My Blog

Just when you thought this war couldn't be more fucked up...

Le4Life — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 07:07:31 GMT

Sometimes I really do need to appreciate the fact that I was born with a penis, and that I live in a time and place in which I won't be forced to join the military. But what I'm learning about U.S. female soldiers is that they are not so lucky. If you wanna play pessimist with me, then believe that any woman heading off to serve in the armed forces runs the risk (somewhere around 30% or more) of being raped by her male counterparts. As if that's not bad enough, trying to report the crime might get her killed. The 2005 death of LaVena Johnson could be the worst scenario in the history of sexual assaults and murders against women in the military. U.S. officials are trying to dismiss her death as suicide, and this isn't the first time they've handled a case in such a manner. Basically, the more you read about this issue, the more pissed off you'll be. So save this link for a good day (there's also a petition to get Congress to re-investigate the case). http://covergirlsthedocumentary.blogspot.com/2008/08/lavena-johnson-case-closed.html On the bright side, another African-American woman (known as "Obama's Baby Mama" thanks to Fox News) reminded me that women made up 54% of the national vote in 2004. You go girl!!! I guess considering that less than a hundred years ago, women in the United States couldn't even vote at all, it's not a bad idea to make up for all that lost time. Maybe this is the beginning of the end of men. In that case, I better start saving up for my sex change operation. http://mirroronamerica.blogspot.com/2008/08/michelle-obama-speaking-on-role-of.html?showComment=1218090360000 -- Le S. Liu Gender & Social Equality : News Reform http://CoverGirlsTheDocumentary.BlogSpot.com

Intervention, season premiere brand new episodes June 16th

Le4Life — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:54:13 GMT

First off, let me announce that the season premiere of Intervention is airing on Monday, June 16th, 9pm on the A&E network. For those of you who still don't know, Intervention is a weekly documentary series about addicts and their families, and I work as one of the show's production assistants (PA, sophisticated lingo for office/set bitch). Yes you will see my name in the credits. I'm famous biotch!!! Secondly, my feminist blog is on hiatus cuz I'm making some changes to it. Once I get my internet set up at my apartment this Saturday, I should be getting back to it, with a new name and new attitude (sorry I'm getting rid of the sleazy sarcasm that you've all cum to xxxpect from me). I won't go into why. Ask me if you care to know. Anyway, along the topic of my writing and back to Intervention, I had a revelation recently. I've had my eyes on different positions at the office that I can move up to. I'm currently helping the casting department with a research project to find new subjects, but I'm mainly doing that for personal interest in seeing this show move in certain sociological directions, not because I want casting or outreach on my resume. At first, I was really interested in an associate producer (AP) position. One of the AP's now is Jaden. We're the two short, pierced Asian dudes in the office ha ha ha! Anyway Jaden was a PA just a year ago, so he moved up fast. As an example of his current AP responsibilities, one of our subjects appeared on 48 Hours and Howard Stern many years ago when she was a successful professional matchmaker (yeah before the alcoholic behavior kicked in), and Jaden's task has been to contact the owners of those shows to obtain rights to use their footage in our show. Pretty cool job if you ask me. However, since finally sitting down with Jaden and having him tell me his story of how he got promoted, I've been really interested in another position: writing. He said before he became an AP, he was just kind of helping out every department (which is what PA's who want to move up should be doing) and he ended up assisting Kristina a lot because at that time, Kristina was an AP who wanted to transfer her skills to the writing department. A writing department for a documentary show? You're probably wondering why the hell we would need writers. Well to be honest, I'm not exactly sure what they do or how much they get paid yet. I know they spend a lot of time sitting in the editing room with the editors. Transcripts of all the footage we've shot is always sent to them. And they're all women. Kristina, Brigid, Maureen, and Hope (who recently replaced Korelan). Oh god is our writing department some sort of feminist cult? Ha ha ha if it is, I definitely want to join! From what I can see, it appears the writers are responsible for putting the pieces of footage and dialogue together into a complete and coherent puzzle. Wait, isn't that what the editors do? Well yes but I think the editors are responsible for managing, locating, and cutting all the footage, and the writers sort of direct them in that process based on the story that needs to be told. It's amazing how we have all these different departments dealing with our subjects and their stories at each respective phase. Casting has the initial contact and pre-screening process with the potential subjects and their families to make sure they are qualified, interesting characters. Then once we decide to have them on the show, they are handed over to our next point of contact: the producers and field crew. Once the crew returns from the shoot, all the footage is thrown at the PA's to dub, label, and log into our system in preparation for the transcribers, writers, and editors to start working with. And because we're pumping out episodes every week, each department takes care of their own business and nothing more. For example, members of the production crew are not going to be sitting around telling the editors what footage should be cut out or left in based on decisions that were made on the field. They have more important things to worry about, such as their next scheduled shoot. So from what I've gathered so far, the writers seem to assume the most creative role. The goal of each show is to portray an individual who – despite his/her irresponsible and dangerous behaviors – is made of a lot of potential and deserves to have a happy life. Our writers receive transcripts and footage of our real-life characters in real-life situations and have to decide what issues and emotions are appropriate and necessary to carry the story along. I realize that this is pretty much what I do with every documentary project I try to get my hands on, except that with nonfiction storytelling, there is rarely any actual writing that is done. But the processes and decisions of developing and establishing interesting and respectable characters (however flawed they are) in a dramatic plot with a climax that viewers will look forward to are all crucial qualities in the field of documentary work. I can't wait to get my hands dirty! I'm loving it here, even though they've been killing all the PA's with endless assignments lately. I swear every week I just think it's a busy week this week, but with our new season launching soon, the workload hasn't slowed down. I'm just trying to get all my regular shit done so I can go hang out with and pick the brains of the lovely ladies in our writing department. Wish me luck! - Le

America ranks 31st in world gender equality study

Le4Life — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:17:07 GMT

Why am I not surprised? http://girlshavecooties.blogspot.com/2008/05/america-falls-behind-as-usual.html

Men's March Against Rape

Le4Life — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 18:39:52 GMT

Well Saturday was weird. I had a bunch of shit planned that all got cancelled, so instead I ended up doing all this random, spontaneous shit, such as.... MEN'S MARCH AGAINST RAPE Yeah I was walking to the gym and got intercepted by some volunteers promoting this rally that was going on. Looked pretty cool and I've never been to such an event, so I skipped my yoga class and registered/donated and did the march with them. Got a free t-shirt and lunch for it :) It was organized by the Valley Trauma Center which is the only crisis/domestic violence/intervention facility serving the San Fernando Valley region of Souther California. I think I might volunteer with them in the summer if I can. I'm mainly interested so I can gather experience and research for the documentary I wanna make some day about the representation of women in American crime coverage. Read about it here: http://people.tribe.net/le4life/blog/e52e5069-a312-4783-9577-1689cfc7eddb#comments VINYL SHOPPING Grooveriders, one of the major electronic dance music record stores in Southern California, is located right around the corner from my apartment. So I walked there and listened to some beats. I've been having DJ withdrawal symptoms cuz my turntables are still at my old neighbor's house. I stored them there during all the moving I did and lately he's been out of touch so I haven't been able to get them back :( PIERCINGS I'm in fucking pain still cuz I got most of my piercings back, the ones I used to have before I moved to LA and had to take them off to look for a job. Yes my lip and ears are swollen. I had them done at this shop in my neighborhood that I just ran into. Yes I did a lot of walking that day and my right foot is still blistered.

