anyone else see what is wrong with this picture??? Lets see.... #1...Nobody is allowed in the chamber with the prisoner while they are being executed (San Quintin rules).... #2...that goes against everything that anyone in the medical profession is about. Hypocritical oath and all. Er can you say Kavorkian????? I see this as being a bunch of bull shit. And it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that this crime occured in Lodi... it has everything to do with the mentality that ... "oh, well, he says he's sorry" or "everyone makes mistakes" or "God will decide". WTF did this girl do???? How was she to know that her boyfriend was going to turn gay and his lover's cousin was going to beat the holy terror and life out of her? Dont see any mistake on that end. And God deciding???? Yeah... Im sure God had a hand in her brutal beating and rape. And the medical professional bull shit??? Oh yeah... I do remember that the supreme court ruled that even though the individual WANTED to die... a medical doctor CAN NOT assist in their death. Hmmmmmm...... isnt that called a precident? Doesnt that make it appear that the courts are now violating their own laws??? Or is it the difference between WANTING to die and SENTENCED to death that makes the difference? My only prayer is that someone in the general population at San Quentin take matters into their own hands. I have a feeling that some of these guards would accidently fall deaf, like the Dalhmer "execution", if the occassion ever arises. And on a side note... generally I am not this passionate about someone dieing or being executed. Its just that this one seems like such a load of crap that it bothers me. I just cant believe that something like this could and is happening. I believe 100% in the death penalty for two reasons... 1- a life for a life, and this has been practiced forever 2- why, when we already have overcrowded prisons, would we sustain people like this in prison? Ive been there as an observer and had family inside and after awhile.. they just become toads on rocks mooching off our tax payers money. It is a known fact that some prisoners, after being locked up for an extended period of time cannot and will not function in society, so why babysit them? Ask anyone in law enforcement what a correctionals officer is... they'll tell you a babysitter. Nice... and we pay for the day care. Here is a link to an article regarding all this crap: http://www.recordnet.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060222/NEWS01/602220327

Happy Turkey Day

lady_desire — Fri, 25 Nov 2005 07:31:47 GMT

To all of you who celebrate it... I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. And to all of you who dont... well I hope you had a wonderful day while us Americans stuffed ourselves stupid with all of the wonderful foods we hold dear in our lives and watched football (GO BRONCOS!!!) This morning I wached the Macy's parade for the first time in too many years and was utterly blown away when the M&M's baloon struck a light pole that in turn crashed onto two innocent ladies enjoying this traditional parade through New York. ( http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051125/ap_on_re_us/thanksgiving_parade_22 ) It stirred up a lot of emotions in me... mostly sadness for those two but still for all involved. Just imagine... here you are with your family enjoying all this and BAM your in hell. Doesnt matter if you were hurt or not... someone just scared the living bejeezus our of you where you thought you were safe. And then, as fast as it happened.... life goes on. And so does my rantings....