Wow, what a life huh? I don’t even know where to begin (so much so I have started it several different ways lol)…

This is both a thank you and an apology in no particular order and as a matter of fact may bounce back and forth and all over the place but, this is to those of you who have stood by me through it all, and there was a LOT of all!!!

I was going through all of my blogs here on TRIBE the other day some caught my attention both good and bad.

I was definitely going through a lot of stuff ALL the time. It seemed like there was always something going on or wrong(in my perception) and I just couldn’t appreciate the good at the time. I apologize

I know I wasn’t easy to deal with by any means and I know you all that stuck around and even those that didn’t tried, you all tried VERY hard. Thank you

I always considered myself open to critic suggestions to help me get through it and at the time I really honestly believed I was, despite how hard it was to hear. I apologize

As I was sifting through some of the ones from when I was feeling down and giving up and wondering what it was all about I saw some remarkable responses. I read them all at the time. I knew they were right at the time. I thought I was taking it in, but now as I look back it just seems that I was just not ready to really hear it. I just wasn’t in a place where I could truly accept what was being said no matter how hard I tried and I truly thought I did or could. Please know I did try I my own way at the time, I myself was unaware that I was in such a dark place that I wasn’t ready to hear it. I apologize

For this, I am also thankful to you all. I thank you all for your love and support and patience that you had given to me and shown me through the years. Thank you

I really do want to apologize to all of you for all of the drama I had brought into my life in effect bringing it to yours as well. I still can not begin to comprehend how or why, but it happened. The choices I made at the time despite not knowing for sure what they were or knowing some of what they were but, still not fully comprehending the impact and how it brought on some horrendous things into my life that also caused a lot of doubt, suspicion and questioning of my character by our community. I apologize

Please know I NEVER blamed anyone for any of their doubts or suspicions heck, I couldn’t believe this stuff was happening myself so how in the world could I expect anyone else!?

You will never know how much I will always regret making the choices I had and putting myself in those dangerous situations that made any of you ever even have to doubt me or question me like that. I apologize

BUT for those of you who had chosen to stand by me despite it all, I owe you my life, for as amazing as it is now!!! Those of you who may have had your doubts and suspicions about the truth, about me and my character but felt it necessary and had decided I deserved the benefit of the doubt! That if I was telling the truth I needed my friends and if I was not I STILL needed my friends maybe even more so!!! For being really truly true friends. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

I, although never intentionally, did truly test the boundaries of your love, friendship and loyalty, thank you for still being here as I had NO right to put any of you through that sort of test!!! I am TRULY SORRY

I want to thank you for allowing me the space and freedom I needed to rebuild and find myself and my personal power once again, but still always being here for me, whether it be patiently waiting for me to JUST DO IT, or gently reminding me you were there in subtle ways if ever need be, or helped along the way. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU and…

I LOVE YOU!!!

So I guess I am realizing all of that self exploration for the last year and a half has done exactly what I set out to do!

I do stuff I hadn't ever really done before, like go out to the rocks on the water and meditate. I have met a new friend that I have a VERY strong psychic connection with and have been doing a lot of energy work with him as well as trying to attune those powers better and learn to trust them and myself more (admittedly that part is still challenging at times).

I have my personal power back in full swing and some I never knew I had!

No longer do I allow a community of people to quiet my voice when I don't like something or someone masked under what is called radical acceptance when in actuality it is passive aggressiveness and co-dependency!

I speak my mind freely once again, I speak the truth. I think I do it with more tact then when I was younger. I no longer have to or want to sink down to other people's level by getting defensive (that's on them not me) or name calling! I do not have to belittle or demean someone to make a point! I have more maturity now with the strength I have regained. I am however VERY blunt and straight forward!!!

So yeah I use to be and am again a bitch! Deal with it! If you can't then I guess you weren't really my friend at all? But know this! I am NOT going to let anyone walk all over me, demean me or treat me less then I want or deserve ever again and if you do, trust me you will hear about it!

No more grinning and bearing it, that causes drama eventually. I have NO time for that in my life any longer! Not yours and not you enabling me to create any! That ride is over I will not feed into it any longer or be tricked or trapped into it anymore! NOR will I take the blame for it when the blame is not mine. I will always own up and fess up to it however, when it *is* mine!!!

If you do I can cut you out as quickly as many have cut me out, it's REALLY THAT fucking simple!!!

Don't get me wrong, I am still VERY loving, caring and compassionate probably even more so now then before as I once again have room for these qualities in abundance to be a part of my being and I NO longer have ANY tolerance for those with little or none of these qualities!!!

If this is you, Again... I can cut you out as quickly as many have cut me out, it's REALLY THAT fucking simple!!!

Basically I am me and I no longer care what people think of me. I'm not here to try to impress YOU!!! I'm not here to try to win any popularity contest nor am I hear to try to fit into your little bubble of what or who YOU think I *should* be!!! And if you don't like that well then...

FUCK OFF!!!!

For those who have stood by me through everything and still love me...

THANK YOU!!!

I will ALWAYS love you and cherish you and am grateful to have you in my life and will constantly try to find ways to show my appreciation of the love and compassion you have shown and given to me!!!!

I am glad I have found me again. She has been missing since just before I got married in 1997. I can't believe it took 12 years to find her again, and...
To find she is all grown up now!!!