My new apartment, job, etc

Le4Life — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 10:23:19 GMT

I just realized in my last email, I didn't really make it clear whether I was talking about a place I was moving into or out of hahahaa. If any of you were confused, I was moving OUT of that crazy drunken apartment. I only lasted two weeks there. Anyway my new pad in Sherman Oaks is really nice. I'm saying good-bye to the ghetto!!! It's in a clean, quiet neighborhood three miles from work. My commute is like five minutes!!! In fact fuck driving to work. I'm gonna get a bicycle and ride it every morning like I used to. My gym is even withing walking distance. Imagine that: not having to drive to go work out, yaaayyy!!! The only thing that will suck is the summer cuz the San Fernando Valley gets up to 120 degrees during that time. It's like 90 this weekend and I'm already sweating my balls off. So all of you always ask how my job at "Intervention" is going. Well I'm the new guy so I do most of the bitch work. Actually most of the day, me and the other production assistants (there's four of us total) are just logging footage non-stop. "Logging" means reviewing all the tapes that have been recorded and entering data on what the content of the material is (i.e. Shot 5, Indoor/Daytime, Duration 10 mins, Housewife smoking crack, ya know stuff like that). So this means I have the honor of watching EVERYTHING the alcoholics and drug addicts have done in front of our cameras. Oh god it's so hilarious that I feel guilty for making fun of them!!! Everyone I work with is really cool. There are like 30 people on-staff for this show and they're all pretty chill. No one is like anti-drug/drinking or anything like that. I mean we have Beer Friday at the office for christs sake hahaha!!! Anyway for those of you who don't know. we air every Monday evening 9pm on A&E. We're currently in re-run season and our new episodes will start in June. Hmmm that's all I have for now. I shall leave you with some song lyrics that represent my crazy adventures that I've been writing to you all about in the past few years!!! "Under a Vast Sky" by Hong Kong's Beyond, my favorite band of all time!!!! This song really captures my dreams and goals in life!!! http://youtube.com/watch?v=GT_s-1A5kBE Tonight I saw snow falling from the sky, With a deadened heart I set off on a long journey, Hustling in the rain, I barely make my way out to the mist, Will we ever change under a vast sky, Forgive me for being wild and yearning for freedom, Yet fearing someday I might fall down, To give up one's dreams, It isn't hard to anyone, Nevermind if someday there's only you and me.

My new address (yes I'm moving again)

Le4Life — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 06:29:25 GMT

Friends, family, colleagues, and stalkers, if you want my new mailing address, hit me up!! I'm heading into a new apartment this week and it's just a few miles from my work, yaaayyyy!!! And for those of you who are curious as to why I'm relocating so soon again, well at first I was gonna wait until next month or later, but my current place is getting kinda crazy. I moved there kinda last-minute cuz my former roommates wanted a place of their own urgently and I chose to leave instead of having them leave, and this place had a living room space for $250/month, so I thought it'd be a good temporary arrangement while I was looking for work. Well I moved in and a few days later, I got my job in Sherman Oaks. Anyway let me introduce all the characters associated with this 3-bedroom apartment... - Le aka Asian # 1 - Anna aka Mexican # 1 (head of household, stays in one room with bf aka Mexican # 2) - Anna's bf's brother aka Mexican # 3 (got kicked out of the living room cuz he drank too much and never paid the rent) - Air aka Asian # 2 (my friend Amos aka Asian # 3 went to college with Air and introduced me to him, warning me that he's a weirdo but saying his place was offering the living room for $250/month) - Air stays in another room and shares it with this old man who doesn't matter but he is Mexican # 4 - The last person in the third room doesn't matter either but to fill the information gap, she is Mexican # 5 along with Mexicans # 6,7, & 8 (her three babies) Now while your jaws have dropped, let me point out that this apartment is surprisingly clean and quiet BUT.... ASIAN # 2 Air is a fucking weirdo. Self-admittedly, he's had a history of drinking (take note here, we will come back to this) and gambling problems. He sleeps in a sleeping bag in a room he shares with someone else. He pays his bills through waiting tables and delivering orders at CA Pizza Kitchen. Before I ramble on, Air is basically an aspiring actor who isn't getting any work and is flat broke but thinks very highly of himself. Last night, he put on Transformers but instead of actually lettting me watch it, he couldn't shut up for more than 30 secs. And of course what does he like to talk about the most: himself!!!! His skills at producing, acting, writing, making friends, talking to girls, etc, etc, etc!!! My what a winner he is!!! TROUBLE IN ASIAN # 2 AND # 3's FRIENDSHIP So Amos and Air knew each other from UC Davis but before Air moved here a few months ago, they hadn't seen each other in years. They went out last weekend to go bar/club-hopping and to look for chicks. I didn't go with them but when Air walked out of the apartment, the fucker had on dress pants/shoes, a spikey goth belt, a Bruce Lee t-shirt, and a denim jacket. As if that wasn't bad enough he adds on a pair of gloves with the fingers cut off. I asked him if his hands get cold and he said no, that he just likes to stand out. Of course I said, "Well you're definitely gonna stand out." So a few nights later when they all went out again, I get a call from the fool saying Amos made him mad so he walked out on them. Mind you, Air does not have a car, so he was walking the streets of Hollywood at night by himself, and he was drunk. I don't have time to describe the details but he got drunk and billigerent, trying to hit on girls and waitresses but saying the dumbest things (such as the fact that he has a penis pump, no not to joke around, he apparently really has one), and then getting mad at Amos for dumb ass reasons I won't even go into. He still thinks Amos is immature and unfair and needs to grow up but since that night, it's been Amos who has been avoiding his daily calls. TROUBLE IN MEXICAN # 1 AND 2's RELATIONSHIP So apparently alcoholism runs in their family cuz Anna's bf got kicked out the other night as well for drinking too much. She said he thought she was sleeping with Air, hahahaa!!! All laughs aside, she also said he has hit her before. So when his drunk ass came back home, I was not comfortable. Now unlike everyone else, I couldn't go hide in my bedroom and close the door. He made small threats to me. Maybe he thinks I'm sleeping with her too. Oh well whatever, that was the last straw. I said to myself: I'm getting the hell outta here. BACK TO ASIAN # 2 So whenever Anna explained why she had to kick her bf and his brother out (i.e. they drink too much), Air never seemed to take it seriously. In fact, he wanted to let the brother move back and share the living room with me. And he didn't seem to think anything bad of the bf. I guess alcoholics like to stick together. End of story.

The Life & Times of Le Sheng Liu

Le4Life — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 16:57:19 GMT

Yes I finally got a job, starts Monday, permanent full-time production assistant for "Intervention," an A&E show which captures addicts and the loved ones who try to get them into treatment. I'll be working at their office in Sherman Oaks. I guess after shooting out your resume and cover letter to over 150 employers, someone's bound to respond. They said my resume stood out because I seemed to be so interested in documentary work. Duh!!!! http://www.aetv.com/intervention/ As for all the other gigs I've been whoring myself out to? Now you see why I can never explain it to you guys when you ask. Cuz it's like a lot of small jobs here and there, and they are each jobs in different ways (intern = no pay)...... Marketing & Distribution Intern to Charisse Reneau, Executive Producer/Producer Feature documentary Rapping With Shakespeare, in distribution http://www.myspace.com/rappingwithshakespeare Data Entry & Research Intern to Michael Simmons, Co-Producer Feature documentary on political pranksters of the 1960s, in development Funding & Development Research Assistant to Peter Coogan, Producer (he said not to call myself an intern cuz technically I'd have to be a student) http://patrickandme.com/, feature documentary on historian and director Anthony Cohen's ancestor who escaped from slavery via the underground railroad Part-time Office Coordinator & Assistant to Carl Choi, CEO and Founder Catch Music Group, an Asian-American hip-hop record label & entertainment promotion co. Paid $10/hr to help them with random stuff. Carl is a great guy and I look up to him cuz he represents the Yellow Man really well. Part-time L.A. Regional Coordinator & Cameraman http://Bloggingheads.tv, a streaming video site for political discussions Pays like $12-16/hr but only like one or two gigs a month. I haven't done any work for them yet. They just sent me a shitload of equipment that I'll be using for them. Damn I feel like a kid on Christmas Day with these new toys hahahaha!!! Also, to work out some issues with my roommates, I'm moving to west LA this weekend. I'll be living like an illegal Mexican immigrant (ask me privately if you care to know the details) but for only $250/month!!!! Damn my rent in LA just gets cheaper and cheaper hahaha!!! Hopefully this will be temporary. Anyway this is so crazy with moving and a job. All this is happening at the same time!!! Let me leave you, my friends and family, with a song, one of my favorite songs of all time by my favorite band of all time. I can sing most of this song, but too bad I never understood their lyrics cuz my Cantonese just fucking sucks. So I found a Youtube video with subtitles and assuming they're accurate, then this track is quite the representation of my life and motivations, esp. trying to survive in a shithole like Hollywood.... http://youtube.com/watch?v=GT_s-1A5kBE Good night and good luck, Le

