Explanations

Sayanara 2006

lbaker — Wed, 03 Jan 2007 23:31:54 GMT

Next year there's gonna be a cruise happening over the holidays and I'm gonna be on it. I figure with the amount of money obligatorily spent on family and friends each year, I could put toward me, a person who will completely appreciate my efforts. Totally selfish, I know, but as I get older I realize that selfishness is my preferred way of being. We took a great ride on the bikes over the holiday vacation. Went out to Tioga lake and around those parts before ending up in Fresno at my cousin's house for the night. No problems with the bikes, however, I think a Ducati or GSXR 750 may be in the cards for 2007. I'd like something a bit lighter, smoother and faster. I got up to 100 on the Hurricane but going past that I started to lose my vision. It was just too shaky. We swapped bikes for a bit in the middle of the ride and it was surprising how faster but rougher the other was. I hadn't ridden it in quite a while and getting on it gave me reassurance that giving it away was the right thing to do. Who needs three vehicles? Besides, I gave it to a person who is definitely making the most of it. So... yay. So what do I want for 2007? It can't really get much better than the past year so if it does, I'll be thrilled. I'd just like to keep my life at the pace it's at. Lots of recreation, lots of surprises, lots of freedom. Can't beat that.

Dedicated to the One I Shove...

lbaker — Tue, 07 Nov 2006 06:13:11 GMT

Pet Noir on sale at amazon.com http://www.sfist.com/archives/2006/11/06/it_was_a_dark_stormy_bite_pet_noirs_shannon_oleary.php I just learned that Mari dedicated her portion of the book to me. Although, she did make it clear a few minutes ago that the "dedication" is actually a public apology for a mishap that occurred between me and her Kitty six years ago which caused me permanent disfigurement and years of post-traumatic stress. By making her apology public, she has left me no choice but to finally forgive her. Damn that sneaky wench! DAMN HER!

The Secret Life of Bees

lbaker — Sat, 01 Jul 2006 05:27:10 GMT

An excerpt from this book pulls at me. It breaks my heart just a little. "The whole problem with people is..." "They don't know what matters and what doesn't," I said, filling in her sentence and feeling proud of myself for doing so. "I was gonna say, the problem is they know what matters, but they don't choose it. ... The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters."

Ramblings

lbaker — Sat, 12 Nov 2005 06:44:06 GMT

While I'm not a big Ani DiFranco fan, I found myself bopping along to "Good, Bad, Ugly" just a minute ago. I've never heard it before. A truly cute ditty that touches a piece of me in a somewhat strange yet understandable way, it made me laugh and shake my head with the absurdity of how my own thoughts parallel her words at times. I don't really understand the whole "poetry on a bathroom wall" verse though. It must be some profound intellectual creativity thing that surpasses my intelligence. Mari was kind enough to give me every song Ani has ever put out (at least, that's what it seems like). So I downloaded them all onto my hard drive along with the rest of my music and Ani pops up every now and then. Considering some of the circles I run in (the female-centered ones), I have been surprisingly disinterested in the works of both Ani DiFranco and Melissa Ferrick. And not even consciously, either. It just never occurred to me to listen to them. Anyways, on to other news. I was dealt a mighty blow last week when I received my birth certificate (I never had the need for it before now). I found out that I was born more than 7 hours earlier than I was originally told. This means that I'm no longer an Aquarius rising. Hmph. How's that for an astrological identity crisis? I am no longer cool and detached in a friendly and idealistic way. Well...I was never really "cool" anyway. No loss there, I suppose. I wasn't able to re-calculate my chart until the next day and the only thing I kept thinking was, "Please don't let it be Gemini or Taurus! Please!" I'm already a Chinese Ox and to tell you the truth, too much bovine influence in my metaphysical make-up would simply be...unattractive. And Gemini? Uh...no. As it turns out, I'm Scorpio Rising. Which actually makes a lot of sense what with my secretive and compulsive tendancies hiding under a facade of strong self-control. Hell, I'm even kinda diggin' it. This new Scorpio influence has given me the permission I need to dwell on the inner emotional demons most other signs tend to ignore. Quite an undertaking. I'd better get started.

The Blue Place

lbaker — Wed, 14 Sep 2005 01:46:15 GMT

Lately I’ve been thinking about “The Blue Place” by Nicola Griffith. It’s funny…'''it’s been over three years since those men attacked me and I still think about it everyday. Not as a victim (both the mental and physical scars have healed) but with an understanding of fear and a visceral awareness of evil that could have only been learned through experience. Anyway, I can’t remember the quote from the book exactly but the author had said that pain is just a message that triggers one to get out of a bad situation. And I remember so clearly that when I was being kicked, I was thinking, “Don’t worry about it. Just get out of here. The pain is nothing.” Nowadays when driving, my doors are always locked. When walking, I usually take corners wide and don't have music in my ears. I'm not reading something like I used to and I always look like I know exactly where I am. I check everything in my surroundings looking forward and back every few hundred feet or so and at least one hand is out in the open at all times. Interesting, huh? How such a small block of time can change everything about your perception from that point on. I remember it was weeks before I didn't internally freak out when a man walked in my direction on the BART trains and months before I was comfortable with it. And my incident was teensy weensy compared to what other women experience. I can't even imagine the pain of others. I guess all I can say is thank god for The Blue Place when the attack happened and for Shane, Jackie and Mari when it was over. But I wonder why that's been rolling through my head recently.