It is *incredible* what kind of info-mercials run at 5:30 in the morning:

www.almightycleanse.com/

What would Jesus do? Evidently he would have an enema. Uh huh. The bible says so.

God. Could time POSSIBLY move any more slowly? Eh, that question was rhetorical. But answer it anyway, or I'll keep trying to relive 80's tv through crappy screen shots.

make.

this.

end.

A friend and I went out for a drink last night at a pub in Campbell. I use the term "pub" because I guess that's the proper designation, but there was none of the good, old fashioned beer drinking, dart throwing, or drunken singing. By the time we left, I felt like I was being suffocated by skanky bar hags, pounding club music and the stench of jolly ranchers.

When I first sat down, I ordered a decent scotch. The nice waitress brought it to me in a glass that they must have microwaved f... read more

Once again, Thanksgiving proved to be the best holiday of the year. After eating grotesque amounts of food with my family, I drove up to Oakland to visit some long lost college friends, and got lit. My friend Andrew (the tattooed hawaiian) met me in the street with a fine single malt, which he was drinking from the bottle. He quickly related a story about another person in attendance (they will remain nameless to protect the not-so-innocent) who had managed drink himself into incontinence ... read more

On Saturday one of my roommates threw a little pre-Thanksgiving dinner party. The dinner only lasted for a couple of hours, but the party continued for a solid 36. There were hippies dancing with these fire chain thingies, there was puking, and there was Ned: Ned got so drunk that he fell out of his chair onto the concrete and *did not flinch*. That actually scared the shit out me, but by 11:30 he was back up and drinking like he'd just arrived. Good party.

At four in the morning my ot... read more