My Life without Me

Le4Life — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 00:57:29 GMT

I haven't written a poem in at least four years. Hope you like it... MY LIFE WITHOUT ME Tonight I am sleeping, as in nights of childhood, Making right as I should, taking flight as I would, Though in depth I just slept, escaping all I could, And waking to wonder what was bad, what was good, Tonight I am leaving, this soft body in bed, To die like skin that sheds, as free blood turns red, Though in many respects I am already dead, And have long dreaded less and less what rests ahead, Tonight I am feeling, not anger, fear or lust, Not a sense of a must, of a sense of an “us,” Though feeling the freedom of flying, desert dust, And the beauty of doubt, the ugliness of trust, Tonight I am breathing, oh the irony right here, Only alone I hear, this rhythm oh so dear, Though so much corrupted such in my childhood years, And what I would fear shall here and now disappear, Tonight I am heaving, hearing it ever more, My heart beating me bored, back to acts of before, Though those acts be rested, reconciled or ignored, And be left to the winds, to the waves and the shores, Tonight I am fleeing, Right through this ceiling I shall fall, Through this door and this wall, Through these floors and these halls, Through the cities and crowds, To the mountains and clouds, From sea to shining sea, Through trees freeing their leaves, To an ocean of stars, the great depths of afar, To drown in the sight of night, Black sky surrounded by lights of white, Tonight I am seeing, behind and around me, What a world it’s about to be, one of words without “we,” Tonight I am keeping, my life as it shall be, This is my life, my life without me. - 9/22/07

Fear and Loathing in Los Angeles

Le4Life — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 22:01:25 GMT

Le2005: Hey Le, how's life in the future? Le2007: It's fucking hot over here! We hit like 110+ degrees during Labor Day! Le2005: That's too bad. What did you do that weekend? Le2007: I went to Disneyland but my balls were sweating too hard for me to walk around. I bought a two-day pass and didn't even end up going inside at all on the second day. I just ate and slept at the hotel the whole time! Le2005: Hahaha nice! So has it cooled down yet? Le2007: Yeah the heat wave is over, and this past weekend I went back to the Bay Area and got sick. Damn the cold weather up there! My body has gotten used to the warmth of L.A. I never get sick here. Le2005: Well that's good. Hey guess what, I got some great news! Le2007: What? Le2005: Jing had her baby which means I got another niece now, I graduated from S.F. State finally, I moved out of mom and dad's place, and I started sponsoring a girl in Guatemala. All of this happened on the last weekend of May! Le2007: Congratulations on living with your parents until you're 25. Are you still a virgin? Is that why we've been sponsoring this girl for the past two years? So I can go over there and bang her? I don't even have to wait until she turns 18. After all, it's a poor country, and I'm sponsoring the bitch, so the least she can do is give me some Third World pussy. Le2005: Ugh gross! We're sponsoring a 5-year-old child, you sick bastard! Le2007: Correction: she is 7. Le2005: Hahaha very funny. Anyway, during the summer I got my tattoo and started hiking and going to the gym and swimming. Damn it feels good! This is my first time exercising again since I started college! Oh yeah I'm also planning a trip back to Hong Kong and China at the end of the year. Le2007: Why are you telling me what I already know? I've experienced all of this. I used to be you, you fucking idiot. Le2005: Oh sorry. I guess I'm just really excited! I have so many questions for you! Le2007: Like what? Le2005: I mean how is L.A.? What are you up to nowadays? Le2007: Same shit. I told you about the job at the accounting office I got, right? The one for film and TV show productions. Le2005: Yeah, how is that going? Le2007: Fine. Been there for two months. The office is in my boss's backyard and she lives just ten minutes from where I live. I don't even need to get on the freeway to drive to work. And everyone there is so easy to get along with. Le2005: But accounting sounds so boring. Le2007: Well even though I'm Asian, I hate math. But I don't have a problem with accounting. What's more important to me is I enjoy our office and the people I work with. Le2005: So overall you're enjoying your work there? Le2007: Work? What work? We share a single room as an office with no cubicles. Everyone can see and hear each other. Yet I still manage to slack off on the internet for most of the day. Le2005: Hahaha, so you do what I'm doing at the Bookmobile now! Le2007: I guess so. I mean whenever they give me assignments I get them done right away. But I guess this concept of actually doing work at your job is still new to me, especially when I can just go online and chat with friends all day. Le2005: But are you learning anything useful there? Le2007: Yeah I learned how much money Jessica Alba makes, as well as her social security number and her mailing address. Le2005: What the hell? What do you mean? Le2007: I have access to her payroll files cuz she is starring in a few projects we're working on. Like she is in a new romantic comedy called "Good Luck Chuck." We did the accounting on that film. So if you wanna stalk Jessica Alba, I'll e-mail you her info later. Le2005: Okay, thanks! Le2007: You do realize this job is the first time I've had a full-time, regular work schedule in years. Le2005: Yeah I know. Le2007: I mean lately I've been coming home and literally doing nothing. I am just enjoying the fact that I'm not broke anymore and that I can slowly save money. Maybe soon I will finally be able to finish my boob job. I already have one side done, but I couldn't afford to get the second implant. Le2005: You're stupid. So seriously, you haven't been going out much? Le2007: Well if I hear of a good DJ being in town and my friends are going I usually make it out. But I'm an old man now so I can't party like I used to. By the time I've recovered from the weekend, it's Wednesday or Thursday and the next weekend is here already! I can't fucking keep up anymore! Le2005: So I'm only two years away from being an old man? Great. Le2007: Yes it's true. At this point, I want a girlfriend I can take to go see a documentary or foreign film, or a play or ballet, or to the museum or on a hike. I don't have a problem with the girls I've been meeting at clubs and raves here, but I can't get fucked up and party with them all the time. Le2005: Then what do you do for fun out there? Le2007: Like I said, I haven't been doing much except work. I've been checking out this yoga studio near my place, and I've been sort of getting into vegetarian and organic food too. I did a juice fast about a month ago. Le2005: A juice fast? What do you mean? Le2007: I went almost four days consuming nothing except some juices I made from fresh, organic, raw fruits and vegetables. Le2005: Why the hell did you do that? Le2007: Well initially it was to help my constipation. I've been reading up on fasting and other cleansing treatments and apparently it helps with lots of health problems. Le2005: So did it help? Le2007: I didn't notice any major improvements but since then I've been trying herbs and supplements. I'm gonna keep trying different treatments to see what might work, and I'll probably do another fast in the future. Le2005: Hmmm ballets, plays, yoga, and organic vegetarian diets? So are you doing anything now that isn't gay? Le2007: Hahaha, well I've also been spinning records at this hair and makeup studio near my place. It's right next to the gym I go to. Le2005: Really? Do they pay you? Le2007: No I just go in and DJ whenever I want and in return they give me free haircuts. Everyone there is really nice and the owners are big house heads. I go in there on Saturdays to torture them with my trance, hahaha!!! Le2005: So you're mainly hanging out at spots near where you live? Le2007: Of course! I hate driving more than twenty minutes to go anywhere. I have friends all over Southern California but I never see them. I'm too lazy to go to them and I think they're the same way. Le2005: That sucks. Le2007: No it doesn't. I don't really care too much. Everyone in L.A. seems pretty caught up in their own lives, but I've become that way too. In fact I've become quite the snob. I actually care about my "reputation" now. Le2005: Really? How so? Le2007: I met some dude who I was friends with for a while. He was a nice guy, but just not the brightest crayon in the box, if ya know what I mean. Le2005: Oh he was sort of dumb? Le2007: Yes and that would be an understatement. I felt like I lost fifty I.Q. points every time I hung out with him. Le2005: Hahaha, that's mean. What happened to being non-judgmental? Le2007: Non-judgmental? You need to throw that mentality out the window cuz that shit doesn't fly in L.A. You can be as non-judgmental as you want, but that won't change the fact that everyone else is judging you. Le2005: So what if people judge you? Fuck 'em! Le2007: No in some cases, people should be judged. Like this guy, he is 26-years-old, still lives at home with his mom, doesn't even have a job. And he fell in love with a 19-year-old chick from Myspace, claiming her as his girlfriend even before they ever met in person. After finally meeting her a few times, her mom started asking him for a few thousand dollars. And he literally could not see that it was a scam. He thought it was true love! Le2005: Damn. Le2007: That's the same thing I said. The more I got to know him, the more embarrassed I was to have people know that he was my friend. I had to cut his ass off. Le2005: Sorry to hear that. Le2007: Sorry? Why be sorry? It was the best thing I ever did! You know what they say about L.A. people… Le2005: What? Le2007: Hot people do not have ugly friends. Le2005: He was ugly? And you're hot? Le2007: No, that's not my point. My version of that phrase is actually that smart people do not keep dumb people as friends. If I'm spending time with someone I have to be actually benefiting from it intellectually or creatively. I mean the dude was the same age as me and I felt like I was hanging out with a 12-year-old girl! Le2005: This sounds weird cuz so far I haven't had any problems. I can pretty much meet anybody and be friends with them. Le2007: That's cuz you're still naïve. You're way too nice and open-minded. Le2005: I am? Well what's wrong with being nice and open-minded? Le2007: Nothing, unless you wanna be taken advantage of. Le2005: What the hell are you talking about? Le2007: Listen, I know you were anxious as hell to move away from mom and dad cuz of how crazy they are, which is the primary reason you already know you never want your own kids. Le2005: That's right. I have pretty much lost faith in humanity. Le2007: No, what I'm trying to tell you is that you still have some faith left. You actually think there is hope cuz you still try to help people. Le2005: I do? And that is a bad thing? Le2007: Yeah. When was the last time you said no to someone? Or openly criticized someone? Le2005: I don't know. Le2007: You don't know cuz you've never done it before in your entire life, you fucking doormat. That's why even a girl could walk all over your stupid ass if she wanted to. You need to grow some balls and be more of an asshole. Le2005: Balls? Asshole? What for? Le2007: Cuz assholes get to shit all over everyone. But right now, you're just a pussy, getting fucked by every dick you cum across. Le2005: Hahaha, okay that's enough. Seriously, tell me what you mean. Le2007: I'm just saying you need to quit worrying about people who seem to be in bad shape like it's your responsibility to save them. Le2005: Well I've been doing volunteer outreach all throughout college, so that is hard to let go of. Le2007: Fuck that shit! You know your career goal is in filmmaking, not non-profit work. I mean you have enough of your own problems to worry about without trying to solve other people's. Move on and take care of your own issues for once! Le2005: You think I have issues I need to work on? Le2007: Of course! Every time you contact me it's to whine about something. You're always going through some sort of confusion or anxiety. You're like a woman with manic depression. Le2005: What the hell? Shut up, that's not true! Le2007: Yes it is, you little bitch. That's why you have to come to me for all the answers, always asking me how the future is. When are you gonna man up and make it happen yourself? Le2005: Dude stop it! I thought I could count on you for advice. Le2007: Are you still e-mailing all your friends with your stupid updates on your sorry ass life? Hahaha, stop spamming everyone! No one cares! Le2005: That's it. I'm signing off. I don't know why you're being such an asshole right now. Le2007: I already told you. It's the L.A. side of me. Are you really leaving? Le2005: Yes. Bye asshole! Le2007: Good cuz I have to go mapquest Jessica Alba's house. See ya later!

