Stand Up!

A recent entry on relational communication from one of my favorite blogs, "The Simple Marriage Project" :

tinyurl.com/5suuwl

No, I'm not married. And no, I doubt if it's ever simple. Still, it's a good blog.

If it helps, substitute "relationships" for marriage and "partner" for spouse.

Incidentally, I do intend to write something else of my own soon. Inspiration arrives unexpectedly most days....

Bet it was a Dodge

After my rental car experience at the Country Fair this past weekend (which really wasn't all that bad but, after years of problem-free rental vehicles, was at least notable), I took great pleasure in this. :)

Now why didn't I think of that?

6/30/2008, 4:52 p.m.

PORTLAND, Ore. - Two people caught skinny dipping in a Portland reservoir that is a main source of water for the city nearly caused officials to dump millions of gallons of water and close the facility.

Ryan Langsdorf, 28, and Ashley Moyer, 23, were found in one of two sections of the Mount Tabor Reservoir at about 3 a.m. Saturday during a spell of unusually hot weather. They were cited for trespassing.

© The Associated Press

Time never waits

I just posted this as a comment to Krista's entry today on the Crucible blog ( tinyurl.com/6pw83z ). After reading it again I realized that it's a sentiment I've truly come to believe and by which I am trying to live - slowly but surely. Given that, I thought it would make an appropriate personal entry, as well. Thanks for the inspiration, Krista. :)

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"But how can we be broken up and still not 'done'?”

Ask me later - we can talk about that one for hours. Until then, it's helped me personally to reframe how I look at things. Let's say your relationship is a light bulb. Rather than turning it off with a switch (that you may or may not ever turn back on again) perhaps you could think of it as being on a dimmer. There may very well be times when one or both of you will just want to turn the damned thing off... but I get the feeling that's not where either of you is at. Right now the light is low and may get lower, true. But maybe not. Maybe you'll want to turn it back up at some point. If only just a little bit....

I also encourage you not to worry so much about the future. Easier said than done, of course - don't I know it! But really, as I know you know, there is no future. There may not even be a tomorrow. It's one of the great mysterious truths of mortality. All we can truly have is in this moment.

So try to sit with your feelings - those right now, present feelings - and let your thoughts and fears about what comes next flow right through you. Don’t judge them, don’t stifle them, just notice them and bring yourself back to who and where you are in that moment. Again, easier said than done, I know. And I totally suck at taking my own advice (which is cheap and probably worth what you pay for it). But it’s helping me just to write this down, so I like to think that the reminder might be of some value to you, too. I hope so.

You’re OK. The grief is OK. The doubt is OK. The fear is OK. These, too, shall pass. And when they do you’ll be a new woman in a new present. You’ll know it when you get there.


"Round and round and round again.
Time never waits,
Time never ends.
All of your life,
All the time...
Goes on by
By and by and by."

~ Time Canon, lyrics by Ric Emmett

Sacred Romance

"But wait, I said. How do I know that if I go with you, I will be okay, and I'll function and I'll survive?

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what kind of life you are surviving? Have you thought about the kind of journey I am asking you to take with me? Would you really rather stay here in the land of the dying and call it life?

No, no, no, you just found me at a low point. I had best go back to where I knew what to do. Thanks for saving me, but now that I'm saved, I think I best go back.

And so I did, and now I look for you, but all I can find are your eyes in the sky, on certain days, under certain conditions, and while they do not reproach me, they seem to miss me as much as I miss you.

Come down, you said, to the river with me. I want to bathe you in what I know.

And then you will never cry again. You will see where your dreams are only dreams, and we will visit together the land of the awake. I will give you a diamond to wear on your heart, and it will shine in you forever. Throughout the ages, they will know of you that you lifted me up when I was dead, and thought my death an unalterable state. You breathed new life into my mind, for only you were sane enough to think that it was possible. In return I gave my heart to you, and behold, we both now live.

From this point forward there is a new horizon. If any man or any woman sink below the line, if they cannot breath or cannot reach, they will only have to call our names. And the power of our love will reach to them. We will lift them up and make them one, as you and I are one this night. Cling to me, as I cling to you. Together we will glue together the pieces of the errant world.

Forever we will live like this. Forever we will live...."

~ from Enchanted Love, by Marianne Williamson ~

(as borrowed from Anakha at The Lovers' Crucible - tinyurl.com/6ewb9k )

Doors

When one door closes, another door opens. Or so goes the old adage. But what happens when more than one door closes?

Having participated in the seemingly definitive departure from my life of two of my most intimate (a word I use in its broadest sense) friends in the span of less than four days (pushing one away and helping the other leave), I have to wonder about the closing of doors. And why, when it rains, it often pours.

Vidya asked me recently why I’d already switched the calendar on my wall to July. The simple answer is, I’m done with June. Changing the calendar was a symbolic, if simplistic, starting over. June has been a difficult month and I didn’t want to look at it anymore. Actually, tracking back to my divorce in February (which I suppose was really the first door closed), it’s been a difficult six months. A six-month hat-trick that’s left me feeling… weary. And defeated. And a bit… lost. There may be a light at the end of the tunnel, but I have no idea how far away it is or if I’ll ever get there.

So what comes next? What door is opening now? Of course, I don’t know. Which, of course, is part of the problem. But I’m trying to relax into that uncertainty. Trying to be comfortable with non-attachment. Trying to let go and not manage the experience or attempt to control the outcome. Tall orders for a guy like me. But I’m trying….

When one door opens, must another one close? I suppose in a universe of infinite possibility it doesn’t really matter. The odds are even. We are only limited by our vision.

Song For You

So today I wrote a song for you,
'Cause a day can get so long.
And I know its hard to make it through,
When you say there's something wrong.
So I'm trying to put it right,
'Cause I want to love you with my heart.

All this trying has made me tight,
And I don't know even where to start.
Maybe that's a start.

'Cause you know it's a simple game,
That you play filling up your head with rain.
And you know you are hiding from your pain,
In the way, in the way you say your name.

And I see you...
Hiding your face in your hands,
Flying so you won't land.
You think no one understands,
No one understands.

So you hunch your shoulders and you shake your head,
And your throat is aching but you swear
No one hurts you, nothing could be sad.
Anyway you're not here enough to care,
And you're so tired you don't sleep at night.
As your heart is trying to mend,
You keep it quiet but you think you might
Disappear before the end.

And it's strange that you cannot find
Any strength to even try
To find a voice to speak your mind.
When you do, all you wanna do is cry.

Well, maybe you should cry.

And I see you hiding your face in your hands,
Talking 'bout far-away lands.
You think no one understands.
Listen to my hands.

And all of this life
Moves around you.
For all that you claim you're standing still,
You are moving, too.

You are moving, too.
You are moving, too.

I will move you.

~ Alexi Murdoch

Down the rabbit hole

"Please, sir," asked Alice, "can you tell me which way I'm to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," the Cat replied.

"Oh, it doesn't much matter where," said Alice, "I just know I'm supposed to be somewhere else."

"Well, then," mused the Cat, "it doesn't much matter which way you go, now does it? And in any case, sometimes one must go a good distance out of one's way to come back a short distance correctly...."

(my apologies to the Reverend Dodgson)

A Softer World #319