Motivation, Ecstasy, and Life in L.A.

Le4Life — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 04:09:17 GMT

Last week I started working as an assistant at a small accounting office for feature films and T.V. shows. It has taken me six months – since I moved to L.A. – to secure this full-time, permanent position in the film industry. While being a filing clerk was certainly not the reason for my relocation, here’s to hoping this job provides me some stability for the time being, not merely in terms of my finances and schedule but also mentally and emotionally. Such stability would be helpful granted for the past few years I have been spending more and more time reevaluating myself and wondering if I am a better individual now than before. In a few ways I’ve made plenty of progress. Most of my eczema went away once I started using Neutrogena sunscreen every day. After graduating from S.F. State I started going to the gym again and even began swimming, hiking, and doing yoga regularly. In other ways, however, my college years were full of a sort of motivation and clarity I seemed to have since lost. Now I get excited and depressed over minor things. I think, and a few friends have agreed, that I have symptoms of A.D.D. I don’t have the same focus or patience that I used to. For example, before moving to L.A., I worked at a library which exposed me to various books I swiftly picked up and read, and most of these books changed my life. Nowadays I can barely finish a book to save my life. This month I finally completed Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood after about three attempts over the course of approximately a whole year. MOVING TO L.A. That example being a bit trivial, a more serious indication of my loss of sense and direction would be everything that drove me to leave home for my Hollywood dreams. In my second-to-last year at S.F. State I decided to apply for grad school at the University of Southern California. I started my research right away: visited the campus, wrote my essay, and took the G.R.E. But during my trip to see relatives in China that summer I discovered that I had to go back there to live for a number of months to seek treatment for my eczema. So to accommodate this and ensure I would have something to work on while out of the country, an idea popped in my head, literally in a matter of minutes, for a documentary comparing anti-drug politics and culture between America and China. In fact I was already researching the project and trying to schedule interviews while I was still in China. Well that was a very exciting time in my life and it ended because none of these ideas led anywhere. For a few reasons, one of which being the doctor in China did not turn out to be as competent as I thought, I didn’t go back there to live or seek treatment. And although I shot numerous interviews and even some footage during my subsequent trips to China and Hong Kong, that project slowly died. I never even got around to applying for financing at the Sundance Documentary Fund like I had planned. And as for U.S.C. the last deadline before I moved to L.A. passed without my finishing a single piece of application material I had originally started two and a half years ago. Not to blame myself entirely for all this, but suffice to say that after obtaining my B.A. from San Francisco, my partying and social life had skyrocketed and my creative and professional work had dropped dead. Most people would dismiss this as typical post-graduate behavior for young adults transitioning into “the real world.” But as the months passed and it was clear I was no longer following through with anything, my depression and confusion grew. My former schoolmate Brian graduated the year before I did and was already living and working in Southern California. He told me not to waste any more time in the Bay Area if I was serious about pursuing a career in the film industry. Seeing as I had nothing going on where I grew up, I took his advice and made my way to L.A. regardless of grad school. ECSTASY, TO LOVE AND LET GO My story ends here unless you’d like to meet a character whom I have had a love/hate relationship with for about three years now: Ecstasy, the chemical which sends me into a deep state of passion and optimism for everything in life. This is the kind of motivation I wish was with me all the time, but in contrast it has gone away more as I have been using more Ecstasy. And granted that this drug does its job by stimulating the neuron serotonin – and serotonin is responsible for moderating mood, sleep, appetite, body temperature, and a host of other qualities – I have been concerned for quite some time that Ecstasy might be the cause of my emotional deterioration and mental disruption of the past few years. However, before I criticize my second-favorite drug – LSD being my first – a few issues need to be cleared. For example, my insomnia might just as well be rooted in my use of steroid medicine, for my eczema, in past years as it might be in Ecstasy. Another problem I’ve had for a long time has been constipation which I never regarded as a major health risk until I recently started reading up on internal cleansing treatments and their benefits. So my unstable sleep patterns could also be caused by excessive waste and toxins stuck in my bowels. Lastly I rarely even have access to real, pure Ecstasy, meaning most of the pills I consume contain other chemicals, almost always stimulants. These complicated factors have made discerning the risks of my choices that much more difficult. A consolation to this confusion and many regrets I’ve accumulated is that this drug has certainly brought me closer to everyone including myself. In case you didn’t already know my longest blogs, although not this one, are often written under the influence of Ecstasy because that is the time when I truly reflect on my life in the utmost affirming manner. In fact I have had long phone conversations with a few of you while on Ecstasy, and as far as I can recall, you didn’t know. MORAL OF THE STORY, IF THERE IS ONE… A few days ago when I wasn’t motivated to do much of anything, I skimmed my roommates’ shelf for a book to read. They had a copy of The Giver by Lois Lowry, a juvenile novel about a society devoid of emotional and social freedom. I had read it a few years ago and known it to be one of my favorite books. But as a testament to my fears of losing mental clarity, I browsed the back cover and learned that I had completely forgotten about the character of the Giver and his role in the story! So I started reading it again but stopped about three chapters in. I was not sure if it was due to another lack of motivation to finish something creative or productive. Or maybe it was my A.D.D. kicking in. Lastly I realized that the largest contributing factor to my losing interest in The Giver a second time around was the novel’s young reading level, and after having just read In Cold Blood and falling in love with Capote’s writing style, I was simply bored with juvenile literature. And this realization gave me some closure. It taught me that during some moments of my life when I seem to lack passion and progress, I am actually just trying to bring in experiences that are new and challenging.

Update from Mexico

Le4Life — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 07:52:43 GMT

So I've been in Northern Mexico (better known as LA) for about three weeks now. Right now, I'm unemployed and crashing on my friend's couch (how attractive) until we move into a larger apt at the end of the month. I'm so excited cuz it's gonna be in Highland Park (just south of Pasadena and ten mins from downtown), two rooms, she and her bf will take the other room, $985/month and I'll be paying $400. That is a schweet deal!!!! Until then, we're all stuck in this shithole known as Pasadena. I hate it here cuz they have a citywide no-street-parking-overnight policy. So I got a ticket and in order to park outside my own home every night, I need a temporary permit. I won't even go into why they have this stupid law or how much trouble it is to get the permits, but the point is this town is retarded and everyone here is ugly, except of course for Julie, Tim, Sam, Dave, and whoever else I know who lives here. Other than that, my sexy self doesn't fit in here :) See, I'm already turning into an LA snob. As for my job situation, I am submitting resumes online and working with a few temp agencies. I'm not used to being out of work and having to look for it, so damn I hate this right now. I must admit I spend a lot of time being lazy as I still have lack-of-motivation issues, but for now I have enough in my bank account to slack off a while. I got a good break today by meeting with a temp agency that specifically works with Warner Bros, Universal Studios, etc. So their job offers will be film-related unlike the other shitty ones I've come across. We'll see how things go. Even better news is that my roommate is a DJ and producer and he wants to make music videos for his tracks. So this could be a cool creative project for me to work on in the near future. I was thinking about doing porn, but no one wants me :( As for bigger projects, if I haven't told any of u, then here are my blogs on my two documentary ideas... Asians in hip-hip: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=116932167&blogID=230602282&MyToken=6a8c857a-a7d4-47e8-9fd1-99f85cf3d411 Women in US media: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=116932167&blogID=227042318&MyToken=6a8c857a-a7d4-47e8-9fd1-99f85cf3d411 Hmmm that's about all for now. I'll be in Vegas April 6-8 and back in Oakland/SF april 28-29. Have the hot tub and whip cream ready for me!!!

Asian-Americans in hip hop

Le4Life — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 22:19:52 GMT

Yes I'm painfully bored at work, but there are just a few more days left before I move so hopefully I won't have to write these random blogs anymore. Anyway, another documentary I want to write and direct someday is one on Asian-Americans in hip hop. In honor of that, here are some of the artists who are contributing to the movement. Here is the Myspace blog link cuz Tribe is lame and doesn't let you post html images: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=116932167&blogID=230602282&Mytoken=E7CA7B56-C9D5-45F7-8E889865FE15193512761076

Pretty white girls in crime coverage = My documentary idea

Le4Life — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 07:31:24 GMT

America's disproportionate reporting on white, attractive, female victims of crime has been a topic I've wanted to cover in a film for a few years now. Below is the mess of thoughts and observations I hope to someday put together into a cohesive documentary. Brutally honest feedback would be appreciated. IF I WAS A GIRL ...I never would've even been born, literally. My parents really wanted a boy and tried three times unsuccessfully. After my three sisters, I was on the way, but due to China's anti-overpopulation policies, my parents weren't even supposed to be having any more children. My mom told me that the nurses let her slide because I turned out to be a boy. So Chinese attitudes (not now but back then) around boys versus girls make up the main reason I was conceived and delivered, and thus gender issues are sort of personal to me. PROSTITUTION, THE WORLD'S OLDEST PROFESSION In high school I developed an interest in the criminology and psychology of serial killers. A statistic that always stood out for me was the high percentage of victims being prostitutes. One reason street hookers make easy targets is because the illegality and stigma of their work prevents them from approaching police, reporters, and doctors like other victims. Furthermore, do law enforcers and the media treat serial murder cases with less urgency if they involve victims with unconventional lifestyles or jobs? And how is being a woman different in a country such as Amsterdam where sex work is regulated like any other business and where rates of rape, assault, and STD infections on prostitutes are much lower? DRUGS Decades ago, opium, cocaine, and marijuana became illegal because, according to the media, Chinese, black, and Mexican men - respectively - were using the substances to seduce or sexually assault white women. Protecting white females as a catalyst for drug prohibition persists to this day, in far more subtle ways. Before Bill Clinton left office, he signed an anti-GHB bill in honor of teenager Hillory Farias who had fell into a fatal coma after having drank something spiked with the depressant chemical. Had Farias not been white, could her overdose have sparked so much attention in the media and led to the criminalization of GHB? Come to think of it, what is the rate of teenagers of color experiencing such tragedies around drug misuse or abuse? I certainly don't know because reporters don't bring it up. Following the news for my work with DanceSafe.org, every story I saw about anyone who became addicted to or overdosed on ecstasy had the same profile: a middle-class white kid whose life in school and home was perfect before drugs ruined everything. How these reports highlighted the kids goes to show that the definition of an all-American teenager is still a very narrow and false one. According to the media, you should be happy if you're white and on the football team and getting crowned at your prom. YOUNG, PRETTY, AND ALL-AMERICAN My sisters were discussing the discovery of Laci Peterson's body one evening and I asked who they were talking about. Sarah asked if I had been asleep the past year to not know about this girl. The reason was that I never watch television or follow the news except for work. I don't see the point in obsessing with such cases - as tragic as they are - because every story is the same. And this brings me to a few more questions: 1) What populations of American women are being ignored by the media? 2) Why does this happen from a news industry perspective? 3) Does more coverage equal better investigations of cases? Is the focus on the all-American damsel in distress promoting a certain idea of what girls are or should be? Firstly, reporters eulogize each victim as a successful student, loving housewife, or some other socially acceptable role model. Secondly, attractive images of the victim are circulated throughout headlines. What sickened me most about the coverage of Laci Peterson was that the shot of her cute dimple-faced smile was published repeatedly even though her head wasn't even attached to her body anymore. I'm sorry, but this is exploitation, not sympathy. If the media only values sexually appealing, well-behaved females, then is their reporting trend executed out of respect and sorrow, or out of a desire to objectify women and keep them in their place? COMPARED TO MEN... The focus on pretty white girls doesn't just exclude the majority of real female victims, but also the majority of male victims. Violent crime reporting in general reflects the urge to promote traditional gender roles - females as complacent, passive victims and males as aggressive perpetrators. The only major coverage on the assault or murder of a man occurs when the assailant is a woman. Because the context of women supposedly being well-behaved has already been established, a case like this will seem especially sensational and unique. This ideology is shared by our justice system. Women are now being imprisoned at a much faster rate than men, and their crimes - like the ones of their male counterparts - are often drug-related. The sentences they serve are often longer and harsher for the exact same offenses. Why is this? Take any judge or prosecutor or juror who believes women are supposed to be nurturing, gentle mothers and caregivers, and present them with a woman charged of drugs or violence, and how do you think they'll react? In essence, when men commit assault or abuse their children, it is natural and acceptable compared to when women do it, and American courts are acting accordingly.

Nitrous and the environment

Le4Life — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 07:40:24 GMT

So this is how many brain cells I've killed (with much joy) in the past year. In the hopes of redeeming myself, here is some serious info from my environmentalist friend. I was too fucked up to be aware of this, of course... So...not to nag, but Le, I beg of you to consider that the global warming potential of N2O is 270 times greater than carbon dioxide! In other words, it is an extremely potent and destructive polluting gas that is slowly throwing our entire planet’s atmospheric system out of whack. Pair that with the wasted embodied energy of the metal canisters...depending on how much one consumes, the environmental cost of N2O is could be right up there with driving a hummer. It’s not worth it!!! OK, now I can say I at least tried instead of sitting idly by. :)

what I learned in 2006...

Le4Life — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 10:39:49 GMT

Well my New Years resolution is the same old shit: exercise more, do less drugs, focus on my career, blah blah blah. So let's talk about what I learned. That's probably a little more interesting. I'd love to hear your experiences as well!!! 1) No point in keeping secrets from people close to you cuz eventually, they'll pick up on what's going on. But those who don't judge you or treat you differently cuz of your minor flaws are your true friends. 2) Doing the right thing for the wrong reason will come back to bite you in the ballz. It's called karma and I got exactly what I deserved for everything I tried to do or thought I was doing. 3) Trying to fix broken and insecure people who don't want your help is pointless both for me and them. And getting mad over being rejected by them is the biggest waste of time and energy. 4) All girls are insane. I will just assume that with every chick I meet from now on. And don't believe her ass when she says she's crazy "but only in a good way." 5) Most of the things about myself that I was insecure about are not even an issue to others. Self-doubt is truly the biggest obstacle to getting what you want. Either that or I really do look better than last year, hahaha!!! 6) Oh yeah also yoga and new DJing techniques. Damn that's it? I need to learn more stuff.

Support free speech and the Dixie Chicks!!!

Le4Life — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 07:39:37 GMT

Tonight, I just saw the documentary Shut Up and Sing which chronicles what happened to the career of the country band Dixie Chicks after its lead singer made a statement against president Bush during a 2003 live show in London. This is an excellent depiction of the inside workings of the music industry and of how censorship affects artists who choose to speak their mind, especially if they have a conservative fan base. I liked the Dixie Chicks anyway, but now I have a newfound love for them. The film does a great job at showing how strong the three women are, professionally and personally. I highly recommend you see this flick while it's still in theatres or when it comes out on DVD. And go support the Dixie Chicks!!! I'm buying their new album right now!! http://moviesmedia.ign.com/movies/image/object/859/859713/shutupandsing_posterboxart_160w.jpg http://macbigot.com/media/ShutUpAndSing300x401.jpg http://www.dvmx.com/dc.jpg

Life and death according to The Fountain

Le4Life — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 10:00:03 GMT

Just saw the new film The Fountain by Darren Aronofsky, director of Requiem for a Dream and Pi: Faith in Chaos. Starring Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz, The Fountain spans over a thousand years through three parallel tales of love, loss, and the search for eternal life. My friends and I were all confused in our own ways by the end of the show. Although breathtaking to watch on the big screen, the stories were hard to follow and connect together. After a few hours of thought, I've come up with this interpretation of Aronofsky's latest work. So the three stories are... 1) The Spanish Inquisition - Jackman is a patriotic Conquistador willing to do anything the Queen (Weisz) demands of him in the name of Spain. She sends him off on a mission to find the Tree of Life which shall free their country and allow the two of them to live forever. However, the mythological plant is hidden and protected by indigenous tribesmen in the mountainous jungle. This presentation is very much a religious and mythological one. The Tree of Life is a sacred object described in the Bible, according to the Queen. It is protected by a tribe deep in the dense mountains atop an ancient pyramid. And the search is contextualized within the Spanish Inquisition, a time and place that determined life and death almost exclusively through religion. 2) Present day - Jackman is a researcher putting all his efforts at the lab into finding a cure for brain tumor to save his dying wife. As her illness gets stronger, Jackman's team reveals that botanical samples used surgically on a monkey has profound healing effects on the animal. This second and main story follows a scientific theme. The protagonist is a lab researcher. The search for saving his wife is based on biological studies, and her pending death is due to a terminal illness. Even the Tree of Life shows up in a very physical manner: as a botanical sample they use to operate on an infected monkey. 3) Outer space - Not sure what time period this one is cuz Jackman is floating in the middle of the galaxy inside a huge bubble carrying him and the Tree of Life. He is apparently on a journey to the Star of Nebula to achieve eternal life. His wife appears occassionally as he has flashbacks and visions of her, perhaps from the past? The third story takes an aesthetic and spiritual approach to perceiving death. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what happens in this part. It's still quite abstract and open-ended, but maybe that was the intention. The Tree of Life's role as the only living object floating in space, the visions of his wife (are they memories, is he dead, is she dead?), and the beautiful, climatic arrival at the Stars of Nebula form an experience of death as somewhat painful and scary but still uplifting and free. Not to claim that I fully understand the film, but thinking back about the themes in the three stories, I think Aronofsky is trying to present three different ways in which death has been dealt with throughout human history. In past societies, gods and relentless faith determined everything. In today's world, science and politics have joined religion in debates over what is life and what is death and how we should handle things. But one of the friends I saw the movie with said something about dying being an experience that should be accepted when the time has come, and that Jackman's character shouldn't have perceived mortality as a disease which required a cure. I wonder if this understanding of death is most often carried by artists, or people who perceive existence in a very aesthetic or spiritual way.

Post-election thoughts

Le4Life — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 07:19:35 GMT

well the elections aren't entirely over cuz there's recounting going on everywhere. I heard some recounts won't include absentee votes which if that's the case, I'm gonna have to kill a motherfuker cuz I do absentee all the time and they better fukin count my came-from-China-to-get-my-US-citizenship-and-overthrow-the-white-man vote!!!! grrrrr!!! Anyway, I should really do more research and talk to more people before voting next time. I voted no on all the CA props except 86 cuz I wasn't comfortable with most of them (due to lack of knowledge about them). the things about props is that they're a lot easier to get into the books and once they're in, it's 100x harder to repeal them. And with Oakland's library measure, I'm actually glad it lost although I voted for it. Certainly too much bond $$ and not enough of it would go to the general branches. Most of it was focused on re-building the main branch which wasn't my biggest concern. As with the House and the Senate, the conspiracy theorist in my friend told me that the Dems got it partly cuz the Republicans wanna step back and let someone else get us outta Iraq. considering the GOP got us into the mess and has reaped all the benefits they needed outta it already, they wanna let the Dems resolve the matter so Republicans don't lose face. And I'm gleefully running through the streets naked the day Bush and Cheney get impeached. I hear the Dems are plotting their case already, and if both pres and vice pres get the boot, the person to take over will be.... Dianne Feinstein? Wow, that'll be amazing. Even though she's a bitch and a Republican disguised as a Democrat, I'll give anything to see a woman replace the Bush administration.

My presentation on ecstasy & hip hop in Oakland

Le4Life — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 06:42:17 GMT

Well, after weeks of procrastination, I finally finished the first draft of this goddamn presentation. Don't get me wrong. I'm excited about this conference, but I'm glad I don't have to stress over it again until the day comes closer, although feedback and merciless criticism is welcome if you have the attention span to read through the whole fukin thing and actually write me a response. http://www.leshengliu.com/Speeches%20Hip%20Hop.html Hyphy Off Thizz: Ecstasy in the Oakland Hip Hop Scene A Presentation at the Harm Reduction Conference Marriott Oakland City Center Hotel, CA November 9-12, 2006 Hosted by the Harm Reduction Coalition, HarmReduction.org

Big Brother is Watching You

Le4Life — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 05:10:28 GMT

Another blog copied and pasted from my Myspace account, but the rant is applicable to Tribe and other sites... So I've been messaging and commenting people tonight and noticed a few of my friends have their Myspace privacy features set to having to approve a comment before it shows up on the page. Almost none of my friends did this before. Before you say, "So wut, who cares?" you should all remember that ABC Nightline report back in May on how Myspace is corrupting its young members into a world of drugs? A month later, a drug raid went down in CA's capitol city of Sacramento on a guy who posted pictures and descriptions of his pot cultivation. I'm assuming he didn't have a license to grow the plants for card-carrying patients, so the whole medical defense is out of the question. Don't know how the case is going now, but police busted him based on "evidence" from his Myspace page. Just browse my blogs for these anti-Myspace cases... So what is the moral of this story? Well.... 1) Big Brother is watching Myspace. This website got bought up by Robert Murdoch last year, and Murdoch is the owner of Fox News. Don't post images or writings about activities that could get you in trouble with the law. If you wanna let all your page visitors know how you party, that's fine. But if you get off on bragging about your dangerous behaviors to strangers, that is probably a sign of a self-centered and insecure personality than it is a fun and adventurous one. Trust me, I have met plenty of kids in the party scene with this emotional problem and I'll even admit that I've been guilty of it before. 2) Are you on a job search for a respectable, corporate position? Or any position for that matter? Are you applying to be admitted to a prestigious university? Are you trying to get any sort of government aid, be it unemployment, college money, food stamps, free child care, drug rehab/treatment, etc? If so, take all the naughty details about your lifestyle off Myspace (a completely public site who anyone can access). It doesn't matter if you have your profile viewer set to Friends or whatever. There are a million ways for stalkers and pigs to sneak around those barriers. 3) Tell your friends to stop posting comments on your page saying shit like, "Thanx for scoring that coke for me last night!!! So you wanna do some of it at the DJ Shadow concert this weekend?" They would just be directly calling you out to the feds with such a ridiculous comment. Keep that sort of dialogue in private messsages, although there's no guarantee that Big Brother isn't reading your emails too. It doesn't matter if you're not selling, using, or in possession. There are harsh policies in the books that could land you in prison for "association" with a drug transaction. Some of these insane laws are waved around as preventing "conspiracies" and "narcoterrorists." That's right, if you smoke weed, our federal government sees you no differently from a suicide bomber. Congratulations ;) 4) Stalking someone has become a hundred times easier thanx to the internet revolution. For example, if someone intercepts your email addy (and that addy happens to be your Myspace login) then all that person would have to do is punch it to find your page. If you don't want instant "friends" like that, do not use your real name as your display name and use an alternative email to login besides the one you give out to people outside of Myspace. 5) I have a friend who helped me start DAnceSafe at SF State University a bunch of years ago long before we both graduated. DanceSafe is a non-profit group I've been involved with that advocates drug education and which has been reguarly attacked by right-wingers for being pro-drug (which we're not). Anyway, I acknowledged my friend's help on my website, but I need to edit that part out cuz he emailed me saying he is job searching and didn't want potential employers googling his name and knowing about his history with us. That's too bad, but I respect his request cuz anyone can google your full name and find out shit about you that you didn't even know was on the internet. Try it now and see where your name pops up. You might be a bigger star on the rest of the world wide web than you are here at Myspace. Here are a few more related rants and bits of info... Anyone seen Scanner Darkly? It's a new animated film where Keanu Reeves plays an undercover cop who starts using and becoming addicted to Substance D, the crack of the future. The story is actually really anti-drug but at the same time shows how our government is gonna turn into this 1984-style force "scanning" everyone's private lives in the name of the drug war. They're already doing it to a significant degree. From a friend's bulletin back in May... http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=905459&blogID=123965436&MyToken=83770ba9-be7e-4155-9c83-6db75444bc93 "On Nightline, there was a story of a 12 year old girl who was a drug-addict and attributed it all to MySpace. She claims that MySPace allowed her to easily fing drug dealers in her area, as well as older men to have sex with her. Now, at the age of 14, she has been checked into a drug-rehabilitation clinic and has been away from her family for 5 months. Her parents would rather place the blame squarely on the shoulders of MySpace instead of their daughter, who even admitted that at the age of 12, had already tried weed, crack, X, and had slept with numerous guys older than herself...but of course, it wasn't her fault, it was all because of MySpace." Myspace.com Leads To West Sacramento Drug Bust From KCRA Local News, Tuesday, June 13, 2006 http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=905459&blogID=141783583&MyToken=83770ba9-be7e-4155-9c83-6db75444bc93 "A man who posted photos of marijauna plants and touted his own use of pot on a Myspace.com page was arrested Tuesday during a raid of his West Sacramento home, police reported...."

Your friends are all u need...

Le4Life — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 04:57:17 GMT

For real cuz just out of a random mood, I texted my boy Siphal last night to see if he was back from his Vegas trip yet. Not only was he back, but he was kicking it at Tony's house. A few of our other friends were there too. They had all gone to the A's baseball game, and the A's beat Texas, hoooraayy!!!Anyway, this is the click that used to do fried chicken dinner at a different restaurant every Tues. These are the fools that drag me out to the club all the time and get me stupid crunk. I hadn't seen the group in months, and much to my surprise, they said the same of themselves. Tony said there was a one-drink minimum for me to be invited over, so I drank two Henekeins which were no problem but then he and Silvio tried to shove some Hennessy shots down my throat. I successfully dodged their efforts to make me drink hard liquor. That shit would've given me a headache or nausea. Silvio was too wasted to put up a fight anyway. Siphal also took some funny ass pics of Silvio and Tony with their stunna shades on, hahaha!!! Siphal and Tony had graduated from Cal State East Bay back in June. Siphal and his sisters moved back into their old place. The only difference now is that they have the whole house to themselves and have to pay rent to their parents. Siphal is also taking summer classes to finish the credits he needs to actually receive a degree, even though the university let him walk already. Tony's been working at Safeway since high school, and now he is just gonna stick to that part-time while he takes a break from the real world and figures out what he wants to do with his psychology (w/ minor in criminal justice) degree. I couldn't believe him telling me that he wants to be a cop. We debated the ups and downs of such a career and these are the facts that we came up with... 1) If you've ever done ANY psychedelic drug EVER or if you did drugs beyond the age of 18, you won't ever be able to join any dept in the U.S. unless you convince them otherwise during the lie detector test. 2) Police applicants get drug tested upon hiring, but will not be required to do so again for the rest of their careers. No wonder so many cops are potheads, alcoholics, and have other substance abuse issues. It's a stressful job anyway. 3) Cops are not allowed to participate in political demonstrations even when they're out of uniform and off-duty. Tony said that this won't be a problem cuz if he's a cop, he will only wanna do chill things during his off-time, I guess such as kicking it at a bar with his buddies. Tony isn't much of a political demonstrator anyway. 4) I'm seeing and hearing of ads offering $60k a year starting salary. I find this hard to believe cuz I always thought that rookies got paid shit. But anyway, Tony said he will be at an advantage considering he has some academic background in criminal justice. Your chances of moving up in the force is somewhat diminished if you only meet the minimum requirements of completing the police academy without ever having gone to college. 5) Tony is looking into the Oakland Police Dept, which is what really made me laugh cuz we grew up on these streets causing all sorts of trouble and now he's gonna come back in uniform. We used to call this mothafuker Crazy Tony cuz he'd be the type of nigga to hit a girl in a fight. He just didn't give a fuk. I always knew he was majoring in psychology and wanted a job as a probation officer or such. But he never mentioned police work. I still can't picture his crazy ass dressed as a pig!!! :) My other friend from work is also leaving to become a cop in San Francisco. He's a really chill and soft-spoken fella, so I just can't imagine him as an aggressive, macho cop reigning his authority of law enforcement over civilians. It's just weird how the peronsal lives of cops are. Siphal reminded me that Officer Young (our anti-drug DARE instructor during the 6th grade) was at a lot of the raves we went to during college, all fucked up and partying like everyone else even though he has been with OPD all this time. It must be true then that cops don't get random drug tests. In fact, being a police officer is an extremely secure line of work in terms of benefits and social security and retirement and seldom lay-offs, which is why so many people would choose to pursue such a stressful and dangerous job. Anyway, I brought a DVD of a local college show that I appeared on called Talk Back. The episode I was in was about drugs and harm reduction. The episode after that (which was also on the DVD) was about the new style of hip hop coming out of Oakland, CA a.k.a. the hyphy movement. Yeah, this was the perfect thing to show them cuz these are my hyphy buddies. We all grew up in Oakland. We all love hip hop. And we (well actually they, but sometimes I join in too) love to get stupid crunk at da clubs. So the rest of the group like Silvio and Walter were still up to the same shit, same jobs, same gf's as far as I knew. I didn't have anything new to tell anyone either, except that I'm planning to finally get off my ass and start applying for grad school. Damn, it really felt good seeing these fools again. Made me realize how much I miss my friends as we all grow up and have our own lives to deal with.

Anti-ecstasy poster child trying to be my "friend"

Le4Life — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 04:50:02 GMT

I rarely get pissed off enough to write a whole blog dedicated to one person. Very few people are worth that much of my time, but this bitch is truly special. Lynn Smith is her fukin name. She appeared on MTV and Oprah several years back selling her story as an innocent, small town girl who moved to NYC with dreams of becoming a big star (model, actress, I don't remember what exactly). Then, according to the story, she got into the rave and ecstasy scene and it ruined her life. Doctors did a so-called brain scan and found "holes," thus giving the government ammunition to fight ecstasy (they've been trying to use the scan to convince everyone that the drug actually puts "holes in your brain," even though that's not what the scan really showed). To add cheese to this giant whopper, MTV and Oprah also portrayed Lynn as having sunk into major depression and emotional instability due to ecstasy. Of course, the shows either suppressed or completely neglected to mention her regular abuse of every other substance known to man. I think the bitch chewed ketamine for breakfast at one point. And of course, there is no mention of her history with friends or family or medical conditions or other factors that could've contributed to her problems. Yes, another touching tale of a white, all-American kid whose perfect life went downhill due to drugs. I'm just in pain from holding back the tears :( Anyway, thanx to becoming the poster child for anti-drug America, Lynn Smith got what she always wanted: fame and maybe even fortune. Not only has she been on MTV and Oprah and has become a leader and role model for the country's top anti-drug organizations, but apparently, she has also written a memoir. Just go look at her fukin page at http://Myspace.com/RollingAway It's pathetic and I say that cuz everything on there is about her book and her past with ecstasy. Good for her for having a cause that drives her life, but come on, get a fukin life!!! If it weren't for her "holes in the brain" story (which she is still trying to sell although it has been proven that those scans are bogus and misleading), this bitch would still be a nobody. And the part that really pisses me off is that she actually tried to add me. Did she even look at my profile? Is there anything on there that indicates I would support her lies and exaggerations? I am on a few sobriety groups on Myspace cuz I've been trying to go sober this summer. Maybe that's where she found me. But maybe I should get my ass off those groups cuz everyone has the wrong idea that just cuz you're trying not to use, it means you're anti-drug. I have respect for people who make their own choices, whether it's saying yes or no to drugs. But if you're gonna be a hypocrite or a liar (and a self-absorbed one, at that), then I don't give a fuk what you've been through. You can go rot for all I care. Grrrrr!!!!

Why I'm Still Single...

Le4Life — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 21:16:39 GMT

Well there are lots of reasons, some of them even good in my opinion (i.e. at this point, I'd rather focus on my career, plus I'm not interested in marriage or kids anyway). However, as I get older, Im starting to realize that a consistent deterrent to attracting females is my gentle and friendly personality. That sounds a bit ironic, doesn't it? Well, there's nothing wrong with a nice fella, but in this world, girls dig guys who are more aggressive and assertive than I am. Ladies, no bullshitting: am I right or am I wrong? Seriously, the girls I've been rejected by in recent years all have had a history of dating assholes. I wish I could be an asshole, but it never comes across right. I've tried to get into all the macho things that guys are supposed to be into: cars, sports, boxing, beer, gambling, etc. But none of these activities thrill me. I'm into doing yoga and watching independent dramas!!! Does that mean I'm gay? Members of my family have raised the question before...yikes :( Well, I can't be that gay, considering I love listening to gangsta rap and reading about serial killers and watching bloody & violent movies with people getting raped & assaulted & blown to smithereens (i.e. Clockwork Orange, Scarface, Casualties of War, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Man Bites Dog, Menace II Society, The Cell, Saving Private Ryan, Black Hawk Down, City of God, Brotherhood of War, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, Animatrix, Monster, etc.). But that's just my taste in art and has nothing to do with the way I treat people. At least I don't think so. A few friends who didn't grow up with me are even surprised that I like hip hop at all!!! Is it cuz I don't act or look gangsta enough, or cuz I happen to also listen to trance, new age, 80s pop, and other forms of music that no one would associate with a hip hop head? Anyway, I don't know why anyone would be surprised that I like hip hop, considering I grew up in ghetto ass Oakland during the rise of so many styles of DJing and MCing in California. It's just that I dont dress or speak like the stereotypical rap fan (at least not since my adolescence). I dont even like wearing baseball caps or baggy pants anymore. And I dont know why, but I hate cornrows. It's the quickest way a girl can turn me off: by braiding her hair. I'm attracted to dreadlocked chicks, but not braids for some weird reason. I guess its true, maybe Im a closeted hippy, hehehe!!! In any case, whether it's intentional or subconscious, I always end up falling for the girl that would rather date the ghetto gangsta asshole loser deadbeat who will treat her like shit. I should be upset and frustrated, but it's her own road to suffering that shes paving and it's also my fault for repeatedly being attracted to these types of chicks. If there's one thing Ive learned in my twenty-six years on Mother Earth, it's that I can't change other people. I can only change myself. Wish me luck if yall want to, but in the meantime... Heres my list of stupid questions only a single guy would ask: 1) Why is this porn flick trying to have a plot? Can't we just get to the fucking? Im serious, whats with all these porn directors trying to write elaborate characters, adding special effects, and having techno scores? If Im watching a dirty flick with background music good enough for me to want the soundtrack, then adult cinema has become waaaay too fancy. Who the hell takes porn this seriously anyway? I swear if I ran a video store, all the porn would just go in the 18 comedy section. Maybe its just a phenomenon in the U.S. cuz European or Asian directors never bother trying to apply any technical or aesthetic qualities to their sleaze. Then again, rarely does European or Asian porn even have a dude in there who can fuk and cum right, so their production standards are a little too low. 2) If I take her to see this movie, will I seem creative & intelligent or just way too girly? I said I like independent dramas, but the romantic plots in them are usually unnecessary or unclear (i.e. Garden State, Lost in Translation, Art School Confidential, etc.). I only see a mainstream romantic comedy that I like once every ten years or so, and theyre usually from Asia (i.e. Hong Kongs Chungking Express, Koreas My Sassy Girl). But Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of my favorite films of all time: an ode to the kind of never-ending bad relationship made of two lonely idiots who always manage to find their way back into each others sorry ass arms. Sure its cynical, but sadly, its pretty accurate of how most couples in todays society are. 3) Will the women in my yoga class think Im cute or gay, or both? This is stupid cuz yoga is so good for the body it shouldnt be a gender-driven activity. But I cant help noticing that Im always the only young, single dude in the sessions. The instructors are always women, and well, its just easier to do most of the positions with a female body than with a male one. So I end up doing stretches and balances with a room full of (mostly) women in better shape than I am. Im just not into doing what other guys do at the gym: body building, basketball, boxing, etc. 4) Does she like Asian guys and if so, how can I exploit that to my fullest advantage? I love white things: whipped cream, mayonnaise, and white girls. Hmmm, I wonder if I could use that as a pick-up line next time, maybe on a chick with some food fetish, hehehe!!!

Update since surgery

Le4Life — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 21:14:39 GMT

I keep forgetting to copy and paste my Myspace blogs onto tribe. This one is several weeks late... July 7, 2006: Well, I've recovered fully from my operation for a few weeks now. My sleep must be better too cuz I dream like crazy every night. I've been having lots of dreams about zombies recently for some weird reason. Since the surgery, I've been spending most of my time at home, getting back into DJing & mixing my records, and it really feels nice. A few of my June plans got cancelled or postponed and I really wasn't disappointed. I don't mind relaxing for the rest of the summer. My roommate won't be back until late September. I finally found someone to sublet his room until he returns. My temporary roomie is a woman who'll be studying Bay Area trails for the summer. A fellow nature advocate whose work supports my love for hiking :) Plus she'll only be home during the weekends, perfect!!! I just got back from St. Louis where I went to a 3-day festival at a cliffside in the woods. I met lots of kids from all over the Midwest. The weather was scorching hot. My first time there and I had the time of my life. The best moment was experiencing the performance by Electric Skychurch, a tribal trance band whom I've been wanting to catch live for several years now. I just saw the global warming documentary "An Inconvenient Truth" today and it was amazing. You should all go check it out. I also wanna see "A Scanner Darkly," the animated sci-fi with Keanu Reeves. Anyway, if you don't hear from me again for a while, it means I'm in hiding and just chilling with some alone time, which is pretty pleasant as I have now learned. Peace and love ;) Le

Zombie nightmares...

Le4Life — Tue, 13 Jun 2006 19:56:17 GMT

For the past few months, I've had at least three dreams of the world being taken over by zombies. The scenario is always the same: I'm with other people (usually friends or family) running around in an empty, desolate town and one-by-one, everyone gets eaten or bitten or whatever done to them to turn them into the walking dead. All the while, I'm just dashing and ducking and dodging to stay "alive." Perhaps nightmare is too strong of a word cuz I don't recall it being all that scary. I seldom have dreams bad enough that I would call them nightmares. And so far, I've been able to avoid becoming zombified in every dream. The one I had this morning took place right on my own block. Zombies? Maybe I need another dream therapist. Where's Freud when ya need him?